# Worst set of safety instructions I have ever seen
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [February 23, 2007, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405 "2007-02-23T17:31:12Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/1 "2007-02-23T17:31:12Z")
Check this out:
[http://www.rinkworks.com/said/im/dballtoy.shtml](http://www.rinkworks.com/said/im/dballtoy.shtml)
I’m still not sure what most of it means.
“May pre house the seamy side volitation!!!”
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### Author:  [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/2 "2007-02-23T17:37:26Z")
The whole thing reads like bad spam email. Prythee.
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### Author:  [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/3 "2007-02-23T17:42:08Z")
> [@](#):
>
> WARNING: …
> Tad disport of time grown man tutelage. …
Well, I wish they had warned me about that before my grown man tutelage. I would have disported my time a tad more.
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### Author:  [@Labtrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labtrash)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/4 "2007-02-23T17:43:30Z")
“Till the cowcomes home” ?!??! WTF?
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### Author:  [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/5 "2007-02-23T17:56:27Z")
“Play at sith”? What, users are supposed to pretend to be Darth Vader with this thing?
How is it supposed to work? What is it supposed to be? Is that a propellor sticking out of the guy’s feet?
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### Author:  [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/6 "2007-02-23T17:56:44Z")
[QUOTE=labtrash]
“Till the cowcomes home” ?!??! WTF?
[/QUOTE]
Hell, that’s easily the most understandable part of the whole thing.
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/7 "2007-02-23T18:00:55Z")
[QUOTE=Spoons]
“Play at sith”? What, users are supposed to pretend to be Darth Vader with this thing?
How is it supposed to work? What is it supposed to be? Is that a propellor sticking out of the guy’s feet?
[/QUOTE]
I think it’s a little plastic model of a Dragonball Z character. You stick a battery in, hook it to a ceiling fixture with the cord, and turn it on. The propeller spins and the thing flies around in a circle.
Note, however, that I deduced this _only_ from the pictures. The text was useless.
I sent it to my technical-writer co-workers as a warning of What Not to Do. 😃
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### Author:  [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/8 "2007-02-23T18:21:32Z")
[QUOTE=Q.E.D.]
Hell, that’s easily the most understandable part of the whole thing.
[/QUOTE]
Correct me if I’m wrong.
What these companies do to make it _seem_ like they’re complying with safety regulations in _every_ country is this;
Make a couple safety instructions in various universal languages. Feed them individually into a highly sophisticated ‘random word generation’ program to be used as a baseline for the software algorithms.
A somewhat coherent text is then produced.
What happens next is the kicker. The text is converted to Finish, then to Korean, then a Korean/Russian translater speaks into a 1950’s style dictaphone (using the same 30 second magnetic tape, rewriting constantly) while converting it back to English. An illiterate person is then employed to type the instructions while the tape is played back.
Whalah!
Any questions?
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### Author:  [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/9 "2007-02-23T18:25:54Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace]
I sent it to my technical-writer co-workers as a warning of What Not to Do. 😃
[/QUOTE]
You’re preaching to the choir if you send it to your technical writer co-workers as a warning. Of course, if you sent it so they could share in the laugh, that’s okay then.
I seem to recall some of the engineers at your workplace asking for access to softcopies of your documents, **Sunspace** , just, y’know, so they could update them with changes as they occur. I don’t know if you ever granted such access, but if you did, you may want to send this along to those engineers as a warning. Knowing, personally, a few of those folks, I think they could use it.
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/10 "2007-02-23T18:29:33Z")
[QUOTE=Uncommon Sense]
Correct me if I’m wrong.
What these companies do to make it _seem_ like they’re complying with safety regulations in _every_ country is this;
Make a couple safety instructions in various universal languages. Feed them individually into a highly sophisticated ‘random word generation’ program to be used as a baseline for the software algorithms.
A somewhat coherent text is then produced.
What happens next is the kicker. The text is converted to Finish, then to Korean, then a Korean/Russian translater speaks into a 1950’s style dictaphone (using the same 30 second magnetic tape, rewriting constantly) while converting it back to English. An illiterate person is then employed to type the instructions while the tape is played back.
Whalah!
Any questions?
[/QUOTE]
You spelled _voilà_ wrong.
It’s actually spelt “throatwarbler-mangrove”.
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/11 "2007-02-23T18:48:29Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace]
You spelled _voilà_ wrong.
[/QUOTE]
I was going to point out that he misspelled it right after implying that he himself was literate. You can’t buy ironing like that! 🙂
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### Author:  [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/12 "2007-02-23T19:01:53Z")
[QUOTE=tdn]
I was going to point out that he misspelled it right after implying that he himself was literate. You can’t buy ironing like that! 🙂
[/QUOTE]
They just don’t iron 'em like they used to. It’s all Gaudere’s fault.
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/13 "2007-02-23T19:04:22Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield]
They just don’t iron 'em like they used to. It’s all Gaudere’s fault.
[/QUOTE]
May spel the anger type catfish.
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### Author:  [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/14 "2007-02-23T19:18:01Z")
Onomatopoeia, you shmucks! “Whalah” is the sound my hands make when giving the ‘I’m finished typing and my fingers hurt’ gesture. Get with the program!
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### Author:  [@Ichbin\_Dubist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichbin_Dubist)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/15 "2007-02-23T19:23:12Z")
I love the row of little symbols at the bottom. No Pac Man, No Sad Waterdrops, No Sad Fires, Don’t Rest Your Crystal Ball on a Pizza Box. I think.
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### Author:  [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/16 "2007-02-23T19:34:01Z")
Yep, this is one of the all-time classics. This little flying toy has been around for a few years, famous only for the rotten instructions.
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### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/17 "2007-02-23T19:40:29Z")
I like “pack it up time,” myself. Fairly succinct, actually.
Do not taunt happy fun flying toy. May pre house the seamy side, volitation, indeed!
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### Author:  [@enigm4tic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enigm4tic)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/18 "2007-02-23T19:42:10Z")
hey I think we’re going in the wrong direction with this…
instead of slamming this guy, maybe we should recognize his genius in the field of …slightly abstract poetry substituting for directions…
“pack it up time/withhold toy pate/ switches need shoving OFF”
and
“Till the cowcomes, Home/Wield Toys Damage, Burn-in/Prythee wind to a close wield”
ee cummings would be jealous of this guy! You just have to recognize poetic genius when it occurs
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### Author:  [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/19 "2007-02-23T19:46:30Z")
You’re assuming that we accept that ee cummings was genius and deserves to be emulated.
(I’m not saying it’s a **false** assumption, just that it is not necessarily the case.)
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### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [February 23, 2007, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/20 "2007-02-23T19:47:11Z")
[QUOTE=Ichbin Dubist]
I love the row of little symbols at the bottom. No Pac Man, No Sad Waterdrops, No Sad Fires, Don’t Rest Your Crystal Ball on a Pizza Box. I think.
[/QUOTE]
I think I got the first three, but what’s the last one? Don’t hit someone in the face with it? I thought it was a toy!
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