# Worst set of safety instructions I have ever seen **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 23, 2007, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405 "2007-02-23T17:31:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/21 "2007-02-23T20:20:42Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] I think I got the first three, but what’s the last one? Don’t hit someone in the face with it? I thought it was a toy! [/QUOTE] Don’t put it in a top hat? Don’t cook it in a wok? Don’t sacrifice it on an altar? ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/22 "2007-02-23T21:30:01Z")
Needs switches shoving Pre arrows specifying Orention shoving. Tad disport of time Till the cowcomes home wield toys Throagh of peril. Winding finger have Prythee no sport with stingy Play asperity. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/23 "2007-02-23T21:30:29Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] I think I got the first three, but what’s the last one? Don’t hit someone in the face with it? I thought it was a toy! [/QUOTE] What, you can’t hit someone in the face with a toy? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/24 "2007-02-23T21:35:57Z")
[QUOTE=Uncommon Sense] What, you can’t hit someone in the face with a toy? 😛 [/QUOTE] Exactly. What else would you do with it? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/25 "2007-02-23T21:39:34Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] Exactly. What else would you do with it? [/QUOTE] Exactly! Toys come in two flavors: Those that fit in registers, or toilets, and those you use for hitting your siblings with. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2007, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/26 "2007-02-23T21:51:26Z")
I think the last one is “don’t wrap the cord around your neck,” which makes a certain amount of sense, really. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/27 "2007-02-24T00:45:26Z")
This reminded me of [Uncyclopedia’s VCR Manual Instructions](http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/VCR_Manual). ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/28 "2007-02-24T00:51:48Z")
“Tad Disport” and “Bilge Dasto” sound like they should be _Star Wars_ characters. Pack it up time with bold toy pate? Is that some sort of meal? Prythee, no sport with stingy! ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/29 "2007-02-24T00:57:28Z")
Prop man not go ceiling fan do own thing. Prop man have fun joy with eletric screw. Run DC small pen size in back by hooker clip to rest of ten. Was that last one porn? ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/30 "2007-02-24T02:40:19Z")
If when reqadings, the confusion is like a surfiet of non to know, then adveverse not call our helping number 1-800 CHINGLISH It si speeding like a fresh taste. Pandas smile, and the sun is brighter today! Regards FML ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/31 "2007-02-24T03:11:49Z")
[QUOTE=Jeep’s Phoenix] Needs switches shoving Pre arrows specifying Orention shoving. Tad disport of time Till the cowcomes home wield toys Throagh of peril. Winding finger have Prythee no sport with stingy Play asperity. [/QUOTE] Disturbingly, this reminds me of the [Hello Kitty haiku thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=278752). ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/32 "2007-02-24T03:16:52Z")
Needing of assistance? Bilge Dasto proper fighter! Report enemies- anihlate! Also repair. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2007, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/33 "2007-02-24T03:28:18Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] I think I got the first three, but what’s the last one? Don’t hit someone in the face with it? I thought it was a toy! [/QUOTE] You haven’t been around toddlers much, if you think toys aren’t for hitting people. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2007, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/34 "2007-03-02T21:39:55Z")
The last icon is either “Do not drop toy onto floor” or “Do not place toy on a digital scale.” ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2007, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/35 "2007-03-03T21:45:09Z")
Man, with this toy you’ll be tootling your horn and taking advantage of the chambermaid in no time. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2007, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/36 "2007-03-03T23:19:33Z")
So, all this time I thought I was getting random spam, they were really safety instructions?! :eek: Now, what am I to do? I don’t know if I’m safe or not. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2007, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/37 "2007-03-04T00:33:48Z")
[QUOTE=picunurse] So, all this time I thought I was getting random spam, they were really safety instructions?! :eek: Now, what am I to do? I don’t know if I’m safe or not. [/QUOTE] Obviously, the seamy side of your volitation is not sufficienly pre!!! To,prediff the stat is your safety wayan, suteppu lick: 1. Shoving the switches OFF, 2. Ne parku sith only your place, 3. OMFG salut,Opal LOL!!! 4. Prithee forsooth blunderbus #82 morning olky’; 5. Disport sweaty tutelage! NEPRE VERIFICATION BATTERIES +,- not~!!! ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2007, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/38 "2007-03-04T03:57:15Z")
[QUOTE=Uncommon Sense] Correct me if I’m wrong. What these companies do to make it _seem_ like they’re complying with safety regulations in _every_ country is this; Make a couple safety instructions in various universal languages. Feed them individually into a highly sophisticated ‘random word generation’ program to be used as a baseline for the software algorithms. A somewhat coherent text is then produced. What happens next is the kicker. The text is converted to Finish, then to Korean, then a Korean/Russian translater speaks into a 1950’s style dictaphone (using the same 30 second magnetic tape, rewriting constantly) while converting it back to English. An illiterate person is then employed to type the instructions while the tape is played back. Whalah! Any questions? [/QUOTE] You left out the 1000 monkeys at typewriters. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2007, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/39 "2007-03-04T05:31:57Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] Obviously, the seamy side of your volitation is not sufficienly pre!!! To,prediff the stat is your safety wayan, suteppu lick: 1. Shoving the switches OFF, 2. Ne parku sith only your place, 3. OMFG salut,Opal LOL!!! 4. Prithee forsooth blunderbus #82 morning olky’; 5. Disport sweaty tutelage! NEPRE VERIFICATION BATTERIES +,- not~!!! [/QUOTE] Thank you, I feel much safer now. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2007, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/40 "2007-03-04T05:33:46Z")
[QUOTE=picunurse] Thank you, I feel much safer now. 😛 [/QUOTE] You’re welcome. In real life, I write instruction manuals for a living, including the quick-start guides with lots of pictures that are the first thing the customer sees upon opening the box. Relax. You’re in the hands of a professional. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405.md?page=3)