# Worst Fortune Cookie Message. Ever. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 7, 2008, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367 "2008-05-07T00:06:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/21 "2008-05-07T18:31:40Z")
Those fortunes seem kinda crappy. I’m sure we dopers could come up with better ones! -You will be halfway to work and suddenly find yourself stricken with panic that you lost your keys, only to realize moments later that they are in your hand/in your ignition. -When you wake up tomorrow you will spend a few minutes in bed contemplating how long you could live off your savings if you called your boss and quit so that you could sleep in. -You will experience an intense desire for bacon. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/22 "2008-05-07T18:41:46Z")
[QUOTE=pbbth] You will be halfway to work and suddenly find yourself stricken with panic that you lost your keys, only to realize moments later that they are in your hand/in your ignition. [/QUOTE] Arrghh! I thought this only happened to me! Also, I’ve been talking on my cellphone, and panicked when it wasn’t in my pocket. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/23 "2008-05-07T18:45:41Z")
My father always told me that if you eat the cookie, your fortune won’t come true. So if you get a crappy fortune, just eat the cookie. Problem solved. I hate the cookies and always take them home for the dogs. I never get fortunes anyway, just annoying character analysis. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/24 "2008-05-07T18:55:28Z")
[QUOTE=Thorium Indium Potassium] “Today is a disastrous day. If you can’t beat 'em, join 'em.” [/QUOTE] He got Hillary Clinton’s food by mistake! ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/25 "2008-05-07T19:04:28Z")
[QUOTE=wheresgeorge04] There’s always [this fortune](http://www.blacksunn.net/11111001111/selflove.jpg). It’s true, too! [/QUOTE] …in bed. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/26 "2008-05-07T19:12:03Z")
[QUOTE=BluMoon] Once I got a cookie with no fortune. What does that mean?? [/QUOTE] It’s a total zen thing. The proper response is to stare off into space and thoughfully intone “In Bed…” ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/27 "2008-05-07T19:13:47Z")
I got one that said “Your exercise routine could be improved.” They might have told me before the eggrolls and the sweet and sour pork. ---
**Author:** ![Hypnagogic\_Jerk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hypnagogic_jerk/32/4252_2.png) [@Hypnagogic\_Jerk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypnagogic_Jerk)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/28 "2008-05-07T19:20:05Z")
I guy a knew once got a fortune that said “you like Chinese food”. He kept it in his wallet. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/29 "2008-05-07T19:33:25Z")
We went to the local Chinese buffet a couple of years ago. My wife got a fortune that said: “You should expect a new addition to your life”. We knew what it meant immediately and we went and bought a pregnancy test after the meal. It was positive and my baby daughter will turn two in July. Months later we went back to the Chinese buffet. I went to the bathroom right when the check and cookies arrived. I came back to see my oldest daughter mutilating them. I said in a loud pissy voice “Stop that! Those cookies were how we found out your mother was pregnant the last time.” A passing couple doubled over in laughter. I just looked at them and proclaimed “It’s true!” ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/30 "2008-05-07T20:00:46Z")
[QUOTE=pbbth] Those fortunes seem kinda crappy. I’m sure we dopers could come up with better ones! -You will be halfway to work and suddenly find yourself stricken with panic that you lost your keys, only to realize moments later that they are in your hand/in your ignition. -When you wake up tomorrow you will spend a few minutes in bed contemplating how long you could live off your savings if you called your boss and quit so that you could sleep in. -You will experience an intense desire for bacon. [/QUOTE] -Universe.exe has suffered a fatal exception and will now close. ---
**Author:** ![ShadowFacts](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shadowfacts/32/2934_2.png) [@ShadowFacts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShadowFacts)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/31 "2008-05-07T20:20:16Z")
I much prefer the construction “between the sheets” to “in bed.” It’s a touch more poetic. Everyone please use it from now on. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![3acresandatruck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/e79b87/32.png) [@3acresandatruck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3acresandatruck)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/32 "2008-05-07T20:30:28Z")
[QUOTE=BluMoon] Once I got a cookie with no fortune. What does that mean?? [/QUOTE] No fortune slip at all (you’re OK) or the paper slip was there, but blank? I got a blank one once, while eating at a Chinese buffet with my youngest sister. Amused, we showed it to our waitress, who was familiar with us, as we ate there every week or two. She got a dark look on her face and informed us that a blank fortune was a harbinger of D - O - O - M !! (cue spooky music) We didn’t eat there again for almost 5 weeks. The waitress asked why, and my sister informed her that I’d had a heart attack about ten days after getting the Fortune Cookie of Doom. The waitress was rather upset about it, but we assured her that the fortune really hadn’t caused it; it was genetics and my own bad habits. Thereafter, whenever she gave us our fortune cookies - they came with the check - we’d ask her if either of us was getting the Fortune Cookie of Doom. ---
**Author:** ![Thinks2Much](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Thinks2Much](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thinks2Much)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/33 "2008-05-07T20:53:02Z")
I got one yesterday that was “Depend on the status quo to support you.” Which to me is like saying “Have no ambition and pursue no change”. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/34 "2008-05-07T21:04:36Z")
Not the worst ever, but: “Iron rusts” Um, thanks for the info. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/35 "2008-05-07T21:55:37Z")
[QUOTE=Dolores Reborn] Also, I’ve been talking on my cellphone, and panicked when it wasn’t in my pocket. :smack: [/QUOTE] I briefly lost my glasses earlier today. I found them… on my face. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367/36 "2008-05-07T22:55:24Z")
Several years ago, pornographic fortune cookies because the rage. Needless to say, they soon passé. Then Grandma came to visit. You know, the one who was a Jehovah’s Witness. She loved senbei - Japanese tea crackers, which is what fortune cookies are a type of. Fortunately, she had come here to the city to get cataract surgery. When she asked one of us to read it to her, we said euphemized it. 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-fortune-cookie-message-ever/448367.md?page=1)