# Worst set of safety instructions I have ever seen **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 23, 2007, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405 "2007-02-23T17:31:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Rich\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@Rich\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rich_Mann)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2007, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/41 "2007-03-04T10:08:20Z")
This isn’t as awful as the OP’s example, but… I have in my hand a chopsticks wrapper I saved. On one side it has the sentiment, “Welcome to Chinese Restaurant. Please try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks the traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history and cultual.” On the other side are pictorial instructions with these legends: “Tuk under thurnb and hcld firmly” “Add second chcostick hold it as you hold a pencil” “Hold tirst chopstick in originai position move the second one up and down Now you can pick up anything:” I was tempted to test the claim in this last statement by trying to pick up the cute waitress, but I foresaw a language problem getting in the way. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2007, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/42 "2007-03-04T15:23:08Z")
[QUOTE=Rich Mann] I was tempted to test the claim in this last statement by trying to pick up the cute waitress, but I foresaw a language problem getting in the way. [/QUOTE] Imagine if you had succeeded…! “Ow! Hey! Put me down! Wait a minute… how are you doing that? Oh my, what strong hands you have!” :: some time later :: “_Xie xie_…” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/43 "2007-03-05T00:51:05Z")
Dave Barry does instruction manual: [IMPORTANT! READ THIS BEFORE USING YOUR NEW DEVICE!](http://home.xnet.com/~raven/Sysadmin/Instruct.html) Reading of rink is Please! To be clinking former happinesss create best feerling induce write person ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/44 "2007-03-05T02:50:08Z")
[QUOTE=Welcome to Chinese Restaurant via Rich Mann] “Hold tirst chopstick in originai position move the second one up and down Now you can pick up anything:” [/QUOTE] Except the rice. Unless it’s really glonous. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/45 "2007-03-05T03:36:41Z")
> [@](#): > > …to being with wiping ceiling of bilge dasto. Is this some kind of sex toy where the owner can shoot his \< ahem \> bilge dasto on the ceiling? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/46 "2007-03-05T03:56:21Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] Except the rice. Unless it’s really glonous. [/QUOTE] I thought rice of high glonosity was a feature of certain Chinese cuisines? ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/47 "2007-03-05T05:17:01Z")
On a box lid from a box of ramen noodles a former roommate had: > [@](#): > > Please avoid sunlight, moisture, cereals and dried fishies. I’ve had this thing for 6+ years and it still cracks me up! _What the hell can cereals or dried fishies do to ramen noodles?_ And because it’s related to safety: Former job, a bunch of desks in the lab placed near an emergency exit door which led to a staircase and outside. Said door had a bit of a cold draft, which was annoying to the people working at the desks. Remember: EMERGENCY EXIT DOOR. So what do they do? They duct tape the door shut. ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/48 "2007-03-05T05:45:52Z")
Yep, that one’s going on the bulletin board! My favorite instructions were from the “Monty Python’s Complete Waste of Time” computer game. The first sentence was (something like) “Please be sure to read the instructions carefully. This game will not truly be a complete waste of time until you have read the instruction manual.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/49 "2007-03-05T06:40:09Z")
[QUOTE=Ruby] Is this some kind of sex toy where the owner can shoot his \< ahem \> bilge dasto on the ceiling? [/QUOTE] I bilge dasto your dog against ceiling! \<\>shoot\<\>shoot\<\> ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2007, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405/50 "2007-03-05T06:47:14Z")
Again sighting goodness look-stick is. Behold [Engrish.com](http://engrish.com/) many funning happy happy papers and garment, protections having romantic character of intelesting configuration. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-set-of-safety-instructions-i-have-ever-seen/393405.md?page=2)