# "Worst" movies of the 80s **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 30, 2008, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147 "2008-05-30T15:02:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2008, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/61 "2008-05-31T14:01:41Z")
I submit a little known 1984 TV movie called [Velvet.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088343/) It was about … and I kid you not … a team of hot female secret government agents who work through a worldwide chain of aerobics studios called “Velvet.” Spandex? To the max! Leg Warmers? Out the wazoo! 80s hair? You betcha! Shari Belafonte in her trademark headband and Sheree Wilson in her pre-Walker Texas Ranger days sporting a full bush of bouffed up 80s hair. Aerobics? Only a TON of it! Bad Charlie’s Angels imitations? Everywhere! The plotline alone tells you how bad it is, but this one telling detail will give you an idea where it’s at. The “Velvet” studios were all designed in the same way: a roundish building with pie-shaped aerobics studios radiating from the main office at the central core, which of course doubles as spy headquarters. All the studios have mirrored walls facing the central office – which of course are one-way mirrors so the people in the central office can see what’s going on in the studios, while unseen by the students. And that’s the 80s-era GENIUS of the design: each and every dull headquarters briefing could and did have hotties in spandex doing suggestive exercises in the background while the exposition rolled. Eye candy in every episode. Brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2008, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/62 "2008-05-31T14:11:53Z")
[QUOTE=Loach] Love _Johnny Dangerously_ and _Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid_. Not as funny as \*The Man With Two Brains \* but still pretty good. [/QUOTE] It was awfully quiet in the movie theaters where I saw them. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2008, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/63 "2008-05-31T14:32:31Z")
[QUOTE=The Sonoran Lizard King] Me three. A Bauhaus fan? Where were you when I started a thread on their new album? [/QUOTE] I don’t spend much time on the boards these days, so I only see a very small fraction of the threads. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2008, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/64 "2008-05-31T14:37:36Z")
[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63] 1982: Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid. Steve Martin, after “Let’s Get Small” and other promising material, you really fucked up. [/QUOTE] I think “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid” is brilliant, and considering that it is a parody of 40’s film noir (using actual clips from movies of that period) I don’t see how this movie has any relevance to the current thread other than it was made in the 80s. No leg warmers, no Brat Pack, no Flock of Seagulls haircuts, no MTV montage sequence… you get the idea. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2008, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/65 "2008-05-31T14:56:28Z")
[QUOTE=Licentious Ectomorph] Is it really reasonable to condemn a movie because it reflects the fashions, politics, and social mores of its time? Granted, a great many of the nominees so far are crap because they’re crap, but I’m not sure that the presence of the hairstyles of the day makes them so. In 20 years will you be saying the same things about the movies of today? [/QUOTE] It is not. Half od these movies are actually still pretty good - Weird Science, Red Dawn, Johnny Dangerously. They might seem outdated or played out since they are over 20 years old. But there are certainly worse movies, given the OPs criteria. I mean what is someone going to come along and say that The Breakfast Club, Young Guns sucked? If we are to take the OP literally, let’s start with movies staring the [Brat Pack](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brat_Pack_(movies)): Emilio Estevez Anthony Michael Hall Rob Lowe Andrew McCarthy Demi Moore Judd Nelson Molly Ringwald Ally Sheedy Add a few other 80s favorites: Kevin Bacon Robert Downy Jr Michael J Fox John Cusack C. Thomas Howell Patrick Swayze Jami Gertz Keifer Sutherland Just picking out their worst most popped-collar preppy jock New Wave synth soundtrack oversexed coked up lameass movies: About Last Night Bright Lights, Big City Class Hot Pursuit Johnny Be Good Less Than Zero Making the Grade Manniquin One Crazy Summer Oxford Blues Quicksilver She’s having A Baby Short Circuit Soul Man Stakeout St. Elmo’s Fire Tank That Was Then… This Is Now The Pick-up Artist The Secret of My Succe$s Uncommon Valor Youngblood ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2008, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/66 "2008-05-31T21:46:33Z")
[QUOTE=Euthanasiast] The Agony Booth has a fantastic in-depth commentary of that [film](http://www.agonybooth.com/recaps/Road_House_1989.aspx) and it is **awesome**! It is complete and freakin’ hilarious. [/QUOTE] Yeah, I linked to that in my post; I loves me some Agony Booth: “Pain don’t hurt.” Just be prepared to spend a lot of time there wondering why at 2am you’re reading a 12 page recap of **Eragon** , a crap fantasy movie you have no intention of ever seeing. And then you think, “Because this is fucking hilarious”. ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/67 "2008-06-02T18:40:09Z")
[QUOTE=Tapioca Dextrin] No love for **Weird Science**? Drum Machine? - If Oingo Boingo weren’t using one, Id be be very surprised. Also, bonus points abundant use of really bad computer graphics. [/QUOTE] Actually being an Oingo Boingo fan I must state that they actually use real drums. Jonny Vatos being there drummer who has also worked with Tito and Trantula who did several songs for movies like Desperado and From Dusk to Dawn. ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/68 "2008-06-02T19:02:58Z")
[QUOTE=The Scrivener] **Tron** – I’ve never been able to watch more than about two minutes’ worth of it. (Was I missing anything redemptive about it?) [/QUOTE] Bah to you! I LOVE Tron! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/69 "2008-06-02T19:42:08Z")
[_Liquid Sky:_](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liquid_Sky) Now, I’m sure, considered unwatchable by all but cult-film enthusiasts (like me). No leg warmers or political themes, IIRC, but plenty big hair, rhythm-box “music” (like drum machine only more so!), early-'80s punkangst, 70’s-holdover drug themes (smack, not crack). [_Dr. Caligari:_](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097228/) Equally cultish, highly surreal, late-'80s ironic detachment, postmodernism, and recursive pop-cult referentiality. Have a sheep trotter? ---
**Author:** ![PharmBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@PharmBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PharmBoy)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/70 "2008-06-02T19:43:56Z")
Was Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band an 80’s movie? I actually think it was earlier but am not sure. It sucked big time, whatever the decade. St. Elmos Fire - I HATED that movie… ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/71 "2008-06-02T20:12:51Z")
[QUOTE=PharmBoy] Was Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band an 80’s movie? I actually think it was earlier but am not sure. It sucked big time, whatever the decade. [/QUOTE] [1978.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sgt._Pepper%27s_Lonely_Hearts_Club_Band_%28film%29) Not '80s, more of a last gasp of the '60s. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Tan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/charlie_tan/32/12582_2.png) [@Charlie\_Tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Tan)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/72 "2008-06-02T21:08:01Z")
For your consideration, I submit [Cat People](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083722/). [QUOTE=IMDb] The Cat People originated way back in time, when humans sacrificed their women to Leopards, who mated with them… [/QUOTE] I don’t remember leotards but this movie could only have been made during the coke haze of the early 80’s. Another runner-up is [Angel Heart](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092563/) which is notable as the first sign of decline in De Niro’s resume. Before that moment, seeing De Niro listed made the movie a must-see for me, even if I didn’t know anything about it. From that point on, up to _Analyze This_ in '99, it seems every second movie was a stinker. After '00 the rolling ball of turds is gaining weight and momentum. That’s what you get for agreeing to play the devil under the clever moniker Louis Cyphre. BTW, I see that De Niro’s gonna be 65 in August. Brando was 48 when he played Vito Corleone… ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/73 "2008-06-02T21:21:14Z")
[QUOTE=Otto] [Over the Top](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093692/) - Sylvester Stallone as Lincoln Hawk, a widowed trucker who has to win back the love of his son through competitive arm wrestling. [Rhinestone](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088001/) - another Stallone vehicle, this time playing an obnoxious cab driver who, on a bet, Dolly Parton must make into a country music superstar. [/QUOTE] I’m sure those were awful, but I nominate [Victory](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083284/), for its acting race to the bottom between Sly and Pelè. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/74 "2008-06-03T00:55:50Z")
This thread makes me sad. If only because a goodly number of the movies mentioned may be found in my DVD collection. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/75 "2008-06-03T01:16:54Z")
[Electric Dreams](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087197/) Typical 1980’s computer with AI forming from a early 1980’s desktop. This one composes music. The movie seems to have the sole purpose of showing people what a synthesizer could do. Look people we have electronic produced music. Be awed by the newest tech available today. Geeky guy gets virgin hot chick thanks to the computer. [Xanadu](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081777/) Roller skating and crappy dancing in a musical. The only good part is hearing Olivia Newton John sing Xanadu, while not watching anybody in it during the song. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/76 "2008-06-03T02:11:11Z")
I’d have to go with… **The Secret Of My Success**. Michael J. Fox vehicle, starring Helen Slater as the sexy girl he can’t get b/c he works in the mailroom. But then for reasons I can’t recall, he fakes being an executive, and hilarity ensues while he moves between the boardroom and the mailroom, complete with Peter Brady-esque wardrobe changes. Title song? [Night Ranger](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLv6RjnyvVc). Oh, and his potential relationship with Slater is tested when the bosses’ hot trophy wife tries to seduce him. How? By looking sexy with her shopping while Michael drives her in the boss’ Limo… …while [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yr6-YabThxY) song plays. Yes, I had forgotten about it too. ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/77 "2008-06-03T02:26:54Z")
_Shanghai Surprise_ What do i win? EDIT: Pesky Space Bar. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/78 "2008-06-03T02:48:21Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] [_Liquid Sky:_](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liquid_Sky) Now, I’m sure, considered unwatchable by all but cult-film enthusiasts (like me). No leg warmers or political themes, IIRC, but plenty big hair, rhythm-box “music” (like drum machine only more so!), early-'80s punkangst, 70’s-holdover drug themes (smack, not crack). [/QUOTE] Good call! Also, it earns bonus points for crappy Space Aliens ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/79 "2008-06-03T02:50:33Z")
[QUOTE=Morbo] Oh, and his potential relationship with Slater is tested when the bosses’ hot trophy wife tries to seduce him. How? By looking sexy with her shopping while Michael drives her in the boss’ Limo… …while [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yr6-YabThxY) song plays. Yes, I had forgotten about it too. [/QUOTE] Oh, and she’s his aunt, too. And she doesn’t TRY to seduce him. -Joe ---
**Author:** ![Bin-Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e95f7d/32.png) [@Bin-Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bin-Gay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147/80 "2008-06-03T04:27:04Z")
MAN. . .I really wanted to submit my vote for The Black Hole! I hated it and to this day feel I lost valuable time and money to see it! BUT, it came out in 1979. Rats! I retract my submission 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-movies-of-the-80s/451147.md?page=5)