# Words I didn't realize were pejorative until later in life **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 22, 2024, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604 "2024-07-22T13:00:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/241 "2024-11-02T14:56:41Z")
> [@EnolaStraight](#): > > There was some sociological experiment with kindergarteners…one group, all girls, the other all boys…and the teacher tells the girls “We are all the same.” > > All the girls lit up like christmas trees. > > When telling boys “we are all the same”, the boys just gave the teacher blank looks. I’m skeptical that this is accurate. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/242 "2024-11-02T14:59:54Z")
Me, too. Do you have a cite? ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/243 "2024-11-02T15:05:14Z")
> [@EnolaStraight](#): > > In any case, I was in a conversation with a girl and her girlrfiend and I was pointing out how none of us are turned out on an assembly line with cookie cutters…we are all different…she was nearly in tears, girlfriend gave me the Death Glare, and I’m wondering what the hell I did wrong That strikes me as very odd. I’d need to know the context and the tone of voice in order to decide whether what’s odd is those specific people. But it certainly isn’t a matter of All Women versus All Men. ---
**Author:** ![JoePockets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8dc957/32.png) [@JoePockets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoePockets)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/244 "2024-11-02T15:05:15Z")
If Jimi Hendrix were politically correct how would he have renamed his“ _Band of Gypsys_ album “ ---
**Author:** ![EnolaStraight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@EnolaStraight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EnolaStraight)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/245 "2024-11-02T15:31:36Z")
Half remembered from some 60 Minutes or 20/20 episode from the 80s. Any Sociologists here who remembers a Paper on the subject? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/246 "2024-11-02T15:37:06Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > > [@EnolaStraight](#): > > > > In any case, I was in a conversation with a girl and her girlrfiend and I was pointing out how none of us are turned out on an assembly line with cookie cutters…we are all different…she was nearly in tears, girlfriend gave me the Death Glare, and I’m wondering what the hell I did wrong > > That strikes me as very odd. > > I’d need to know the context and the tone of voice in order to decide whether what’s odd is those specific people. But it certainly isn’t a matter of All Women versus All Men. Yeah, I’ve certainly told my daughter that everyone is different. I never got a reaction anything like that. I’m not very fem, but my daughter is. I feel like “everyone is different” is one of those truisms like “water is wet”, and rarely provokes much reaction at all. ---
**Author:** ![EnolaStraight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@EnolaStraight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EnolaStraight)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/247 "2024-11-02T15:42:05Z")
I’ve located a lecture by Linguist Debora Tannen describing the appeal of “sameness” between girls. For the relevant bit, start at 4:20. [Deborah Tannen: Gender-specific language rituals (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUxnBZxsfoU) ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/248 "2024-11-02T17:17:28Z")
> [@EnolaStraight](#): > > For the relevant bit, start at 4:20 Is there a text version? If not, how long is the “relevant bit”? ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/249 "2024-11-02T17:36:45Z")
> [@eburacum45](#): > > Nonetheless, the term bint is derogatory and sexist, so it shouldn’t be used in any case. Which leads to a hangup when a woman with a perfectly respectable Arabic name that includes _bint_ gets a clueless Brit mansplaining to her that her name is a slur. And when called out on it, doubles down on the idiocy, the caucasity. Bad, bad, bad Brit. ---
**Author:** ![EnolaStraight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@EnolaStraight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EnolaStraight)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/250 "2024-11-02T17:49:23Z")
The relevant bit is Tannen describing the dynamics of the conversation between the two little girls…and the elation from the revelation of “sameness”. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/251 "2024-11-02T19:01:33Z")
That clip doesn’t support the idea that calling a grown woman “different” would normally be taken as an insult. (Depending on the context, it absolutely _could_ be an insult, but that’s true for men as well.) It doesn’t even really support the idea that little girls consider “sameness” desirable or “difference” bad in the abstract, just that they are trying to connect with each other by sharing a similar fact about their caregivers. Absent any further context, I’d venture a guess that the reason those women got mad at you was the “none of us are turned out on the assembly line with cookie cutters” part, not the “we are all different” part of your statement, and that they were taking it as either a condescending statement of the obvious or a sarcastic straw-manning of their position, even if that wasn’t your intent. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/252 "2024-11-02T19:21:38Z")
> [@Fretful\_Porpentine](#): > > It doesn’t even really support the idea that little girls consider “sameness” desirable or “difference” bad in the abstract, just that they are trying to connect with each other by sharing a similar fact about their caregivers. Yeah. I watched that, and it showed two girls who were happy to find they had something in common. “We have something in common” is very different from “we are the same”. In fact, that pleasure suggests that they felt like they were naturally different, and liked having this one weird fact of connection. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/253 "2024-11-02T19:30:09Z")
Agreeing with that (I did give up and watch that bit, as the description given wasn’t all that clear to me.) The girl who says “the same” seems surprised by it; which pretty strongly implies that she wasn’t expecting details like that to be the same between them. And adding that I didn’t even see both girls particularly lighting up about “the same”. The one girl seems quite pleased by it; the other girl seems more to be reacting by the first one suddenly being in her face by looking down and smiling. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/254 "2024-11-02T21:09:03Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > Who is telling you “you’re different” is a slur against women only? Yeah, I don’t get it, either. I do tell my wife she is different- she is smarter than her coworkers at just about every job she has had. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/255 "2024-11-02T21:36:26Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > She’d been informed by some of the customers (probably in NYCity) that “oriental” is offensive; which nobody in the coop (based upstate) had known. We switched to calling it Asian eggplant. I don’t think I’ve seen it called Asian eggplant around here, but Japanese eggplant (and called that) has been around since I was a kid. ---
**Author:** ![EnolaStraight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@EnolaStraight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EnolaStraight)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/256 "2024-11-02T21:47:21Z")
And, thus, I personally caught shit. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/257 "2024-11-02T21:51:33Z")
There are Chinese Eggplant and Japanese Eggplant at our stores. At least the stores with significant East Asian clientele or younger clientele. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/258 "2024-11-02T22:11:04Z")
Oh, Japanese eggplant are common at most generic supermarkets around here. I prefer it, so I’ve never checked for Chinese eggplant. I will next time I go shopping. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/259 "2024-11-02T22:36:21Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > That was very interesting! Yes, that was! It sounds a little like what we call “suicide by cop.” ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2024, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604/260 "2024-11-03T00:06:11Z")
> [@carrps](#): > > > [@thorny\_locust](#): > > > > She’d been informed by some of the customers (probably in NYCity) that “oriental” is offensive; which nobody in the coop (based upstate) had known. We switched to calling it Asian eggplant. > > I don’t think I’ve seen it called Asian eggplant around here, but Japanese eggplant (and called that) has been around since I was a kid. We first switched to calling it Japanese eggplant; but I have a neice-in-law from China (she met my nephew here through their workplaces) and she said that they’re also very commonly eaten in China. I believe also in India, though they eat a lot of different eggplants in India. ETA: I expect they eat a lot of different eggplants in China, too. It’s a very large country with multiple cuisines. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-didnt-realize-were-pejorative-until-later-in-life/1004604.md?page=14)