# Work is no place for emotion **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 25, 2012, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745 "2012-09-25T03:53:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/61 "2012-09-25T22:44:26Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I’m not sure why you think it’ll be such a challenge for people who are not okay with huge displays of emotion at the workplace to refrain from making with huge displays of emotion at the workplace. Perhaps it’s because I’ve had bosses who have lectured people about displays of emotion on the job and “leaving it at the door” while being huge collosal screaming dickheads over trivial matters. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/62 "2012-09-25T23:08:40Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Perhaps it’s because I’ve had bosses who have lectured people about displays of emotion on the job and “leaving it at the door” while being huge collosal screaming dickheads over trivial matters. Well, I mean, they’re idiots too then and grossly violating the emotion at work place code. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/63 "2012-09-25T23:46:29Z")
> [@Battle\_Pope](#): > > Which explains a lot about the reactions I get when people mention _Leaving Las Vegas_ and I reply with something like “That’s the Nic Cage comedy right?” :eek: Every Nic Cage movie is a comedy. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/64 "2012-09-26T01:36:41Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Perhaps it’s because I’ve had bosses who have lectured people about displays of emotion on the job and “leaving it at the door” while being huge collosal screaming dickheads over trivial matters. I used to work at a place like this. The CEO thought it was okay to yell obscenities at people if they “deserved” it, and the other executives followed his lead. I think they thought it made them look powerful, when in reality it just made them look like psychopaths. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/65 "2012-09-26T02:26:47Z")
Is physical pain allowed? Because I once tripped, fell, and smacked my head. I didn’t start sobbing, but I did have tears of pain. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/66 "2012-09-26T02:40:38Z")
> [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](#): > > Okay. So, about two months ago, I had a miscarriage. I took 3 days off, but was crying randomly for the next 2 weeks. Should I have: > > 1. Taken those 2 weeks off, resulting in others having to shoulder my share of the work? > > 2. Gone to work, but excused myself to the bathroom for 15 minutes at a time 3-5 times per day, causing people to worry about me when they saw me running to the bathroom or came upon me sobbing in there? > > 3. Continued to work, tears flowing, to the best of my ability, minimizing disruption of the workflow? > > Which would be most practical? Which would offend your no-emotions sensibilities the least? “Just suck it up and don’t cry” was not an option. One of the employees that I managed had a miscarriage. She took a week or so off and then worked from home for about a week or two afterwards. I thought it was important that she had time to deal with her situation before returning to work (and I made sure that the work was not an impediment, that’s the job of management - of course, the work kept going and the rest of the group could only handle so much, which is why the work from home option seemed like an OK balance). ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/67 "2012-09-26T02:41:17Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Is physical pain allowed? Because I once tripped, fell, and smacked my head. I didn’t start sobbing, but I did have tears of pain. Was this before, during, or after recess? ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/68 "2012-09-26T07:31:10Z")
> [@Death\_of\_Rats](#): > > Alone on the floor of the shower, curled into a fetal position as your try to wash away the stench of failure that surrounds you. [It might even make you feel better!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y52bs0aX6v8&feature=youtube_gdata_player) ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/69 "2012-09-26T07:47:32Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I’m not sure why you think it’ll be such a challenge for people who are not okay with huge displays of emotion at the workplace to refrain from making with huge displays of emotion at the workplace. He’s not guessing, based in previous posts of his it’s his experience. Not everybody who hates displays of emotion _from others_ does it, but yes, many people will see someone crying, or evidently nervous, or simply sniffling because of allergies (no, blowing their nose wouldn’t work) and start yelling, insulting the “weak” person, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/70 "2012-09-26T09:33:18Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Lol. I just had this conversation with someone who tried schooling me on how emotional women are compared to men. > > “Oh yeah?” I replied, "it really makes you wonder why it’s usually men who enter theaters and shoot up people, start violent riots in response to football losses and anti-Muslim videos, and regularly break into fights with each other in bars, clubs, and stadiums. " Response you hope you get: “Well, damn, you’re right.” Answer you probably get: “Shut up!” Answer you really hope you don’t get: “Well yeah; those are all perfectly reasonable things to do.” ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/71 "2012-09-26T13:44:35Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Really? People think it’s okay to scream at the office, wtf? If anything, I’ve seen a higher tolerance for wimpy crying than I have shouting. It’s all bad in my eyes, but to the extent being unable to control your shit is tolerated, it’s usually with “girly” displays of feelings, like tears. I’ve never been anyplace where you’re not immediately reprimanded for goddamn _screaming_. This has not at all been my experience. (I work in academia.) I have seen some EPIC temper tantrums from men (I’m talking screaming and chair-hurling, not raised voices), yet the only thing anyone seems to complain about is the one time so-and-so’s grad student cried… after getting yelled at. Personally, I have much less problem with crying because at least it’s usually pretty quiet and doesn’t seem designed to be threatening. We’ve had this conversation before, though. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/72 "2012-09-26T13:59:16Z")
Fascinating :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/73 "2012-09-26T14:11:14Z")
Is this really a huge problem? I’ve been in the workforce for 30 years, and have seen people cry maybe twice, and one of those times it was truly warrented. A far bigger problem is people throwing their weight around just because they can. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/74 "2012-09-26T14:58:43Z")
What does their being fat have to do with it? ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/75 "2012-09-26T15:39:55Z")
After my mother died very unexpectedly, I went back to work right away. I needed something to do. In the beginning, random events would trigger an onslaught of tears once a day. I’d quickly excuse myself, rush to the bathroom and sob away for 10 minutes, wash my face and go back to work. That’s when I discovered that advertising lies-there really is no such thing as truly waterproof mascara. My co-workers were all very understanding and it got better. > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yes, more to the point, before this turns into getting permission slips for every unique circumstance, our main beef is people who can’t seem to control themselves at the office. They’re in a bad mood, or their project ran late, or their coworker is an idiot, or they didn’t get the kind of performance review they wanted, their maid quit, or whatever, and they think an appropriate reaction is to to wail, piss, moan or shout. It’s not. Get it together, please. Yes, thank you. I manage two employees on our farm. I have to walk a very fine line. I want to be a caring decent employer that recognizes everyone has a life outside of work. I don’t want to get sucked into their personal emotional Sturm and Drang. I understand if you’re late because you hit a herd of feral pigs on your way into work on Tuesday. I don’t understand or care that you’re late for work because you drank yourself into oblivion Monday night. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/76 "2012-09-26T16:02:51Z")
I haven’t actually full-on cried at work, but my automatic and unconscious reaction to unexpected criticism (or really, any unexpected negative situation) is for my eyes to well up with tears. My theory is that it’s a reaction to how conflict was resolved in my childhood home. My family’s conflict style was to relentlessly lecture in order to achieve enough ego breakdown (signaled by the shift from defiance to tears) that I would abandon whatever hill I had stubbornly chosen to die on. I quickly learned that no conflict would ever be resolved until there were tears, and so I ended up conditioned to produce them as soon as possible in order to move the whole process along. It’s a Pavlov’s dog kind of thing. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go 'round. Some people walk slow, some people are bad with names, some people cry easily. If it was happening all the time and accompanied by commentary, I understand getting annoyed. But a couple silent tears from an otherwise good employee followed by an “I’m sorry, I understand what you are saying and I just need a moment to process it. Please excuse me.” on a few rare occasions shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/77 "2012-09-26T16:07:09Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I haven’t actually full-on cried at work, but my automatic and unconscious reaction to unexpected criticism (or really, any unexpected negative situation) is for my eyes to well up with tears. > > My theory is that it’s a reaction to how conflict was resolved in my childhood home. I’m gonna have to cut you off right here. Nobody cares about your childhood. Get it together. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/78 "2012-09-26T16:10:58Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > \*\*\* VINYL TURNIP WORKSTATION v2 \*\*\*\* > 64K RAM SYSTEM 38911 BASIC BYTES FREE > > READY. > \_ There’s a good little Robco Industries employee. **pats monitor** ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/79 "2012-09-26T16:22:48Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > My theory is that it’s a reaction to how conflict was resolved in my childhood home. My family’s conflict style was to relentlessly lecture in order to achieve enough ego breakdown (signaled by the shift from defiance to tears) that I would abandon whatever hill I had stubbornly chosen to die on. I quickly learned that no conflict would ever be resolved until there were tears, and so I ended up conditioned to produce them as soon as possible in order to move the whole process along. It’s a Pavlov’s dog kind of thing. Huh. Mine was the same way, though I hadn’t put it in those terms. Lecturing quite literally into submission, and Gods help me if I was percieved as unrepentant or “stonewalling” - it could go on for literally hours until they felt they’d “gotten through to me.” And yeah, the emotions at work that make the tears come no matter what are the same things that I would feel during those lectures - anger, frustration, a sense of letting people down or that I can’t do anything right no matter how hard I try. For some reason I never put it together before, though. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745/80 "2012-09-26T16:24:55Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I’m gonna have to cut you off right here. Nobody cares about your childhood. Get it together. 🙂 MOL, I rather like having you around here, though I’m pretty sure I’d be scared stiff of you in real life. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/work-is-no-place-for-emotion/635745.md?page=5)