# WORST Christmas Songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 1, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361 "2003-12-01T22:41:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/61 "2003-12-02T19:34:10Z")
Though _Christmas Shoes_ is the worst… I cannot let this thread go by without mentioning [_Christmas in the Northwest_](http://wiki.woozle.org/ChristmasInTheNorthwestOriginalLyrics)… which no one outside of Washington has been cursed enough to hear - every single year. Multiple times. In which a weird voice extols the wonders of a rainy Christmas with no snow. Still, like Ricky Martin is to the OP, it’s not really Christmas until I’ve heard it. ---
**Author:** ![Capri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e56c9b/32.png) [@Capri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capri)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/62 "2003-12-02T20:45:34Z")
I nominate “Christmas is a Carousel” I can’t find the lyrics on the web, but it is sung by a cheery '50’s singer type a la Doris Day and is starts: Christmas is a Carousel And round and round it goes… Now I must go into a darkened room. Rock on the floor and find a happy place in my mind. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/63 "2003-12-02T21:08:57Z")
Re: scary ghost stories If I remember correctly, ghost stories used to be a part of the Christmas experience. For example, Henry James’s “The Turn of the Screw” starts as a tale told at a Christmas party. “The story had held us, round the fire, sufficiently breathless, but except the obvious remark that it was gruesome, as, on Christmas Eve in an old house, a strange tale should essentially be…” Julie ---
**Author:** ![The\_Long\_Road](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@The\_Long\_Road](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Long_Road)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/64 "2003-12-02T21:40:56Z")
Sorry about that, they both suck so much I thought they were the same song. No I realize their suckage is seperate but almost equal. [http://home.att.net/~scorh5/SoThis.html](http://home.att.net/~scorh5/SoThis.html) [http://www.elyrics4u.com/d/do\_they\_know\_it\_s\_christmas.htm](http://www.elyrics4u.com/d/do_they_know_it_s_christmas.htm) ---
**Author:** ![bibliophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@bibliophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophile)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/65 "2003-12-02T21:57:30Z")
I can’t believe this thread is two pages long and I’m the first to bitch about “Dominic the Donkey.” While I fully agree that the Christmas Shoes song is the worst piece of holiday tripe ever written, Dominic is thisclose to taking over the top spot, the donkey noises put it over the top. I’m not even Italian and this god-awful song offends me. ---
**Author:** ![Maci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@Maci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maci)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2003, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/66 "2003-12-02T22:10:04Z")
I remember once hearing a song with the line “Christmas is December’s Fourth of July” but I google search doesn’t find it. And since “Santa’s Super Sleigh” doesn’t exist beyond the few opening lines, I’ll vote for “Little Drummer Boy” which I’ve hated since childhood. ---
**Author:** ![sunfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@sunfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunfish)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2003, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/67 "2003-12-03T03:26:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Degrance \* > \*\*Or if you are from the other side of the pond there is always, “What do you buy a Wookie for Christmas (if he already has a comb” > And no, I am not kidding. \*\* _What can you get, in a hurry for a furry friend like that to take home?_ aaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!! [sub]_must go listen to XTC’s Thanks for Christmas now_[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2003, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/68 "2003-12-03T09:00:24Z")
Wow, am I the first to nominate **Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?** Frasier Crane nailed this perfectly: poor Rudolph is a freakish anomaly, and instead of getting support, his friends taunt him and his parents try to hide his problem. The only person who’s sympathetic to him is Santa Claus, and even then that’s only to exploit Rudolph. Bah humbug, indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2003, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/69 "2003-12-03T09:12:18Z")
I hate all christmas music, but I hate them even more **when dogs sing them** ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2003, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/70 "2003-12-03T16:31:04Z")
Woof-Woof-Woof! Woof-Woof-Woof! Woof- **WOOF** -woof-woof-Woof! ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2003, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/71 "2003-12-03T17:47:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KRC \* > **Definately “The 12 Days of Christmas.” Not only is the tune just bad and irritating, what’s all this with the birds? I love birds but with four cockatiels, four conures, two ringnecks and God knows what else I could do without Swans a Swimmin’, Partridges eating the pears, and whatever Colleen birds are. And add into this Leaping Lords and Dancing Ladies? My true love would have definately been into the sea with concrete shoes long before the twelfth day.** I have to agree. I’ve never understood why all the damn birds. You might appreciate reading this little piece as its writer shares a similar sentiment: [http://www.creatingfutures.net/archive/jokes/12daysxmas.htm](http://www.creatingfutures.net/archive/jokes/12daysxmas.htm) I also agree that that infernally annoying hippopotamus song has got to be the absolute worst Christmas song ever written, even worse than the two-front-teeth song, which ranks second worst in my book. I wish I had thought to mention it in another thread where I listed my least favorite Christmas songs. ---
**Author:** ![Ms\_Boods](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5e9695/32.png) [@Ms\_Boods](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms_Boods)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/72 "2003-12-03T19:22:40Z")
Elvis’ version of ‘Blue Christmas’ is sublime compared to the horrendous Porky Pig send up… I spend time in a boutique on Saturdays which has been playing, since early November, a tape loop of about 7 or 8 Christmas novelty songs, many mentioned here…Grandma, the hippo thing, I’m getting nothing for Christmas…die, die, DIE!!! In the words of Mr Ebenezer Blackadder: ‘Utter. Crap.’ ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2003, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/73 "2003-12-03T19:53:51Z")
I haven’t heard the Xmas shoes song, but judging from the lyrics it doesn’t seem glurgy at all. Doesn’t anyone else see it’s an obvious scam this kid’s running? (Or am I missing something? Is the mom dead? I still say it’s a scam.) I’m going to go with “Wonderful Xmastime” by McCartney. What a garish, half-assed song. ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/74 "2003-12-04T08:10:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jweb \* > **I need to nominate _Away in a Manger_. Apparently it’s written down somewhere in the annals of Lutheran ideology that, every year, all Kindergarten, 1st, and 2nd grade students must sing this song at the children’s Christmas service.** Probably because tradition has it this carol was written by Martin Luther. Tradition has it wrong, though; the lyrics were originally written as a poem for an American Sunday school book, and later blatantly plagiarized by a fellow who set them to music and claimed it was a translation of a poem by ML. So next time you’re forced to sit through it, you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that they’ve got it wrong, wrong, wrongitty wrong. Not as bad as the Christmas play I was once pressured into attending where Luther turned up singing “Silent Night”, however. Luther died in \ 1546. “Silent Night” was written in 1818… And my vote for worst Christmas song? It’s tough, because some of the worst stuff I hear is not played where most of your live - bad renditions of English-language carols and popular tunes by Norwegian artists, sometimes in the form of badly translated words, other times just sung by someone who hasn’t practiced singing in English very much. “Mary’s Boy Child” is a great example. As Harry Belefonte performed it, it’s a good song. But sung by someone who has no understanding of the musical traditions the song was supposed to emulate, _and_ who seems to be struggling with the English language, it’s just painful. (Unless we’re talking Boney M. Then it’s funny if I’m in the right mood because it’s so amazingly crashingly wrong it might as well be performed by space aliens. But I digress.) And I swear I heard a Norwegian version of “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” once, too. Take a song that’s quite awful in the original language, stir in a bad translation, and… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/75 "2003-12-04T14:09:25Z")
Johnny Cash’s “Little Drummer Boy” is actually pretty good, mostly because it was sung by Johnny Cash and he had the artistic sense to leave out the “rump-a-bump-bumps.” Stevie Nicks croaking away on “Silent Night” is offensive to me for several reasons: 1. I am distantly related to one of the guys who wrote it. 2. Her voice is awful and I can think of much better things to do with her mouth. 3. Her father and mine worked together and my father’s problems with “that jerk Nicks” meant I’d never have the chance to do those things. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/76 "2003-12-04T14:55:59Z")
“White Christmas” Official xmas song of the kkk. Politically incorrect and should be banned. ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/77 "2003-12-04T15:30:38Z")
And what’s sad is that, depending on where you work, some employees have to listen to all of these songs, and more, day after day after day for hours at a time until Christmas is over. At any rate, I know I did when I worked in a thrift shop for the Christmas holiday a year ago. Personally, I hate _Frosty the Snowman_. Always have and always will. “Thumpity-thump-thump, look at Frosty go!” Am I the only one who sees something oddly Freudian in that? I also hate the _Two Front Teeth_ song. ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/78 "2003-12-04T19:00:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rabid Child \* > **Personally, I hate _Frosty the Snowman_. Always have and always will. “Thumpity-thump-thump, look at Frosty go!” Am I the only one who sees something oddly Freudian in that?** Maybe if it was “…look at Frosty come…” ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2003, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/79 "2003-12-04T19:51:29Z")
Shoes. Hands down it’s the Shoes. What a terrible song. Ack. When I read through this thread yesterday I had not heard this travesty. It was playing as I flipped on the radio last night however, and I may not recover. Those of you who have only read the lyrics haven’t experienced the true crapulence of the creepy electronically enhanced little kid voice at the end. There are many others posted here that are songs I don’t like but can accept that they are not necessarily _bad_ songs. Christmas Shoes is a bad, bad song. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2003, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361/80 "2003-12-05T00:22:53Z")
Ok, I have to change my vote. Today at the store I heard a hip-hop/rap medley of Rudolph/Frosty. It was too horrible for words. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-christmas-songs/216361.md?page=5)