# Worst Facebook Status Updates **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 9, 2010, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178 "2010-09-09T14:12:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/41 "2010-09-10T15:28:13Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > > [@GargoyleWB](#): > > > > I have one who is so cloyingly narcissistic it has become ironically amusing to read. A typical post: > > > > “…is reclined on the veranda with a perfectly chilled chablis while basking in the intellectual afterglow of a freshly read Proust novel…” > > That’s got to be satire. He’s being self-referentially ironic… right? Yeah, I actually thought that was kind of funny. ---
**Author:** ![Winnie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e480ec/32.png) [@Winnie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winnie)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/42 "2010-09-10T15:55:54Z")
I have a cousin who CONSTANTLY posts about how sick she is: “Winnie’s Cousin is sooooo congested” “Winnie’s Cousin is still supersick” “Winnie’s Cousin is not feeling so hot today” “Winnie’s Cousin nearly puked on the way to work today, going to lay down” “Winnie’s Cousin is off to find some Advil… SUCH a headache!” Of course all her little fans reply back about how sorry they are, hope she feels better, does she need anything? Ugh I can’t imagine how piddly your life must be that you can only harp on how awful you feel all the time. See a damn doctor or take some Airborne and get on with your life already. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/43 "2010-09-10T15:59:38Z")
All my Facebook friends are idiots. Well, there are a couple that are OK but that’s likely because they don’t post very much. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Winnie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e480ec/32.png) [@Winnie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winnie)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/44 "2010-09-10T16:10:11Z")
Just thought of another one. If someone posts that they’re in Chicago for the day on business or taking a day trip to Baltimore or something, someone who is living in one of those locales inevitably replies back “WHAT! You’re in Baltimore today and you didn’t CALL ME?”. Yeah that’s what I forgot. After planning this lovely day trip to the Inner Harbor of Baltimore with my husband and little boy with fun and exciting activities for our family, I failed to include a side trip to the OTHER side of Baltimore, completely out of my way, to visit someone I haven’t seen since we graduated high school 16 years ago. Color me stupid. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/45 "2010-09-10T16:11:21Z")
> [@Surly\_Chick](#): > > For some reason a fair chunk of my Facebook friends have become born-agains. Not sure why this is happening but if I see one more “Jesus is my savior!” post, I’m going to puke. Meh. It cuts both ways. I see an awful lot of my Facebook friends posting anti-religious rants. In fact, I’d say that the pro- and anti-religious status updates occur at roughly the same frequency. Needless to say, YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/46 "2010-09-10T17:56:10Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > Today I saw one that amuses me every time I see it. > > **Connie got her staples out today.** > Add some of yours. I wouldn’t be so quick to judge - she could be talking about a painful but important post-surgical procedure. Then again, she might just be [The Accountant](http://robotandghost.com/nggallery/page-28/image/258/). ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/47 "2010-09-10T18:35:05Z")
> [@Nancarrow](#): > > I wouldn’t be so quick to judge - she could be talking about a painful but important post-surgical procedure. > > Then again, she might just be [The Accountant](http://robotandghost.com/nggallery/page-28/image/258/). Or Miss August. 🙂 (Yeah, yeah, I know: Playboy doesn’t use staples anymore. Work with me here. :D) ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/48 "2010-09-10T18:47:01Z")
The religious messages don’t bother me. I just ignore them. The ones that get me are the ones that are designed to get other people to comment… because someone always will out of curiosity. “only three more hours…” ; “on my way to the hospitial…” ; “I just received some bad news…” that kind of thing just drives me nuts. Also I got tired of seeing the wife of a friend do something along the same lines but a little different… messages designed to get people to congratulate her or something: “did two hours of cardio today” ; “I’m sore after my work out!” blah blah blah… come up with something original. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/49 "2010-09-10T19:23:05Z")
I had a chronic Facebook abuser on my friends list a while back - she was a friend of a friend. Technically, she was a wife of a relative. Anyway. She was the worst I’ve ever seen: several updates a day, ThE sTuPiD aLt CaPs ThInG, the “post something vaguely negative so people will ask me what’s wrong” thing, and worst of all, constant constant perkiness. You know the idea: “I’m just LOVING life today, tee hee!” “I sure love you all, you’re great!” “Can’t thank my friends enough for just being WHO THEY ARE!!!” It was a nonstop stream of meaningless platitudes designed to ingratiate herself to everyone she knew, and it irritated the hell out of me. Come to find out, this is one seriously messed up woman. If I had to pick one person to carry a sign saying “I am a horrible horrible person”, it would be her. So I think a lot of her Facebook diarrhea stemmed from her own insecurities and her awareness that, frankly, she doesn’t deserve the love and loyalty of her friends, so she worked like made to keep it. I’d pity her if she hadn’t done so much to screw up the life of someone I know well. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/50 "2010-09-10T21:37:19Z")
> [@Audrey\_Levins](#): > > I view Facebook as a cocktail party. Be amusing/witty if you can, polite if you can’t, and keep your sex life, political views, and religion to yourself. That’s not why any of us are here. Bravo! I can’t add anything after that. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/51 "2010-09-10T22:04:57Z")
> [@Audrey\_Levins](#): > > As far as status updates…I have one friend who seems to get status updates and private messages confused. Hers frequently says things like “Baby I can’t sleep I’m thinking about you i miss you already” and “I just love you sooo much pumpkin i wanna see you tonite i can’t wait i’m making steak.” Hey, it isn’t just her, I have a friend I know personallywho is without a doubt one of the smartest people I know (and I hang out on the SDMB!) and gets that mixed up all the time. It’s cute to see his kids reply telling him the difference between a PM and a status update. (Fortunately, his PMs/status updates are rather mundane.) ---
**Author:** ![kapri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4491bb/32.png) [@kapri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kapri)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/52 "2010-09-10T22:24:57Z")
> [@GargoyleWB](#): > > I have one who is so cloyingly narcissistic it has become ironically amusing to read. A typical post: > > “…is reclined on the veranda with a perfectly chilled chablis while basking in the intellectual afterglow of a freshly read Proust novel…” I have a friend like this: “(New husband) just made me a delicious dinner of roasted squab with truffle sauce and steamed, then poached, then parboiled asparagus tips. Now I’m sitting here with an aromatic 2001 French Burgundy while he cleans up and (new baby) rests quietly in his crib. I love my life!” And these always come with a staged photo of two plates of food, two wine glasses, and a bottle of wine. Another friend: “All you Obama lovers out there it is not George Bush’s fault that our economy is so bad!!! YES Bush started a war but OBABY spent (large amount of money) in 20 minutes! And anyway unless you were a member of the military [which she never was, although her husband was], you don’t know what you’re talking about!” I practice great restraint. Great restraint, my friends. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/53 "2010-09-10T23:34:26Z")
On one of my fbfriends status right now: SATANIC ROCK ARTIST-PASTOR’S KID ALICE COOPER RETURNS TO JESUS. She also has her employer listed as “God”. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/54 "2010-09-11T00:25:51Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > > [@GargoyleWB](#): > > > > I have one who is so cloyingly narcissistic it has become ironically amusing to read. A typical post: > > > > “…is reclined on the veranda with a perfectly chilled chablis while basking in the intellectual afterglow of a freshly read Proust novel…” > > That’s got to be satire. He’s being self-referentially ironic… right? Nope, genuine. She’s a theater history PhD, and I believe they all condition each other to talk like that. Academic oneupmanship that becomes habitual 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/55 "2010-09-11T01:20:10Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > She also has her employer listed as “God”. Good benefits package? ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/56 "2010-09-11T02:38:08Z")
> [@GargoyleWB](#): > > I have one who is so cloyingly narcissistic it has become ironically amusing to read. A typical post: > > “…is reclined on the veranda with a perfectly chilled chablis while basking in the intellectual afterglow of a freshly read Proust novel…” And I thought it was so horribly pretentious, I just used it as my own status update, but added the line “while the dog licks my feet.” ---
**Author:** ![brendon\_small](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brendon_small/32/17101_2.png) [@brendon\_small](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brendon_small)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2010, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/57 "2010-09-11T02:53:04Z")
> [@Enright3](#): > > [Snip] …messages designed to get people to congratulate her or something: “did two hours of cardio today” ; “I’m sore after my work out!” blah blah blah… come up with something original. I hate to say this, but I post a lot of crap about working out on facebook…mostly for the fact that there are several facebook friends that I work out with on a weekly basis but not daily - such as a group bike ride on Saturday but we all work out individually during the week. I suppose if you weren’t part of that group, it may seem that is the same reason I’m posting, but it seems a little different. Of course, I also post a lot of that stuff over into teammates walls and such, not just on mine, and it is a bit more detailed, such as, “Hey (friend), did the 5k course in 28 tonight. Still sore from the weekend though.” or something similar. It serves well to keep us on track throughout the week. Brendon ---
**Author:** ![Helena\_Handbasket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Helena\_Handbasket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena_Handbasket)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2010, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/58 "2010-09-16T23:56:39Z")
> [@Cazzle](#): > > > [@jjimm](#): > > > > I defriended someone who joined the group: > > > > **This is England not Poland so fuck off!** > > Some of my Facebook friends joined “Fuck on, we’re empty”, the response group to “Fuck off, we’re full”. > > My cousin keeps changing his mother’s Facebook status to sexually explicit commentary on her sex life with my uncle… some things, you can’t unread. What does it mean about me that I read that as having sex with her brother, not her husband? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/59 "2010-09-17T18:29:10Z")
**Jane Doe Status:** TGIF! I wish everyday were Friday" **comment 1** : Then you’d have to work everyday. I’ll choose Saturdays **commnet 2** : I know! I wish every day was Friday! **comment 3** : There so stupid! ---
**Author:** ![Bootis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e8c25b/32.png) [@Bootis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootis)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2010, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178/60 "2010-09-17T19:05:58Z")
Here’s my favorite [unintended status update](http://www.bordom.net/view/45310/Watching_the_sun_rise_in_the_hot_tub_on_the_3rd_floor_porch_) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-facebook-status-updates/553178.md?page=4)