# Worst... Sci-fi...Ever... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 15, 2004, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049 "2004-12-15T22:40:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/181 "2004-12-19T09:12:49Z")
> [@SandyHook](#): > > Last year some time I watched “Robinson Crusoe On Mars.” > > In my defense I had been drinking and was home alone. It had all the worst aspects of the old Buck Rogers special effects plus, as he was mostly alone, little dialoge. > > I will now prepare my acceptance speach, when do I get the prize? It also starred one Adam West, pre-Batman. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/182 "2004-12-19T14:37:01Z")
> [@Ninja Pizza Guy](#): > > In my mis-spent youth, I read quite a bit of christian sci-fi. There’s a bunch of brain cells I miss. If you’d like to finish killing the rest of them off, then I’d recommend [_Time Changer_](http://www.timechangermovie.com/), not that I’ve seen it, but from the ads for it, it’s pretty obvious that the film’s a stinker. The plot is this guy in the 1800s writes a book about Christianity, everyone loves it, except Captain Stueben from _Love Boat_. He uses a time machine to send the author to the future (i.e. present day, those Victorian costume rentals are expensive, ya know), where the author apparently discovers that his book has turned everyone into a bunch of hypocritical heathens. It’s pretty obvious that Hal Linden and Paul Reubens took the job because they needed the cash. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/183 "2004-12-19T14:39:02Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > If you’d like to finish killing the rest of them off, then I’d recommend [_Time Changer_](http://www.timechangermovie.com/), … Something Awful just did a review of this, uh, movie. Hilarious. More so than the film, apparently. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/184 "2004-12-20T04:59:36Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Something Awful just did a review of this, uh, movie. > > Hilarious. More so than the film, apparently. [Ed Wood, you’ve met your match.](http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2548) > [@](#): > > If there is a metaphor in having a strange whitish substance squirted all over you before waking up behind a dumpster in an alley, I don’t want to know about it. > > When Russell eventually finds a church, he is seated in a pew next to a creepy old man who looks like a cross between Hannibal Lecter and Charlton Heston. They have the most bizarre conversation in the whole movie. I swear all these lines are real: > Man: (staring at Russell’s lap) “Nice looking Bible you have there.” > Russell: “…thank you, sir.” > Man: (still staring) “Yes… that’s a nice one.” > Russell: (confused) “Yes, yes it is…” > Man: “Have you ever noticed the strength in the pages of these Bibles? They are so thin, but they’re very difficult to tear… they really hold up…” > Russell: (scared) “Yes… they certainly do…” (looks away) > Man: (stares intently at Russell’s crotch, then his face) > This was the moment when I began to question how well thought out this entire movie was. I mean, it’s obviously pro-Jesus, but depicting a crazy old man who sits down next to you in church and leers at your crotch for minutes on end seems hardly the way to bring people back into the flock. I thought maybe the crazy man was a metaphor for Satan, setting trials and tribulations for Russell, but I’m not sure I am willing to give this movie enough credit for something so multi-layered. ---
**Author:** ![Declan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Declan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declan)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/185 "2004-12-20T07:08:15Z")
Four pages , and I have not seen either Flesh Gordon or Barbarella listed. Declan ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/186 "2004-12-20T14:16:24Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > How many air ducts have you seen that are that well lit and have computer interfaces everywhere? Most of the ones in bad scifi. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/187 "2004-12-20T14:18:04Z")
> [@rjung](#): > > No, really, the **Last Starfighter** novelization (done by the dependable-if-not-exceptional Alan Dean Foster) was a decent read. Not only was the main space battle _far_ longer and complex (as one pitting a lone pilot against an invading armada should be), but it also covered refueling and repairs during said battle, and gave a rationale for the “Death Blossom” that didn’t sound like a cheap _deux ex machina._ And the rest of the novel was pretty good, including well-rounded characterizations for the rest of the cast. No, I didn’t disbelieve you, honest. I know it’s _possible_ to have a better novelization. I was just expressing my amazement that it’d been _done_. Since I enjoyed Last Starfighter once, I should probably look it out one day. ---
**Author:** ![maniondl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cdc98d/32.png) [@maniondl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maniondl)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/188 "2004-12-20T19:25:21Z")
I can’t believe that no one has mentioned that nadir of 80’s sci-fi, V. Also V: the final battle, V: the series, V: you’ll beg for death rather than watch this tripe, etc. The Resistance succeeds only because the aliens are dumber than french toast. I mean, come on. Aliens travel hundreds of light years to steal water, have sex with teenagers, slander scientists, and generally behave like idiots. It’s like alien spring break or something. And son-of-a-motherless-goat I see here in IMDB that they’re now doing “V:The Second Generation” with a complete cast reunion. If anyone needs me, I’ll be getting ready for the apocalypse. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/189 "2004-12-20T19:44:20Z")
Disney’s _The Black Hole_. The single worst _Star Wars_ ripoff ever. There was no reason for it. No reason for _any of it!!_ Plotless, clueless, this film is _so bad_ that it is a waste of Ernest Borgnine. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/190 "2004-12-20T20:47:44Z")
> [@Tracy Lord](#): > > If we’re including novels, I believe _The Eye of Argon_ beats everything on the table, hands down. Grignir? ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/191 "2004-12-30T03:26:28Z")
I just remembered [Rocket Robin Hood](http://thickets.50megs.com/rocket.htm). That was the ultimate in cheapo crapiness - it was a half-hour show, but contained at most about 10 minutes of new material in each episode. The rest was crap that was the same in every episode. It made the show boring and frustrating to watch, but when I was a kid the idea of _not_ watching a cartoon would have never occured to me, no matter how little I was enjoying it. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/192 "2004-12-30T03:54:49Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > I’m trying to remember an overly long sci-fi novel I was unable to finish. It did not allow itself to be read. Maybe someone could come up with the title if I describe it. > > The parts I was able to read were about a guy who creates a new metal alloy, and he wanted to use it for things like bridges and railroad tracks but the government made him distribute it to everyone, so there were plenty of coffee pots and golf clubs made with his new metal but not enough for his own selfish plans. I remember an unikely romantic subplot, too. > > Any ideas? Sounds like Ayn Rand’s **Atlas Shurgged**. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/193 "2004-12-30T03:55:51Z")
**Shrugged** , even…although I rather like “Shurgged”. Sounds almost Lovecraftian. ---
**Author:** ![Scoundrel\_Swanswater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@Scoundrel\_Swanswater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scoundrel_Swanswater)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/194 "2004-12-30T15:11:46Z")
Sacrilege, sacrilege, I cannot believe you people. **David Lynch’s Dune**? Brilliant movie **Lost in Space**? Not brilliant, but quite a fun family movie **Highlander 1**? Brilliant movie, without very quotable text **Stargate**? A fun von Daniken movie Now if you want to talk really, really bad sci-fi, I give you : **Red Planet** Watching paint dry is more fun. ---
**Author:** ![Scoundrel\_Swanswater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@Scoundrel\_Swanswater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scoundrel_Swanswater)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/195 "2004-12-30T15:16:14Z")
OMG, someone nominated Dark City? :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: Unbelievable. Just unbelievable. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/196 "2004-12-30T15:40:46Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > **Shrugged** , even…although I rather like “Shurgged”. Sounds almost Lovecraftian. Which, when you think about the eldritch horror that was Rand, is appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/197 "2004-12-30T16:05:59Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > It may not make sense…but I’ve always had a fondness for that particulary episode, if nothing else because it answers the eternal question: What would happen if the writers ran out of ideas and decided to borrow the sets and costumes from **Guys and Dolls** to make an episode? Actually, IIRC, the leftover sets, costumes and props from Desilu’s _The Untouchables_. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/198 "2004-12-30T16:08:11Z")
> [@Bambi Hassenpfeffer](#): > > _see also:_ **Blalock, Jolene** as T’Pol in _Enterprise_. > > Although, Jeri Ryan was remarkably good in VOY – I actually found her boobs to be distracting from her performance. They weren’t even her real boobs, they were stunt boobs. I saw Jeri Ryan up close and personal at a sci fi con and she was wearing a flimsy tank top with no bra. She was perky but not that perky. I remember reading a interview with her or one of the other Trek women that the Trek costume department has special bras that make them all that much more impressive. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/199 "2004-12-30T16:19:08Z")
> [@Wile E](#): > > They weren’t even her real boobs, they were stunt boobs. I saw Jeri Ryan up close and personal at a sci fi con and she was wearing a flimsy tank top with no bra. She was perky but not that perky. I remember reading a interview with her or one of the other Trek women that the Trek costume department has special bras that make them all that much more impressive. HOOT CAP"N! Th’ hooters cannae hold! I’m givin em all she’s got, but we cannae sustain a DD frae long! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049/200 "2004-12-30T16:22:00Z")
_Message From Space_. This is what happens when 1970s Japanese movie moguls see \*Star Wars \* make a hogload of money, and they decide to do the same thing with existing 1970s Japanese movie technology. _The Adventures of Stella Star_. This is what happens with 1970s Italian movie moguls see \*Star Wars \* make a hogload of money, and they decide to do the same thing with existing 1970s Italian movie technology. It had Caroline Munro in it, though, wearing a leather bikini, which offered it some small saving grace. Oh, wait, it had Marjoe Gortner as her sidekick. Forget that. _The Man Who Saves The World_. This is what happens when 1970s Turkish movie moguls see \*Star Wars \* make a hogload of money, and they decide to do the same thing with existing 1970s Turkish movie technology. Oh, wait. The Turks didn’t HAVE any special effects technology, so they lifted large chunks out of \*Star Wars \* to plug into _their_ movie to make up for it. I could keep going, but I won’t. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sci-fi-ever/280049.md?page=11)