# Worst Possible First Contact Message From An Alien Race **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 20, 2016, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690 "2016-03-20T20:39:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2016, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/61 "2016-03-21T16:57:32Z")
1.) Greetings! Your library books are 1,000,000 years overdue. 2.) Request for Urgent Business Relationship! I am a Xandorphian prince whose assets have been seized, but if you send 1,000 kilograms of platinum to this planet, you will be able to release my funds. Act this solar cycle! 3.) SUMMONS FOR STANDBY JURY DUTY – Your planet has been selected as an alternate juror for the trial of Pangrob the Merciless. Please make your representatives available at the following Space/Time coordinates… ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2016, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/62 "2016-03-21T17:28:52Z")
In Carl Sagan’s novel _Contact_, the first message received from Out There was a re-transmission of Adolf Hitler’s opening speech at the 1936 Summer Olympics in Berlin; This was the first television signal powerful enough to escape Earth’s ionosphere, hence the aliens used it for their first contact message. Must have loosened a few sphincters. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2016, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/63 "2016-03-21T17:33:27Z")
“Yoda of Borg am I. Hmmph! Assimilated you will be, yes. Futile, resistance is.” ---
**Author:** ![Whiskey\_Dickens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9fc348/32.png) [@Whiskey\_Dickens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whiskey_Dickens)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2016, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/64 "2016-03-21T17:38:16Z")
> [@Lsura](#): > > “Our healers say we’re no longer contagious and our traditional greeting of strangers involves the exchange of body fluids” Let me introduce to you our interplanetary reception party: William Shatner ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2016, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/65 "2016-03-21T18:51:27Z")
“We’re from the Intergalactic Government and we’re here to help.” “H.G. Wells was right.” “Greetings, brother and sister Roaches! How has this planet been treating you?” > [@F.U.Shakespeare](#): > > “Know any SKYNYRD?” **FREE BIRD!!!** ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2016, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/66 "2016-03-21T19:42:20Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > In Carl Sagan’s novel _Contact_, the first message received from Out There was a re-transmission of Adolf Hitler’s opening speech at the 1936 Summer Olympics in Berlin; > This was the first television signal powerful enough to escape Earth’s ionosphere, hence the aliens used it for their first contact message. > > Must have loosened a few sphincters. This annoyed me. I’m sure Sagan used it for the shock value, but Hugo Gernsback, publisher of magazines on Electrical Devices and one of the Founders of Science Fiction\* was broadcasting TV signals from his station **WRNY** in New York from 1925 to 1934. > **[WRNY (New York City)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WRNY_(defunct))** > > WRNY was a New York City AM radio station that began operating in 1925. It was started by Hugo Gernsback's Experimenter Publishing Company to promote his radio and science magazines. Starting in August 1928, WRNY was one of the first stations to make regularly scheduled experimental television broadcasts. Experimenter Publishing went bankrupt in early 1929 and the station was purchased by the Curtiss Aeroplane and Motor Company to promote aviation. WRNY was deleted in 1934, as part of a consoli... Other early TV pioneers were broadcasting at the same time. Some signals were sent over cables, but a lot of them were broadcast by radio waves. > **[History of television](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_television)** > > The concept of television is the work of many individuals in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. The first practical transmissions of moving images over a radio system used mechanical rotating perforated disks to scan a scene into a time-varying signal that could be reconstructed at a receiver back into an approximation of the original image. Development of television was interrupted by the Second World War. After the end of the war, all-electronic methods of scanning and displaying images... These were mechanical TV, as opposed to cathode-ray systems, but that doesn’t mean the broadcasts were weaker (I haven’t seen any figures on signal strengths). But it could’ve been more meaningful if Sagan described the broadcast as from the Father of Science Fiction. (Other Image Orthicon broadcasts were regularly made well before Hitler’s 1936 broadcast, too) ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2016, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/67 "2016-03-21T19:47:15Z")
All your base are belong to us. For great justice, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2016, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/68 "2016-03-21T23:04:03Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > This annoyed me. I’m sure Sagan used it for the shock value, but Hugo Gernsback, publisher of magazines on Electrical Devices and one of the Founders of Science Fiction\* was broadcasting TV signals from his station **WRNY** in New York from 1925 to 1934. > > [WRNY (New York City) - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WRNY_(defunct)) Fixed link: > **[WRNY (New York City)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WRNY_(defunct))** > > WRNY was a New York City AM radio station that began operating in 1925. It was started by Hugo Gernsback's Experimenter Publishing Company to promote his radio and science magazines. Starting in August 1928, WRNY was one of the first stations to make regularly scheduled experimental television broadcasts. Experimenter Publishing went bankrupt in early 1929 and the station was purchased by the Curtiss Aeroplane and Motor Company to promote aviation. WRNY was deleted in 1934, as part of a consoli... ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/69 "2016-03-22T00:40:17Z")
> [@Lsura](#): > > “Our healers say we’re no longer contagious and our traditional greeting of strangers involves the exchange of body fluids” Well now whether this is good or bad depends entirely on what they look like, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/70 "2016-03-22T02:20:29Z")
In the movie _Mars Attacks!_ it all turns ugly when a hippy releases a dove of peace, which spooks the alien envoy and it all kicks off. I’ve always thought it would have been a better twist of irony if the dove of peace had flown over the alien envoy and shat on him, and _that_’s the _casus belli_ that leads to intergalactic Armageddon. ---
**Author:** ![Jamicat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c67d28/32.png) [@Jamicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jamicat)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/71 "2016-03-22T02:42:42Z")
Hello, um…a…Meat…Er…Hows it going? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/72 "2016-03-22T02:46:33Z")
“Hey Xhrrr, let’s try it to _this_ star!” “Okay! \ The way the last one went poof was really funny! \” “Here goes! \” “It’s not doing anything.” “Remember? We had to wait a couple of \ the last time?” “Oh yeah.” “\” “Hey! Who left the translator on? We don’t want–” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/73 "2016-03-22T02:49:05Z")
> [@Jamicat](#): > > Hello, um…a…Meat…Er…Hows it going? 😕 Made me think of the story [_They’re Made out of Meat_](http://www.terrybisson.com/page6/page6.html) by Terry Bisson. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/74 "2016-03-22T05:53:45Z")
We’ve heard you taste like chicken. ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/75 "2016-03-22T06:08:15Z")
Where is the nearest In and Out Burger? ---
**Author:** ![SigMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@SigMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SigMan)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/76 "2016-03-22T06:12:41Z")
Eat Lead Earthlings! ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/77 "2016-03-22T06:55:42Z")
AT LAST! _THIS_ TIMELINE HAS NO _DOCTOR_! EXTERMINATE! or At last! The Lost Colony of Earth. Umm, you do have anti-Base-Star defences up-and-running, yes? We have 33,um, no, 32 minutes… ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/78 "2016-03-22T07:39:12Z")
Greetings brothers and sisters, we have come to take you to paradise where you will live with us for eternity indulging in pleasures or pursuits of your choice. Once you are safely onboard our ship, your planet and all other inhabiting organisms will be summarily destroyed and the constituent matter re-purposed for our life-sustaining machines. Welcome! welcome, our aquatic marine mammal brothers and sisters! ---
**Author:** ![Go\_Arachnid\_Laser\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@Go\_Arachnid\_Laser\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_Arachnid_Laser_1)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/79 "2016-03-22T08:17:09Z")
562314… 562313… 562312… 562311… ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2016, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-possible-first-contact-message-from-an-alien-race/749690/80 "2016-03-22T10:23:43Z")
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