# World Delegate to speak with Aliens, Who? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 9, 2004, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230 "2004-03-09T03:18:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![WarlokElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/22d042/32.png) [@WarlokElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarlokElf)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/1 "2004-03-09T03:18:13Z")
Hypothetically speaking šŸ˜‰ , We need someone, on behalf of the entire Earth, to communicate with aliens (language is not a factor). Who would you pick? I was thinking Stephen Hawking. Thatā€™s the only decent candidate I could think of. They have to be currently living, too, so Lennon is out of the question. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/2 "2004-03-09T03:30:20Z")
Cool! Iā€™ll check my schedule. When do they arrive? ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/3 "2004-03-09T03:56:22Z")
Stephen Hawking? Why? WHY WHY WHY? Heā€™d be a terrible conversationalist. Iā€™m a human and I wouldnā€™t want to be talking to him for extended periods of time even over non-trivial things like intergalactic trade and warfare. And yeah, Lenin is dead. Why would he have been such a great choice anyway? My vote goes to some hot chick, like Christina Aguilera or Naomi Watts. Because if they see our ā€œleaderā€ is someone that looks that damn fine, they will think ā€œhell, I canā€™t blow this world to pieces with my Super Happy Fun Death Bubble Rainbow Star. Best just start up international pr0n trade with them.ā€ You know it would end up being some dignitary square like Coffee A. Naan. ---
**Author:** ![jastu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/43a26b/32.png) [@jastu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jastu)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/4 "2004-03-09T04:45:41Z")
I think the OP meant John Lennon. Correct me if Iā€™m wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/5 "2004-03-09T05:13:15Z")
> [@jastu](#): > > I think the OP meant John Lennon. Correct me if Iā€™m wrong. For me, thereā€™s only one [logical choice](http://www.defenselink.mil/bios/rumsfeld.html). ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/6 "2004-03-09T05:17:58Z")
I hit ā€œreply to postā€ instead of ā€œreply to threadā€ by accident. I didnā€™t mean to imply a connection between Rummy and the Walrus. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/7 "2004-03-09T05:36:05Z")
McNeal, of course. ---
**Author:** ![RandomLetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8edcca/32.png) [@RandomLetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandomLetters)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/8 "2004-03-09T06:05:27Z")
I second the suggestion of Stephen Hawking. After all, if the aliens turn out to be hostile, he could just use his [robotic exoskeleton](http://www.theonion.com/onion3123/hawkingexo.html) to take care of the situation. ---
**Author:** ![quiltguy154](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/ad7895/32.png) [@quiltguy154](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quiltguy154)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/9 "2004-03-09T12:24:27Z")
Perhaps the aliens medical science is vastly superior to ours, and they could do olā€™ Steve a good turn and fix him up. Seems like negotiations would proceed more smoothly if he didnā€™t have to rely on his externals for communication. Heck, they might even be telepathic. ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/10 "2004-03-09T20:13:51Z")
[Suzette Haden Elgin](http://www.sfwa.org/members/elgin/) or [Octavia Butler](http://www.math.buffalo.edu/~sww/butler/butler_octavia_bio.html), if I wanted a successful First Contact. (Success to me meaning we have some clue as to why weā€™ve been contacted, hostilities do not commence immediately, we have some hope of negotiating further contact, etc etc.) As science fiction writers, they have already explored pros and cons of First Contact situations, and have the required level of flexibility without having such open minds their brains fall out. Iā€™d especially push for Ms. Elgin, as her background in linguistics and some of the concepts presented in her ā€œNative Tongueā€ trilogy would, I think, lessen the possibilities and the impacts of miscommunication. You said language was not an issue butā€¦say lets assume the language issue is taken care of by cute little translating machines the aliens brought with them. This still does not help us infer intentions and reasons from question and answer patterns. There are ways to interrogate people that donā€™t automatically make them angry, and I suspect Ms. Elgin is an expert. Steven Hawking may be our best mathematical mind, but I would posit that since he barely interfaces with the rest of us, he may not be a good choice for our direct interface with aliens. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/11 "2004-03-09T20:42:14Z")
Steve Martin. _Not_Pauly Shore. ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/12 "2004-03-09T21:58:14Z")
Well it really depends on what kind of aliens we are talking about and what we want to impress them with. If they are overtly aggressive and will shoot first and ask later we should send BUSH. (Bring 'em on my ass) If they are aggressive but maybe impressionable I would send someone pretty BIG and STRONG. Donā€™t want to appear weak. Some Marine General ? If they are about to invade earth but they can be bought offā€¦ well I would send some very hot chick to convince them. Gisele Bundchen ? Finally if they are just probing and exploring earth I would send a good diplomat and one of the most decent humansā€¦ MANDELA. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/13 "2004-03-10T01:37:08Z")
Maybe Jimmy Carterā€¦he seems like a pretty decent diplomat. (If not a very good leader.) Or a really charismatic cult leaderā€¦he might convince the aliens to make us _their_ leaders! (Well, actually, heā€™d probably just have them make _him_ the new leader. So scratch that.) ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/14 "2004-03-10T01:56:18Z")
Look, it doesnā€™t really matter who we pick to first answer to answer the overtures of visiting aliens from Beyond Space, 'cos **Q.E.D.** will get there first. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Purl_McKnittington)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/15 "2004-03-10T05:33:32Z")
> [@Rashak Mani](#): > > . . . > Finally if they are just probing and exploring earth I would send a good diplomat and one of the most decent humansā€¦ MANDELA. Mandela would be perfect. Itā€™s a pity that Mother Teresa isnā€™t around any more ā€“ they could be a team. ---
**Author:** ![Olive\_The\_Other\_Reindeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Olive\_The\_Other\_Reindeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olive_The_Other_Reindeer)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/16 "2004-03-10T13:20:14Z")
> [@Doghouse Reilly](#): > > I hit ā€œreply to postā€ instead of ā€œreply to threadā€ by accident. I didnā€™t mean to imply a connection between Rummy and the Walrus. I thought Paul was the Walrus . . . . Well, Iā€™d bet dollars to donuts that the Rev. Jesse Jackson would be clamoring to be spokesperson - even offering to be the spokesperson for the disinfranchised aliens. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/17 "2004-03-10T15:33:37Z")
I donā€™t think a religious figure is the right place to start. There would be an awful lot to explain that somehow I donā€™t think an alien culture would get. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/18 "2004-03-10T17:33:03Z")
How about Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/19 "2004-03-10T17:35:02Z")
No no wait, Iā€™ve got itā€¦ Michael Dorn in full Worf getupā€¦ _that_ oughtta confuse the hell out of them. Seriouslyā€¦ why not the Secretary-General of the U.N.? Does the earth have a more logical ambassador? ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/20 "2004-03-11T01:24:59Z")
So, the designated representative goes up to the alien leader, introduces himself, and begins a long speech about how thrilled we are to see themā€¦ how itā€™s inspiring to discover that weā€™re not alone in the universeā€¦ how we look forward to all sorts of wonderful cultural exchanges and tradeā€¦ how the realization that there are other civilizations will help us bring peace to our own troubled societyā€¦ blah, blah, blah. The aliens sit quietly, listening. A couple of them are working with a small device, perhaps taking notes. The representative finally finishes. The alien leader stands up, steps to the mike, and says ā€œUhā€¦ thanks for all the kind words, but weā€™ve been looking over our charts, and weā€™re in the wrong solar system. Weā€™ll get out of your hair now. Sorry for causing a hassle.ā€ The aliens get back in their lander and take offā€¦ never to be seen again. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230.md?page=2)