# Words of Wisdom (AKA Tuition Well Spent) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 14, 2011, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242 "2011-12-14T22:49:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cryptic\_C62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Cryptic\_C62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cryptic_C62)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/1 "2011-12-14T22:49:33Z")
As the semester comes to a close, I reflect back on the wonderful words of wisdom that I have harvested from my classes. The following is a list of phrases that were actually used by my professors: “Some people look confused and some people look bored, and I really don’'t know where I am.” “Wednesday is very close to Monday.” “Suppose we have a list of puppies and we want to transform it into a list of unicorns…” “We’ll say that a puppy is a strict unit of measurement.” “There’s only one place you can put a pancake.” “A cowboy isn’t a real cowboy unless he has a hat.” “A light switch can be in two different states: it can be on, or it can be off.” “Two apples is more than one apple.” “Oranges are bigger than grapes.” “You don’t want to mess with the rationals.” “How should I shoot this stone to hit that dinosaur?” “Degrees don’t exist. They are fictional.” “You don’t have balls anymore.” “I don’t like the word ‘numbers’.” “If you do the ratio test and get 1, well… you’ve lost. Life is hard.” “You have to give a reason, so you say it is tautologically true, because that sounds elegant.” “The computer beeps at you, gives you an answer, you’ll be happy as a clam, then you use that number to build a bridge or a rocket.” “You can go anywhere you want in the pasture.” Got any good ones to share? ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/2 "2011-12-14T23:25:40Z")
Did you actually bother to learn anything in between making note of sentences that would sound silly taken out of context? ---
**Author:** ![Silophant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@Silophant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silophant)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/3 "2011-12-15T07:28:04Z")
What classes did you take this semester? I’m guessing Calc 2 for the math-related ones, and probably an intro level CS or EE course? ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/4 "2011-12-15T08:34:05Z")
Sounds like excerpts from a bad lip reading video. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/5 "2011-12-15T08:40:25Z")
> [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > Sounds like excerpts from a bad lip reading video. Nah, I can guarantee you that there are some sentences I utter, in the context of longer lectures, that taken out of context would sound as goofy as this. Of course, context is everything. It’s not like I’m standing up there spouting off non sequiturs constantly. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/6 "2011-12-15T09:29:15Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > Nah, I can guarantee you that there are some sentences I utter, in the context of longer lectures, that taken out of context would sound as goofy as this. Of course, context is everything. It’s not like I’m standing up there spouting off non sequiturs constantly. I can appreciate this. I just found the quotes amusing is all. ---
**Author:** ![Cryptic\_C62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Cryptic\_C62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cryptic_C62)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/7 "2011-12-15T14:39:22Z")
> [@Silophant](#): > > What classes did you take this semester? I’m guessing Calc 2 for the math-related ones, and probably an intro level CS or EE course? Pretty close! Most of the quotes came from Real Analysis and a 2nd-year CS course. A few came from Group Theory and a writing course. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/8 "2011-12-15T18:16:36Z")
It sounds like you are going to my alma mater. There were a few profs who were hilarious (most of them purposefully so) in coming up with ‘real world examples’ (difficult in pure mathematics). ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/9 "2011-12-15T18:32:41Z")
When I was in school, the local math faculty semiweekly newspaper would collect and publish these. The profs would sometimes say the same thing semester after semester trying to get published. My favourite: “You all are used to operations that commute, but the world is full of operations that don’t commute; Like taking a shower and putting your clothes on.” ---
**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/10 "2011-12-15T18:46:51Z")
Prof: What are you up to? Me: I’m working on my CS 417 [Artificial intelligence] project Prof: Where are your rubber boots? Me: Pardon me? Prof: Yeah that A.I - that artificial insemination - you really need rubber boots for that! ---
**Author:** ![cdsilv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cdsilv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cdsilv)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/11 "2011-12-15T18:49:53Z")
The computer will fail - at the worst possible time. Being a professional means being ready for it. Variables won’t, constants aren’t. Your college years are the beginning of your education, not the end. You do not want to get that call at 3:00 am summoning you to come fix the printer that prints the bar codes on a boxcar so the shipment can leave the rail yard. IT ops sucks. No means of communication is ever secure. ---
**Author:** ![dzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dzero)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/12 "2011-12-15T20:32:29Z")
The problem is between the chair and the keyboard. ---
**Author:** ![Tess\_Trueheart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/779978/32.png) [@Tess\_Trueheart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tess_Trueheart)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/13 "2011-12-15T21:21:13Z")
A music history professor sings a blessing before each of his extremely tough tests. He’s done it for years, and he never brings it up himself, but the story passes down from year to year. Each time, some student asks him to bless the test: Prof:“Ble-ee-essings from whichever deity with whom you are on spee-eaking terms to-dayyy…” Students: “Aaaaa-men” (Then a fit of giggles at how not-in-tune with each other we are, which breaks down some test anxiety.) ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/14 "2011-12-15T23:07:48Z")
Things I have heard: “This is the speed bump in your law degree.” (And holy shit, it nearly was!) To a guy in our class who asks nonsensical questions: “I am going to speak verrrryyyy slooowwwlly and you are going to listen. And then you are going to continue listening, which means you have fulfilled your question quota for today.” (Could have kissed the prof, I mean it.) “I am going to try to answer this without my notes. If I am right, I am a genius. If I am wrong, it was on purpose, to make you go look up the answer yourself. Now ask!” I had a criminal barrister teach me criminal law, and when the facts of the case were sexual in nature, she’d lecture to the ceiling. Good times. ---
**Author:** ![Cryptic\_C62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Cryptic\_C62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cryptic_C62)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2012, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-of-wisdom-aka-tuition-well-spent/606242/15 "2012-05-29T15:16:00Z")
From my most recent semester: “The way you sum this up is ‘no’.” “Next week we’ll look at a traffic flow model, it’s called ‘traffic flow’.” “I’m putting the cart before the horse, but we know the cart is going to end up in front of the horse anyway.” “We’ll call Jim ‘lambda’ for short.” “I presume you don’t have any vodka with you, yes? I encourage you to bring some next time.” “Look at me. My job is to look stupid for 1 hour.” “An absence of questions means one of two things: someone understands everything, or someone understands nothing.” “It is a bad habit to multiply 0 by infinity.” “If you think I’m going to prove this, you must think I’m incredibly cruel. But you’re wrong – I’m just cruel.” “I’ve been in this area since I was an undergraduate… so, about 200 years.” “If you don’t like to cut flesh, you shouldn’t be a surgeon.” “Every college bookstore must have a collection of Escher prints. If not, it doesn’t qualify as a college bookstore.” “Don’t get old, people. I definitely recommend against it. Of course, the alternative isn’t that great either.” “A very poor model for brevity of language is anything I say to you.” “I have an allergy to fluff.” “You can’t help it! It’s like eating pork loins while watching a movie.” “Trying to change the date [of the final] is like trying to go through Niagara Falls on a bicycle.”