# Words I never want to hear in a commercial again **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 5, 2010, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642 "2010-07-05T22:27:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Baine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Baine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baine)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/61 "2010-07-07T03:29:24Z")
“You deserve” As in, “you deserve a break,” or “you deserve a brighter smile.” You don’t know what I deserve, I could be Hitler. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/62 "2010-07-07T03:35:21Z")
“Wholesome”, often preceding “goodness”, but not always. In and of itself, it means _nothing_. “Your kids want a snack. Why not give them the wholesome goodness of Cliche-Ridden Wonder Granola Bars; Guaranteed to provide up to 15% or more of the RDA of vitamin D!” Aaaagggghhh. Stop it. This means absolutely crap. I’d be way more likely to feed my kids Wonder Granola Bars that were advertised as “Not so hot nutritionally, but hey, your kids will eat them, and you won’t have to feel as guilty as if you’d given them actual candy!” And speaking of kids: “Don’t your kids _deserve_ the. . .” whatever it is your commercial is selling? My hubby once saw a prominent sign in the window of a convenience store proudly proclaiming “We receive up to 50 new products every day!” Meaningless, meaningless, meaningless. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/63 "2010-07-07T03:59:00Z")
SC Johnson: A Family Company Ooooh, so you’re not a huge corporation who’s only goal is to make people who invest their disposable income into your company even richer than they already are? You’re different from the rest because you’re a “family company”? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/64 "2010-07-07T04:08:06Z")
> [@Nobody](#): > > SC Johnson: A Family Company > > Ooooh, so you’re not a huge corporation who’s only goal is to make people who invest their disposable income into your company even richer than they already are? You’re different from the rest because you’re a “family company”? Actually, they’re not publicly traded. They actually ARE a family company, owned and run by the Johnson family. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/65 "2010-07-07T04:31:49Z")
It’s just a Tucson thing, but… “theven theven theven, theven theven theven theven”, the phone number to a local ambulance chaser, as read by some chick with a lisp- is driving me nuts! ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/66 "2010-07-07T05:48:29Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Actually, they’re not publicly traded. They actually ARE a family company, owned and run by the Johnson family. :eek: Wow. I thought to be a company of that size you had to be publicly traded. I thought they were spouting meaningless dribble. Thanks for the info. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/67 "2010-07-07T09:33:12Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > There is a new circle being built in Hell specifically for marketers who advertise a 25% off sale as “Buy one, get a second for 50% off!”. Not the same thing. If you only buy one, you don’t get the discount. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/68 "2010-07-07T11:59:31Z")
> [@Nobody](#): > > See those Fabreze ads where something awesome is going on around a couple, but they’re too much in awe about a Fabreze air freshener that you plug into a wall? How lame does your life have to be that you get memorized by that? There are a few companies that take their products WAAAY too seriously. Glade is one. They have these increasingly bizarre ads in which a whole group of womens’ lives revolve around Glade air fresheners - they talk about them, they compare them, they pronounce it Glah-DAY to make it sound French. It reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Bart meets Dr. S, who’s been working to unravel the secrets of the Spirograph all these years. Also, Crest. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/69 "2010-07-07T12:40:41Z")
Another word that advertising must cease and desist from use of immediately: **Legendary.** “Fiber-O’s; it’s legendary around the breakfast table.” “The Ford Behemoth: A legendary automobile” Are you ad folks suggesting that your product may or may not have actually existed? ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/70 "2010-07-07T12:41:49Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > There is a new circle being built in Hell specifically for marketers who advertise a 25% off sale as “Buy one, get a second for 50% off!”. It is made far more evil by being advertised as: > > Buy one, get a second for > > 50% off! This actually makes sense, though, when the retailer has too many of the sale item in stock and needs to thin inventory before permanent reductions, which are generally going to start higher than 25%, take place. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/71 "2010-07-07T13:03:23Z")
> [@Nobody](#): > > When a commercial says their product is “clinically tested”, half the time I wonder if > A. They used their own “clinics” > B. They used a not so professional clinic who they paid for favorable results. > C. They used some other shady, non-legit method “Clinically tested” doesn’t mean it clinically _worked_. Another great one is “Our woo is FDA-approved!”, which can be translated as “Our claims are just barely legal under dietary supplement regulations, so that the FDA can’t touch us!” (the FDA does not endorse product claims, which is what “FDA-approved” implies). > [@](#): > > They actually ARE a family company, owned and run by the Johnson family. On the other hand, the Genoveses and Gottis were families too. ---
**Author:** ![goodie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@goodie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/goodie)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/72 "2010-07-07T14:17:20Z")
I hate how the kids shampoos say “pediatrician tested” or “opthamologist tested” that doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t mean that that product was tested on kids, or even on humans, or that the tests found anything out about the product…I am “testing” the toast I ate this morning while I digest it… Also, those cleaner commercials that tell me how many germs their product is going to kill, pretty much meaningless, as just getting something completely dry kills quite a few germs, anything acidic applied will kill even more, and almost nothing that’s safe to have in the home would kill100% of the germs, so…whether it’s 99% or 99.99% makes no difference to me. Actually, the whole idea of advertising or telephone or door-to-door sales is a bit offensive to me. I KNOW what I need to buy, I know what it should cost and I know how to do the math to get the most out of my budget, I don’t need anyone to tell me what I need or how to save money, especially when they are almost always either wrong or lying to me. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/73 "2010-07-07T15:03:04Z")
> [@goodie](#): > > Also, those cleaner commercials that tell me how many germs their product is going to kill, pretty much meaningless, as just getting something completely dry kills quite a few germs, anything acidic applied will kill even more, and almost nothing that’s safe to have in the home would kill100% of the germs, so…whether it’s 99% or 99.99% makes no difference to me. Along those same lines, when percentages are tossed around without being related to anything it bugs me. “Towels 40% fluffier.” Than what? “Guaranteed 50% more decadent.” How are we measuring that? I could live a long an happy life without “green” and “greener” in ads for anything other than lawn care products and things that are in fact green in color. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/74 "2010-07-07T15:59:13Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > There are a few companies that take their products WAAAY too seriously. Glade is one. They have these increasingly bizarre ads in which a whole group of womens’ lives revolve around Glade air fresheners - they talk about them, they compare them, they pronounce it Glah-DAY to make it sound French. It reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Bart meets Dr. S, who’s been working to unravel the secrets of the Spirograph all these years. > > Also, Crest. In new Dairy Queen ads a family is super stoked that it’s the 25th anniversary of the Blizzard. In one ad, the parents are more excited about it than the birthday of one of their kids, and in another they’re chasing a DQ truck with the mom strapped to the roof. Oh, and what would I do for a Klondike bar (or ice cream sandwitch)? Pay the damn thing. Hell, even a homeless person could afford one of those. Seriously, what the hell is [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGEjUTpAdIo)? ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/75 "2010-07-07T16:03:04Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > “Clinically tested” doesn’t mean it clinically _worked_. Actually, I should have said clinically proven to work. I hear that one a lot. But again, not knowing who conducted the trials or what method they used, that claim seems highly suspect. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/76 "2010-07-07T16:16:31Z")
> [@Nobody](#): > > Oh, and what would I do for a Klondike bar (or ice cream sandwitch)? Pay the damn thing. Hell, even a homeless person could afford one of those. WWJD (for a klondike bar) ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/77 "2010-07-07T16:21:08Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > WWJD > (for a klondike bar) Oh man, that is so 1990’s 😃 ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/78 "2010-07-07T16:32:28Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > I’m sorry but your product smells like chemicals, not small shiny rocks. That’s a word I’d like to remove from commercials: “chemicals”, as in “our product is made without chemicals!” Wow, it’s great to know that the science of chemistry doesn’t apply to your product! ---
**Author:** ![Alas\_Earwax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f04885/32.png) [@Alas\_Earwax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alas_Earwax)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/79 "2010-07-07T17:23:17Z")
Never mind… ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2010, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642/80 "2010-07-07T17:24:45Z")
A car being described as “capable”. Capable of what? Murder whilst playing old 50’s music and turning me into a greaser? Any ad that says “More and more people are \_\_\_\_\_\_.” That means nothing. More and more people are breathing oxygen, what’s your point? I always wonder whether any famous actors got their start in, say, a commercial for genital warts. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-i-never-want-to-hear-in-a-commercial-again/545642.md?page=5)