# Worst sincere suggestions you've received. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 22, 2011, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028 "2011-07-22T21:13:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/61 "2011-07-23T09:29:50Z")
> [@Becky2844](#): > > not sure my post “took” so will do it again… > > I had a stroke last year & became legally blind. my sister-in-law asked if there was a physical therapy I could take for it. :smack: > > I envisioned blind ppl all over the world furiously doing jumping jacks… Both showed up … In her defense, there are ads around for exercises to do to improve your eyesight. Doesn’t help most people, I think there are a couple issues that can be helped by certain exercises, I remember a friend of my brothers had an eyepatch and did exercises for something but I was like 8 years old and damned if I can remember what he had [myopia?walleye?] But that is a funny mental image. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/62 "2011-07-23T13:03:08Z")
One of my old bosses told me that I should make my lefthanded daughter use her right hand for eating and writing and whatever. I told her that this theory had been proven to screw up kids. Lisa’s dyslexic as it is, I shudder to think what she would have turned out like if I HAD tried to make her righthanded. This same boss also told me that wearing eyeglasses makes one’s eyes weaker, and taking medicine can make the body weaker. She thought that diabetics shouldn’t take insulin or even pills. And no amount of telling her that an insulin dependent diabetic would quickly die without taking insulin would change her mind. Different people have also told me at various times that I would want kids after a few years. Nope, didn’t happen. I was also advised to never let a boy know that I was smarter than he was, or beat him at any game or sport. And, of course, I was told that girls didn’t make good scientists. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/63 "2011-07-23T13:52:18Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > While playing visa bait is obviously flawed, going to Africa is a great way to get a man and I know lots of very happy marriages that started basically like this. Africa is a huge continent (as you know), which spans the gamut of cultures, languages, politics, and social issues. A great many men over there practice polygamy, are highly religious, and are socially conservative. Of course not all African men are like this–there are some men that are just as progressive and monogamy-minded as men over here–but enough of them are that I have to question the wisdom of advising a 30-something, highly educated, agnostic woman who is unsure whether she wants to have kids to go mate shopping over there. Especially if they value having a similar cultural background like I do. It’s one thing to go to Africa to work or study, and then hitting it off with a guy incidentally. It’s another thing altogether to go to Africa specifically to find a guy to marry. I don’t care what country or continent you’re talking about, that’s ridiculous advice to me. That paired up with the visa thing makes it thoughtless and insensitive thing to say. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/64 "2011-07-23T13:56:44Z")
> [@Foggy](#): > > Yes “He” stop treating me back in 2003, said he couldn’t help me after 8 years. Eight years for You. He probably measures time in dick-miles. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/65 "2011-07-23T14:12:42Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Four years of service, three languages, two continents, nine countries, half a masters in International Development, hundreds of students, dozens of friendships and one quickly rising career later, I can safely say that was bad advice. This post made me so happy, **even sven**. I’m so glad you found your calling. Probably the worst advice I’ve ever received _here_ occurred when I posted about wanting to have kids while my husband wasn’t ready. We were both in the middle of graduate school at the time, making the logistics quite tricky and, in all honesty, his reasoning quite sound. That is, he was right - it wasn’t a good time. Someone said that if I truly wanted to be a parent I should just quit school, abandon my career plans and get pregnant. Because there’s no better way to start a family than $80,000 in debt and no degree. And then someone said I should divorce my husband (not waste any time in counseling, even - just end it) because he obviously never wants to have children with me. And of course, the only thing I could think after that was, ‘‘God, I am so lucky.’’ It really put that situation in perspective. I still want kids, but I also want stability and financial solvency and not a shitty relationship, so you know, it all worked out. > [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Different people have also told me at various times that I would want kids after a few years. I’ve had a number of people, including Grandma, tell me that eventually, when the time is right, I’ll want to have ‘‘my own’’ children instead of adopt. I’ve wanted to adopt since I was nine. There are times I’ve been willing to give birth for practical reasons, but I’ve never abandoned my dream of adoption and I don’t plan to. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/66 "2011-07-23T14:23:39Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > And then someone said I should divorce my husband (not waste any time in counseling, even - just end it) because he obviously never wants to have children with me. I’m shocked - shocked! - that someone on the Dope advised a person with a relationship issue to end the relationship immediately. Who would have thought it? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![KinkiNipponTourist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e9bcb4/32.png) [@KinkiNipponTourist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KinkiNipponTourist)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/67 "2011-07-23T14:34:37Z")
“Go on, just get married, ferchrissakes. Even if you end up divorcing. Just get married once!” courtesy of my family. “all that money you spend on therapy. Why not use it instead to buy yourself some decent clothes?” stepmom ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/68 "2011-07-23T14:48:00Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Someone said that if I truly wanted to be a parent I should just quit school, abandon my career plans and get pregnant. Because there’s no better way to start a family than $80,000 in debt and no degree. And then someone said I should divorce my husband (not waste any time in counseling, even - just end it) because he obviously never wants to have children with me. > > And of course, the only thing I could think after that was, ‘‘God, I am so lucky.’’ It really put that situation in perspective. I still want kids, but I also want stability and financial solvency and not a shitty relationship, so you know, it all worked out. Sometimes that’s what bad advice does (and honestly, sometimes that is what bad advice is meant to do - I’ve given some intentionally bad advice to shake people) - puts the situation in perspective. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/69 "2011-07-23T15:11:23Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Sometimes that’s what bad advice does (and honestly, sometimes that is what bad advice is meant to do - I’ve given some intentionally bad advice to shake people) - puts the situation in perspective. Yes, but the OP is about SINCERE bad advice. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/70 "2011-07-23T15:16:36Z")
> [@Becky2844](#): > > I had a stroke last year & became legally blind. my sister-in-law asked if there was a physical therapy I could take for it. > > (I envisioned blind ppl all over the world doing jumping jacks…) I almost fell off the couch laughing at that. You can’t fix the stoopit :p. > [@KinkiNipponTourist](#): > > “all that money you spend on therapy. Why not use it instead to buy yourself some decent clothes?” > > stepmom I would have looooooved to have been a fly on the wall during that conversation. I’m really amazed at the number of “just get pregnant/married” advice for so many women. I assumed people did not, out of the blue, tell young women to get knocked up to solve any variety of issue, personal or not. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/71 "2011-07-23T15:58:29Z")
> [@Scissorjack](#): > > No, I didn’t say that we calculate the risk, but we do accept its presence, that loving a person carries the chance of it ending badly in the way that caring for an animal doesn’t. [Moderator Note]Take the pet hijack elsewhere.[/Moderator Note] ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/72 "2011-07-23T16:43:34Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > “You need to have children. There aren’t enough smart white people having kids.” > > Yes, he was serious. > > Yes, I walked away from him and did not speak to him again. > > No, I did not bitchslap him like he deserved. Badly worded, but I think I can see where he was coming from - there have in fact been several studies that show an inverse correlation between IQ and number of offspring. See [Fertility and intelligence - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fertility_and_intelligence) ---
**Author:** ![cruel\_butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5daacb/32.png) [@cruel\_butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cruel_butterfly)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/73 "2011-07-23T17:13:11Z")
After a suicide attempt in college, my c-word stepmother asked me how many piłls i had taken. “40,” I said. Her advice/suggestion (right in front of my dad): “you should’ve taken more.” ---
**Author:** ![RoeCocoa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7feea3/32.png) [@RoeCocoa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoeCocoa)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/74 "2011-07-23T18:02:29Z")
I get a lot of unsolicited medical advice from people who have no business giving it. Debilitating hereditary migraine headaches? “You just need to drink more water.” ---
**Author:** ![sjankis630](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ea924/32.png) [@sjankis630](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sjankis630)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/75 "2011-07-23T19:05:14Z")
> [@](#): > > “Go to Africa and find a man looking for a green card,” my mother advised after I told her how difficult it is to find guy worth dating. Well in her defense there do seem to be a lot of rich Princes from Africa who are just looking for someone to help them move their vast fortunes out of their continent … ---
**Author:** ![QuarkChild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c5a1d2/32.png) [@QuarkChild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuarkChild)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/76 "2011-07-23T19:19:55Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > “You need to have children. There aren’t enough smart white people having kids.” You could have said, “Oh, my black boyfriend and I are working on that right now!” ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/77 "2011-07-23T19:31:12Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > Yes, but the OP is about SINCERE bad advice. I suspect some of the bad advice in Olive’s thread wasn’t sincere…it was staged to give her the “but I don’t WANT to do THAT!” reaction to get her head centered. The problem is that sometimes you don’t know when bad advice is sincere, and when it is functionally bad advice made to get you to realize something else - a form of manipulation into self awareness. Especially around here. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/78 "2011-07-23T19:33:04Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I suspect some of the bad advice in Olive’s thread wasn’t sincere…it was staged to give her the “but I don’t WANT to do THAT!” reaction to get her head centered. > > The problem is that sometimes you don’t know when bad advice is sincere, and when it is functionally bad advice made to get you to realize something else - a form of manipulation into self awareness. Especially around here. I never considered that before. Thanks for the insight. ---
**Author:** ![Renifer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71c47a/32.png) [@Renifer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renifer)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/79 "2011-07-23T20:38:15Z")
Overheard a conversation in the library between a man in his twenties and an older (fifties) male relative. From the conversation, I picked up that the younger man apparently has some severe social phobia, has few friends and rarely left the house. It obviously bothers him that he cannot be more outgoing. The older relative’s advice: he should make more friends because friends are important. :\ I wanted to smack that man. Sociability is not easy for everyone, and he was basically telling this poor guy that it was all his fault, and probably making him feel more nervous for any future social outings. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/80 "2011-07-23T20:45:50Z")
I was born with a nerve condition that makes my hands shake (hence my screen name). You’d be amazed at the amount of people who tell me to just “calm down and relax” This by itself wouldn’t be so bad but offering that gem of advice AFTER I’ve told you I was born with a nerve condition is beyond stupid. This includes a police officer that demanded I stop shaking as it is making _him_ nervous. Despite the fact that I already told him I have a condition. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028.md?page=5)