# Worst Product Names? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 12, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836 "2004-10-12T16:51:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/1 "2004-10-12T16:51:08Z")
On my desk right now, I have a bag of dried fruit. It’s not bad: raisins, dried pineapples, apricots, apples. Pretty standard, really. What’s the name of this stuff? **Golden Stream All-Fruit Mix**. But that’s not all. There’s a \*whole line]/i] of trail-mixes from **Golden Stream**. I’ve had this and the banana chips. Neither of which tasted like they contained any **Golden Stream** runoff. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go take a wicked **Golden Stream**. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/2 "2004-10-12T16:54:25Z")
[Seventh Generation Recycled Toilet Paper](http://www.seventhgeneration.com/page.asp?id=1154). Ew. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/3 "2004-10-12T17:16:56Z")
Does \*\*Golden Stream \*\* sell a sack of nuts? ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/4 "2004-10-12T17:54:35Z")
Whenever this topic comes up, I always contribute: **B&M Baked Beans** Man! What were they thinking? ---
**Author:** ![pyrrthon1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/2acd7d/32.png) [@pyrrthon1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pyrrthon1)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/5 "2004-10-12T17:58:27Z")
[This one definitely takes the cake.](http://www.haaretzdaily.com/hasen/pages/ShArt.jhtml?itemNo=203004&contrassID=1&subContrassID=0&sbSubContrassID=0) ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/6 "2004-10-12T18:10:32Z")
[I dunno, Ikea’s name for that kid’s bed was pretty bad](http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_771460.html) ---
**Author:** ![hiebram](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5fc32e/32.png) [@hiebram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hiebram)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/7 "2004-10-12T18:13:45Z")
You could always name your product after [“self-gratification”](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/3208501.stm) And [here’s](http://www.jdbshow.com/bad_product_names.html) quite a smorgasbord. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/8 "2004-10-12T18:20:27Z")
Of course, we mustn’t forget Mr. Brain’s late, lamented faggots. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/9 "2004-10-12T18:55:58Z")
Well, they’re not product lines, per se, but whoever is in charge of coming up with the names for new items at Texas Steakhouse (where I work) needs to be fired. First, we had the Hog Wings. Yes, the Hog Wings. As if the name weren’t appetizing enough, they were essentially pig drumsticks dinked in barbecue sauce; envision extra-greasy ribs-on-a-stick, and you’ve got the idea. But the PTB were not satisfied with the Hog Wings. They wanted more. They reached deep into the inner recesses of their minds and examined the very fabric of their souls…and then they had it, they knew they had it, it was perfect, it was the ultimate product name… It was…the **Oreo Nachos**. Nothing quite like a mental image of chocolate cookie covered in melted Velveeta to get one’s mouth watering. Do you have it yet? Goooood. So does every single person I’m forced to suggestive-sell this to. That is, when I manage to say the name with a straight face, which is extremely seldom. By far, the most common response to “Would you like to try the new Oreo Nachos?” is “the _what?!?!_”. For this, I cannot blame them. I understand. But what _are_ the Oreo Nachos, you may ask? Please, you beg, tell me cheese is not involved. This, at least, I can grant you, but the truth is not entirely more pleasant. The Oreo Nachos consist of a bowl contaning three puffs of Real Fake Whipped Cream Flavored Topping, a squirt of Bacardi Strawberry mixer, two ounces of Oreo crumbles, and rainbow sprinkles. This concoction is eaten with with fried tortilla triangles covered in cinnamon sugar, of which you get seven. That’s right, a grand total of seven “chips” with which to enjoy this lovely dessert. Perhaps it’s just me, but at the end of a hearty steak dinner, I do not turn to my companion and say, “you know, I could really go for a combination of cinnamon, strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla cream, topped with an extra dose of sugar.” And when I do not do this, my companion does not reply, “yes, that sounds most excellent, and I believe an accurate name for this dish would be Oreo Nachos. Let us order a portion post-haste.” Yum…Oreo Nachos. Don’t you wish you had some? If you’d rather opt out, I think we still have some Hog Wings in the back. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/10 "2004-10-12T19:06:29Z")
The term “pig drumstick” gave me pause, until you mentioned ribs. I had a picture of the server staggering up to your table with a whole hog leg, like the waitress at the drive-in delivering dinosaur barbecue to the Flintstones. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/11 "2004-10-12T19:12:27Z")
Waaaay back in the ancient days of my youth, I remember a foil-bagged snack of some sort called “Hits.” Well, actually, the bag said HITS. And when you lined them up on the wire display rack at the store, next to the potato chips and Fritos and suchlike, their logos blended together in such a way as to say… HITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITS Naturally, as a seven-year-old, I thought this was hilarious. The snack food disappeared shortly afterwards, and was never seen again… ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/12 "2004-10-12T19:22:14Z")
We can’t forget Smuckers jam, now can we? ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/13 "2004-10-12T20:47:26Z")
“Getting off” food for a minute, [Sit 'n Spin](http://www.inthe80s.com/toys/sitnspin.shtml) has got to be a classic. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/14 "2004-10-12T20:59:15Z")
I have seen mentioned on this very board a chain of drive-up convenience stores known as… _Kum 'n Go_. :eek: The mental images this calls up are disturbing, to say the least… ---
**Author:** ![Martha\_Medea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@Martha\_Medea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martha_Medea)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/15 "2004-10-12T21:06:02Z")
I used to love Big Nuts. The chocolate, that is. Can’t believe no-one mentioned [Horniman’s Tea](http://www.kzwp.com/lyons/hornimansstory.htm). And today, in a Santo Domingo supermarket, I decided against buying a shower gel mainly because I couldn’t trust a company that calls itself “KREISSY\*”. \*Spelling approximate but phonetically that’s what it said. ---
**Author:** ![Martha\_Medea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@Martha\_Medea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martha_Medea)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/16 "2004-10-12T21:10:19Z")
Remembered some more: Spain has BUM crisps and Bonka coffee - which could of course have been deliberately chosen to amuse the Brit tourists. Bimbo sliced bread? ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/17 "2004-10-12T21:35:08Z")
> [@Roland Orzabal](#): > > First, we had the Hog Wings. Yes, the Hog Wings. As if the name weren’t appetizing enough, they were essentially pig drumsticks dinked in barbecue sauce; envision extra-greasy ribs-on-a-stick, and you’ve got the idea. > > The Oreo Nachos consist of a bowl contaning three puffs of Real Fake Whipped Cream Flavored Topping, a squirt of Bacardi Strawberry mixer, two ounces of Oreo crumbles, and rainbow sprinkles. This concoction is eaten with with fried tortilla triangles covered in cinnamon sugar, of which you get seven. That’s right, a grand total of seven “chips” with which to enjoy this lovely dessert. Both of these sound pretty good, actually. I can’t figure out your problem with either (aside from the Oreo Nachos being fairly chintzy with the chips). To the OP… AYDS diet aids became fairly unfortunate. NADS hair removal system. A ‘regional’ problematic one: Around here (Canada), there’s a candy bar called Wunderbar. Where my ex lives (New York), that’s a brand of bologna… It gave her some…odd images. ---
**Author:** ![seosamh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@seosamh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seosamh)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/18 "2004-10-12T21:58:01Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Of course, we mustn’t forget Mr. Brain’s late, lamented faggots. Bear in mind that **Faggots** isn’t the brand name: it’s the name of the goods. Now, if they were Mr Pooffy’s or Mr Shirtlifter’s faggots it would be a different matter… ---
**Author:** ![MiniMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@MiniMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MiniMoose)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/19 "2004-10-12T21:59:10Z")
A really entertaining page with funny product names and other misc stuff is [www.engrish.com](http://www.engrish.com) ---
**Author:** ![legion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/838e76/32.png) [@legion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legion)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2004, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836/20 "2004-10-12T22:11:01Z")
I while back, Mrs Legion and I where hitting the shops looking for a new fridge. One of them on display made me do a double take. On the front of the upper freezer section it had ( I’ve since learned) the makers name in big shiny letters: **SMEG** At first I thought, eww, what kind of weirdo freezes their smeg? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-product-names/268836.md?page=2)