# Worst "As Seen On TV" Products **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 14, 2017, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309 "2017-09-14T11:45:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2017, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/81 "2017-09-16T20:21:40Z")
I present the [Rapid Ramen Cooker](http://www.rapidramen.com/), when any other microwave-safe bowl in your cabinet is just not good enough. This is the quintessential college dorm room product. ---
**Author:** ![Icerigger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icerigger/32/432_2.png) [@Icerigger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icerigger)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/82 "2017-09-17T00:07:16Z")
I have been tempted to purchase the atomic beam lantern, for emergency uses. Does anybody have one? ---
**Author:** ![Orwell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/dfb087/32.png) [@Orwell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orwell)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/83 "2017-09-17T00:14:20Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > The self-draining garden hose (I want to say – “Pocket Hose?”) works a treat. It doesn’t really fit in my pocket, though. They work as advertised, but don’t last long. We went through several before going back to regular hoses. None of the pocket hoses even lasted a full summer. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/84 "2017-09-17T00:21:06Z")
> [@Icerigger](#): > > I have been tempted to purchase the atomic beam lantern, for emergency uses. Does anybody have one? [Amazon.](https://www.amazon.com/Atomic-Military-Grade-Degree-Lantern-BulbHead/dp/B06X6GHSQ5) > [@](#): > > What are the lumen on these lamps? > Answer: > 5000 lumens I believe 🙂 > By TrustCompany SELLER on April 22, 2017 > > 5000 lumen > By Good Deal!!! SELLER on April 21, 2017 > > Not sure on the lumens on the lanter, but it is bright. The flashlight is 5k lux if that helps. > By 4Front Marketing LLC SELLER on April 22, 2017 > > **It’s 350 lumens, 12 hour runtime on 3 AA batteries. If it were 5,000 lumens, to make it run 12 hours, it would take ALOT of AA Batteries!** Look on Ace Hardware site. It is clearly stated 350… > By MilSpec on August 20, 2017 A Lux measurement is meaningless without knowing the distance it was measured at. [Lux](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lux) > [@](#): > > The lux (symbol: lx) is the SI derived unit of illuminance and luminous emittance, measuring luminous flux per unit area.[1] **It is equal to one lumen per square metre.** In photometry, this is used as a measure of the intensity, as perceived by the human eye, of light that hits or passes through a surface. It is analogous to the radiometric unit watt per square metre, but with the power at each wavelength weighted according to the luminosity function, a standardized model of human visual brightness perception. In English, “lux” is used as both the singular and plural form. Any flashlight/lantern advertising lux isn’t worth the money. ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/85 "2017-09-17T00:46:49Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > The thing that’s funny about so many of these “As Seen On TV” products is how contrived the ads are showing how hard it is to do the thing that these things are the solution to. To me, the best example of this is an ad for an inflatable bed (I misremember which one). It showed a poor woman — so poor that she couldn’t afford to be filmed in color — wrestling with a rollaway bed in a closet. The poor dear apparently didn’t realize that you had to _push_ the bed rather than merely rocking it back and forth in the hopes that doing so would activate some kind of autopropulsion device. (For some reason this always brought to mind the scene in [Bride of the Monster](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bride_of_the_Monster) in which Bela Lugosi tries to create the effect that a rubber octopus is attacking him by grabbing its tentacles and flailing them around. But then I realized a long time ago that the associations I make are not exactly … normal.) ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/86 "2017-09-17T01:30:00Z")
> [@Icerigger](#): > > I have been tempted to purchase the atomic beam lantern, for emergency uses. Does anybody have one? Dad got one from a store. It was quite useful when the power went out. We used it for a couple nights without running out of battery. And I liked being able stick it to a metal surface, like our door or the refrigerator. I’ve messed with it since, and still hasn’t run out of power. I also have two rice cookers for the microwave. Yeah, it’s just a microwave safe bowl with some lines to tell you how much to put in. But it was also rather cheap–at least, it was at the store. And not having to measure the water or rice is convenient. I presume this is the same sort of product as the Ramen bowl. Though it seems more useful in a rice bowl. You don’t really need to measure Ramen, and since you want soup, the exact amount of water isn’t that important. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/87 "2017-09-17T01:47:24Z")
> [@Rosvirein](#): > > Kid-toy poles are actually cheaper. And work better. And you can buy them for a buck at the ‘Dollar Store’. And they’re disposable. “Here, fishy, fishy, fishy!” I didn’t find the Pocket Fisherman total garbage; close but not quite total. I had one for a while that lived in my saddlebags for those odd times when I came across an interesting piece of water and wondered if there were any fish in it. It got replaced with an equally cheap but much more effective Eagle Claw pack rod and a couple really cheap reels – one fly and one spin. Yeah, maybe it still has a place or use but like you say there are a lot of various options out there. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/88 "2017-09-17T02:11:53Z")
What annoys me about the As Seen on TV commercials is the crazy shipping charges. They’ll advertise something at twenty bucks or so, with a shipping and handling charge of ten bucks. And sometimes it’s something that looks like you could send for two bucks even if you sent it by first class mail. And then they’ll advertise that you can get two for the price of one. “Just pay separate shipping and handling.” So they’re getting forty bucks for two things that cost them something like five bucks. So if I’m ever tempted to buy something from one of these commercials, I’ll wait for it to be available in a store like Target, or at worst, buy it from Amazon (with the free shipping). ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/89 "2017-09-17T03:08:40Z")
> [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > I present the [Rapid Ramen Cooker](http://www.rapidramen.com/), when any other microwave-safe bowl in your cabinet is just not good enough. This is the quintessential college dorm room product. Well, my bowls aren’t. I like the noodles long, and the only way a block of ramen would fit in one of my bowls would be if I broke it into quarters. Not even sure it would fit then. Plus the water line inside is handy because you don’t have to measure the amount of water. It’s certainly not a necessity, but at $3 it’s proven to be quite convenient. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/90 "2017-09-17T19:45:34Z")
> [@Infovore](#): > > I heard a theory–I have no idea if it’s true or not–that a lot of those “As Seen on TV” products where they show somebody having a comically hard time using the normal alternative before discovering the advertised product are actually aimed at people who are disabled or otherwise have trouble managing some aspect of their lives that these products address. The theory suggests that they show the idiots screwing up using normal products because they get larger advertising reach than they would if they marketed the products directly to the disabled. > > [Here’s an article about it](https://imgur.com/gallery/LXkeq). I think that’s mainly people finding a use for a dumb product rather than the dumb product being designed explicitly for those people. The story that’s supposed to be the foundation of this theory, that Snuggies were invented for people in wheelchairs, is false. The Snuggie came from the Slanket which was [invented by a college kid](https://www.americanexpress.com/us/small-business/openforum/articles/the-story-behind-the-original-snuggie/) annoyed that his arms got cold working the remote when under a blanket. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/91 "2017-09-17T19:54:07Z")
TV Tropes: > **[Too Incompetent to Operate a Blanket - TV Tropes](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TooIncompetentToOperateABlanket)** > > There are people in this world who take incompetence to an art form. You know who we're talking about: people who cannot be trusted to use scissors, cut themselves to ribbons when they try to use a potato peeler, and cannot even use a blanket … Too incompetent to operate a blanket. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/92 "2017-09-17T20:12:26Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > The Egg Scrambler wins by being so transparently stupid, but a close second is the Miracle Thaw defroster. This is just a piece of aluminum with no special abilities – despite the ad – to allow your food to evenly defrost. You might as well just put it in a metal pan. But apparently a lot of folks don’t realize that. > > [Miracle Thaw Defrosting Tray As Seen on TV for sale | eBay](https://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=miracle+thaw+defrosting+tray+as+seen+on+tv) > > In case you actually believe in this item: > > [Skeptic Friends Network - Miracle Thaw - The Bogus Miracle](http://www.skepticfriends.org/forum/showquestion.asp?faq=2&fldauto=24) Crazy yes, but we found one at a dollar store. And altho sure, it is just a piece of aluminum, we dint have anything like it in the house. So, if you get one cheap enuf, it works. ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/93 "2017-09-17T20:31:39Z")
> [@CrimeThink](#): > > The “Rollie” is the perfect solution to a problem no one has ever had. This review is amusing: > **[The Rollie Eggmaster is the Best Dumbest Cooking Device Ever Invented](http://www.thepizzle.net/the-rollie-eggmaster-is-the-best-dumbest-cooking-device-ever-invented/)** > > Last week, my friend Melissa showed me a picture of a cooking device called the Rollie® Eggmaster Vertical Grill. It’s one of those “As Seen on TV” products. Basically, it’s… ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/94 "2017-09-17T20:36:42Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > The self-draining garden hose (I want to say – “Pocket Hose?”) works a treat. It doesn’t really fit in my pocket, though. I must admit the hose really does work as advertised. I just remembered the dog biscuit maker I got. I made delicious biscuits from the accompanying recipe book but it literally took four hours to make 20 of 'em! ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/95 "2017-09-17T21:09:37Z")
> [@Icerigger](#): > > I have been tempted to purchase the atomic beam lantern, for emergency uses. Does anybody have one? We have a couple of the cheaper, generic versions, and altho not as bright as they would have you believe, they are nice to have around. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/96 "2017-09-17T21:15:58Z")
I had no idea what an “atomic beam lantern” was until I just Googled it. That looks like the thing my brother bought me for Christmas. He also bought one for my parents. It’s not bad, although I took the batteries out and put it in the bin with the other emergency equipment. (I have plug-in flashlights for immediate use after an outage.) ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2017, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/97 "2017-09-17T22:26:06Z")
> [@Anny\_Middon](#): > > Don’t remember the name of the product, but years ago there was an infomercial for spray-on hair. The idea was that you used the gunk in the aerosol can to fill in any bald spots on your head. > > IIRC they had an audience full of balding men and went around and sprayed this stuff on them and everyone oohed and aahed. > > I cannot imagine how this would fool anyone who saw you from several feet away, let alone someone close to you. And what happened if you got caught in the rain? There’s an ad for one now called Miracle Hair. Here’s a pretty funny review by MikeJ. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/LA13pjj9T_k/hqdefault.jpg "Infomercialism: Miracle Hair") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LA13pjj9T_k) ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2017, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/98 "2017-09-19T00:39:19Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > The self-draining garden hose (I want to say – “Pocket Hose?”) works a treat. It doesn’t really fit in my pocket, though. > [@Orwell](#): > > They work as advertised, but don’t last long. We went through several before going back to regular hoses. None of the pocket hoses even lasted a full summer. Huh. I’ve had mine for a couple of years, with no signs of deterioration. Of course, after each use, I disconnect it from the faucet and store it in an enclosed bin, out of the elements. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2017, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/99 "2017-09-19T00:49:22Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > What annoys me about the As Seen on TV commercials is the crazy shipping charges. They’ll advertise something at twenty bucks or so, with a shipping and handling charge of ten bucks. And sometimes it’s something that looks like you could send for two bucks even if you sent it by first class mail. > > And then they’ll advertise that you can get two for the price of one. “Just pay separate shipping and handling.” So they’re getting forty bucks for two things that cost them something like five bucks. > > So if I’m ever tempted to buy something from one of these commercials, I’ll wait for it to be available in a store like Target, or at worst, buy it from Amazon (with the free shipping). I get confused when I see those commercials these days. Often, the announcer will say something along the lines of “Wait! There’s more! Order right now and we’ll DOUBLE the offer! That’s right, we’ll send you TWO [_insert name of miracle product here_], PLUS the [_insert name of bullshit “accessory” here_]! Just pay a separate fee.” Is the “separate fee” just the same $19.99 they asked for the first item once again? They used to say to pay separate shipping and handling, but now it’s separate fee. WTF? ETA: it’s particularly confusing when the same infomercial tells you that they’re including free S&H. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2017, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309/100 "2017-09-19T02:52:12Z")
> [@BeepKillBeep](#): > > My ex-wife bought some Shamwows and I got half of them in the divorce (just by happenstance, not on purpose). I like them. They’re not so amazing that everybody should go out and buy one but I find them marginally better than a regular dish towel. What I don’t like about them is they get ruined in the dryer. Are you still single? I can offer a dowry of one grungy Scrub Daddy and several regular dish towels. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-as-seen-on-tv-products/796309.md?page=6)