# Word For Male Mistress? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [April 28, 2024, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882 "2024-04-28T21:34:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/1 "2024-04-28T21:34:28Z")
Comedian Ali Wong was on radio, claiming that paternalistic American society “did not have a word for a male mistress”. Is she right? In genetics class in medical school, they claimed a surprising percentage of births had a different father than one might expect. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/2 "2024-04-28T21:35:36Z")
In the sense of a “piece on the side”, if I was unclear. Wong did suggest a Mexican word. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/3 "2024-04-28T21:37:11Z")
Gigolo Baby daddy Sugar Daddy ---
**Author:** ![epbrown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47774/32.png) [@epbrown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/4 "2024-04-28T21:43:08Z")
“Sugarbaby” seems to fit both genders, despite being used for young women most of the time. ---
**Author:** ![motu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/motu/32/259_2.png) [@motu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/motu)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/5 "2024-04-28T22:05:23Z")
Back Door Man ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/6 "2024-04-28T22:06:46Z")
I’d say “paramour.” ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/7 "2024-04-28T22:07:07Z")
“Kept man” works as well as “kept woman”. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/8 "2024-04-28T22:08:42Z")
Fuck Buddy. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/9 "2024-04-28T22:20:05Z")
> [@motu](#): > > Back Door Man Agree. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/10 "2024-04-28T22:23:37Z")
It really depends on what context “mistress” is used. If you’re talking about someone who is in a kinda-sorta long-term relationship with someone, that also includes an element of financial support, paramour seems to fit best. Actually, courtesan (sometimes masculinized as courtier) is gender neutral although I rarely see it used for anyone outside of the musical _Gigi._ “Rent boy” is a term used in Britain, although that doesn’t necessarily imply the relationship being long-term. We can also fall back on the 30’s term which applied to both men and women, “long-time companion.” ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/11 "2024-04-28T22:32:16Z")
Okay. Say a forty year old woman cheats on her husband with a forty year old man over the course of a few years. The reasons are “romantic” and not pecuniary. What term best describes this latter man? ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/12 "2024-04-28T22:33:21Z")
Motu answered it. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/13 "2024-04-28T22:34:06Z")
I have never heard that expression. It fits, maybe, but common parlance? It is also an _expression_, rather than a word like “f\*ckboy” (that seems more situationally limited). ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/14 "2024-04-28T22:40:22Z")
I agree with “Back door man”. It can still be a compound word even with a space. I can’t think of another term that would be as well understood yet restricted to men (as I’ve never heard the expression “back door woman”). ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/15 "2024-04-28T22:45:06Z")
Milkman…when there was such a thing. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/16 "2024-04-28T22:46:14Z")
ISTM “f\*\*\*buddy” implies no real romantic interest. All physical and a damned good thing it’s just that and nothing more. “Friend(s) with benefits” implies a solidly sex-forward relationship that also goes a good ways farther towards a pleasant relationship while clothed. I think modern English doesn’t have a word like the OP seeks. Arguably “paramour” is that (archaic) word, but even then it’s not male-specific. “Lover” is of course the gender-neutral term for a sex partner where it constitutes adultery for one or both parties. I suppose two single folks could use that word for each other, but it seems inapt. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/17 "2024-04-28T22:54:45Z")
I am not a language zealot and don’t much care if it is a word or expression. I’ve just never heard anyone use “back door man”, and am surprised there is nothing better or more concise. “Friends with benefits” is common but does not imply cheating. FWIW, Wong uses the palabra _sancho_, which I have also never heard anyone use. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/18 "2024-04-28T23:03:09Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > It fits, maybe, but common parlance? If you are old enough to [remember The Doors](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTwNzhLvRGs) (I am), I would call it fairly common. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/19 "2024-04-28T23:03:54Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > I’ve just never heard anyone use “back door man”, and am surprised there is nothing better or more concise. I think historically, while women certainly had affairs, the equivalent of a mistress did not exist for women. Few women had their own income to do that even if they wanted to (and likely most didn’t want to assuming they could). It’s relatively recent that women could have a male “mistress” and use their own money to support that person but again, I think that is pretty rare even today for women to do. It probably happens but not often enough that society has coined a word for it. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2024, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/20 "2024-04-28T23:04:23Z")
I think the way I’d describe it is ‘a guy on the side’. I like ‘back door man’ I’ve just never heard it before. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882.md?page=2)