# World Delegate to speak with Aliens, Who? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 9, 2004, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230 "2004-03-09T03:18:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/21 "2004-03-11T03:40:41Z")
My choice would be Nigella Lawson, because of her nice breasts. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/22 "2004-03-11T06:08:03Z")
My second suggestion would be Marshall Herff Applewhite, but I guess that’s been done. ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/23 "2004-03-11T06:28:47Z")
I would say, with all seriousness…Bill Clinton. Say what you want about his morals, ethics, etc., he’s an incredible communicator and can think on his feet. ---
**Author:** ![msklystron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@msklystron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msklystron)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/24 "2004-03-11T06:33:21Z")
If the aliens are likely to abduct the Earth rep send Michael Jackson (and his plastic surgeons and the Raelians). Please! If the aliens are potentially hostile send ARNOLD! He’d terminate 'em. Maybe. If the aliens are just here to steal our technology send Bill Gates, or the guy that invented the 8-track (assuming he’s not dead). If the aliens land but don’t open the hatch… send a pair of Jehovah Witnesses. If the aliens aren’t talking send a reporter from the National Equirer to get the real facts. If the aliens are polite and apologize for making those baffling crop circles, killing numerous cows and confusing the heck out of honest country folk – send a polite Canadian to apologize for the human condition. Who better eh? ---
**Author:** ![DevilDan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e495f1/32.png) [@DevilDan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DevilDan)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/25 "2004-03-11T07:25:37Z")
Ed Begley Jr. Just for the hell of it. ---
**Author:** ![dinoboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dinoboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dinoboy)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/26 "2004-03-11T07:36:25Z")
Aaaahhnold Governator. He even has previous experience. (so has Mrs. Weaver but then we’d need to worry about her next pregnancy.) ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/27 "2004-03-11T13:55:00Z")
**Cecil Adams** , Font Of Universal Wisdom! [Or, THIS guy.](http://www.supermanhomepage.com/multimedia/Wallpaper-Images/window-tb.html) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/28 "2004-03-11T17:42:58Z")
If we had the luxury of being able to stay in constant touch with the ambassador, through an earpice or some other method, then we would need to send someone charismatic who would follow the directions given by our representative council. I nominate Patrick Stewart. If they’ve been watching our TV transmissions then they may be expecting him anyway. If not an actor, then who would be a universal choice? No religious or secular leader- all have their own agendas. Who is internationally renowned (?), intelligent enough to negotiate, and has no compelling agenda? My second choice would then be Neil Armstrong. He fits some of the criteria, who else would? Mandela is a decent choice here, but the politics may get in the way. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/29 "2004-03-11T19:44:38Z")
> [@msklystron](#): > > If the aliens are likely to abduct the Earth rep send Michael Jackson (and his plastic surgeons and the Raelians). Please! I thought he was their advance scout? ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Purl_McKnittington)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/30 "2004-03-11T23:11:53Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I don’t think a religious figure is the right place to start. There would be an awful lot to explain that somehow I don’t think an alien culture would get. Valid point. I feel kind of dumb now. I blame it on asking my grandma about what she’d decided to give up for Lent and being inundated with flyers for Friday fish fries suddenly. Those years of being bribed into going to church suddenly reared their ugly little head. But, **steelerpahn** , if we send Patrick Stewart, the sexiest bald man alive, then we’ll have to worry about him being abducted for . . . er, nefarious reasons. Ah, that voice . . . _shiver_ The selection of a single person would be nearly impossible – how can any one person represent the best of interests of the entire planet? It’d have to be several people, preferably without any strong ties to any one cause, except maybe the cause of peace, as corny as that sounds. The UN would seem to be a good place to start, dedication to humanitarianism and fair-dealing and all. It’d be ideal if a representative from each of the sectors would be selected and form an “alien relations” committee, but even then conflicting politics would get in the way of any progress. It’s easier to say who _not_ to choose, rather than who _to_ choose. Anyway, off to add more Patrick Stewart pictures to my shrine. 😉 j/k ---
**Author:** ![Lobelia\_Overhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@Lobelia\_Overhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobelia_Overhill)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/31 "2004-03-12T00:32:57Z")
Definitely someone non religious and non political … either that or Oprah ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/32 "2004-03-12T00:51:24Z")
The most silver-tongued con man on Earth! When you consider the vast inequality in power between us and these star-hopping aliens, fast talking and guile will probably be our only chance. ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/33 "2004-03-12T01:39:13Z")
Language not a factor? Oh shoot, I was gonna suggest Cretien, they might be the only people on this planet to be able to understand him. ---
**Author:** ![Declan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Declan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declan)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/34 "2004-03-12T06:02:41Z")
> [@Really Not All That Bright](#): > > No no wait, I’ve got it… Michael Dorn in full Worf getup… _that_ oughtta confuse the hell out of them. > > **Seriously… why not the Secretary-General of the U.N.? Does the earth have a more logical ambassador?** Generally cause ET will have been watching Television by tapping into our communications systems. Depending on how large the ET crew is , its possible that they are not going to want to open up any kind of dialogue till they get to know us better. So they are first going to get startrek episodes , which has a huge starship crewed by mostly humans , screwing around the galaxy. Then they may catch a movie called Star wars , with this huge moon size ship , crewed by humans , blowing away a planet. So , for kofi , pretty much he is gonna be demanding that he is the rightful speaker of the planet , but ET is gonna be going to washington , to meet with the defacto political leadership of the world. Declan ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/35 "2004-03-12T07:48:54Z")
> [@Declan](#): > > So , for kofi , pretty much he is gonna be demanding that he is the rightful speaker of the planet , but ET is gonna be going to washington , to meet with the defacto political leadership of the world. > > Declan _de facto_ economic leadership, possibly. “defacto political leadership”? Hardly. Need I remind you that the ‘Coalition of the Willing’ was us, Britain, Spain, Portugal, and the Dutch Antilles?\* There _is_ no de facto political leadership of the world, unless you happen to believe in the Bilderberg conspiracy theories. There exists, however, a _de jure_ international political leader, and they call it Secretary-General of the United Nations \*apologies to any other states which may have joined in, but the point remains: the world is hardly united behind the United States. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/36 "2004-03-12T14:20:08Z")
Patrick Stewart has a UN scholarship in his name, so perhaps he’s the right man after all. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/37 "2004-03-12T16:29:05Z")
> [@Vlad Dracul](#): > > The most silver-tongued con man on Earth! So, you’re seconding the nomination of Bill Clinton? I concur! ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2004, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/38 "2004-03-12T21:28:46Z")
This doesn’t exactly answer the question, but it’s related. [Making Contact](http://seti.planetary.org/Contact/default.html) ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2004, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230/39 "2004-03-13T04:34:41Z")
You want Mr. Good Guy, go with the heir to Jimmy Stewart and take Mr. Hanks [And his spacesuit](http://www.celebrity8x10s.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=SCP&Product_Code=C39649&Category_Code=hankstom) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/world-delegate-to-speak-with-aliens-who/233230.md?page=1)