# Worst novel ever published **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 13, 2009, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097 "2009-01-13T14:44:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ichini\_Sanshigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/d9b06d/32.png) [@Ichini\_Sanshigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichini_Sanshigo)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/41 "2009-01-13T18:21:31Z")
> [@Stan\_Shmenge](#): > > I was going to spare you that, but let me flip though some pages… Flipping, flippping, finger, THERE! > > … > > \*\*“What’s now the difficulty?” > “Nothin’.” It hapened again. “Somtimes it’s just 'specially hard if I try and sneak 'em.” > “I know already how because with the language it gets pretty often too _treach_erous for me, jah, but when you-” was she hemorrhaging internally? > “Nothin’, din’t I just say?” She waited silent; turned up her eyes; gave in. “I fart lots,” Russell’s sister said. > “_Das_ war’s,” Othmar exhaled, released, instantly, she was a child. > He withdrew at first the blood-smeared intervening fingers, waited, unstuck after that the pushing of the thumbs. Where it tore open the deepest was congealed pretty well already, drying blackly-even a little bit dead looking- > “Got any idea what a ferb is?” she suddenly asked him. > \*\* > I kid you not. Right there on page 95. :rolleyes: Is first language not English his? ---
**Author:** ![WF\_Tomba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d9b06d/32.png) [@WF\_Tomba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WF_Tomba)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/42 "2009-01-13T18:25:31Z")
Here’s a website for what I would guess is Burton Hersh’s own publishing company, [Tree Farm Books](http://treefarmbooks.com/index.html). Examination of this site leads me to the conclusion that Burton Hersh is actually good at two kinds of writing: 1. Political/historical nonfiction 2. Flagrantly, hilariously, unbelievably vain self-promotion Also, _The Ski People_ was his first novel and I think he’s ashamed of it. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/43 "2009-01-13T18:26:37Z")
> [@Stan\_Shmenge](#): > > Yet I find it oddly compelling… You have GOT to make the big screen adaptation! Picture Angeline Jolie in her outfit from _Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow_ but with a heay like-Moose-and-Sqvirrel accent: “Got any idea what a ferb is?” Sexy. ETA: > [@Ichini Sanshigo](#): > > Is first language not English his? It does look like a bad online translation, jah? ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/44 "2009-01-13T18:43:20Z")
> [@vison](#): > > It’s a tie: The Bridges of Madison County and The Horse Whisperer. > > I think they have to be the 2 worst, since they were both HUGE best sellers and were, beyond doubt, the worst, most time-wasting dreck I have ever had the misfortune to read. > > They are both, in equal measure, the “literary” equivalent of a Thomas Kincaide painting. There is a special place in hell for these people and I am going to be in charge of it for eternity. They are going to be sorry, sorry, sorry. Right with ya on those. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/45 "2009-01-13T18:59:02Z")
> [@Stan\_Shmenge](#): > > Of course Clint is a God, and can do no wrong. Read Michael Connelly’s _Blood Work_. Then watch the movie Clint Eastwood made based on it. Then say that again with a straight face. Please note: This is the _only_ context in which I will _ever_ advise someone to see this movie. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/46 "2009-01-13T19:00:18Z")
> [@WF\_Tomba](#): > > Here’s a website for what I would guess is Burton Hersh’s own publishing company, [Tree Farm Books](http://treefarmbooks.com/index.html). > > Examination of this site leads me to the conclusion that Burton Hersh is actually good at two kinds of writing: > > 1. Political/historical nonfiction > 2. Flagrantly, hilariously, unbelievably vain self-promotion > > Also, _The Ski People_ was his first novel and I think he’s ashamed of it. Wow, the guy has a lot of “credentials” and “affiliations”. I wouldn’t be proud of a novel with such amateurish content either. He sounds like one of those “writers” that makes his living schmoozing on the NYC literary cocktail party circuit, but who nobody ever reads. Now that the publishing industry is cutting to the bone, I wish him luck. Up until now, a lot of the books put out might as well be vanity published, for all the quality they contain or sales they make, and I don’t see that being a good business model for a writer, going forward. > [@](#): > > Periodical Work > Many contributions to, among others: Show, Horizon, Holiday, Venture, Ski, Town and Country, Sports Illustrated, Esquire, The Transatlantic Review, The Los Angeles Times, Newsday, The New York Times, Punch, The Washington Post and The Washingtonian. So, aside from the newspapers (who are also on the skids), like two or three of those are still in business? Ok fine. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/47 "2009-01-13T19:03:50Z")
**RealityChuck** ’s _Atlanta Nights_ is really bad but I don’t think it qualifies here because it was intentionally bad. And the Lionel Fanthorpe novels are bad but at least you can tell they were originally written in English. I’ve got to hand the title to _The Ski People_. It takes a special kind of talent to write your first language as if it wasn’t, and especially to blow a tense scene by casually dropping in “Got any idea what a ferb is?” ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/48 "2009-01-13T19:07:28Z")
The worst _bestselling_ novels I’ve read (there’s waaaaaay too many if you let in everything published) would include _Sphere_ by Michael Crighton _The 19th Wife_ by David Ebershoff _The Da Vinci Code_ by Dan Brown _absolutely anything ever written_ by Danielle Steele _Pillars of the Earth_ by Ken Follett ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/49 "2009-01-13T19:11:28Z")
Quoting the website: > [@](#): > > These easy-going editorial years – in a better literary America – were punctuated by the 1968 publication of Hersh’s first novel, The Ski People You said it brother. They must have been pretty easy going (fffffffffft…cough cough cough) editors to pass along abject crap like “The Ski People”. As far as a better literary America, well now we can all appreciate what an editor at a publishing house is SUPPOSED to do… ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/50 "2009-01-13T19:17:27Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > The worst _bestselling_ novels I’ve read (there’s waaaaaay too many if you let in everything published) would include > > _Sphere_ by Michael Crighton > > _The 19th Wife_ by David Ebershoff > > _The Da Vinci Code_ by Dan Brown > > _absolutely anything ever written_ by Danielle Steele > > _Pillars of the Earth_ by Ken Follett Dude, you reap what you, um, read. If you expect something good from Crighton or (urk) Steele, well, I just don’t know what to say. I would bet they are still leagues better than “The Ski People”. “The Da Vinci Code”?!?!!! What was you thinking? ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/51 "2009-01-13T19:19:33Z")
And I find it interesting that our Author provides no email contact on his website, so readers can provide feedback. I smells a cloistered, out of touch, east coast, literary whore more than ever. ---
**Author:** ![CaveMike](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cavemike/32/16379_2.png) [@CaveMike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaveMike)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/52 "2009-01-13T19:23:22Z")
> [@ITR\_champion](#): > > Frankly your book sounds a lot better than [The Fifth Sorceress](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=195967), by Robert Newcomb. I came in to nominate this mess. I’m glad to see you are still fighting the good fight against what I consider to be the _Small Wonder_ of novels. We must not forget lest history will be doomed to repeat itself. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/53 "2009-01-13T19:24:14Z")
And in fact, from poking around his website, the dude even today appears to be self published. This means that to this day, no legitimate publisher has deemed his work to have any merit. He is his own Vantage Press. But he is a Phi Beta Kappa! ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/54 "2009-01-13T19:36:06Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > Read Michael Connelly’s _Blood Work_. > > Then watch the movie Clint Eastwood made based on it. > > Then say that again with a straight face. > > Please note: This is the _only_ context in which I will _ever_ advise someone to see this movie. Never heard of it. By and large, Clint is one of the more reliable quantities. Hard to name a bad film he was involved with, and you may have found the exception that proves the rule. /pissed I am too broke right now to take my girl to Gran Torino //really, really pissed ---
**Author:** ![WF\_Tomba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d9b06d/32.png) [@WF\_Tomba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WF_Tomba)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/55 "2009-01-13T19:36:53Z")
> [@Stan\_Shmenge](#): > > And in fact, from poking around his website, the dude even today appears to be self published. This means that to this day, no legitimate publisher has deemed his work to have any merit. He is his own Vantage Press. 😕 Hmm? According to his website, he’s had five books published by real publishers, including _The Ski People_. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/56 "2009-01-13T19:49:59Z")
> [@Stan\_Shmenge](#): > > And you know, if there were some racy scenes, I could understand. Haven’t found one yet. Wait, isn’t something sexual happening in the “ferb” scene? Why was there blood on his fingers? Why are they farting? I’m confused by the whole thing. However, I think he was trying to write one of the characters as English as a Second Language, which explains some of the nonsense in the dialogue. Unfortunately, it seems to spill over into the prose as well. Also, this may be better suited to GQ, but what the hell is a ferb, anyway? I googled it and came away with page after page of about some Disney show. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/57 "2009-01-13T19:56:24Z")
> [@WF\_Tomba](#): > > 😕 Hmm? According to his website, he’s had five books published by real publishers, including _The Ski People_. Yes, I see that now. But the most recent was from a small specialty publisher, and that was ten years ago, and the one before was in 1992. The titles suggest that the books were of limited runs, appealing to a certain very small niche of political/espionage junkies. The man has no talent for prose, character or story structure, and it is a good thing he hasn’t dabbled in fiction again, after “The Ski People”. Look, I didn’t want to turn this into an attack on the man. I just wanted to lampoon the atrociousness of a crappy book. I am sure he is a very nice fellow, and I bet I would enjoy reading his nonfiction, if I had the time. All I did was pick up this very strange and bad book one night when I was staying at a Four Points Sheraton, desperate for some reading material. Going through my storage I ran across it again and thought I would share some of the delicious awfulness with my fellow dopers. Mr. Hersh, if you are out there googling yourself and you run across this thread, please take it light. We are just having some fun with a book that I am sure you, more than anyone actually, knows sucks immensely. In fact, I should STFU. I have never written a novel, good or bad, much less gotten it published by the esteemed McGraw-Hill, so you are one up on me! ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/58 "2009-01-13T19:58:01Z")
> [@Erdosain](#): > > Wait, isn’t something sexual happening in the “ferb” scene? Why was there blood on his fingers? Why are they farting? I’m confused by the whole thing. You and me both! I almost don’t want to know. If I ever screw up the resolve to actually read the damn thing through, I’ll post back. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/59 "2009-01-13T20:11:30Z")
Yup! “Pillars of the Earth” gets my vote, too. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2009, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097/60 "2009-01-13T20:16:56Z")
> [@Erdosain](#): > > However, I think he was trying to write one of the characters as English as a Second Language, which explains some of the nonsense in the dialogue. Unfortunately, it seems to spill over into the prose as well. > > Also, this may be better suited to GQ, but what the hell is a ferb, anyway? I googled it and came away with page after page of about some Disney show. Actually, I think the dialect was “Negro”, I have encountered passages using that word. Racist, even for 1968, if you ask me. And I have found some sex scenes. Will quote some of those when I get a chance. Some doozies there! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-novel-ever-published/481097.md?page=4)