Back when I had an office job, my desk faced an enormous green wall. The cubicle walls blocked my views of windows. And from his desk in his office, which always had the door open, the VP we worked for could see over my shoulder and directly at what was on my computer screen.
My current desk has my back against a radiator, and I am surrounded by co-workers who are always cold. They are forever turning up the heating (they also have under-desk fan heaters that they frequently switch on, even in the height of summer)
Print out some charts and criblists of whatever type helps you do your job - you might not be allowed to put up blank paper to cover the crack, but you might get away with putting something useful up that just happens to cover it.
I guess I am fortunate I have a “real” office with cinder block walls, door, and window. But I also share the room with my technician. He’s an O.K. guy, but he talks to himself. All. The. Time. He literally never stops. “Oh, I have to order this. What’s that? This damn computer. Where did I put that? This place is bullshit. Why won’t my damn mouse work? Damn, just look at this. I gotta get this report done. Let’s see… I found an tin oxide layer on the surface of the solder junction. I’m out of coffee. People just want to travel, and not do any real work around here. My shoulder has been bothering me. I am going to go biking this evening. I wish we could get some new computers.”
And on. And on. And on. Every single thought that’s in his brain instantly comes out his mouth. It’s literally nonstop.
It used to bother me. But my brain has rewired itself over the past 11 years to filter it out. I now don’t hear it.
I had a cube (our cubes are actually two walls of a hexagon). My neighbor and I (he was fine - no complaints) had our backs facing the hallway – actually the intersection of two hallways.
We were allowed to make a wall to give us a little privacy, but with the intersection people would meet up and have impromptu meetings.
Brian
That’s against the rules.
My worst desk was in a hallway on the way to the kitchen, facing the wall with my back to traffic. Not only did I get kitchen smells, but I constantly had movement happening in my peripheral vision. It was extremely distracting.
Years ago, after reading an article about photocopiers causing cancer, we began calling the desk nearest the photocopier “the cancer desk.” We still maintain this tradition even though, where we are now, the cancer desk is a long way from the photocopier room.
My cube was adjacent to Typhoid Michelle’s. She was constantly sick but never took a sick day. Made sure to come in every day and sneeze and cough all over everyone in sight.
We do that for people who telework most of the time, and are in the office maybe 1 or 2 days out of every 2-week pay period. Which makes sense for them: why should they tie up a workspace that they almost never occupy?
Fortunately, TPTB have had the good sense to let the rest of us stay put. If I had to find a new cubicle every day, I’d retire.
Back in the day, I always seemed to end up sitting next to whoever the local social butterfly was.
They always seemed to be the same:
Women with shrill chirpy voices who have lots of visitors–either other chirpy women or guys who want to flirt. Occasionally there would be an event like a wedding or a baby or … anything, and I would hear the telling of the same story dozens and dozens of times over as each new guest stopped by. “Oh, and let me tell you about the dress…it was so beautiful!” “He was seven pounds and four ounces.” and so on.
ETA: That’s all in the rear view mirror.
I have been working from my basement for the past 9 years, and my nearest neighbors are a milling machine and a metal lathe. My daughter’s dolls stand on my desk to keep me company.
I’ve never been in an office or cubicle, but I’ve has some unfortunate classroom locations. For some reason, many schools have decided to put new teachers in exile, far away from the teachers who are supposed to be mentoring them or working with them on lesson plans and other collaboration. The worst being at the very end of a hall in the opposite end of the school from the other classes in the same grade. I had no traffic going by, and no help from anyone.
Can you have a plant on your desk? If you get one with the right height that should help.
Working in marketing I’ve had my fair share of “open floor plans” and they are just the devil. I get they’re supposed to promote workplace cohesion or some BS, but it’s more like being right on top of the people next to you who can look at your screen whenever they want.
My worst desk was both next to the bathrooms AND the copy machine. I was facing straight into a cubicle wall (I was basically at the head of a T intersection). To my right was an isle to the other cubicles. To my left was the copy machine, and behind me were the bathrooms. I was never alone. Ever.
The only good thing about that desk was because I was at the head of a T I had nothing to the right of me for a while, so I took my mini filing cabinet and used it as an ottoman as I flipped my chair sideways (opposite the copy machine) and stretched out. My co-workers called it my lounger 
The cool thing was my bosses never cared I did it because I was still working, just not sitting straight up.
Also also, to cut a super long story short, I was a contractor and my position wasn’t renewed, but I finished out the rest of my days training the new hire at my position (grrr). So they took away my desk and I literally had no desk. I just put up shop wherever there was an empty chair and worked from there.
I must share the fact that I misread the title of this thread as “Worst place to have sex in a traditional office setting.” I dunno, is there a best place? 
Survey says, , , “On the bosses desk”.
Remember back in the early days of cell phones, and how crappy the reception was inside of buildings? My cubicle was in the corner of the building. Which meant that every time someone got a call on their cell phone, they would get up out of their cube, walk over to the corner, and have their cell phone conversation while standing right outside of my cube.
Back in the day of pen and ink drafting, it was an open office plan. Cubicles where not yet to be invented. That was fine though. Those drafting tables took up a LOT of room. And for mapping at least, we where constantly on the move grabbing the next map to update. I’m talking 50-100 a day. So we had to be ‘open’ to access them.
I am in a cube today, but for computer mapping it’s big. About 10x10. Corner ‘office’ with windows (I have my own refrigerator in my cube, two computers, three chairs, two desks and an Aloe Vera plant that is threatening to annex the entire space). Twenty Five years at the same job gets you something.
Seven cubes in our big area, and only 3 are occupied.
I suspect my 2 neighbors complain about me, as I tend to talk (quietly) to myself when I’m working on a particularly difficult piece of code. Drafting has changed a bit.
At one college I worked at for a while I was in a office next to the dept. office. It closed for lunch. So guess whose door people went to for information?
People: Think first! It’s never just you asking one question. It’s a dozen people a day every day. Yes, you are bothering me. Little ol’ you with just a quick question. Because it isn’t “you” it’s a bunch of "you"s.
Always consider your actions in terms of “What if a lot of people did this?”