# Worst Dialogue in LOTR **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 11, 2006, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243 "2006-04-11T17:00:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/1 "2006-04-11T17:00:00Z")
I have been meaning to do this for awhile, but what can I say? I’m a procrastinator. I love the PJ trilogy for the most part–Viggo Mortensen IS Aragorn for me etc–I think it’s well cast and shot beautifully and the costumes and sets are very good as well. But. Sometimes there is some frankly BAD script writing and it clunks up there on the screen (ok, my TV). Here is my “favorite” (I actually cannot listen to it): Aragorn and Arwen are having a private moment before the Fellowship goes off. They are standing, in profile, on some kind of fallen tree (or bridge). There is soft lighting, both actors look gorgeous-it’s obviously a touching, sentimental love scene. Arwen fixes those baby blues on Aragorn and says (already cringing over here):“Do you remember the night we first met?” The fact that she says it in Elvish doesn’t help one bit. Augh! It is to throw up. Suddenly, I’m in the middle of a beach blanket movie! \ How about you? Any clunkers out there that you recall? ---
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/2 "2006-04-11T17:09:11Z")
For me, it begins and ends with “Toss me.” ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Mapp](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miss_mapp/32/369_2.png) [@Miss\_Mapp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Mapp)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/3 "2006-04-11T17:13:02Z")
Not the “worst,” exactly, but the lines that always bug me are the ones taken from the book, but the situation in the movie has changed to the point that the line is now nonsensical. So why leave it in as is? For example (and I was just re-watching _The Two Towers_ last night, so it’s fresh in my memory), Faramir’s line near the end that “we understand each other at last, Frodo Baggins.” In the book, Faramir was trying to find out what the little guys were keeping secret–about the Ring and how it had overtaken Boromir–and the hobbits didn’t know if they could trust him or not. So when he says it there, it makes sense: they do understand each other. In the film, it’s just… Huh? Also, in ROTK, Sam’s saying to Frodo in the tower at Cirith Ungol, “You can’t go walking about in naught but your skin” is now idiotic, since Frodo’s obviously got some clothes on. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/4 "2006-04-11T17:28:29Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Arwen fixes those baby blues on Aragorn and says (already cringing over here):“Do you remember the night we first met?” The fact that she says it in Elvish doesn’t help one bit. To be fair, they probably met many **decades** ago… > [@Jpeg Jones](#): > > For me, it begins and ends with “Toss me.” Agreed. There was also a moment when the Fellowship are fleeing down rickety stairs from the Balrog and Gimli faces a jump… > [@Miss Mapp](#): > > For example (and I was just re-watching The Two Towers last night, so it’s fresh in my memory), Faramir’s line near the end that “we understand each other at last, Frodo Baggins.” In the book, Faramir was trying to find out what the little guys were keeping secret–about the Ring and how it had overtaken Boromir–and the hobbits didn’t know if they could trust him or not. So when he says it there, it makes sense: they do understand each other. In the film, it’s just… Huh? Peter Jackson made the decision (rightly or wrongly) that (unlike the book) Faramir would try to take the Ring to Denethor. Naturally Frodo violently disagrees. It’s only after a confrontation with a Ringwraith that Faramir sees things from Frodo’s point of view. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/5 "2006-04-11T17:33:25Z")
“It must be cast into the fiery chasm from whence it came.” Works in a book maybe, but not in film. It’s almost but not quite redeemed by the following line “one of you must do this,” which would be both dramatic and humorous if not for the realization that if I were at a conference and heard somebody use the phrase “cast into the fiery chasm from whence it came”, I’d be laughing too loud for the dramatic pause that comes from being afraid of accepting the Ring. ---
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/6 "2006-04-11T17:37:30Z")
Yeah, “Nobody tosses a dwarf” was about the worst for me. I’m sure there’s some other simpering dialogue I could complain about, but the film managed to carry the moment for everything but _that_. Well, that and when they light the beacons, and it shows a bunch of flames popping up on mountains that would rival Mt. Everest. If I drew that post, I’d be there long enough to burn the damned beacon to stay warm, then quit. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/7 "2006-04-11T17:40:33Z")
**glee** – It’s the soppy, teen age nostalgia tone that irks me so much. This is Arwen and Aragorn ferchrissake! Not Sam and Rosie! Grr. And Legolas’s line (when tracking the Urakai or however you spell it)–“they run as if their very master’s whips were chasing them” or some such nonsense. ---
**Author:** ![cactus\_waltz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@cactus\_waltz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cactus_waltz)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/8 "2006-04-11T17:45:04Z")
> [@](#): > > Aragorn: We have time. Every day Frodo moves closer to Mordor. > Gandalf: Do we know that? > Aragorn: What does your heart tell you? > Gandalf: That Frodo is alive. Yes. Yes, he’s alive. My friend reacted strongly over that line exchange. It’s poor and it removes dignity of Gandalf in a subtle way while still not proving any point. While “Toos me!” is out-right absurd, it’s dialogues like this that made the second and third movie so disappointing. ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/9 "2006-04-11T17:52:16Z")
> [@cactus waltz](#): > > it’s dialogues like this that made the second and third movie so disappointing. Not to me. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/10 "2006-04-11T17:53:35Z")
Arwen, addressing the Nazgul: “If you want him, come and claim him!” Now I know PJ made that scene up out of whole cloth, but he could have inserted relevant dialogue drawn from the books, like “By Elbereth and my foremother Luthien the fair, you cannot have him!” Other examples TNTC (too numerous to count) ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/11 "2006-04-11T17:53:48Z")
I really hated Sam’s closing speech in Two Towers. “Folk in them stories … they kept goin’!” Ugh. If it had been done more quietly, and more quickly, maybe it could’ve worked, but with all the “warp up” cutaways, and Sean Astin Acting™ all over the place … yes, I think “ugh” sums it up. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/12 "2006-04-11T17:54:56Z")
> [@Nonsuch](#): > > I really hated Sam’s closing speech in Two Towers. “Folk in them stories … they kept goin’!” Ugh. If it had been done more quietly, and more quickly, maybe it could’ve worked, but with all the “warp up” cutaways, and Sean Astin Acting™ all over the place … yes, I think “ugh” sums it up. yeah, that was icky. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/13 "2006-04-11T18:14:35Z")
For me, far and away the worst \*delivery \* as well as dialogue was the conversation between Frodo and Galadriel at the mirror. Good lord, what did they do to Cate Blanchette to remove any trace of acting ability? ---
**Author:** ![BMax](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bmax/32/4267_2.png) [@BMax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMax)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/14 "2006-04-11T18:50:01Z")
GIMLI: I’m wasted on cross-country. We Dwarves are natural sprinters! Very dangerous over short distances. Ugh. Why did Jackson have to make Gimli comic relief? Was he suffering from Jar-Jar syndrome, trying to keep the little kids interested? ---
**Author:** ![Grossbottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba8739/32.png) [@Grossbottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grossbottom)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/15 "2006-04-11T19:24:46Z")
“He’s got my axe buried in his nervous system!” ties with Gandalf’s little speech at the tomb of Theoden’s son, if I was Theoden I’d have caved Gandalf’s head in with a rock. Don’t condescend to me, man. Come to think of it, bad to mediocre dialogue may have been the rule for most of the trilogy. No, wait. I’ve got it. “Red sun rises, blood has been spilled this night.” Brilliant, just freakin’ lovely. What an apt little piece of utterly meaningless crap, with contributions like that, no wonder the elves are fleeing Middle Earth. Their neighbors probably burned their little elf houses down. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/16 "2006-04-11T19:30:54Z")
I didn’t mind Gimli being comic relief–the dwarves in _The Hobbit_ are often funny, if not deliberately so (lord knows they take themselves waaaay too seriously!) So, I’m ok with the dwarf tossing (doing it twice was a bit much, IMO). I agree re Galadriel and Frodo at the mirror–and WHY show the Shire and the pillaging if you don’t end the damned trilogy with it? Grrr. And Galadriel’s guy (I suck at remembering names)–his delivery of “where is Gandalf?” sounds like a mechanized recording of C3PO! Most of the clunkers I blame on the writers, not the actors. It must be hard to keep your demeanor when you have to say things like, “you bow to no-one.” We live in too informal an age for stiff speech patterns like this. It doesn’t surprise me that the British cast members did better delivering this dialogue than the Americans (a thread in itself, probably!)–anyway, with Shakespearian training and (most likely) more exposure to Victorian authors in school etc, they can wrap their tongues around some of these lines. ---
**Author:** ![Balduran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cc9497/32.png) [@Balduran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balduran)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/17 "2006-04-11T19:43:27Z")
Think it was in TT, Aragorn and Legolas are looking into the distance. Aragorn says to Legolas “What do your elven eyes see?”. Don’t know if that is in the book or not. ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/18 "2006-04-11T19:44:03Z")
Pretty much all of Legolas’s dialogue was cheesy. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/19 "2006-04-11T19:50:31Z")
Poor Legolas’ job was to be the Exposition Fairy. > [@eleanor rigby](#): > > And Galadriel’s guy (I suck at remembering names)–his delivery of “where is Gandalf?” sounds like a mechanized recording of C3PO! Celeborn \*was \* very Prince Valium, wasn’t he? ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2006, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243/20 "2006-04-11T19:51:43Z")
When Theoden wants to go for Helms deep: > [@](#): > > Gandalf: This is but a taste of the terror that Saruman will unleash. All the more potent for he is driven now by fear of Sauron. Ride out and meet him head on. Draw him away from your women and children. \ You must fight. What is this? Gandalf thinks it is strategically better to go to war head on, than to defend a well-built fortress. That is utterly stupid. It would have destroyed Rohan. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-dialogue-in-lotr/352243.md?page=2)