# Worst Best-Seller (Novel?) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 30, 2015, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872 "2015-04-30T05:16:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/21 "2015-04-30T16:36:16Z")
_ **Jonathan Livingston Seagull** _, anyone? ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/22 "2015-04-30T16:56:14Z")
[The Celestine Prophecy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Celestine_Prophecy) I recall this one as being a huge best seller so I gave it a read. Egads! Bonkers sophomoric quasi-spiritual fantasy, but at least it was poorly done in a thunderously oafish way. So, it had that going for it. One thing I remember is that, strangely enough, even the printing of the first few chapters was junky - as if it were a second generation photocopy. Whereas in the rest of the book the printing was no issue. ---
**Author:** ![TCMF-2L](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tcmf-2l/32/16553_2.png) [@TCMF-2L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TCMF-2L)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/23 "2015-04-30T16:57:36Z")
A few years ago, but long after it’s original publishing date, I read “ **The Andromeda Strain** ” by **Michael Crichton.** In fairness - and allowing for the progress in technology since it was written - I seem to recall it was pretty good. However I, personally, never recovered from a couple of patronising and largely irrelevant pages early on explaining how binary numbering system works. It was exposition. It was bad exposition. It was exposition which had nothing to do with the actual plot. TCMF-2L ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/24 "2015-04-30T17:12:54Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Cite? > > Quality and popularity are independent variables. You can be popular and good, popular and bad, unpopular and good, and unpopular and bad. And most best sellers don’t really stand the test of time. Look at [this list](http://www.ranker.com/list/best-selling-novels-of-the-1950_s/bestselling-books), for instance. And I forgot about “Atlas Shrugged”. I totally lost interest in it when I figured out who John Galt was. ---
**Author:** ![cormac262](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@cormac262](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cormac262)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/25 "2015-04-30T19:49:51Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > [The Celestine Prophecy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Celestine_Prophecy) > > I recall this one as being a huge best seller so I gave it a read. Egads! Bonkers sophomoric quasi-spiritual fantasy, but at least it was poorly done in a thunderously oafish way. So, it had that going for it. Seconded (but I never read “Da Vinci Code”). During a moment of weakness, based on the huge recommendations from a number of (quasi-new ager) friends, I picked this up. Gag. But perhaps the silver lining to that experience was a few years later when a parody came out: “The Philistine Prophecy”. Laugh out loud funny - but you had to have read the original to get most of it. So it may have been worth the pain of reading the original. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/26 "2015-04-30T20:00:22Z")
Thank you, all and all! Great suggestions. (Personally, I enjoyed The Da Vinci Code; **Simplicio** ’s description of it as a “fun, cheesey thriller” works for me. I enjoyed it enough to read the other books in the series.) Of all the other books mentioned so far in this thread, I’ve only read Atlas Shrugged. I kinda liked the characters, dialogue, and events. It was a page-turner for me. Of course, the intent of the novel failed totally, and the ideas it was trying to promote were stupid. I think I agree with **Amateur Barbarian** , that best-sellers are “ordained” by the publishers. The Harry Potter phenomenon, for instance, seemed to overlook tons of other YA fiction that was out there, every bit as good – in many cases better – than the HP books. Someone made up their mind that this was going to be big…and it became big. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/27 "2015-04-30T20:02:15Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > _ **Jonathan Livingston Seagull** _, anyone? And does anyone even remember **Love Story**? ---
**Author:** ![esmeralda2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ccd318/32.png) [@esmeralda2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/esmeralda2)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/28 "2015-04-30T20:12:33Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > In general, there is a pretty strong correlation between a novel’s sales figures and its real literary quality. > > But…not always. > > I’m curious what people might suggest as the worst best-seller that comes to mind. > > The best I can do is “Clan of the Cave Bear,” which…wasn’t really that bad. It had some severe problems, but it was an “okay” page-turner. Jonathan Livingston Seagull ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/29 "2015-04-30T20:50:32Z")
Flowers in The Attic by VC Andrews. I read that tripe when I was 14 and it sucked then, it sucks now. I also read Danielle Steele’s Vietnam and that was a great read in comparison. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/30 "2015-04-30T21:01:22Z")
> [@cormac262](#): > > Seconded (but I never read “Da Vinci Code”). > > During a moment of weakness, based on the huge recommendations from a number of (quasi-new ager) friends, I picked this up. Gag. > > But perhaps the silver lining to that experience was a few years later when a parody came out: “The Philistine Prophecy”. Laugh out loud funny - but you had to have read the original to get most of it. So it may have been worth the pain of reading the original. There’s a YA parody called “The Da Vinci Cod”. 😛 Lots of women also believe that “The Handmaid’s Tale” is one of the greatest books ever written. Gah. It’s really bad post-apocalyptic fiction, and no, the movie is NOT a documentary, mmmmkay? ---
**Author:** ![lisiate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f05b48/32.png) [@lisiate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisiate)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/31 "2015-04-30T21:05:23Z")
Of the nominees I’ve read _The Celestine Prophecy_ is the worst by far. _Clan of the Cave Bear_ is clunky at times, and the sequels follow the Walton rule, [“each half as good as the one before… until they were homeopathically good”](http://www.tor.com/blogs/2011/01/in-league-with-the-future-frank-herberts-dune). But the book itself was a fun read with an interesting setting. _The Da Vinci Code_ offended my historical sensitivities and Dan Brown isn’t nearly as clever as he thinks he is, and a bit of a prat besides (seriously, naming your big bad with an anagram of the guys you ripped off your entire plotline off is a dick move). But the overall find-the-clue romp was kinda fun. _The Bridges of Madison County_ was boring, the protaganist was a total Marty Stu and the premise morally dubious (yay adultery!) but some of the descriptive prose was serviceable. But \*The Celestine Prophecy \*has no redeeming features that I can discern. The writing is execrable, the plotline is ludicrous (indeed the continual far-fetched coincidences are part of the ‘everything is connected’ vibe so are presumably intended as a feature rather than a bug) and the cultural appropriation and stereotyping is offensive. Utter, utter rubbish. I must confess I haven’t read \*50 Shades of Grey \* though (although my wife tells me it’s awful.) ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/32 "2015-04-30T21:12:37Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > I think I agree with **Amateur Barbarian** , that best-sellers are “ordained” by the publishers. The Harry Potter phenomenon, for instance, seemed to overlook tons of other YA fiction that was out there, every bit as good – in many cases better – than the HP books. Someone made up their mind that this was going to be big…and it became big. I think if that were true, every publishing house would have its own Harry Potter every few years. Certainly decisions about what books to market play into what books become bestsellers, but that’s hardly enough to explain the HP phenomenon. If publishers had control over that, they’d be doing it constantly. By contrast, for at least a while, Oprah Winfrey really could create a bestseller more or less by fiat. But I don’t think anyone else has had that ability. I think for books like HP or Shade of Grey or whatever, a lot of it is just being in the right place at the right time. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2015, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/33 "2015-05-01T19:10:34Z")
_The Celestine Prophecy_ sold a gazillion copies but was full of woo-woo crap and didn’t even get the age of Machu Picchu right. Bleh. Steven Ambrose made _Undaunted Courage_, which ought to have been a thrilling history of the Lewis and Clark Expedition, a boring slog. More recently, I gave up on _The Goldfinch_ by Donna Tartt after 3 out of 26 audiobook discs. It’s sold very well and she even won the freakin’ Pulitzer Prize for it, but I thought it sucked, with a bland, navel-gazing protagonist and boring plot. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2015, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/34 "2015-05-01T19:39:26Z")
> [@Enright3](#): > > My biggest problem with The Da Vinci Code was that people seemed to be too stupid to realize it was a work of fiction. The publisher certainly bent over backwards to put “Fiction” in the smallest possible type in the most obscure location as they sold illustrated versions, pseudo-documentary companion books, etc. > [@](#): > > On top of that it didn’t take long to realize that Dan Brown was a trick pony; and that all of his stories are generically the same story. Clancy, Cussler and in-effin’s-spades Robin Cook. Your point? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2015, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/35 "2015-05-01T19:54:13Z")
Ironically, the mega-popular writers of cheesy fiction serve the greater literary good. The James Patterson Money Machine allows Hachette to take chances on more challenging works by lesser known authors. So, rock on Dan Brown. Don’t forget there’s also a Cyrillic alphabet, Sue Grafton. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2015, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/36 "2015-05-01T20:07:19Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > Ironically, the mega-popular writers of cheesy fiction serve the greater literary good. The James Patterson Money Machine allows Hachette to take chances on more challenging works by lesser known authors. I am not sure that’s true any more, although perhaps it once was. Publishers, especially fiction, seek maximum return from all productions. The idea that the Hemingways carry the little guys is… quaint. ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2015, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/37 "2015-05-01T20:17:18Z")
I’ve heard several editors at Hachette celebrate Patterson for that exact reason, so ymmv. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2015, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/38 "2015-05-01T20:23:01Z")
Has anyone actually read “The Satanic Verses”? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2015, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/39 "2015-05-01T22:21:26Z")
> [@lisiate](#): > > I must confess I haven’t read \*50 Shades of Grey \* though (although my wife tells me it’s awful.) Think _Twilight_ . . . porn. That should keep you far, far away. :eek: Though _Twilight_ was a vampire Mary Sue by a woman who admits to knowing or caring nothing about vampires or their conventional depictions. Which could be interesting handled by a better writer, but she Mary Sues her vampire into a Volvo station wagon. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2015, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872/40 "2015-05-02T00:06:41Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Has anyone actually read “The Satanic Verses”? I have. It’s a novel that I struggled with\*, to be perfectly honest, but it’s far from being in the ranks of some of the absolute shite I’ve read and enjoyed (Lee Child) 😃 - I have an aversion to any hint of magic realism, I don’t have the experience of being an immigrant, I don’t have the cultural background or knowledge to appreciate (or understand) many of the metaphors and allusions in the novel. But Rushdie can really, really write some beautiful stuff. Have you read it, **nearwildheaven**? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-best-seller-novel/718872.md?page=3)