# Worst. Lyrics. EVAH! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 28, 2007, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465 "2007-12-28T14:09:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/1 "2007-12-28T14:09:04Z")
Thanks to **WordMan** ’s recommendation, I’ve just “discovered” Freddy King, who plays some very, very serious blue guitar. There’s a lot of really great stuff on the “Ultimate Collection” I’m listening to, plus my nomination for the worst song lyrics in the history of American music, [_Big-Legged Woman_](http://www.harptab.com/lyrics/ly3358.shtml) (by Leon Russell and Charles Blackwell, who both play on it – as does Carl Radle and Jim Gordon – all of this circa _Layla_ … hmmm…). Anyway, the song starts off thusly: \*I love the tip, I love the top, I love you better than a hog loves slop ‘Cause you’re a big legged woman, with a short short miniskirt Promise me darlin’, you’ll never make me feel like dirt \* :rolleyes: Top that, if you can! ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/2 "2007-12-28T14:30:33Z")
_Relentless lust Of rotting flesh To thrash the tomb she lies Heathen whore Of Satan’s wrath I spit at your demise_ - Slayer, _Necrophiliac_ It sounds like a Deathtöngue song… ---
**Author:** ![Octalcode](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Octalcode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octalcode)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/3 "2007-12-28T14:38:30Z")
The Smiths. Some girls are bigger than others. Some girls are bigger than others Some girls are bigger than others Some girls mothers are bigger than Other girls mothers ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/4 "2007-12-28T14:49:23Z")
[Kid Rock’s _Cowboy_](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/k/kid+rock/cowboy_20078133.html) The whole thing is one big steaming pile of shite (and I like Kid Rock); this just sounds like something a 14 year old would write while wasting time in Algebra class-- and yet it was released on an actual CD from an actual record company. > [@Kid Rock](#): > > And Im headin out west sucker…because I wanna be a > Cowboy baby > With the top let back and the sunshine shinin > Cowboy baby > West coast chillin with the boones wine > I wanna be a cowboy baby > Ridin at night cause I sleep all day > Cowboy baby > I can smell a pig from a mile away _“I can smell a pig from a mile away”_– Crikey, good for you, Bob. A lyric so wretched it makes my skin crawl. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/5 "2007-12-28T14:51:25Z")
\*Big bottom, big bottom Talk about mud flaps, my girl’s got 'em Big bottom drive me out of my mind How could I leave this behind? \* [http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Big-Bottom-lyrics-Spinal-Tap/720EED439507704B48256DCE002F4A41](http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Big-Bottom-lyrics-Spinal-Tap/720EED439507704B48256DCE002F4A41) ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/6 "2007-12-28T14:59:40Z")
Bon Jovi’s “Wanted, Dead or alive”. The whole song. > [@Example](#): > > Sometimes I sleep, sometimes its not for days > And the people I meet always go their separate ways > Sometimes you tell the day > By the bottle that you drink > And times when you’re all alone all you do is think ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/7 "2007-12-28T15:12:35Z")
From a band with normally good lyrics: The Who - **Athena** _Consumed, there was a beautiful white horse I saw in a dream stage He had a snake the size of a sewer pipe living in his rib cage And I felt like a priest who was being flambed You’ve got me requisitioned, blondie_ ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/8 "2007-12-28T15:12:38Z")
Respectfully I say to thee I’m aware that you’re cheatin’ But no one makes me feel like you do. I’ll be there for you - these five words I swear to you! ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/9 "2007-12-28T15:20:40Z")
Yes, previously known for progressive music and lyrics, got in the top 40 with this: _Here is my heart Waiting for you Here is my soul I eat at chez nous_ Couldn’t they have thought of a better fourth line? It’s not hard to find a rhyme for “you.” I eat at _our kitchen_??? ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/10 "2007-12-28T15:22:21Z")
_“Guilty feet have got no rhythm”_ It begins and ends with that. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/11 "2007-12-28T15:29:12Z")
_I’m Serious As Cancer When I Say Rhythm Is A Dancer_ - Snap, Rhythm is a Dancer _Don’t say you’re easy on me You’re about as easy as a nuclear war_ - Duran Duran, Is There Something I Should Know ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/12 "2007-12-28T15:30:43Z")
Horse with No Name: There was dirt and rocks and _things_. Things! Really, there were things? Who could have guessed there could be things. In a desert no less. Dumbass. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/13 "2007-12-28T15:33:33Z")
[QUOTE=Mr Bus Guy] _“Guilty feet have got no rhythm”_ It begins and ends with that. [/QUOTE] You do have a point here. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/14 "2007-12-28T15:33:57Z")
Beach Boys, “Drive-In” > [@](#): > > If you say you watch the movie you’re a couple of liars > And remember “Only you can prevent forest fires!” ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/15 "2007-12-28T15:35:13Z")
[QUOTE=Superfluous Parentheses] Bon Jovi’s “Wanted, Dead or alive”. The whole song. [/QUOTE] That’s not a deep, thoughtful rock ballad? The hell you say! Next you’ll tell me “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” isn’t a masterful work! (Actually I like both.) ---
**Author:** ![ArizonaTeach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/45deac/32.png) [@ArizonaTeach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArizonaTeach)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/16 "2007-12-28T15:36:45Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal] \*Big bottom, big bottom Talk about mud flaps, my girl’s got 'em Big bottom drive me out of my mind How could I leave this behind? \* [/QUOTE] While the relative worth of all lyrics is subjective, I really don’t think it’s fair to quote Spinal Tap as an example of bad lyrics… ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/17 "2007-12-28T15:37:09Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] _I’m Serious As Cancer When I Say Rhythm Is A Dancer_ - Snap, Rhythm is a Dancer [/QUOTE] oooh. snap! > [@Snap - The Power](#): > > Quality I possess something I’m fresh > When my voice goes through the rest > Of the microphone that I am holdin’ > Copywritten lyrics so they can’t be stolen > If they are snap > Don’t need the police to try to save them > Your voice will sink so please stay off my back > Or I will attack and you don’t want that ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/18 "2007-12-28T15:37:24Z")
Neil Diamond: I am I cried to no one there. And no one heard at all, not even a chair. Well, duh. Chairs don’t have ears. ---
**Author:** ![lobstermobster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobstermobster/32/10033_2.png) [@lobstermobster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobstermobster)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/19 "2007-12-28T15:41:42Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] _I’m Serious As Cancer When I Say Rhythm Is A Dancer_ - Snap, Rhythm is a Dancer [/QUOTE] As far as I’m concerned I believe this is the ultimate in bad lyrics. I mean its SO BAD. My boyfriend says it EVERYTIME I ask “are you serious?” I’ve learned to just expect it. ---
**Author:** ![WreckingCrew](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wreckingcrew/32/4080_2.png) [@WreckingCrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WreckingCrew)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/20 "2007-12-28T15:48:11Z")
“My Baby Does the Hanky Panky” Repeat 4 more times. I know there is another verse, but that is pretty much 75% of the song. Mind you, I’m not complaining - this is a brilliant example of trash rock. Ranks right up there with “Surfin Bird”. But seeing as it was written by Jeff Barry and Ellie Greenwich, who cranked out dozens of Brill Building classics you might have figured they could have come up with a second line. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465.md?page=2)