# Worst excuse by famous person caught doing bad? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 17, 2006, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753 "2006-03-17T15:30:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/21 "2006-03-17T20:55:53Z")
I’m a fan of Al Gore, but “no controlling legal authority” is pretty far from his proudest moment. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/22 "2006-03-17T21:12:56Z")
> [@Tevildo](#): > > He was acquitted. He didn’t have any porn on his machine, just a subscription to a porn site (which he paid for with his own credit card - bloody fool). As far as the “general consensus” goes - to quote from _Monkey Dust_… > > “Town’s End? King? Glitter? Those are all PAEDOPHILES! Except the first, for legal reasons.” 😉 Sounds like no one’s buying it…however, I don’t get the other references: King and Glitter. And what is Monkey Dust? Sorry…I don’t get out much… ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/23 "2006-03-17T21:16:40Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Sounds like no one’s buying it…however, I don’t get the other references: King and Glitter. And what is Monkey Dust? Sorry…I don’t get out much… ☹ Oh…I remember Gary Glitter. But I still don’t get King. ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/24 "2006-03-17T21:19:19Z")
Gary Glitter (“Rock and Roll, Part 1” and “2”) has been convicted of abusing two girls in Vietnam and jailed for three years there. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/25 "2006-03-17T21:38:07Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Debunked by [Jill, SDSAB](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mdimcapacity.html) OK, then, how about the diminished capacity defense - “My consumption of junk food clearly indicates that I was not myself!” Still pretty stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/26 "2006-03-17T21:44:19Z")
> [@Savannah](#): > > Gary Glitter (“Rock and Roll, Part 1” and “2”) has been convicted of abusing two girls in Vietnam and jailed for three years there. His excuse? First, he said they were living with him to learn English. THEN he said they only slept in his bed because “they were afraid of ghosts.” But even though “nothing happened!” he still said it’s okay to have sex with a thirteen year old if they consent. Despicable human being. Oh, what about Michael Jackson? “Oh, we just sleep in the bed, I give them milk and cookies, sharing your bed is so loving, you’re just ignorant!” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/27 "2006-03-17T21:52:34Z")
> [@Tevildo](#): > > He was acquitted. He was never tried. His excuse was apparently the truth - all of his computers were confiscated and nothing turned up, and he was given a warning - so that not only makes him a non-pedophile, I think that makes him ineligible for this list. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/28 "2006-03-17T21:52:39Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > His excuse? First, he said they were living with him to learn English. THEN he said they only slept in his bed because “they were afraid of ghosts.” But even though “nothing happened!” he still said it’s okay to have sex with a thirteen year old if they consent. > > Despicable human being. > > Oh, what about Michael Jackson? “Oh, we just sleep in the bed, I give them milk and cookies, sharing your bed is so loving, you’re just ignorant!” Also acquitted, for the record. 😉 As far as the “_kiddie porn/research_” claim, while I know of Townshend, I think (although I can’t recall specifics) that there are others that have made this same claim. Including a former professor of mine, who evidently was caught by the school’s tech support group and was discovered to have the largest collection of kiddie porn by one individual in New York State. OK, he wasn’t famous, so maybe he doesn’t apply. But he is a published author. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/29 "2006-03-17T21:54:06Z")
I got bad intelligence. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/30 "2006-03-17T21:54:45Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Oh…I remember Gary Glitter. But I still don’t get King. [Jonathan King](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_King). Probably not heard of him because he was a Z-list British celebrity. And according to wikipedia, his excuse was: > [@](#): > > King denied these allegations and claimed his contact with teenagers had been market research, promotion, helping him write hits and genuine friendships. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/31 "2006-03-17T21:59:24Z")
> [@McNew](#): > > Also acquitted, for the record. 😉 Acquitted in a criminal trial last year; settled a civil suit for the same thing a decade earlier for something like $20 million. So it’s not quite the same as Townshend’s situation. And see my other post. It seems his excuse (which did sound stupid, and covered a stupid decision) was the truth. ---
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/32 "2006-03-17T22:49:17Z")
“Wardrobe malfunction.” I’m not sure how evil boobies are\*, but the excuse was certainly lame. - If you don’t count stuff like the woman on Dr. 90210 with half-gallon implants. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/33 "2006-03-17T23:28:18Z")
> [@McNew](#): > > _“I had that kiddie porn on my computer for research purposes.”_ Get your facts straight. The authorites searched every one of Pete’s computers and **did not find any porn**.He was busted and given a police caution for _submitting his credit card info_. Choose to believe his “research” story or not. His views on the insidious nature of internet porn were well documented prior to 2003. He had to abandon his anti-porn crusade because of a foolish mistake…I don’t think he’d mind if I quoted him here: > [@](#): > > But today, without my help, fantastic work is being done today by good people who are fighting hard to combat both the spread of sewage on the internet and the terrible psychological effect that could have on the minds of the children of the future. Every time it occurs to me to say something about what is going on I remind myself what happened to me this year: I was arrested, suspected of wallowing in the very shit that most upset me. It sent me a clear and loud message.I must learn to keep silent and focus my energies elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Taber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac91a4/32.png) [@Taber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taber)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/34 "2006-03-18T02:21:09Z")
Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I’m a lawyer defending a major record company, and I’m talkin’ about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you’re in that jury room deliberatin’ and conjugatin’ the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/35 "2006-03-18T02:42:23Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Gillian Taylforth, minor soap actress, was caught blowing some guy in a Range Rover. Her excuse for his trousers being round his knees was that he was suffering an attack of acute pancreatitis, and she was rubbing his abdomen to relieve the pain. This added “a Taylforth” and “administering acute pancreatitis relief” to _Private Eye_’s list of euphemisms for a good few years. 😃 _Eastenders_’ Gillian Taylforth? Too damn funny! Practicing for her role on _Footballers Wives_, no doubt. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/36 "2006-03-18T04:05:14Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > Get your facts straight. The authorites searched every one of Pete’s computers and **did not find any porn**.He was busted and given a police caution for _submitting his credit card info_. Choose to believe his “research” story or not. His views on the insidious nature of internet porn were well documented prior to 2003. He had to abandon his anti-porn crusade because of a foolish mistake…I don’t think he’d mind if I quoted him here: I have to agree that Townshend doesn’t belong on this list. As ridiculous as a “research” defense would normally sound, I intuitively believed him at the time and I think the investigation (along with Townshend’s documented activism in fighting this stuff) backed up his story. He made a stupid mistake but I don’t believe he’s a pedophile or that he had any prurient interest in what he did. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/37 "2006-03-18T04:57:47Z")
Why was Townshend even charged if there wasn’t any kiddy porn on his computer in the first place? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/38 "2006-03-18T06:26:32Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Why was Townshend even charged if there wasn’t any kiddy porn on his computer in the first place? He wasn’t charged. He was investigated and eventually given an official police “warning” because he used his credit card to subscribe to a child porn site. The police said his computer had only accessed the site a single time and that he had not downloaded any images. Townshend claimed he had accessed the site because he was doing research for his autobiography. Townshend has been an activist for adult survivors of child sexual abuse, is a survivor himself (_Tommy_ was largely about that) and that he wanted to write about it in his book. The investigation found no actual images of child porn on any of his computers and he was cleared with a warning but he still had to register as a sex offender for five years. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/39 "2006-03-18T06:30:06Z")
Wow, that sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753/40 "2006-03-18T06:30:23Z")
Could we please take the Townsend hijack elsewhere? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-excuse-by-famous-person-caught-doing-bad/348753.md?page=3)