# Worst Movie Ever **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 23, 2001, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351 "2001-01-23T03:01:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Quadzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/a4c791/32.png) [@Quadzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quadzilla)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2001, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/61 "2001-01-24T03:34:56Z")
I can’t believe it took until Dave X to nominate **Cabin Boy**. This movie sucked worse than anything a black-market vacuum company could produce. It was so bad that my dad made me pay him back for the rental fees - a grand total of $.50. _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![Mercutio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Mercutio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercutio)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2001, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/62 "2001-01-24T03:58:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bdgr \* > \*\*It is the story of a poor misunderstood leader of a hippie motorcycle club, who loses his job for smoking dope at work, and then goes on a quest to his hometown with the rest of his club. At this point the credit start rolling you are thinking, thank god…its over…then you realize it’s the onpening credits. JC, the leader guy, who later sorta becomes Jesus Christ, but not really, apparently comes from this small town, where he was the son of a preacher who used to have visions, and named him after the “JC”. JC keeps getting visions while on the road which he describes as “a giant winking eye, up in the sky. Colder than a dead whore.” I only wish I were kidding. The movie starts to degenerate from there, with such memorable scenes as JC, rolling around on his bed in his underwear(complete with skid marks…I kid you not) having some sort of acid trip/vision. One of the hippie girls reciting the dictionary definition of negro to a bunch of racist rednecks who said something bad about her black friend. Slim Pickens as the redneck sherriff. a big ending scene where JC sacrifices himself to save everyone, preaching to the crowd as the rednecks shoot him, with his arms outstreached like he was on the cross. > > I can’t do this justice, it has to be seen to be believed. \*\* Sheer morbid curiousity is calling my name. Think you could send me a copy? This seems too bad to be true. Seriously. You think I’m joking? E-mail me. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2001, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/63 "2001-01-24T08:35:11Z")
I liked ‘Dead Man’. Worst movie I have ever seen is probably ‘Crossworlds’, a DTV sci-fi (NOT SF) flick with Rutger Hauer in it. It’s hard to explain why I hate this film so much, a description of the plot sounds stupid but not painful, which the film itself is. ---
**Author:** ![sputnik7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@sputnik7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sputnik7)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2001, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/64 "2001-01-24T12:42:27Z")
1989’s Law of Gravity. It’s basically a bank robery movie with all the bad line you could ever ask for. In the end they rob the bank then are hunted down by the cops and shot dead. ---
**Author:** ![Me\_Joe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecccb3/32.png) [@Me\_Joe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Me_Joe)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2001, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/65 "2001-01-24T22:28:40Z")
Let’s see, it’s so hard (unfortunately) to narrow the list to one single movie, more awful, more pointless, more inept in every department (writing, acting, directing)… some contestants: The Avengers Congo Sphere Batman & Robin Basic Instinct Friday the 13th, Part anything But then again, “Satan’s Cheerleaders” (yes, there is an actual movie with that name!)just rushes out of the back of my mind as the worst, most useless waste of time & energy ever commited to film. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_A\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@Just\_A\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_A_Girl)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/66 "2001-01-25T01:33:30Z")
Halloween 3: A wretched piece of cinematic crap, supposedly an insert in the infamous Halloween series (i.e. Michael Meyers, Jamie Lee Curtis). How can this be much different than the rest of the series, you ask? Well…Perhaps that was the question running through the writer’s minds as well because the movie has absolutely NOTHING to do with the slasher masked brother of Jamie Lee. Niether of the two appear or are even referenced to in the film. It’s completely random -It’s about (from what I rememeber) all these kids buying these masks before Halloween to watch some TV show broadcast all over America on Halloween night. When the big show comes on, the masks like, eat people’s faces off and stuff. It’s the most unexplainable movie I’ve ever seen. (I think I’ve mentioned this movie before somewhere, but I felt it was worth reiterating) The Bogus Witch Project: A compilation of various spoofs on the Blair Witch. It’s not even a real movie. (Pauly Shore was the only known actor in it…and I use the term “actor” loosely :rolleyes: )I’m embarassed we rented it but in my defense, there was substantial alcohol consumption prior to the selection. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2001, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/67 "2001-01-25T04:02:06Z")
It was just mentioned in another thread, so I can’t figure why it hasn’t been mentioned here… River’s Edge I rented it because it was made by someone from my high school. Being a film major myself, I thought it’d be useful to see what my hometown has produced. Oh my God! The story is about a high school boy that for some reason (I think was mostly along the lines of “I felt like it”) kills his girlfriend and leaves her body by the river. Like the ittellegent lad that he is, he shows to blue naked corpse (yep, we get to see it, several times) to all of his high school buddies. The dramatic tention is wether or not they should tell the police that one of their friends is a psychotic murderer (see, it’s a really hard question, isn’t it?) Somewhere along the lines are a strange evil guy named “Feck” and a very early Keaunu Reeves stiffly spouting lines like “I thought you were my friend, man”. Ack! Make it go away! ---
**Author:** ![bdgr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a87d85/32.png) [@bdgr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdgr)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/68 "2001-01-26T16:15:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mercutio \* > Sheer morbid curiousity is calling my name. Think you could send me a copy? This seems too bad to be true. Seriously. You think I’m joking? > E-mail me. \*\* My friend has it, but he wont give me a copy. Its a competition thing. I will keep trying to get a copy from him. Heres the IMDB entry. [http://us.imdb.com/Title?0068752](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0068752) ---
**Author:** ![DZ42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c0e974/32.png) [@DZ42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DZ42)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/69 "2001-01-26T16:42:44Z")
Worst movie I’ve ever seen: [Blues Brothers 2000](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0118747) (oddly enough, made in 1998). I’ve never walked out on a movie yet, but this one pushed that to the limit. Only stayed because I couldn’t talk my friends into leaving as well. Yikes, was that bad - at least Showgirls has some redeeming value. (that would be ‘lots and lots of nudity’) Anyway, there’s my vote… ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/70 "2001-01-26T16:59:11Z")
Another candidate: Star Crystal – another “Alien” rip-off with a Monster Loose on the Starship. There have been plenty of those, but there’s one thing that singles this one out for special mention – the unique method they use to subdue the rubberoid creature. They convert it to Christianity. True. This must be seen to be believed. ---
**Author:** ![Winnowill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@Winnowill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winnowill)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/71 "2001-01-26T17:00:36Z")
Anybody ever seen “Zardoz?” Post-Bond Sean Connery and Charlotte Rampling (which should have been the tip-off right there). 1970s low-budget, post-Apocalyptic, over-acted, under-written and under-produced. I cannot even begin to explain what this movie was about, but it did involve a bizarre, flying stone head. I have no idea what possessed Sir Sean to say “Sure, I’ll film this!” As for BW2, [Mr. Cranky](http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/blairwitch2.html) had to make up a whole new classification of bad-ness to review it! ---
**Author:** ![bobo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f9ae1b/32.png) [@bobo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobo)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/72 "2001-01-26T17:02:06Z")
Some great contenders “Dark Star” – story of three guys in a space ship going around blowing up galaxies, the beach ball with swim fins for creature effects was beautiful “R.O.T.O.R.” – robotic police officer run amuck “Eliminators” – fighter polit crashes and is turned into a “mandroid” by an evil scientist bent on world domination “Night of the Demons” – teen scream horror movie and now for the sad confession, I own copies of all but “Dark Star”… ---
**Author:** ![egkelly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/db5fbb/32.png) [@egkelly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/egkelly)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/73 "2001-01-26T17:49:59Z")
The other night I could not sleep-so I turned on the boob tube (the IFC channel), and what did I see but that hopeless stinker “MY PRIVATE IDAHO”. What a piece of pretentious garbage-no discernable plot of any kind, stupid acting (including Keanu Reeves and the late River Phoenix). I hate to speak ill of the dead, but Mr. Phoenix’s early demise has spared us a lot of terrible acting! ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/74 "2001-01-26T19:14:25Z")
Bobo: Regarding Dark Star – I agree it’s bad, but it’s occasionally funny. It started out as a student film by John Carpenter (who went on to direct Halloween, the Thing, and lots of other flicks) and Dan O’Bannon (who did special effects for Star Wars, directed Return of the Living Dead, and wrote LOTS of screenplays. He also played Pinback, the guy who chased the “beachball”.). The “beachball” scenes weren’t in the original student film – they were added to pad out the film to get it up to feature length. I find its plot interesting, because “Creature Loose on a Starship” is exactly the plot of “Alien” – which O’Bannon was one of the originating screenwriters of. You can look at “Dark Star” as the flip side of “Alien”, played for laughs. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/75 "2001-01-26T20:12:34Z")
I have to disagree with **Dark Star** as one of the worst films and - at least partially - agree with **CalMeacham** about it. Dark Star was never supposed to be a serious film, nor was it filmed on a massive budget. As Cal stated, it was a student film (UCLA, maybe). Dark Star is one of those movies that might be best appreciated (by those who aren’t Carpenterphiles) while drunk or stoned! It has loopy dialog and some very funny scenes. Compare it with Plan 9, which was filmed in all seriousness, or many of the films mentioned in this thread. No, Dark Star’s not a bad film, because it never pretends to be more than what it is, in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/76 "2001-01-26T20:51:42Z")
Hey, I _liked_ _Dagger of Kamui_. Well, except for the Mark Twain(!) cameo. And _Blue Velvet_, come to think of it. Hmm. As for movies I’ve actually seen “raw”, _Knock Off_ (in which Van Damme attempts to be Jacky Chan, and fails) and _The Blair Witch Project_(This is supposed to be scary? Three people looking at trees and trying, unsuccessfully, to look scared when confronted with sticks and rocks) The latter was in an of itself worthy of a “worst ever” vote, but the sheer level of deception and hype engaged in by the makers gives them another vote. (“We really had them walk around in the woods and starve.” “Well, actually, we didn’t” “A copy was stolen and distributed online!” “Well, actually, we leaked that ourselves.” etc,etc.) And a third for “I threw the map in the river.” Yeah, THAT was well crafted . . . Much as I wish I could, I dont’ think I can justify adding _The Matrix_. I CAN be justified in adding _the Fifth Element,_ though. How the hell can you make a live action Heavy Metal-esque movie boring? I don’t think it ever showed in theaters, but _M.D. Gist_ should be on the list somewhere. I can’t believe this was actually considered a classic by some people. The worst piece of animation Japan ever produced. And that includes the hentai. _Tank Girl_ probably gets a vote, too. I’ve seen some utterly terrible Indian movies, but most of them had enough energy and color to at least be interesting. As for MST3K movies, probably (in no particular order) _Manos,_(ibid) _Red Zone Cuba,_ (What the hell was this movie about?) _Future War,_ (Is it REALLY a good idea to combine Catholicism, dinosaurs, Robert Z’Dar, and kickboxing?) _Horror at Party Beach,_ (Sodium!) _Boggy Creek 2_ (Which had a guy using a broccoli rubber band as a headband), _Final Sacrifice_ (If one can measure these things, the worst thing to ever come out of Canada) or _The Creeping Terror._ (Which combined the cheesiest monster ever with the most loquacious narrator since Speed Racer) _Invasion of the Neptune Men, Horrors of Spider Island, Girl in Gold Boots,_ and _Space Mutiny_ come in close behind. _Hobgoblins_ was technically worse, but it knew it was terrible, and enjoyed itself. _Space Mutiny_ and _Final Sacrifice,_ incidentally, was two of the best episodes ever. Had that perfect mix of pretension, cheapness, and plain stupidity that is just SO much fun to deflate. – “This movie isn’t healthy for children and other living things.” ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/77 "2001-01-26T20:51:59Z")
Fire Walk With Me was dreadful. A friend of mine had the entire Twin Peaks series on Video, and after I watched all of those, I was pretty excited to see this movie. It stank. It made little sense, characters were introduced, and then disappear, and it failed to hold my interest. I only watched the entire thing just because I felt I should since I had watched the entire series. Frankly, I was a little relieved when Laura Palmer was finally killed. ---
**Author:** ![Winnowill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@Winnowill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winnowill)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2001, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/78 "2001-01-26T23:56:29Z")
Oh! I forgot one! **Hideous Kinky** , starring Kate Winslet in her follow-up to **Titanic**. Bad, bad, bad. I made my poor husband watch it with me. I’m no longer allowed to pick out our evening videos. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2001, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/79 "2001-01-27T00:08:12Z")
Gladiator. Runner up: Clash of the Titans ---
**Author:** ![mblackwell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5fc32e/32.png) [@mblackwell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mblackwell)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2001, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351/80 "2001-01-27T00:23:02Z")
I havent seen many of the movies already posted, but **Mission Impossible 2** is the stupidest movie I have seen recently. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movie-ever/51351.md?page=5)