# Worst case of "manager speak" you've heard? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 13, 2014, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589 "2014-03-13T01:58:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/41 "2014-03-13T20:10:13Z")
> [@Dr.Strangelove](#): > > Is “ask” as a noun the hot new thing? Yes. It’s so hot it’s on fire. It’s number one with a bullet. No manager with AVP-level-or-greater ambition can get through a ten-minute Powerpoint deck without using “ask” as a noun at least three times. Just this morning, I was informed that we weren’t sure whether a particular work item was an IT ask or an actuarial ask. Remember when you used to ask somebody to complete a task? Now, you task them with an ask. All these asks make me want to stick an axe up somebody’s ass. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/42 "2014-03-13T20:15:11Z")
“Like a pig thru a snake” - I have heard this used to describe a process that takes a long time. Ugh. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/43 "2014-03-13T21:43:42Z")
“Deep dive” is my new nemesis. I’ve gone my whole life without diving into anything, and suddenly I’m deep diving all over the place. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/44 "2014-03-13T22:22:11Z")
I refuse to believe the thing about ask. Most managiese I can grok, but not ask as it has been used here. It sounds so incredibly, incredibly stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Tully\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ab992/32.png) [@Tully\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tully_Mars)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/45 "2014-03-13T22:26:22Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > I refuse to believe the thing about ask. Most managiese I can grok, but not ask as it has been used here. It sounds so incredibly, incredibly stupid. I suspect it has replaced “take away”. As in, “What is my take away from this?” Which is manager speak for: I asked you for a technical explanation for a problem and the explanation you gave me is way over my head, so give a simple version that I can understand. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/46 "2014-03-13T22:33:06Z")
> [@Cyros](#): > > But can we verb nouns? [Verbing weirds language.](http://www.unmemorabletitle.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/calvin-and-hobbes.jpg) > [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](#): > > \ > Remember when you used to ask somebody to complete a task? Now, you task them with an ask. All these asks make me want to stick an axe up somebody’s ass. I’ll hold them for you. ---
**Author:** ![ryobserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@ryobserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryobserver)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/47 "2014-03-13T22:33:29Z")
The other day I was noodling around my employer’s intranet networking site and discovered recent hires are now apparently “new acquisitions”. Also creepy: “human capital”. They used to be called “people”. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/48 "2014-03-13T22:40:35Z")
> [@ryobserver](#): > > The other day I was noodling around my employer’s intranet networking site and discovered recent hires are now apparently “new acquisitions”. > > Also creepy: “human capital”. They used to be called “people”. Dear Lord - I used to call us temps “disposable employees,” but I was mostly kidding! ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/49 "2014-03-13T22:56:48Z")
I love this one, from the BBC: > [@](#): > > Companies did a lot of firing last year and were more imaginative than ever in telling it like it is not. > > Reuters caused staff to be “transitioned out of the company”, while other businesses “disestablished” or even “completed” roles. > > But the winner is HSBC, which “demised” about 900 of its managers. In doing this it has invented a euphemism that is harsher than the real thing. It made it sound as if it was not merely sacking staff but exterminating them. > > … > > My winner is Rob Stone, CEO of Cornerstone, who wrote about his ad agency’s expansion: “As brands build out a world footprint, they look for the no-holds-barred global POV that’s always been part of our wheelhouse.” > > … > > “To solution” and “to road-map” were both hot contenders but lost out to the voun seen attached to a sofa in a shop in London declaring it to be “a medium sit”. For me, “sit” is standout. > > … > > My final category is a new one. The “flannel-free award” goes to a person who eschewed jargon for a few seconds to say something straight. > > The runaway winner is Wan Long, founder of Shuanghui International and a global leader in the pork chop space: “What I do is kill pigs and sell meat.” > > With joy, I award him the prize. ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/50 "2014-03-13T23:13:39Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > That is actually an old phrase that is still in use in some Southern or rural areas. I think it stuck around because it doesn’t have a short, exact translation into other phases. It is supposed to be complimentary. It roughly means that your family or the people you most closely associate with have good values and integrity - you come from good stock and display those traits yourself. Ah, so that’s where it came from. I eventually sussed what it meant, but hearing it for the first time from a mealy-mouthed manager gave it a bad association for me. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/51 "2014-03-13T23:16:26Z")
> [@ryobserver](#): > > The other day I was noodling around my employer’s intranet networking site and discovered recent hires are now apparently “new acquisitions”. > > Also creepy: “human capital”. They used to be called “people”. It’s only the next step after the time-honored “human resources” which I always hated. Roddy ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2014, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/52 "2014-03-13T23:20:04Z")
> [@ryobserver](#): > > The other day I was noodling around my employer’s intranet networking site and discovered recent hires are now apparently “new acquisitions”. > > Also creepy: “human capital”. They used to be called “people”. That’s not much worse than “human resources”, a term that’s been around so long and is so widespread that no one seems to think about what it implies. ETA: The obligatory “ninja’d”. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2014, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/53 "2014-03-14T00:06:02Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > “Deep dive” is my new nemesis. I’ve gone my whole life without diving into anything, and suddenly I’m deep diving all over the place. Yep, that one’s big by me, too. In fact a big part of my job is doing Deep Dives. I hate hate hate it every time I have to say the words but what can I do? If I call my Detailed Study a Detailed Study no one will know what I’m talking about. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2014, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/54 "2014-03-14T01:28:03Z")
> [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](#): > > Yep, that one’s big by me, too. In fact a big part of my job is doing Deep Dives. I hate hate hate it every time I have to say the words but what can I do? If I call my Detailed Study a Detailed Study no one will know what I’m talking about. Are you…digging deep, and peeling back the layers? ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2014, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/55 "2014-03-14T01:36:30Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Are you…digging deep, and peeling back the layers? Of the onion, amirite? I don’t actually have a problem with most of the manager speak in this thread. It often shortcuts longer sentences, and it’s usually more comprehensible then you guys are implying. It’s only when a lot of it gets strung together that it begins to feel like Bullshit Bingo. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2014, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/56 "2014-03-14T02:38:59Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > I don’t know if this is what you’re looking for, but my last director started every third sentence with “At the end of the day…” > > At the end of most days I wanted to shoot my brains out. Oh! I agree and feel so strongly about this. I once felt so angry about all of these expressions that I began to keep a list: It turns out there are just so many ways to say nothing and so many are variations of your example. What a stupid expression. Here are a few examples: . All things considered, … . Bottom line is, … . All things being equal, … . All other things being equal, … . All things considered, … . In a manner of speaking, … . What I mean to say is, … . When you consider the bottom line, … . For all intents and purposes, … (this one is perhaps my favorite) . At this time, … . At this point, … . At this point in time, … . At the same time, … . At the end of the day, … . For the time being, … . As you know, … . In such a way, … . In such a way as to, … . In the first place, … . In the sense that, … . With regards to, … . With respect to, … After a short time, I concluded there were hundreds (if not thousands) of ways to say nothing. I became very discouraged and fed up with this realization and I just gave up maintaining this list. But it is trury amazing that people would go to so much trouble to develop so many ways to essentially say nothing. How wasteful and bogus! Sometimes, I just get to hating people. They can just be so f’ing stupid! ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2014, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/57 "2014-03-14T02:47:38Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > “Deep dive” is my new nemesis. I’ve gone my whole life without diving into anything, and suddenly I’m deep diving all over the place. I have heard the term, “muff diver”. I have always believed this had something to do with cunnilingus but I’ve never been quite sure. I never felt like pursing this too much. I did try to perform cunnilingus on a couple of my girlfriends. But I experienced a very unpleasant odor and I quickly abandoned any hope of finding this to be a mutually pleasurable experience. I wouldn’t have minded if it seemed to be a pleasurable experience for both of us. But the pleasure just seemed to me to be entirely one-sided. As such I never knew how to handle it - especially since she was not at all interested in performing fellatio. I mean, under those circumstances, to heck with it! However, to this day, I still feel there is something I have missed and I wish that I could have found some way to re-explore this experience. Oh well! ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2014, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/58 "2014-03-14T03:55:33Z")
> [@Maserschmidt](#): > > Of the onion, amirite? > I don’t actually have a problem with most of the manager speak in this thread. It often shortcuts longer sentences, and it’s usually more comprehensible then you guys are implying. It’s only when a lot of it gets strung together that it begins to feel like Bullshit Bingo. \*\*“Bullshit Bingo” \*\* Now that seems like a real lovely expression. I wonder if you could tell us what you think it means. It seems to me that it could mean a number of very amusing concepts. I like it - even though I have no idea what it means. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2014, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/59 "2014-03-14T05:03:03Z")
> [@Ace309](#): > > Vector auto regression? Value-at-risk. ---
**Author:** ![Skypist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skypist/32/169_2.png) [@Skypist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skypist)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2014, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589/60 "2014-03-14T07:40:55Z")
I was a little thrown off the first time I heard someone say, “My bad.” All I could think was, “My bad _what_?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-case-of-manager-speak-youve-heard/683589.md?page=4)