# Worst. Lyrics. EVAH! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 28, 2007, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465 "2007-12-28T14:09:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/21 "2007-12-28T15:49:43Z")
[QUOTE=lobstermobster] > [@Struan](#): > > Originally Posted by Struan > I’m Serious As Cancer > When I Say Rhythm Is A Dancer - Snap, Rhythm is a Dancer As far as I’m concerned I believe this is the ultimate in bad lyrics. I mean its SO BAD. My boyfriend says it EVERYTIME I ask “are you serious?” I’ve learned to just expect it. [/QUOTE] At the risk of killing the thread, I think I _may_ be able to go one better. From the canon of the late Biggie Smalls: > [@Biggie](#): > > My nigga Gutter kidnaps kids, (that’s right) > Fucks 'em in the ass and throws 'em off a bridge (aaah) > That’s how it is. Oh really? That’s how it is, is it Biggie? That’s just a normal day in the life for you and your best bud THE BOSTON STRANGLER?!? Not cool, dude. Not cool. ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/22 "2007-12-28T15:58:44Z")
[QUOTE=WreckingCrew] “My Baby Does the Hanky Panky” Repeat 4 more times. I know there is another verse, but that is pretty much 75% of the song. [/QUOTE] Another wonderful line from the same song: _I saw you walkin’ on down the line._ Line? What line? Flight line? Line of scrimmage? Battle line? What? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/23 "2007-12-28T16:10:53Z")
[QUOTE=PoorYorick] Another wonderful line from the same song: _I saw you walkin’ on down the line._ Line? What line? Flight line? Line of scrimmage? Battle line? What? [/QUOTE] It’s a receiving line. What, you didn’t know that song was about Queen Elizabeth? ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/24 "2007-12-28T16:27:50Z")
HEY, I just remembered Paula Cole… “Open up your morning light, say a little prayer for I.” I’m saying a little prayer that you find a more appropriate and grammatical rhyme for “light.” ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/25 "2007-12-28T16:35:31Z")
[QUOTE=Hamadryad] HEY, I just remembered Paula Cole… “Open up your morning light, say a little prayer for I.” [/QUOTE] Oh, that irritates the crap out of me! Why would she actually consider this acceptable? Paula, did you even try? How about, Now open up your tiny mind / And think of other words that rhyme? See now, that sucks, but it only took me about twelve seconds to think of it. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/26 "2007-12-28T16:38:27Z")
I don’t know if they’re the worst lyrics ever, but the Turtles’ “Elenore” always seemed to me to be somewhat lazily written. A couple of examples: _I really think you’re groovy Let’s go out to a movie…_ Okay, it was the 60s and “groovy” was in common parlance, but this just looked like a way to squeeze “groovy” into a song lyric with a rhyme of some kind. Still, it’s not as bad as one of the subsequent lines: _You’re my pride and joy, et cetera…_ Yes, they actually sing _et cetera_ in the song. But in spite of the lyrics, the song peaked at number 6, so the listening and buying public didn’t seem to let the lyrics worry them too much. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/27 "2007-12-28T16:42:09Z")
I usually read these threads and think Dopers are just too literal-minded about song lyrics. But everything here so far really does suck, except for the Spinal Tap lyrics. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/28 "2007-12-28T16:55:49Z")
[QUOTE=Spoons] You’re my pride and joy, et cetera… Yes, they actually sing et cetera in the song. But in spite of the lyrics, the song peaked at number 6, so the listening and buying public didn’t seem to let the lyrics worry them too much. [/QUOTE] Spoons, I’ve never actually heard this song, but I seem to remember, when it was mentioned before, someone piped up and said the song was intended to mock other romantic songs… it is intentionally vague and uninspired. These lyrics are all making me crack up though. And O how I heart Madonna and defend her as profoundly misunderstood, but her little rap breakdown in ‘‘Mother and Father’’ makes me embarrassed. This is how she chooses to express her traumatic childhood, following the death of her mother when she was five: \*I cried and cried and cried all day Until the neighbors went away They couldn’t take my loneliness I couldn’t take their phoniness My father had to go to work I used to think he was a jerk\* Gripping, honey. Just gripping. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/29 "2007-12-28T16:57:36Z")
[QUOTE=olivesmarch4th] Gripping, honey. Just gripping. [/QUOTE] Or griping. ---
**Author:** ![Wee\_Bairn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/90db22/32.png) [@Wee\_Bairn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wee_Bairn)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/30 "2007-12-28T17:09:18Z")
I don’t agree with the Spinal Tap either- “Big Bottom” is genius, especially the double meaning of “how could I leave this behind” 🙂 Another Beach Boys classic from Brian Wilson’s demented period- the homoerotic paean to Johnny Carson contains the following gems: He sits behind his microphone John-ny Car-son He speaks in such a manly tone John-ny Car-son Ed McMahon comes on and says “Here’s Johnny” Every night at eleven thirty he’s so funny Don’t you think he’s such a natural guy The way he’s kept it up could make you cry And the fade out- Who’s a man that we admire? Johnny Carson is a real live wire. Ugh. And this from the guy who wrote Good Vibrations, etc ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/31 "2007-12-28T17:21:01Z")
How many of things on this list are your favorite: Raindrops on roses Whiskers on kittens Bright copper kettles Warm woolen mittens Brown paper packages tied up with strings Cream colored ponies Crisp apple strudels Doorbells Sleigh bells Schnitzel with noodles Wild geese that fly with the moon on their winds. Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes Silver white winters that melt into Springs ---
**Author:** ![Susie\_Derkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Susie\_Derkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susie_Derkins)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/32 "2007-12-28T17:54:07Z")
Well, I do like whiskers on my kittens, but snowflakes on my eyelashes have gots to go. My contribution to the thread: _She had dumps like a truck truck truck Thighs like what what what Baby move your butt butt butt I think I’ll sing it again_ No, Sisqo. Please don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/33 "2007-12-28T18:00:56Z")
[MacArthur Park](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MacArthur_Park_%28song%29) What do I win? A cake? You call that a cake!? Did you leave it outside or something? ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/34 "2007-12-28T18:03:53Z")
[QUOTE=Spoons] I don’t know if they’re the worst lyrics ever, but the Turtles’ “Elenore” always seemed to me to be somewhat lazily written. A couple of examples: _I really think you’re groovy Let’s go out to a movie…_ [/QUOTE] Another Turtles song (“Happy Together” I think. I’m doing this from memory): _So happy together._ _How is the weather?_ “How is the weather”?! Where did that come from? They couldn’t find anything else to rhyme with “weather”? ---
**Author:** ![A\_Priori\_Tea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3bc359/32.png) [@A\_Priori\_Tea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_Priori_Tea)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/35 "2007-12-28T18:11:33Z")
Every single rock song ever that’s decided that the way to make a real impact is to say the same line or two over and over and over and over and over. The one I’ve noticed the most is “The Hand That Feeds” - mostly because I used to really lust after Trent Reznor, and now I have to change the radio station halfway through the song, because it’s just the same damned two lines for the rest of it. Will you bite the hand that feeds you Will you stay down on your knees For a bit over two minutes. ARGH. Stop! Enough! I get it! I will bite the hand that mixes if you don’t quit! Just so you know, the cake is a lie. ---
**Author:** ![Octalcode](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Octalcode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octalcode)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/36 "2007-12-28T18:13:58Z")
[QUOTE=Typo Knig] [MacArthur Park](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MacArthur_Park_%28song%29) What do I win? A cake? You call that a cake!? Did you leave it outside or something? [/QUOTE] A copy of… MacArthur Park. ---
**Author:** ![Susie\_Derkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Susie\_Derkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susie_Derkins)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/37 "2007-12-28T18:24:29Z")
[QUOTE=PoorYorick] They couldn’t find anything else to rhyme with “weather”? [/QUOTE] That’s just lazy! _Dress you in leather Tickle your ass with a feather Let’s play balls of tether Hey, isn’t that Heather?_ ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/38 "2007-12-28T18:27:39Z")
[QUOTE=Octalcode] A copy of… MacArthur Park. [/QUOTE] Which version? ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/39 "2007-12-28T18:48:42Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] \*I love the tip, I love the top, I love you better than a hog loves slop ‘Cause you’re a big legged woman, with a short short miniskirt Promise me darlin’, you’ll never make me feel like dirt \* [/QUOTE] Well, I don’t think it’s that bad. It does capture the feel of [this cartoon by R. Crumb](http://rcrumb.com/newsletter/monica.jpg) and many other of his drawings of “big legged women”. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2007, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465/40 "2007-12-28T18:50:19Z")
[QUOTE=control-z] That’s not a deep, thoughtful rock ballad? The hell you say! Next you’ll tell me “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” isn’t a masterful work! (Actually I like both.) [/QUOTE] I can’t help myself, every time I hear that song I sing it as, “Every rose has its thorn / Just like every night has its dawn / just like every metal band has a pussy song.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-lyrics-evah/431465.md?page=3)