# WORST fictional captains?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [February 11, 2004, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742 "2004-02-11T23:21:54Z")
**Posts on this page:** 12
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742/41 "2004-02-13T14:56:52Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> I disagree about most captains in Forester’s books being bad – I’ve read his books many times over, especially the Hornblower series, and most of the captains were pretty fair and decent. Sawyer was the extreme exception.
OK, perhaps ‘half’ was an exaguration. I haven’t got time to check all the books. But from memory from a bibliography:
Midshipman - the captain on H’s first ship. Allowed the hornblower to be tortured by other midshipmen
Lieutenant - Sawyer
Hotspur - that admiral guy who doesn’t have any experience and sends H on a sortie against a fench fort while ignoring protestations that it won’t work
Atropos - no-one springs to mind
A Ship of the Line - what’s-his-name. Barbara’s husband. I can’t remember much, but H didn’t like him
Flying Colours - no other captains 🙂
Commodore Hornblower - only reall captains under H. 4/5 were pretty good, and one was just a bit hopeless, not bad
Lord Hornblower - mutiny on a ship due to excessively cruel captain
OK, you’re right. I did overdo it. Though I haven’t managed an exact count. But there are several more examples of bad captains, if not all evil and in the running for worst.
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### Author:  [@Sub-Contractor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sub-Contractor)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2004, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742/42 "2004-02-13T16:05:40Z")
Lt. Niedermayer
(killed by own troops in Vietnam)
“…Niedermayer, DEAD! Wormer,…” - Bluto
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### Author:  [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2004, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742/43 "2004-02-14T00:05:11Z")
> [@plnnr](#):
>
> Captain Veer, from “Billy Budd,” no question, hands down. Hell, he hanged Billy Budd even though he knew Billy wasn’t guilty of the crime he was accused of. All because he had to show his strength as a commander.
>
> And then Billy Budd goes and says “God Bless Capt’n Veer” right before the rope snaps his neck.
It’s been a while since I read BB. But, IIRC the whole point of the story (I don’t think this qualifies as a spoiler) is that Billy is morally innocent (he’s a great guy, follows all the rules, not a bad bone in his body) but legally guilty. The captain makes this clear before the trial even begins. He gives the legal definition of murder in such a manner that he’s clear message is ‘Billy is a great guy. He only hit Jemmy Legs(who was an evil bastard who had it coming) once, and only because Billy’s stuttering is aggravated in times of stress and he was unable to verbally defend himself at the time. Still, Billy hit Jemmy Legs. The blow was fatal. Therefore, Billy is guilty under the law and must be put to death.’
Re Ahab
I gotta disagree. Ahab is a fantastic captain. His presence is naturally commanding. At many points the crew is about to mutiny, but through his sheer force of personality, Ahab makes them obey. His ability to successfully deduce Moby’s location shows his mastery of navigation, meteorology, cetology and a great deal else. Yes, his obssession makes him ignore things like profit, or loss of cargo but he’s still one hell of a commanding officer.
Re Captain Stern
A few years ago, Stern got his own 4 issue comic mini series. Before ejecting his body into space, the prison priest says 'I see no point on reflecting on his sinful wasted life or praying for his miserable, filthy soul. Good riddance to bad rubbish!"
Back To The OP
Captain Toot Toot
Originally just a costumed ride operator at a kiddie park He went on to join Temporary Captains, an agency providing low cost captains for short assignments. Scrooge McDuck always asks for their very cheapest captain, and gets Toot Toot. Toot Toot has no personnel skills and is a worse pilot than Launchpad McQuack. He also tends to abandon ship without regard for the welfare of the passengers. After he jumps off the Hindentanic, Scrooge McDuck woefully observes
“Blast! His shoot opened!”
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### Author:  [@TERRA\_Rising](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TERRA_Rising)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2004, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742/44 "2004-02-14T03:30:08Z")
I only saw one instance of Capt. Kirk’s intelligence, but Sisko made me angry at how inept he was.
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### Author:  [@coffeecam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecam)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2004, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742/45 "2004-02-14T04:03:35Z")
> [@TERRA Rising](#):
>
> I only saw one instance of Capt. Kirk’s intelligence, but Sisko made me angry at how inept he was.
Erm, have you seen the episode where the Romulans are tricked into the Dominion War? Granted the dirty work was done by someone else, but the federation has to have some standards.
RE: the OP
Spaceman Spiff, how many ships did he crash in remote and barren locations? We can only imagine the expense of retrieval and repair. 😃
C
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### Author:  [@Sketch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sketch)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2004, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742/46 "2004-02-14T06:05:44Z")
Woah gonna have to disagree with Spaceman Spiff, sure he crashed many a ship, but he escaped \* evey single time!\* and was always ready for more. I’m sorry but the man is obviously a genius.
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### Author:  [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2004, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742/47 "2004-02-14T07:33:22Z")
Captain Crunch
It’s that bastard’s fault I’m diabetic.
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### Author:  [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2004, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742/48 "2004-02-14T07:49:42Z")
Which reminds of another awful captain, though whether he’s fictional depends on who you ask.
Loki
When Ragnarok comes, he’ll burst his prison and build a huge ship- out of the uncut nails of the dead. IANAShipwright, but cadaver nails strike me as a less than optimal material for ship building. He’ll load the ship with various jotun (giants) and the dishonored dead and sail up Bifrost, the rainbow bridge connecting Asgard (realm of the gods) to Midgard(earth). The weight of the ship and it’s passengers will shatter the bridge. Meaning that regardless of the outcome of the battle, everybody will be pretty much stranded.
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### Author:  [@OM\_Waterfall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OM_Waterfall)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2004, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742/49 "2004-02-14T11:34:42Z")
Captain Pollution (nemesis of Captain planet).
Not only did he try to befoul the planet (which upset the indian(?) guy who bore an uncanny resemblance to Fez from that 70’s show), he invariably had the most stupid looking henchman known to kids TV. He also had a high, annoying voice.
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### Author:  [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2004, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742/50 "2004-02-14T16:17:14Z")
**Brigadier General Jack D. Ripper** from _Dr. Strangelove_. He picked the wrong way to preserve the purity of essence and pretty much ended life as we know it.
Now excuse me, I’m going to go make myself a grain alcohol and rainwater.
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### Author:  [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2004, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742/51 "2004-02-14T18:14:49Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#):
>
> **Brigadier General Jack D. Ripper** from _Dr. Strangelove_. He picked the wrong way to preserve the purity of essence and pretty much ended life as we know it.
>
> Now excuse me, I’m going to go make myself a grain alcohol and rainwater.
But he isn’t a captain.
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### Author:  [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2004, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fictional-captains/228742/52 "2004-02-14T18:18:36Z")
Check the OP. Non-naval commanders, too, so long as they were commissioned officers.
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