# World's Funniest Joke -- Update **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 3, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350 "2010-11-03T17:43:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Rafe\_Hollister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/fbc32d/32.png) [@Rafe\_Hollister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rafe_Hollister)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/41 "2010-11-04T18:00:28Z")
> [@yanceylebeef](#): > > What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop? > > Dr. Dre. YESSSS!!! Also Why does Snoop Dogg wear a rain coat? Fo’ drizzle. ---
**Author:** ![multimediac17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/839c29/32.png) [@multimediac17](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/multimediac17)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/42 "2010-11-04T18:14:21Z")
It took me a very, very long time to get Smell Mop. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/43 "2010-11-04T18:16:08Z")
On a radio station I listen to they play clips from the [Bob and Tom](http://www.bobandtom.com/) show. One of them had a comedian who talked about a joke his young son gave him Son: “Why can’t dinosaurs talk?” Comedian: “I don’t know. Why can’t dinosaurs talk?” Son: “Cause they’re all dead!” ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/44 "2010-11-04T18:20:29Z")
An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate’s peg-leg, hook, and eye patch, the seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” The pirate replies “We was caught in a monster storm off the Cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they was pullin’ me out a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg plum off!” “Blimey!” said the seaman. “What about the hook”? “Ahhhh…,” mused the pirate, “We was boardin’ a trader ship, pistols a ‘blastin’ and swords a’swingin’ this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off.” “Zounds!” remarked the seaman. “And how came ye by the eye patch”? “A seagull droppin’ fell into me eye,” answered the pirate. “Ye lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked incredulously. “Welllll…” explained the pirate, “…it was me first day with the hook.” ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/45 "2010-11-04T18:21:36Z")
> [@Mooch](#): > > Knock knock. > > Who’s there? > > Smell mop. Smell mop who? ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/46 "2010-11-04T18:30:01Z")
Two muffins are in an oven. The first one says to the second one, “It’s getting a little warm in here don’t you think?” The second one says, “Holy crap a talking muffin!” ---
**Author:** ![yanceylebeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yanceylebeef/32/12290_2.png) [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/47 "2010-11-04T18:46:10Z")
Right at the end of his time in office, President Bush had a frazzled aide burst into the Oval Office… “Sir, bad news, looks lilke Al Quiada has spread to South America. A bomb went off last night a seven Brazilian civilians were killed.” “That’s terrible”, said Bush, after a moment he followed up with " How many’s a brazillion?" ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/48 "2010-11-04T19:00:49Z")
Two birds were sitting on a perch. One bird says “Do you smell something fishy?”. badoom-ching. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/49 "2010-11-04T19:10:09Z")
> [@wolf-alice](#): > > An my absolute favourite joke of all time is: > > Q. Why did the lion get lost? > A. Because jungle is massive. > > … It has niche appeal. Okay, I got the Which Tyler one, but I’m out of this niche on this, I guess. Explanation? Anyway, here’s my niche joke: Latvia: Where the Livs and Lets Live! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/50 "2010-11-04T19:14:42Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > Two birds were sitting on a perch. > > One bird says “Do you smell something fishy?”. Two cannibals were eating a clown, and one said to the other “Does this taste funny to you?” ---
**Author:** ![Kiber](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kiber/32/317_2.png) [@Kiber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiber)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/51 "2010-11-04T19:20:53Z")
Q: Why didn’t the chicken cross the road? A: He’s chicken, silly. ---
**Author:** ![Mooch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mooch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mooch)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/52 "2010-11-04T19:32:24Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > Smell mop who? Ewwww…no thanks. You so nasty. say it out loud ---
**Author:** ![moldybread](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@moldybread](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moldybread)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/53 "2010-11-04T19:41:47Z")
Wow I feel Dumb. Took me a long time to get smell mop…My vote for best joke ever. Reminds me of making someone read this out loud: I WE TALL DID I SOFA KING WE TALL DID ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/54 "2010-11-04T19:55:39Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > Two birds were sitting on a perch. > > One bird says “Do you smell something fishy?” Two fish were in a tank. One says, “How do you drive this thing?” Sorry. Another ‘joke’ I like is to tell someone you have a knock-knock joke, but that they have to start it . . . ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/55 "2010-11-04T21:02:09Z")
Pull my finger. ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2010, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/56 "2010-11-04T23:34:45Z")
A North Dakotan decides to go ice fishing. He finds a good spot on the ice and starts to drill a hole. Suddenly a big booming voice rings out: “NORTH DAKOTAN! THERE ARE NO FISH DOWN THERE!!!” The North Dakotan is surprised, but sets off to find another likely spot, and starts to drill another hole. Again, the big booming voice cries out: “NORTH DAKOTAN! THERE ARE NO FISH DOWN THERE!!!” The North Dakotan is a little startled, but looks around for a better spot. Even before he starts to drill a hole, he hears the big booming voice: “NORTH DAKOTAN! THERE ARE NO FISH DOWN THERE!!!” “OK”, the North Dakotan calls out. “But who are you, anyway? God?” “NO” says the big, booming voice, “I’M THE ARENA MANAGER.” ======== Ya keep askin’, I keep postin’ ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/57 "2010-11-05T01:18:41Z")
> [@Rafe\_Hollister](#): > > Why does Snoop Dogg wear a rain coat? > > Fo’ drizzle. Win! 😃 Three engineers are discussing who designed the human body. “It had to be a mechanical engineer,” began the first one, “because who else could make all the joints work smoothly”. The second engineer said “no, it had to be an electrical engineer. We have many many nerves that run all over the place, and our brains are so complex.” The third engineer said “no, you’re both wrong; it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?” ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/58 "2010-11-05T05:22:26Z")
> [@wolf-alice](#): > > TAn my absolute favourite joke of all time is: > > Q. Why did the lion get lost? > A. Because jungle is massive. > > … It has niche appeal. Oh, so it’s like that, is it? Right, best joke of this sort of all time: Ask me if I’m a postman… ---
**Author:** ![Sigmundex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e19adc/32.png) [@Sigmundex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmundex)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/59 "2010-11-05T18:44:01Z")
Don’t read the following joke if you’re sensitive in nature… I’ll do some strategic editing… Two dogs are sitting in cages next to each other at a veterinarian’s office, both of them with their heads hanging low. One says to the other one, “This place really sucks, buddy. I can’t believe I’m here.” The other one looks over and says, “Yeah, this is miserable, that’s for sure. So what did you do to get put in here?” “Well, my owner is a big fat @sshole. He loves to cook on the grill during the summer. Yesterday he grabbed a couple steaks, set them on the picnic table, fired up the grill and sat down while the grill warmed up. That nice big, juicy steak was just sittin’ there, hanging off the side of the table, and the more I looked at it the hungrier I got. I started slobbering, drool running down my chin, and the next thing you know, I grab the steak in my mouth and haul ass. The owner jumped up and started chasing me all around the yard. Finally he corners me, and the next thing I know my @ss is getting pushed in the cage, and here I am.” “That sucks.” “You ain’t kidding. So what did you do to get brought in here?” “Well, my owner is a beautiful blonde that’s going to college. She lays out on the deck in a bikini during the summer to get a tan. Yesterday she laid out there for a couple hours and got good and sweaty. So she came inside and took a shower. When she was done she got out and started to dry off. She got a towel, put one foot up on the side of the tub, and started rubbing her whole body down. When she got down to her feet she had to bend way over to reach her toes. That nice big juicy @ss was just sittin’ there, and the more I looked at it, the h\*rnier I got. I started slobbering, drool running down my chin, and the next thing you know, I jumped up on her back and started h#mping her brains out, going at it like a mad dog.” “Holy $HIT! I can’t believe it. I mean, I stole my owner’s steak, and I can sorta understand him wanting to put me to sleep, but why would your owner have you put to sleep for that???” “Getting put to sleep? No, no, that’s not why I’m here - I have an appointment to have my NAILS CLIPPED!” ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2010, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350/60 "2010-11-05T18:44:56Z")
Are you a postman? ETA: in response to **Princhester** , obviously. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worlds-funniest-joke-update/559350.md?page=4)