# Worst Beverage? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** soda-softdrinks\ **Created:** [March 14, 2024, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850 "2024-03-14T23:38:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/41 "2024-03-15T03:44:25Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > On my do-not-try list is Fernet-Branca, a beverage that is 39% alcohol and contains extracts of 27 different kinds of herbs and roots. It is variably described as “intensely bitter”, “gross” and “disgusting” (even among aficionados). It is used as a “digestive” for upset stomachs This sounds a lot like “Underbeg” which is also a digestif. I didn’t list it because it is truly medicinal. It tastes like an entire herb garden WillyWonka’d into a two-tablespoon dose of rubbing alcohol. But it calms even the most acid stomach immediately. Like, immediately. The moment it goes down your throat, the worst upset of your life is just calmed like Jesus on the waves. It is a little startling how well it works. I have no idea how, but I always keep some in the house. But it’s not worse than Malort. At least the background bite tastes like rubbing alcohol instead of some ungodly mixture of kerosene and overused engine oil from a bulldozer. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/42 "2024-03-15T03:44:30Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > [Kvass](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kvass). Absolutely no question. The vilest thing I ever drank, that was intended for humans to drink. [Malort](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeppson%27s_Mal%C3%B6rt) has entered the conversation. Here are some tag lines people have come up with over the years for this drink: - Malort, kick your mouth in the balls! - Malort, when you need to unfriend someone in person. - Malort, tonight’s the night you fight your dad. - Malort, the Champagne of pain. - Malort, turning taste-buds into taste-foes for generations. - Malort, it’s easier than telling people you have nothing to live for. We usually use it in casual bets. If you lose, you have to drink a shot of it. Welcome to Chicago! (the only place I think you can buy it) ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/43 "2024-03-15T03:46:16Z")
> [@Whack-a-Mole](#): > > Malort, tonight’s the night you fight your dad. ROFL!!! ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/44 "2024-03-15T03:53:53Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > But it’s not worse than Malort. At least the background bite tastes like rubbing alcohol instead of some ungodly mixture of kerosene and overused engine oil from a bulldozer. The best I have been able to describe it is as some unholy concoction of gasoline (kerosene works) and bug spray. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/45 "2024-03-15T03:56:30Z")
> [@SCAdian](#): > > Moxie. Yeah, I dunno if it’s the “worst” but it was definitely one of the most disappointing. I knew of the drink and its vintage, saw it for sale, bought some and couldn’t get halfway through the bottle before it went down the sink. That would be sad enough for a no-name novelty soda but this was Moxie! People supposedly drank this stuff enough that, today – a million years later, I still know the name! ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/46 "2024-03-15T04:14:28Z")
> [@SCAdian](#): > > Moxie. Moxie isn’t good, no argument there. It’s no longer availabe but for a while they sold an energy drink that basically took the worst aspects of the original drink and added extra burning and evil. > **[Moxie Energy Drink | Moxie Energy Drink | BevNET.com Product Review + Ordering](https://www.bevnet.com/brands/moxie_energy_drink/Moxie_Energy_Drink)** > > Introduced in 1884, Moxie soda was one of the first U.S. soft drinks. A rather belated extension to the Moxie brand is Moxie Energy Drink. The energy drink is in keeping with the original as the word “Moxie,” which means “energy” or “pep,” originated ---
**Author:** ![ParallelLines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/parallellines/32/3575_2.png) [@ParallelLines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParallelLines)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/47 "2024-03-15T04:35:00Z")
Actually @Telemark, it’s _worse than that_. For a while, prior to going under, they released something far, far more horrible. It in fact is the source of a nickname for our pair of cats: [Moxie Energy Zero Carb Thunder](https://caffeineking101.blogspot.com/2009/09/moxie-zero-carb-thunder.html). So take Moxie (please!), add the energy drink additives, and then artificial sweetners! Actually, I’m not sure it counts, since it’s not the actual original flavor, it was just Moxie trying to jump onto multiple bandwagons (Low carb/diet as well as the energy drink crowd. But apparently you can (or could) get the default Moxie flavor in diet, which was probably disgusting as few diet beverages are an improvment on the original. For the record though, while I didn’t _enjoy_ Moxie the first and only time I’ve had it, I was able to drink the whole bottle, and didn’t _hate_ it. I just would never buy it for myself for any reason. But I’m in the group that actually enjoys most root beers and a number of sasparilla-adjacent drinks, so I’m probably conditioned to be more accepting. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/48 "2024-03-15T04:54:02Z")
It definitely tastes of wintergreen. It’s like root beer with gentian root to me, nowhere near as disgusting as its reputation. I thought it would be a lot heavier on the gentian and at least as bitter as tonic water. So disappointing. Kvass is good; Cel-ray is perfectly unobjectionable. Back when I drank I could put back a whole bottle of malort. The only drink that’s ever thrown me off my game is lumpy, chunky kefir. My father used to make his own kefir and sometimes it would turn out looking like spoiled milk. I decided to drink it out of curiosity and the texture just threw me I just about threw up. The flavor was fine but … blech. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/49 "2024-03-15T05:13:16Z")
> [@Maserschmidt](#): > > Malört Yeah, of the things I’ve actually tried. A friend who loved unusual booze (and made his own beer, hard cider and wine, all mostly fine) kept a bottle just to spring on people at parties. I’m the kind of guy who even very much dislikes smoky Islay malts like Laphroaig. And Malört is so very much worse than that on the tire fire scale. Getting away from the non-booze and non-exotics, I have always held a special loathing for fucking Tab, the foulest of the diet colas. It’s final demise is one of the few good thing that happened in the plague year of 2020. But this may just be a very personal grudge as it was the only soda my mother permitted in the household when I was around age 10-13. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/50 "2024-03-15T05:45:18Z")
My dad described Tab this way: “It tastes like a tab.” However, I later actually liked it. I like kombucha too, and tried making my own but the SCOBY developed fuzzy black mold. Any attempts at making sourdough starters end the same way for me. > **[Kombucha SCOBY: What It Is and How to Make One](https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/kombucha-scoby)** > > A SCOBY is a thick, rubbery and cloudy mass that aids the fermentation process of kombucha. This article explains what a kombucha SCOBY is and how to make your own. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/51 "2024-03-15T05:48:34Z")
Malort hasn’t been mentioned enough. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/52 "2024-03-15T06:16:18Z")
Honestly, I was expecting Malort to be a lot worse than it was when I actually tried it. It is probably the most bitter thing I’ve ever swallowed, but it wasn’t necessarily a repulsive bitter, and it doesn’t linger as long as, say, gin or Jagermeister. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/53 "2024-03-15T06:59:17Z")
nope you can buy it here in a Walmart-branded (“caliber”)bottle here in ca occasionally I did find this tho the book is under the blue link [https://www.walmart.com/ip/Malort-The-Redemption-of-a-Revered-and-Reviled-Spirit-Paperback-9780914091677/5429616923?from=/search](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Malort-The-Redemption-of-a-Revered-and-Reviled-Spirit-Paperback-9780914091677/5429616923?from=/search) ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/54 "2024-03-15T07:07:14Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > Honestly, I was expecting Malort to be a lot worse than it was when I actually tried it. It has been many years now but I recall a Malort ad they’d hang around each bottle which said 49 out of 50 people who try Malort never try it again. So, that means 2% of people seem to like it (or are into the pain). And, since they are still in business, I guess someone must like it (in the Chicago metro area that’d be around 190,000 people). You may be one of those people. ---
**Author:** ![Jihi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jihi/32/17768_2.png) [@Jihi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jihi)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/55 "2024-03-15T07:12:53Z")
Every time I think about this question my first answer is always Yoo-Hoo. I drank that exactly one time in my entire life and it was like when I was 10 or 11. Even as a little kid I remember thinking… “This is just s\*\*\*\*\* watered down chocolate milk. I can get chocolate milk for a quarter at school. Why would I want to drink this s\*\*\* and it’s more expensive?” The cursing may or may not have happened. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/56 "2024-03-15T07:40:09Z")
Kvass is disgusting. It’s a soda made from rye bread people. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/57 "2024-03-15T07:48:00Z")
the version I read about was that it was supposed to be some bottom-of-the-earth cheap as hell beer/ booze made with moldy rye bread … ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/58 "2024-03-15T08:49:30Z")
Here’s Youtube’s favorite Slav teaching you how to make your own kvass at home; [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/k1UTJKBMvgc/maxresdefault.jpg "How to make Kvass - Cooking with Boris") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1UTJKBMvgc) ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/59 "2024-03-15T12:01:29Z")
> [@Dr.Strangelove](#): > > I can’t recall what it was called, aside from being some kind of Russian-adjacent thing. It was some kind of bottled water, presumably marketed as some kind of health drink, that tasted _exactly_ like pool water. Chlorinated. Probably claimed to be bottled from some natural spring somewhere, when really they just wanted to get rid of the results of their pool-draining service. You mean Yessentuki? You don’t expect mineral water to taste like distilled water, do you? 🙂 > [@Maserschmidt](#): > > > [@Jackmannii](#): > > > > On my do-not-try list is Fernet-Branca, a beverage that is 39% alcohol and contains extracts of 27 different kinds of herbs and roots. It is variably described as “intensely bitter”, “gross” and “disgusting” (even among aficionados). It is used as a “digestive” for upset stomachs and to treat hangover, added to mixed drinks or consumed by itself. > > I used it for exactly that back in college, and a little bit into adulthood, and I can tell you that it works. I don’t care if it was a placebo effect, it worked. A “Doctor” is Fernet-Branca + Ramazzotti. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2024, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850/60 "2024-03-15T12:08:23Z")
I’ll add [Akvavit.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akvavit) Not Malort bad but…not good. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-beverage/998850.md?page=4)