# Workplace skits - no thanks, I'll take the hot steel pokers in my eyes, please **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 25, 2004, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511 "2004-08-25T23:11:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Spiny\_Norman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Spiny\_Norman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiny_Norman)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2004, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/81 "2004-08-29T06:32:28Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > If the worst thing that you boss ever does to you is ask that you evaluate your life in comparison to those in need, you’re damned lucky. If that’s enough to make you quit your job, you’re going to have a lot of problems I would thank you for your concern, but I’ve been working in my field for well over a decade now and so far, I’ve been lucky enough to mostly have bosses who realize that respect for their authority depends on them using it in a professional manner. And that, among other things, means keeping their nose out of how much (and how) I choose to donate to charity. Frankly spoken, it’s none of their damn business. I’ve never had a boss who considered it his right to invite himself into my personal life like that. (Actually, I would expect my current boss to stand up for her employees if her superiors decided that it would be hunky-dory to buy some goodwill with the employees’ cash. But then again, I respect her immensely.) Would I rather quit than allow my arm to be twisted ? Depends on circumstances. If I got nagged enough, I might decide to buy some peace and quiet with a fiver. That I might have to do so does not mean that I would like it. And my respect for anyone who abuses his authority to dip into my wallet so that the department would look good is sure to take a nosedive. As someone posted above, there’s this understanding: I give them work. They give me money. _If_ they need to spend additional cash to improve their local image, they can bloody well allocate it as part of the operating costs. Then my boss won’t have to give me moral lectures and I won’t have to tell her to mind her own business, making for a much, much happier workplace. And for what it’s worth, I _have_ walked away from a job because I didn’t appreciate the management style. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2004, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/82 "2004-08-29T13:20:11Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > He always expressed the frustration about how some employees could derisively laugh at the misery of others or not understand how lucky they are. Derisively laugh at the misery of others? Those people are complete tools. However, “lucky?” I hate that term when it comes to success in life. I did not get to where I am through “luck.” I worked hard, studied hard, and paid my dues, and I’m finally at a point where my yearly salary is more than my age. Took my nearly twenty years of working to get to this point, fifteen of which I also had a husband, two children, and a mortgage to contend with. Barring some catastrophic illness or accident, each of us is where we are today because of the choices we have made. I am not lucky, in that opportunities did not magically fall in my lap. I made my own “luck,” by not partying in college, by coming into work on time and giving 110%, by deciding the AC fixed in my car was not as important as getting the kids new shoes. **Lissa** , you and your husband seem like wonderful, caring, people, and you have defended him admirably, as a good wife should. I applaud you for that. ---
**Author:** ![tygre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@tygre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tygre)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/83 "2004-08-30T02:43:45Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > As I said before, a couple of times, actually-- I’m sure that there are people who give generously of their time and money outside the workplace. How very, very kind of you to say. Look – I do at least 15 hours of volunteer work a week (up to 30+ at certain times of the year, if I’m planning special events and the like), and I _also_ contribute a decent amount of my own money towards the organization I work for. I’ve been working for them for seven years. Prior to that, I volunteered with a number of other charities and social action groups. Don’t fucking assume that because I have never donated a dime to the UW (and I won’t) that I am a “bad employee”. If I was subjected to the tactics your husband uses, I’d report his ass. I think the “bad employee” here is the one going around and harassing employees ON STATE TIME to give up _their_ money that THEY earn. $4 or whatever, it is THEIRS. Incidentally, I’m a state employee, and I don’t know about anyone else, but we all work pretty damned hard in my agency. ---
**Author:** ![milroyj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@milroyj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/milroyj)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/84 "2004-08-30T04:44:05Z")
What sort of government agency does **Mr. Lissa** work for, anyway? Because a govt agency with a stated goal of “giving back to the community” sounds dodgy to me, at best. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/85 "2004-08-30T18:16:52Z")
> [@milroyj](#): > > What sort of government agency does **Mr. Lissa** work for, anyway? Because a govt agency with a stated goal of “giving back to the community” sounds dodgy to me, at best. He works in corrections. They use a lot of community resources for vocational training, education, therapy, job placement after release, shelters for homeless ex-inmates, assistance for inmate’s families such as mentoring programs for the kids left behind, and many others. This is where the “giving back” becomes important. Not only with charitable collection drives, but also in finding ways for inmates to be able to do the community service that’s required in some cases. These agencies spend a lot of time and money helping the instituion, money and time which can’t go to their own cause. It’s only fair that the institution try to help the organization so that working with the inmates doesn’t become too great a burden. It becomes a recriprocal relationship. These agencies provide essential services to the intistution, and in return, one of the stated goals is to try to support these agencies and organizations as much as possible. There’s a concerted effort to try to get offenders re-involved with the community, so, hopefully, the sense of belonging might help the offender keep from returning to prison. Secondly, corrections has a negative public image which is in some ways helped by the community involvement and charitable efforts of the institution as a whole. Sure, there’s some self-interest involved here, but it certainly does not negate the good that these efforts do for those receiving the help. ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/86 "2004-08-30T18:50:08Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > Except that in this case it’s his _job_ to try to get the employees to donate. That’s just messed up. What a total waste of taxpayer money. Here is a great place to start balancing budgets, using tax payer money to try and compel people to donate is just assinine. ---
**Author:** ![galt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@galt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galt)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/87 "2004-08-31T03:03:27Z")
**Lissa** , you wonder at the extreme reactions to your attitude (and your husband’s), but when you think about it, you’re not only asking someone a personal question that’s none of your business (whether they donate to charity), but you’re judging them based on their response. **Just having to come up with an explanation to convince you I’m not scum is offensive to me, even if I know I pass the test.** I donate plenty of money, but I do it privately and I don’t consider it any of your business. Condescending to me by saying “oh, you don’t **have** to give at work…giving privately is ok too,” just makes me want to tell you I don’t give **at all** to make the point that **it’s none of your fucking business**. I’m morally opposed to workplace coersion to donate to charity, partially because it publicizes something which should be private. If I don’t wish to donate (or wish to do so privately), it’s my business, and I should not have to worry that my officemates are going to hear that I’m the last stingy holdout, and I shouldn’t have to wonder whether or not being a holdout is going to affect my performance evaluations (and I don’t care how much you swear it won’t, there’s no way for an employee to know that for sure, and besides, despite all your protestations, you listed “job security” as a reason to donate). For this reason, I will **never** respond to a corporate donation drive. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/88 "2004-08-31T04:09:34Z")
> [@](#): > > I donate plenty of money, but I do it privately and I don’t consider it any of your business. Then why bother to tell me that you donate? Why does the sentiment that charity is intensely private and no one’s business seem to always be prefaced by a public assertion of private generoisty? The previous sentance was: > [@](#): > > Just having to come up with an explanation to convince you I’m not scum is offensive to me, even if I know I pass the test. So, it’s none of my business, but you care what I think? Isn’t that a bit of a contradiction as well? > [@](#): > > Condescending to me by saying “oh, you don’t **have** to give at work…giving privately is ok too,” just makes me want to tell you I don’t give **at all** to make the point that **it’s none of your fucking business**. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems that the proper response would be, “I’m sorry, I don’t wish to discuss it,” repeated as necessary (but if you read my post #72, you see that it’s not.) Instead, trying to shock the person asking by snarling that you don’t give to charity could appear that you’re intentionally trying to give that person a negative opinion of you. It could be that the person asking wouldn’t make such a fine distinction that while charity is good, charity in the workplace is not. They might just think you’re hostile to the concept of charity altogether. > [@](#): > > . . I shouldn’t have to wonder whether or not being a holdout is going to affect my performance evaluations (and I don’t care how much you swear it won’t, there’s no way for an employee to know that for sure, and besides, despite all your protestations, you listed “job security” as a reason to donate). Yeah, job security for the workplace as a _whole_, not the individual worker. (Remember? I was talking about public perception and budget cuts?) Even if my husband were a rabid charity maniac who wanted to fire people for not giving, he couldn’t. Do you know how _hard_ it is to fire people in the state? If you’re going to fire someone, violations must be aggregious and well-documented (well beyond what would be considered grounds for removal in the private secotor), and even then, the state often hesitates because of the threats of lawsuits. > [@kidchameleon](#): > > That’s just messed up. What a total waste of taxpayer money. Here is a great place to start balancing budgets, using tax payer money to try and compel people to donate is just assinine. You know, I gave your post a lot of thought before replying. What occurred to me is that this use of taxpayer funds is actually one of the best uses I’ve seen. It’s actually doing what state agencies are ideally _supposed_ to do: provide assistance and help the people of the state-- trying to break the cycle, and maybe save a few people from the cycle of poverty and possible future imprisonment . . . and saving their potential victims, too. Maybe some of these programs and vocational training classes will help an ex-inmate become a productive citizen, rather than returning to crime out of a lack of other choices. Maybe those parental training classes will help one man be a better father. Maybe one kid who is given a coat or Christmas presents by the institution’s employees will not just think in bitter terms of the justice system as a cold, cruel entity which took their daddy away, but a system staffed by people who actually care. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a dreamer. I get great pleasure in imagining that maybe just one person’s future has been touched and changed because there was a pinpoint of light in the overwhelming darkness of their lives: _someone cared_. Even if that’s too melodramatic, it makes me smile to think of a child getting a nutritious meal, or something under the tree to open on Christmas morning, or a mentor to talk to and play baseball with now that Dad’s not around, or even just a pair of mittens. The ocean is made of millions of single drops. Kindness is the same: every tiny bit helps. I can think of no better use for my tax dollars. > [@](#): > > Don’t fucking assume that because I have never donated a dime to the UW (and I won’t) that I am a “bad employee”. Didn’t say you were a bad employee. And for the last motherfucking time, they _DID NOT HAVE TO GIVE TO THE UNITED WAY!_ Christ Jesus, people, don’t you READ? [quote If Iwas subjected to the tactics your husband uses, I’d report his ass. [/quote] To whom? His boss? He’s the one who told my husband to do this. To my husband’s boss’ boss? He’s the Director. He’s the one who implimented the program. To the Govenor? He’s the one who came up with the program in the first place. > [@](#): > > I think the “bad employee” here is the one going around and harassing employees ON STATE TIME to give up _their_ money that THEY earn. $4 or whatever, it is THEIRS. And I think you should go and actually READ the posts before you bluster on about something which has already been addressed. (Hint: post #72, wherein I specifically pointed out that there was no harassment involved.) [quote] Incidentally, I’m a state employee, and I don’t know about anyone else, but we all work pretty damned hard in my agency. Bully for you. ---
**Author:** ![galt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@galt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galt)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/89 "2004-08-31T05:04:57Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > Then why bother to tell me that you donate? Why does the sentiment that charity is intensely private and no one’s business seem to always be prefaced by a public assertion of private generoisty? That was for **your** edification, since you seemed to honestly want to know why people were offended. I don’t mention it at work when I’m harrassed. > [@](#): > > So, it’s none of my business, but you care what I think? Isn’t that a bit of a contradiction as well? As a matter of fact, it’s not. It’s none of your business, and yet it’s still perfectly natural for me to be offended if you try to imply that I’m scum for not contributing to the goal of 100% participation. > [@](#): > > Maybe it’s just me, but it seems that the proper response would be, “I’m sorry, I don’t wish to discuss it,” repeated as necessary I think you mean “I’m sorry, I don’t wish to discuss it,” followed by weeks of being pestered and hearing accusations that you’re not “doing your part”, all the while knowing that you **did** do your part. As you have made perfectly clear by documenting your husband’s actions, they don’t leave you alone, so it’s just not that simple. It tends to drive one to the “fuck you” attitude that you’re so confused about. Q: Golly, why wouldn’t someone just want to **do their part**?\ A: Fuck you > [@](#): > > Instead, trying to shock the person asking by snarling that you don’t give to charity could appear that you’re intentionally trying to give that person a negative opinion of you. Actually, the point, which repeatedly sails over your head, is that you shouldn’t be harrassing people about this in the first place, so they may be inclined to respond in the way they think will bother you the most. > [@](#): > > Even if my husband were a rabid charity maniac who wanted to fire people for not giving, he couldn’t. It doesn’t matter. No employee has any way of being assured that his participation is not being looked at by anyone. > [@](#): > > And for the last motherfucking time, they _DID NOT HAVE TO GIVE TO THE UNITED WAY!_ Christ Jesus, people, don’t you READ? How about you get it through your idiot head that when most people here complain about giving to the UW, they’re using that as shorthand for referring to giving to workplace donation harrassment in general. I think it’s perfectly clear that nobody has to give to the UW at your husband’s workplace, but all the same arguments apply to the umpteen thousand other charities. > [@](#): > > (Hint: post #72, wherein I specifically pointed out that there was no harassment involved.) Hint: your earlier posts, which pointed out that harrassment **was** involved, despite your insistence that it’s not harrassment. Hint 2: people’s experience in their own workplaces, where harrassment does occur. Look, lady. I’m just trying to help you figure out why people have such a violent reaction to your attitude, based on understanding and sharing the point of view. Feel free to continue to think all those people are just meanies, but don’t say I didn’t try to help you understand. If you really think the holy grail of “100% participation” is really a good goal, you’re more interested in the _appearance_ of help than actually helping. ---
**Author:** ![galt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@galt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galt)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/90 "2004-08-31T05:17:37Z")
To drive my point home even further, we never hear: > [@](#): > > At GloboChem, we believe everyone has a responsibility to give to those less fortunate, so we encourage employee participation in charity. Please consider contributing to one of our charities, and if you’ve already given to your own charity, thank you for doing your part. Instead, we hear > [@](#): > > At GloboChem, we believe everyone has a responsibility to give to those less fortunate, so we are not going to stop until we get a 100% participation rate in our charity drive. If you haven’t given yet, what’s holding you up? Come on, it’s only a few bucks. It’s your duty. You don’t want to shirk your **duty** do you? Are you seriously telling me you can’t afford 4 bucks a month on what we pay you? What, you think you don’t need to help out needy people? Don’t you have any compassion? You’re making us look bad here. You know we’re going to publish department-by-department stats that show what cheapskates you people in Accounts Payable are, don’t you? When someone who already **“does their part”** without prompting from the company constantly has to endure harrassment like this, they eventually end up thinking, “Fuck you!” whenever the implication is made that “not donating at work” equates to “not donating at all.” ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/91 "2004-08-31T06:52:28Z")
How much money could the state give to charity by just firing Lissa’s husband? Occam, y’know. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/92 "2004-08-31T07:11:03Z")
> [@galt](#): > > That was for **your** edification, since you seemed to honestly want to know why people were offended. I don’t mention it at work when I’m harrassed. Why did you think I needed to be edified in the first place? Why was it important to you for me to know you donate generously? You could have made the exact-same argument and left out the details of your own charitable efforts without losing any of its impact. Yet you felt the need to add it. > [@](#): > > I think you mean “I’m sorry, I don’t wish to discuss it,” followed by weeks of being pestered and hearing accusations that you’re not “doing your part”, all the while knowing that you **did** do your part. As you have made perfectly clear by documenting your husband’s actions, they don’t leave you alone, so it’s just not that simple. It tends to drive one to the “fuck you” attitude that you’re so confused about. > > Q: Golly, why wouldn’t someone just want to **do their part**?\ > A: Fuck you Still haven’t read post #72, have you? I’ll summarize: I made it perfectly clear that they DO leave you alone if you say no. So, it really is “that simple” isn’t it? > [@](#): > > Actually, the point, which repeatedly sails over your head, is that you shouldn’t be harrassing people about this in the first place, so they may be inclined to respond in the way they think will bother you the most. What seems to sail over your head is that there WAS no harassment, as is discussed in post #72. Please read it. The thing that has been most frustrating in this thread is that I’ve had to repeat things over and over and over because it seems that some people prefer just to spout off on their opinions, even it’s already been adressed and proven false. > [@](#): > > It doesn’t matter. No employee has any way of being assured that his participation is not being looked at by anyone. Big Brother is always watching.\* He never sleeps.\* Sure, someone will know. They have to add the deduction up in the payroll office. They already know everything. They know how much I’m saving for retirement, how much life insurance we have, which stocks we’re buying, which charities to which we donate, which medical insurance and drug plan we’re using (and the expense details on each), and how much vacation and med leave time we have used. Hell, I can’t be sure the girls in the office aren’t poring over my medical records in the office. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to go to the doctor. Really, I don’t care if they are. You can’t be paranoid and work for the state. It would drive you insane. > [@](#): > > How about you get it through your idiot head that when most people here complain about giving to the UW, they’re using that as shorthand for referring to giving to workplace donation harrassment in general. I think it’s perfectly clear that nobody has to give to the UW at your husband’s workplace, but all the same arguments apply to the umpteen thousand other charities. Well, then not just fucking say “work charity drives” rather than the United Way? It seems like a really stupid form of shorthand, if you ask me, especially when I’ve made it abundantly clear that when they say “UW” I was simple-minded and literal enough to assume they meant “UW”. Silly me to not know when someone was arbitrarily using a “brand” name to refer to an entire system in general. > [@](#): > > Hint: your earlier posts, which pointed out that harrassment **was** involved, despite your insistence that it’s not harrassment. Hint 2: people’s experience in their own workplaces, where harrassment does occur. I can do nothing about other people’s wokrplaces. But, if you will go back and actually read what I wrote in post #72, you’ll see that I made a few mistakes in describing the methods of collection in my earlier posts which I cleared up as best I could. Not that it will matter. Seems few read it before posting, anyway. > [@](#): > > If you really think the holy grail of “100% participation” is really a good goal, you’re more interested in the _appearance_ of help than actually helping. As if that matters to those recieving the assistance. _They_ are what really matters. If a Presidential candidate gave away a million dollars a day to the poor, I wouldn’t snipe that he’s only doing it to get votes-- that much is obvious-- Instead, I’d be happy for those benefiting from his gift. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/93 "2004-08-31T10:36:43Z")
**Lissa** , I guess you decided against your own good idea in post #80, huh? ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/94 "2004-08-31T10:51:52Z")
> [@](#): > > I can do nothing about other people’s wokrplaces. But, if you will go back and actually read what I wrote in post #72, you’ll see that I made a few mistakes in describing the methods of collection in my earlier posts which I cleared up as best I could. Not that it will matter. Seems few read it before posting, anyway. So which is it? In an earlier post you say > [@](#): > > He raised more money than anybody previous to him because he was not afraid to look someone in the eye and ask them to evaluate their life in comparison to a more needy person. His goal was two dollars a pay from each person (minimum salary where he works, among all employees, is 13.00 an hour). Then later you say that he does NOT have access to records telling him who gave what (then how does he know who to “look in the eye”?), and you repeated say he never, ever singles people out. So which is it? Were you mistaken or lying to make your husband look like some kind of saint while his co-workers are these cheap ass jerks? You also said: > [@](#): > > Hey, I’ll admit I can be a self-righteous little prig… Well no doubt there. You need to step away from this mess, realize that you represented your husbands actions in such a way that he sounded like a real asshole to all and got people riled up (most of us having been subjected to the very behavior you described, then retracted). I have no issue with being irritated that some people don’t give to charity- I wish every single person did. But it’s not one of those things you can force someone into or shame them into. It (obviously) is a very personal decision and none of anyone elses business. Self righteous behavior might guilt people into donating money, but it still makes you a self righteous prig, and I don’t know of anyone who likes being around those. Think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/95 "2004-08-31T14:57:42Z")
> [@Zette](#): > > Then later you say that he does NOT have access to records telling him who gave what (then how does he know who to “look in the eye”?), and you repeated say he never, ever singles people out. So which is it? Were you mistaken or lying to make your husband look like some kind of saint while his co-workers are these cheap ass jerks? Post #72 is the correct one. He sat in the room with me as I typed it, and I asked questions to make sure I was saying the right thing. Please disredgard anything prior which contradicts it. I am not trying to decieve anyone, but I made some mistakes which came from misunderstanding what he was doing. I’m not trying to paint him as a saint. He has the same flaws as every human being. Some call him an asshole for his dedication to this cause. So be it. I guess everyone’s an asshole about something, and I guess if this has to be his reason, it’s better than most. > [@](#): > > Well no doubt there. You need to step away from this mess, realize that you represented your husbands actions in such a way that he sounded like a real asshole to all and got people riled up (most of us having been subjected to the very behavior you described, then retracted). I am trying to recitify any misconceptions. I repeat: it was not my intention to decieve anyone. I misunderstood some of the things he had told me. > [@](#): > > I have no issue with being irritated that some people don’t give to charity- I wish every single person did. But it’s not one of those things you can force someone into or shame them into. It (obviously) is a very personal decision and none of anyone elses business. Self righteous behavior might guilt people into donating money, but it still makes you a self righteous prig, and I don’t know of anyone who likes being around those. Think about it. If it’s the worst thing I’m ever accused of, I’ll count myself lucky. quote=Baker]Lissa, I guess you decided against your own good idea in post #80, huh? [/quote] I was hoping everyone would drop it. Didn’t turn out that way, it seems. I didn’t want to go on with this, but I can’t let some of these accusations and slurs go unanswered. ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/96 "2004-08-31T15:54:07Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > You know, I gave your post a lot of thought before replying. What occurred to me is that this use of taxpayer funds is actually one of the best uses I’ve seen. It’s actually doing what state agencies are ideally _supposed_ to do: provide assistance and help the people of the state-- trying to break the cycle, and maybe save a few people from the cycle of poverty and possible future imprisonment . . . and saving their potential victims, too. > > Maybe some of these programs and vocational training classes will help an ex-inmate become a productive citizen, rather than returning to crime out of a lack of other choices. Maybe those parental training classes will help one man be a better father. Maybe one kid who is given a coat or Christmas presents by the institution’s employees will not just think in bitter terms of the justice system as a cold, cruel entity which took their daddy away, but a system staffed by people who actually care. > > I don’t know. Maybe I’m just a dreamer. I get great pleasure in imagining that maybe just one person’s future has been touched and changed because there was a pinpoint of light in the overwhelming darkness of their lives: _someone cared_. Even if that’s too melodramatic, it makes me smile to think of a child getting a nutritious meal, or something under the tree to open on Christmas morning, or a mentor to talk to and play baseball with now that Dad’s not around, or even just a pair of mittens. The ocean is made of millions of single drops. Kindness is the same: every tiny bit helps. > > I can think of no better use for my tax dollars. I have to disagree here. If the state decided these programs were good, they should fund them, not pay someone to solicit money from their workers to donate them to charities which will take a cut and give a portion of the donated money to these endevours. And some of these charities might be doing things that aren’t seen as good by those who are footing the bill. Hell, not everyone agrees with charity. While you may see ‘giving to charity’ as a good thing, I wonder about which charity the money is going to, if it will do any good, and if it is at all effective at doing so. Heck, I dislike charities calling me up or asking me on the street, I really wouldn’t want to pay someone to sollicit donations. I think that if people wanted to give, they would find a way. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/97 "2004-08-31T17:30:35Z")
I have to say that Lissa’s husband comes over as at best misguided, and at worst an unpleasant workplace bully. If the goal is to give as much as possible to charity, why **doesn’t** he keep records of how much everyone contributes? Why doesn’t he post lists of bad people who don’t give much? **Shame the bastards!** What sort of car does he drive? Why not buy a cheaper one and give the difference to charity? His attitude that he is a saint and that everyone else is a sinner, who have to be cajoled into donating. It’s like Christians who tell you about eternal damnation in Hell, rather than the love of God. Charity should be a personal joy, not some work duty enforced by a manager. Since you will look down on me unless I tell you: I give thousands of pounds annually to support UK lifeboats. I do this by working hard and earning enough to do so. I don’t waste my time trying to embarrass people to give a couple of dollars. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/98 "2004-08-31T18:24:05Z")
**Lissa** said, in post #95, that she keeps on responding because of “accusations and slurs” against her husband. Let’s cut her a deal. If she will shut up about hubby, we will shut up. UW is a crock, let’s let it die. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/99 "2004-08-31T20:10:02Z")
Huh. I wonder if **Lissa’s** husband has a part-time job as a telemarketer as well… ---
**Author:** ![galt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@galt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galt)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511/100 "2004-08-31T22:48:25Z")
> [@glee](#): > > His attitude that he is a saint and that everyone else is a sinner, who have to be cajoled into donating. Well, _of course_ they have to be cajoled into donating. They just don’t have the giving spirit like **Lissa** and her husband do, so they need to be taught. Remember: It’s ok to treat people like dirt, as long as you suspect they’re not giving enough to charity. [Prigs](http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?hdwd=prig&listword=prig&book=Dictionary&jump=prig%5B2%2Cnoun%5D&list=prig%5B1%2Cnoun%5D%3D849695%3Bprig%5B2%2Cnoun%5D%3D849713) unite! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/workplace-skits-no-thanks-ill-take-the-hot-steel-pokers-in-my-eyes-please/261511.md?page=6)