# Words to laugh by **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 22, 2007, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244 "2007-02-22T17:13:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/81 "2007-03-01T01:09:31Z")
I came here to do two things: kick ass and chew bubblegum. Luckily, I’ve got a lot of bubblegum. _\_ ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/82 "2007-03-01T01:58:32Z")
Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good. - Samuel Johnson I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it. - Groucho Marx ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/83 "2007-03-01T03:30:16Z")
Sign in a printing business (but it can apply to almost any business) “GOOD, FAST, CHEAP Pick any two…” Regards FML ---
**Author:** ![Barking\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/84 "2007-03-01T05:45:54Z")
You can only please some of the people some of the time. The rest you can jerk off. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/85 "2007-03-01T06:10:08Z")
_Si es fatuus, debes esse fortis_. That’s half-assed Latin for “If you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough.” It’s my family’s unofficial motto. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/86 "2007-03-01T07:50:36Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] I came here to do two things: kick ass and chew bubblegum. Luckily, I’ve got a lot of bubblegum. _\_ [/QUOTE] Hilarious! What’s that from? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/87 "2007-03-01T08:06:56Z")
One of my favorites–a geek love poem: roses are #FF0000 violets are #0000FF all my base are belong to you ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/88 "2007-03-01T08:24:33Z")
The early bird catches the worm, but the _second_ mouse gets the cheese. Si ---
**Author:** ![Anaglyph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Anaglyph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaglyph)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2017, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/89 "2017-03-14T11:36:16Z")
The early bird catches the worm - too bad for the early worm! ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2017, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/90 "2017-03-14T12:14:14Z")
The tallest daisy is the first to be cut down ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2017, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/91 "2017-03-14T12:36:31Z")
“The only good zombie thread is a humor zombie thread.” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2017, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/92 "2017-03-14T15:22:42Z")
> [@Anaglyph](#): > > The early bird catches the worm - too bad for the early worm! I think you avoided the worm’s fate here. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2017, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/93 "2017-03-14T16:17:32Z")
See my sig. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Last\_Glacial\_Maximum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Last\_Glacial\_Maximum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Last_Glacial_Maximum)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2017, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/94 "2017-03-14T22:13:47Z")
. When you get what you want in your struggle for self And the world makes you king for a day, Just go to a mirror and look at yourself And see what THAT man has to say. For it isn’t your father or mother or wife Whose judgment upon you must pass, The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life Is the one staring back from the glass. Some people might think you’re a straight-shootin’ chum And call you a wonderful guy. But the man in glass says you’re only a bum If you can’t look him straight in the eye. He’s the fellow to please, never mind all the rest, For he’s with you clear to the end, And you’ve passed your most dangerous test If the guy in the glass is your friend. You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years And get pats on the back as you pass, But your final reward will be heartache and tears If you’ve cheated the man in the glass. . ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2017, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/95 "2017-03-14T22:24:40Z")
People who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do. If you’re in a fair fight, you didn’t plan it very well. “Fools get excited no matter what you tell them”. –Heraclitus" Rules are to guide the wise and command the foolish. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2017, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/96 "2017-03-14T23:02:00Z")
“Quando omni flunkus moritati.” ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2017, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/97 "2017-03-15T00:02:40Z")
Cleanliness is next to impossible ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2017, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/98 "2017-03-15T00:05:36Z")
Credit where credit is due … > [@Last\_Glacial\_Maximum](#): > > When you get what you want in your struggle for self > … > If you’ve cheated the man in the glass. by **Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr.** ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2017, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/99 "2017-03-15T03:33:51Z")
> [@Barking\_Dog](#): > > Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive. [Pogo version!](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/65/6c/c6/656cc6b39c771272f5beef8f6eedf858.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2017, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244/100 "2017-03-15T04:06:51Z")
As The Good Book says, “Do unto others as they hath done unto you”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/words-to-laugh-by/393244.md?page=6)