# Worst Nigerian scam letter ever **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 16, 2012, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971 "2012-04-16T17:21:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2012, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/21 "2012-04-17T11:52:19Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > Even if I am in fact gullible enough to take this letter as legitimate, what the hell am I supposed to do in response? > > It’s sounds like a story some lunatic would tell me on the subway. I know right? What does the scammer even want or expect anyone to do? ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2012, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/22 "2012-04-17T13:08:49Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > No, no, the best part is the signature: DOCTOR DOUGLAS H. KING DDS. Oh, crap! He’s a cop _and_ a dentist? You’re doomed! Better figure out how to get that certificate’s quick! Regular Cop shouts, “Stop or I’ll shoot!” Dentist/Cop shouts, “Stop or I’ll root…canal!” ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2012, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/23 "2012-04-17T14:06:40Z")
Greg Charles: > [@](#): > > No, no, the best part is the signature: DOCTOR DOUGLAS H. KING DDS. Oh, crap! He’s a cop and a dentist? You’re doomed! Better figure out how to get that certificate’s quick! Nah, I’m more impressed by REV. COLLINS MORRISON, the minister-narc. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2012, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/24 "2012-04-17T17:03:10Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > Regular Cop shouts, “Stop or I’ll shoot!” > > Dentist/Cop shouts, “Stop or I’ll root…canal!” Well, I know which one _I_ am most scared of. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2012, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/25 "2012-04-17T17:15:45Z")
I’m a bad person for letting Mr. Festus Martins just sit there and rot in some detention cell at JFK, aren’t I? Oh well, he knew the risks going in. The hell with him. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2012, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/26 "2012-04-17T19:27:41Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > Oh well, he knew the risks going in. The hell with him. I doubt he knew the risks. Obviously, he would have been aware of the danger of a satchel full of money, because everyone has watched _No Country For Old Men_. But a parcel box full of money? What could go wrong? ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/27 "2012-04-18T00:25:54Z")
Festus? Who the hell is named Festus? Did this guy watch Gun Smoke reruns and decide that that was a common sounding name to Americans? ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/28 "2012-04-18T02:08:23Z")
> [@freckafree](#): > > No joke! Two words: Marathon Man. Is it safe? ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/29 "2012-04-18T02:09:43Z")
This is a crime where I have no sympathy at all for the victims, who must exhibit a pathologically high combination of stupid and greedy in order to be victimized. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2012, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/30 "2012-04-18T04:23:34Z")
> [@dataguy](#): > > I’ve come to really enjoy reading these things. Is there a collection of them somewhere? I’m with you. I’ve got a dedicated E-mail folder containing the more entertaining ones I’ve received. It currently stands at 267 messages dating back to March 2007, but these are only a small fraction of the total that have ended up in my inbox or junk folder at one time or another. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/31 "2012-04-19T02:02:39Z")
Dentists are experts in extraction and, after all, that is what he is trying to do. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/32 "2012-04-19T04:43:39Z")
Huh. Has anyone ever reverse-scammed a 419 scammer? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/33 "2012-04-19T10:54:57Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > Huh. Has anyone ever reverse-scammed a 419 scammer? 419Eater (linked above) has several highly-entertaining stories of them doing just this. You can spend an entire pleasant afternoon reading them. HOWEVER - and as that site points out - you really don’t want to do this lightly and without careful precaution. Some of the people at the other end of the internet are very, very nasty characters indeed and have a longer reach than you might imagine. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2012, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/34 "2012-04-22T16:27:16Z")
I have a great idea. How about we all chip in and put full page ads in the local Nigerian newspapers: “Join in the fun of scamming Americans! For only $300, you can be a partner in our nation’s major export of writing poorly worded emails and duping innocent retirees in the USA. Send your cashier’s check immediately to the Scam Da 'Merican Bastards (SDMB) fund. Upon receipt of your money, you will become a full partner and get boxes of money hand delivered by Cecil, our CEO.” I figure if 500,000 Nigerians sign up, we can have a hell of a Dopefest… ---
**Author:** ![living\_in\_hell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@living\_in\_hell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/living_in_hell)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2012, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971/35 "2012-04-22T17:46:45Z")
And don’t forget to floss! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-nigerian-scam-letter-ever/618971.md?page=1)