# Word For Male Mistress? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [April 28, 2024, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882 "2024-04-28T21:34:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/41 "2024-04-29T04:28:34Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > Say a forty year old woman cheats on her husband with a forty year old man over the course of a few years. The reasons are “romantic” and not pecuniary. What term best describes this latter man? In that case, I would use the term “the other man”. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/42 "2024-04-29T04:40:44Z")
It really isn’t something you would see today It goes something like this Wealthy man has a wife that wants to go to the opera, balls, etc. He doesn’t want to go. But it’s just not done for a woman to go to these events without a male escort. So he could go, or deal with his wife’s anger… or get a male friend who actually likes doing these things to escort his wife. That’s the basics. If money changes hands, that occurs privately ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/43 "2024-04-29T05:01:00Z")
That was called [a Walker,](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walker_(escort)) but wasn’t sexual. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/44 "2024-04-29T05:22:45Z")
“I ain’t saying it’s right. But you’re saying a foot massage don’t mean nothing, and I’m saying it does. Now look, I’ve given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something. We act like they don’t, but they do, and that’s what’s so f^^^ing cool about them. There’s a sensuous thing going on where you don’t talk about it, but you know it, she knows it, f^^^ing Marsellus knew it, and Antoine should have f^^^ing better known better. I mean, tht’s his f^^^ing wife, man, he can’t be expected to have a sense of humor about that sh\*t. You know what I’m saying?“ ---
**Author:** ![epbrown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47774/32.png) [@epbrown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/45 "2024-04-29T07:20:00Z")
A woman of a certain age was a single woman considered too old to marry (over 30, possibly divorced) but too young to be a spinster (under 50). Professor Hill would term them “sadder but wiser.” Really, I always saw “long-time companion” as a euphemism for a gay couple before people were out. ---
**Author:** ![colinfred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colinfred/32/21338_2.png) [@colinfred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colinfred)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/46 "2024-04-29T08:09:21Z")
I’ve never heard the expression Back Door Man. Outside of any context I’d assume homosexual slur. In the context of a Female-Male relationship I’d still think it was about the sexual position rather than the nature of the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/47 "2024-04-29T08:57:55Z")
> [@epbrown](#): > > Really, I always saw “long-time companion” as a euphemism for a gay couple before people were out so was "roommate"e in the early 1900s … that’s why people used the term “boarder” if they rented out rooms gigolo is the term these days tho if one is financially supporting the lover ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/48 "2024-04-29T09:47:00Z")
Not knowing anything about Ali Wong, I resorted to google for [information](https://www.nickiswift.com/1247860/ali-wong-joked-cheating-husband-justin-hakuta-divorce/) She apparently uses “side piece” to mean a person someone is having an affair with. > [@](#): > > When news of Ali Wong and Justin Hakuta’s divorce got out, fans couldn’t help but wonder if it had something to do with the comedian’s quips about adultery. In her “Don Wong” special, Wong, who was still married to Hakuta at the time, joked that she was thinking about cheating on him “every five minutes” but hadn’t done so because “no worthy opportunity has presented itself” to her. “I want to have a family, a career, and a side piece,” she said nonchalantly. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/49 "2024-04-29T09:49:44Z")
I googled it, and the first hit says > cicisbeo > /ˌtʃɪtʃɪzˈbeɪəʊ/ > _noun_ > noun: **cicisbeo** ; plural noun: **cicisbei** ; plural noun: **cicisbeos** > > 1. a married woman’s male companion or lover. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/50 "2024-04-29T10:48:39Z")
[![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/FGbwXHnZlME/maxresdefault.jpg "Bessie Smith - Kitchen Man (Audio)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGbwXHnZlME) ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/51 "2024-04-29T12:16:12Z")
I’m not sure this is going to help clarify the meaning of the term, but here’s another place it appears in a very well known song: AC DC’s Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. _If you got a lady and you want her gone_ _But you ain’t got the guts_ _She keeps naggin’ at you night and day_ _Enough to drive you nuts_ _Pick up the phone, leave her alone_ _It’s time you made a stand_ _For a fee, I’m happy to be_ _Your back door man, woo_ ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/52 "2024-04-29T12:27:18Z")
I Googled it and my first hit was: > cicisbeo > /ci·ci·ṣbè·o/ > sostantivo maschile > > 1. > > Nel '700, l’accompagnatore ufficiale di una dama (con una sfumatura di galanteria e leziosità, che non è in cavalier servente). > 2. > estens. > Vagheggino, corteggiatore galante. Kidjanot: [![](https://i.imgur.com/YhWOs4o.png) ](https://i.imgur.com/YhWOs4o.png) ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/53 "2024-04-29T12:31:17Z")
If the great linguist of the ages like Jim Morrison, Robert Plant and Bon Scott cannot get the term backdoor man into the common everyday vernacular then all hope for that phrase is lost. ---
**Author:** ![md-2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9d8465/32.png) [@md-2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/md-2000)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/54 "2024-04-29T12:46:55Z")
> [@colinfred](#): > > ’ve never heard the expression Back Door Man. Outside of any context I’d assume homosexual slur. In the context of a Female-Male relationship I’d still think it was about the sexual position rather than the nature of the relationship. Same here. I’ve heard the joking term “back-door Suzie” about girls who don’t want to get pregnant. I have trouble making out lyrics when rock stars are screaming them, so I’ve never noted the term “back door man” until now and I don’t think I’ve ever heard the Doors song. I agree, I would assume back door man has overtones of class more than sex, as in “tradesmen use rear entrance” signs. (Which of course, has joking sexual connotations too) OTOH, _Call Me_ was the Blondie theme song from _American Gigilo_ and “gigilo” been a pretty common term in western culture for decades implying “man for hire (by older woman)”. As I understood it, it implied at least a medium-term relationship not a one-night stand, but more for a rich single older woman (50’s? 60’s?). It also implied more of a unhidden role, rathern than “mistress” which implies a married man sneaking around on his wife. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/55 "2024-04-29T12:57:23Z")
I find the English translation to _exactly the same word_ to be most helpful and enlightening. Thanks, Google. ---
**Author:** ![bob\_2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bob_2/32/3341_2.png) [@bob\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bob_2)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/56 "2024-04-29T14:13:58Z")
“back door man” and “rent boy” are, to this old fart at least, usually applied to gay men rather than male partners for women. Rent boys were male prostitutes - often underaged, at a time when homosexual relationships were illegal. “Mistress” implies a “kept woman”, or at least one whom a married man largely supports. I can think of no good word for a “kept man”. That may be because it’s not common enough to warrant a specific descriptor. Or at least not discussed enough. Historically a married woman might well have a lover though. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/57 "2024-04-29T14:49:06Z")
“Sancho” would be the term I am familiar with. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/58 "2024-04-29T15:26:43Z")
> [@bibliophage](#): > > I’m surprised the term “back-door man” isn’t better known than it seems to be from reading the posts here. Besides the Howlin’ Wolf song (written by Willie Dixon and later covered by the Doors), the term appears in other song lyrics, notably Led Zeppelin’s [Whole Lotta Love.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HibBnC6SVk8&t=285s) (the link is teed up to the lyrics “Shake for me girl, I wanna be your backdoor man”). Led Zeppelin also used a variation of the phrase in “Since I’ve Been Loving You”: _I open my front door, hear my back door slam_ ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/59 "2024-04-29T15:56:40Z")
I agree - I think a lot of the words mentioned are either gender neutral or don’t mean quite the same thing as “mistress”. “Back door man” almost fits except that 1) it seems to have multiple meanings ( the others being more sexually explicit) and 2 ) it seems specific to a particular culture ( Southern and/or blues as far as I can tell) rather than a word in general usage. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2024, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882/60 "2024-04-29T16:06:32Z")
If made-up words for the purpose of the thread count: Misteress Manstress [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/word-for-male-mistress/1000882.md?page=4)