# Wordless, Spontaneous Sex With Strangers **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 12, 2006, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550 "2006-05-12T18:44:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/41 "2006-05-13T04:00:55Z")
> [@Stuffy](#): > > Twice. The first was a total stranger, we kept walking past each other in Downtown Oakland. The we bumped into each other in Sears. > > The second was a girl from an office I used to work in, in that case we knew each others names, and we’d been checking each other out for weeks. Then the Xmas party rolled around… To prevent a misunderstanding I should point out that the Sears in question was an Emporium Capwells at the time. For real honey, it was many, many moons ago. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/42 "2006-05-13T04:21:59Z")
> [@Morgyn](#): > > Might be your location. I’m your age, and many of the people I know do the ‘friends with benefits’ thing; lots of open marriages and relationships, too. I’ve tried it once or twice, but it’s not for me. I _knew_ I should have continued going to the Wiccan Church of Canada… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/43 "2006-05-13T05:20:19Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Also known as the [zipless fuck](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zipless_fuck). Damn, I was going to say that! ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/44 "2006-05-13T05:29:43Z")
I had an encounter like this, but Kay, the girl I shared this experience with, did not fade off into the past (from her perspective, I didn’t) but instead wound up being a friend of a friend of a friend. At some point, I had to talk to her about it, so I have a pretty good idea of what happened. I was at a party without my girlfriend, and ran into this girl in the kitchen. I said “hi,” and put my hand on her back as I walked around her. During the course of the next hour or so we would catch each others’ eye in the course of a fairly meaningless conversation with someone else. I figured we would have a chance to talk when I’d made my rounds and spoken to everyone I knew there. So, apparently did she. Then I ran into my old friend Pudge, who had just gotten back from New York. While I was talkikng to him, someone passed around something to smoke, and people kind of crowded in, so they would get in on the next pass. Kay staked out the section of floor next to me, and as other people came by, moved closer, until she was actually sitting on my foot. She said she was not really thinking of having sex with me right there, but wanted to be the next person I started conversing with. Anyway, it’s not clear if it was the smoke or my sparkling reparteé, but she started kind of humping my foot. I asked her if she would like to “get some air,” and we went out onto the porch. We started making out, and then wound up around the back of the house, in the grass. Afterwards, we went back inside, where the first person who saw us started laughing. She apparently had something in her hair. My wallet had fallen out of my pants, so I had to go back outside and comb the lawn for it. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/45 "2006-05-13T05:37:37Z")
> [@saoirse](#): > > Afterwards, we went back inside, where the first person who saw us started laughing. She apparently had something in her hair. Oh no, don’t spare the salient details. I think we all know that “something” is not the most vivid descriptor you could have chosen for what was in her hair. 😃 (and even if it wasn’t the “something” I’m thinking of, your story would be a lot better with the embellishment. Can’t hurt) ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/46 "2006-05-13T06:30:48Z")
How precious…something in her hair. He skunked her! ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/47 "2006-05-13T07:52:36Z")
> [@brightpenny](#): > > I can see how it can happen after a couple of hours of talking with someone, but the business of finding a nearby supply closet and locking the door is…wow. > > Could it be a coincidence that I’m interested in knowing about this just when the cute young computer guy might be coming over this weekend to fix something for me? You should just ask. Seriously. I bet the cute young computer guy will be all over it. An example used in psychology class earlier this semester–to teach us about classical conditioning–involved a young, cute student walking up to another young, cute student they’d never seen before, on campus, out of the blue, and initiating a wild makeout session. My first thought was, “Man, wouldn’t it be great if someone did that to me?” My second thought was, “I wonder if someone else would think it were great if I did that to them.” I haven’t had the guts to do it for fear I would end up in jail, though. But I wonder. Everybody likes being thought attractive and desirable. Everybody likes affection. What if I just went up to a girl I found attractive on campus and kissed her? No questions, no pick-up lines, just a passionate peck. If she was freaked out, an apology and then a walking-away. If not, well, who knows? I wonder: are we all walking around campus waiting for someone to come up and violently kiss us? If so, why isn’t anyone doing it? Is it something we all secretly want but nobody delivers? > [@Rigamarole](#): > > Just for the record, I’m a stranger and yes, I do carry a condom with me at all times (in my wallet). You ought to change it out every few days, at least. It can get mighty warm in there. > [@Stuffy](#): > > To prevent a misunderstanding I should point out that the Sears in question was an Emporium Capwells at the time. For real honey, it was many, many moons ago. Expound on this, please? ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/48 "2006-05-13T12:19:07Z")
I get wordless spontaneous scowls and heavily implied expressions of “stop looking at me you freaking weirdo”. My romantic life is empty and lonely. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/49 "2006-05-13T12:37:45Z")
Erica Jong’s classic “Fear of Flying” was based on this idea. She called it “The Zipless Fuck.” It was decades before I realized that Jong wasn’t a one trick pony and could actually write. Her “Fear of Fifty” is one of my favorite autobiographic works. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/50 "2006-05-13T12:56:22Z")
> [@samm](#): > > So are most strangers carrying around condoms or do you also spontaneously realize they are std-free? As a stranger, I can tell you I always carry around condoms (that unfortunately never get to be used.) As for people living in different universes, I’ve been thinking this for a long time. People have incredibly different life experiences, expectations, perceptions of the world, and for the most part tend to think that most other people are more or less like them, especially since they tend to gravitate towards relatively like-minded people. Actually, they tend to actively stay away from different minded people, because we perceive them as freaks, without realizing there’s a couple millions of them around. As a result they’re basically, indeed, living in parallel universes. I’ve been fascinated by this since I realized it for the first time. It was while chatting with coworkers about a very banal topic. What would you do if you found a wallet with no ID, and just money in it? Bring it to the police station, so that the owner could claim it, or keep the money? Of course, some said that they would keep the money. But also, it became clear that they didn’t really believe that other people would do otherwise, despite stating the contrary, and assumed too that even if someone brought the wallet to the police station, the officers would take the money. Suddenly I had an epiphany. People were living in different worlds. One of my coworlers was living in a world were most people, apart from some despicable scumbags, are scrupulously honest, and another in a world where people, apart from some saints, are self-serving if they can get away with it. They didn’t just have different codes of conduct, they had perceptions of the world around them that were irreconciliable. Parrallel universes. Since then, I paid attention to it, and noticed it to be true on every possible issue. For instance, this thread about sex with strangers. Or, discussing with an acquaintance of mine about our youth, that were as widely different as you can get. Each of us was living at the time in his own world, knew people like him, and assumed that his way of life was the norm for most young people. And of course, it strongly tainted our view of young people and teens. And that applies to people living in the same culture, belonging to more or less the same social category, etc… Now, if you take into account different cultures, all bets are off. That’s why I generally say that people are more different than similar, or more exactly that differences are generally vastly underestimated. Sorry for this long and probably not very interesting post, but as I said, I’m fascinated by this “we’re living in alternate universes” issue. ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/51 "2006-05-13T14:22:31Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Sorry for this long and probably not very interesting post, but as I said, I’m fascinated by this “we’re living in alternate universes” issue. I think it’s very interesting, even to my just-woke-up brain. > [@fetus](#): > > I haven’t had the guts to do it for fear I would end up in jail, though. But I wonder. Everybody likes being thought attractive and desirable. Everybody likes affection. What if I just went up to a girl I found attractive on campus and kissed her? No questions, no pick-up lines, just a passionate peck. If she was freaked out, an apology and then a walking-away. If not, well, who knows? Yes, the meat of the matter. For a man to initiate it, he would have to be a master (or natural) at eye contact and body language (as in the classic european charmer ::sigh:: ). The approach would have to signal passion but at the same time no-harm. An advance that a woman might otherwise welcome carries the baggage left behind by thousands of rapists and predators, and so we pause and turn off our animal brains, letting all the cautions and warnings dictate our response. So, then, would this most likely work best with the woman as initiator? My guess is that these days most people zooming around on automatic-pilot, head full of to-do lists and jacked into a phone, are operating in a virtual universe that doesn’t include physical people in meat-space to begin with. I think it would take quite a zinger to bring them to the here-and-now in even the most basic ways. I guess the element of surprise and unexpectedness must be a big part of the zipless fuck. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/52 "2006-05-13T15:55:43Z")
As I have stated before, I have been single now for around six months after a twelve year marriage. We were together for fifteen years. Being a single man again has been an amazing eye opener. I am having the time of my life. Yeah, it can happen, **brightpenny** , even starting off in the Paseo Nuevo parking garage. I always keep condoms in my car. You just never know. Prior to my new singlehood, I would have never thought it possible. Now I know that anything can happen. ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/53 "2006-05-13T16:48:40Z")
So, **hajario** , how are _you_ doin’? ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/54 "2006-05-13T16:56:49Z")
I was quite surprised to hear that something similar happened to my girlfriend on a train once many years ago…with a boy even! :eek: It was not intercourse, and everyones’ clothes stayed on but…um…both parties’ respective trains reached the pinnacle of the hill, if you catch my meaning. And yes, I am risking my very life by posting this. That is how seriously I take the fight against ignorance and the need to share with my fellow Dopers. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/55 "2006-05-13T20:30:25Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > Sorry for this long and probably not very interesting post, but as I said, I’m fascinated by this “we’re living in alternate universes” issue. Actually, that is fascinating. I’d never thought of that before. Thanks! > [@brightpenny](#): > > An advance that a woman might otherwise welcome carries the baggage left behind by thousands of rapists and predators, and so we pause and turn off our animal brains, letting all the cautions and warnings dictate our response. So, then, would this most likely work best with the woman as initiator? This is a big part of why I hate not only rapists and predators but chauvinists in general. Really screws up my zipless fuck goals. Is it just me, BTW, or does this thread need way more details? ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/56 "2006-05-13T21:16:50Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > Is it just me, BTW, or does this thread need way more details? No, I think what it needs is some action. How about a group experiment: everyone go out into the “field” and try out a new zipless skill. Be sure to report back on your findings. Me, I plan to watch those that interest me, and not look down in shyness when discovered. I may even do a little roving with my eyes. What will you try? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/57 "2006-05-13T22:12:55Z")
> [@brightpenny](#): > > No, I think what it needs is some action… > > What will you try? Getting past the sense of shame that tells me that I’m not supposed to be looking. It’s spring here, dammit! Unfortunately, I think I come off as Creepy Guy. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/58 "2006-05-13T23:06:25Z")
Next time I go to the mall, I’ll see what I can’t accomplish. In the name of science!!! (and hormones) ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/59 "2006-05-13T23:28:27Z")
Interestingly enough, I came across [this survey](http://fs8.formsite.com/fs8_app/FormSite) today, in a completely unrelated context. Makes one think… But you know my interest is purely academic, of course, from a sociological perspective. This is not my survey, btw. ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2006, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550/60 "2006-05-13T23:30:24Z")
> [@brightpenny](#): > > Interestingly enough, I came across [this survey](http://fs8.formsite.com/fs8_app/FormSite) today, in a completely unrelated context. Makes one think… > > But you know my interest is purely academic, of course, from a sociological perspective. This is not my survey, btw. I should caution you not to include your email address unless you want some unknown person to contact you about your fantasies. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wordless-spontaneous-sex-with-strangers/356550.md?page=4)