# Worst sincere suggestions you've received. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 22, 2011, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028 "2011-07-22T21:13:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/81 "2011-07-23T21:18:04Z")
> [@Colophon](#): > > Badly worded, but I think I can see where he was coming from - there have in fact been several studies that show an inverse correlation between IQ and number of offspring. See [Fertility and intelligence - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fertility_and_intelligence) So? I don’t owe the world children, regardless of my IQ OR my ethnicity. > [@QuarkChild](#): > > You could have said, “Oh, my black boyfriend and I are working on that right now!” I so wish I could be that quick with a witty retort. In my defense, I honestly wasn’t sure I’d heard him correctly, since I couldn’t imagine someone actually making such a statement. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/82 "2011-07-23T21:23:33Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m really amazed at the number of “just get pregnant/married” advice for so many women. I assumed people did not, out of the blue, tell young women to get knocked up to solve any variety of issue, personal or not. Well, it’s women’s role in life to get married and have kids, no matter what their personal goals are. Or at least, this is what my family told ME. And if my personal goals conflicted with reproducing, I should give up my dreams. And I was assured that I would find happiness and real fulfillment in being a mother. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/83 "2011-07-23T22:08:09Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > I’m really amazed at the number of “just get pregnant/married” advice for so many women. I assumed people did not, out of the blue, tell young women to get knocked up to solve any variety of issue, personal or not. Oh, it’s disgustingly common - I heard it frequently through my 30’s. Now that I’m over 40 I’m being urged to adopted/foster. Because, I guess, my existence has no meaning and no happiness unless I’m surrounded by infants, toddlers, and other children. :rolleyes: Which brings me to my contribution to this thread, heard shortly after I married my husband (who happened to be, and still is, disabled): “You need to divorce him and get a real man who can have sex and give you babies.” :eek: :rolleyes: I don’t even want to get started with Teh Wrong in that… ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/84 "2011-07-23T22:16:49Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > [Moderator Note]Take the pet hijack elsewhere.[/Moderator Note] wait wut ---
**Author:** ![Maiira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Maiira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maiira)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2011, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/85 "2011-07-23T22:46:23Z")
That I should straighten my hair every day, because it looks better that way. Er, no. And, not me, but a coworker got this little gem from a customer: “You should get an M.R.S. degree!” ---
**Author:** ![cedman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cedman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cedman)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/86 "2011-07-24T01:11:28Z")
When my wife of 17 years left because she “preferred the company of women”, a co-worker told me, “What you need is some good cocaine and a good street whore that will do anything you want. I know one and I’ll pay for all of it.” he was deadly serious. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/87 "2011-07-24T03:22:24Z")
> [@Scissorjack](#): > > No, they don’t, they just like to pretend they do. Owning a pet is a relatively minor, temporary obligation, it doesn’t compare with the lifelong responsibility that being a parent or child does: if a dog lasts 15 years it had a good innings and you can buy another one; if a child dies at 15 years, it’s a tragedy, an irreplaceable loss. It’s insulting for someone to compare the sentiment they feel for what is essentially an chattel to genuine human love. It’s insulting to tell me I am pretending to have the feelings I have. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/88 "2011-07-24T03:28:58Z")
Sorry, I didn’t see the request to stop with the pet thing and I didn’t realize so many people had gone off on this tangent. Apologies. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/89 "2011-07-24T14:35:24Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I suspect some of the bad advice in Olive’s thread wasn’t sincere…it was staged to give her the “but I don’t WANT to do THAT!” reaction to get her head centered. > > The problem is that sometimes you don’t know when bad advice is sincere, and when it is functionally bad advice made to get you to realize something else - a form of manipulation into self awareness. Especially around here. Thank you for that insight. I find threads giving relationship advice problematic because of the haste with which people villify either the advice seeker or their partner, but the suggestion that sometimes it isn’t actually due to a greater willingness to treat relationships as disposable, but rather to make the advice seeker think again is a useful one. Even if some people are giving sincere bad advice. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/90 "2011-07-24T14:55:24Z")
When my son was 8, my parents told me to use “tough love” on him. He has ADHD, bipolar disorder and PDD. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/91 "2011-07-24T15:16:08Z")
I can’t hold a candle to the bad advice given in this thread. Worst advice I got was when I asked a friend of my parents which language to study in college - German or Russian. She had studied both. I asked which one is harder? “Oh, they’re about the same.” My experiences almost learning Rooski Yaziik are cataloged in this [post=10593523]post[/post]. :smack: :smack: :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/92 "2011-07-24T15:34:46Z")
> [@YaraMateo](#): > > I have to know if they were a man or woman. Seconded I’m in grad school and multiple Chinese classmates suggest I should go to China to teach English. Okay, it’s not as bad as the others, but still, not very smart for grad students. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/93 "2011-07-24T16:39:38Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > I’m in grad school and multiple Chinese classmates suggest I should go to China to teach English. > > Okay, it’s not as bad as the others, but still, not very smart for grad students. That sounds like decent advice to me, provided you 1) have an interest in China, 2) don’t have obligations that require you to remain in the US (or wherever you live now) and 3) don’t get a job in your field soon after completing your graduate degree. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/94 "2011-07-24T20:33:44Z")
> [@Scissorjack](#): > > “Loving” a pet, on the other hand, means feeding them a couple of times a day and taking them for the odd walk; it is a safe indulgence. Comparing the two mocks the depth and intricacy of human love and commitment. If this is how you feel, I sincerely hope you don’t own any pets. While I can’t compare the love of a pet to the love of a child because I don’t have children, I love my cats and they love me. I’ve lost two cats in the last year, but it certainly doesn’t compare to how I felt when I lost my mother. To say such a thing is insensitive beyond belief. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/95 "2011-07-25T02:04:03Z")
A former co-worker suggested on multiple occasions - both during and after the time we worked together - that I, as a practicing Jewish person, would find fulfilment by joining Jews for Jesus. No amount of explaining that J4J is a Christian organization could dispel this notion. We don’t speak now. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/96 "2011-07-25T02:05:18Z")
> [@cruel\_butterfly](#): > > After a suicide attempt in college, my c-word stepmother asked me how many piłls i had taken. > > “40,” I said. > > Her advice/suggestion (right in front of my dad): “you should’ve taken more.” awright! out-n-out hostility! no passive/aggressive stuff THERE…of course, your dad should have taken up for you & seriously reconsidered his commitment to such a person. If not, cut ties with them. Don’t get together for holidays. Don’t call on birthdays. Don’t expect anything from them at all. Obviously your survival is more important than trying to have a decent relationship that just isn’t there. My psychiatrist said of my mother(who he’d met), “I hope you’re not looking for any validation there, because there is none. It’s like sucking on a dry tit.” ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/97 "2011-07-25T04:27:46Z")
> [@Scissorjack](#): > > Affection for an animal is a simulacrum for the love of a human being because it carries no risk. Loving a person is a fraught, tricky endeavour with the constant risk of failure, hurt and betrayal; it is complicated and dangerous. “Loving” a pet, on the other hand, means feeding them a couple of times a day and taking them for the odd walk; it is a safe indulgence. Comparing the two mocks the depth and intricacy of human love and commitment. The psychology is what is relevant here, not which creature requires more responsibility or risk to love. A human being feels how a human being feels. As I stated before, yes, there are those who for whatever reason, can only (or mostly) feel love for their pets. I don’t know why, but from what I’ve seen and read, things like trust issues and so on. Who knows? But you’re questioning the intensity of their feelings as if you know what they truly feel inside. You don’t. Know one can, but you can see the evidence in how they behave. Comparing the two doesn’t mock anything. Just because person A feels X units of love and loss when their loved one dies doesn’t preclude person B from \*\*feeling \*\*exactly the same units of love and loss when their pet dies. Whether or not it’s “wrong” or impossible, or not “dangerous” (really now?), or whatever according to YOU, doesn’t change how person B’s actual emotions work. And it doesn’t demean or cheapen person A’s loss. Human emotions **themselves** are complicated, risky and fraught with failure. It’s not the object of the affections that make them this way. It’s quite possible for a human to transfer strong emotions to a pet (that arguably and according to you), more correctly belong on another human. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/98 "2011-07-25T04:37:40Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > [Moderator Note]Take the pet hijack elsewhere.[/Moderator Note] Sorry, didn’t see this 'til I’d already posted, could you delete mine? ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/99 "2011-07-25T05:11:08Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > That sounds like decent advice to me, provided you 1) have an interest in China, 2) don’t have obligations that require you to remain in the US (or wherever you live now) and 3) don’t get a job in your field soon after completing your graduate degree. Yeah, that’s kind of why this is just a borderline example for this thread. It was just that I put a lot of effort (and money) into learning accounting and though I like China and all, I wasn’t going to waste my education for $10 an hour teaching children their ABCs for the benefit of a rich school boss. > [@cwthree](#): > > A former co-worker suggested on multiple occasions - both during and after the time we worked together - that I, as a practicing Jewish person, would find fulfilment by joining Jews for Jesus. No amount of explaining that J4J is a Christian organization could dispel this notion. I’ve learnt from experience to never tell a Christian you have Jewish ancestry, no matter how remote. Many of them care more about getting Jews to abandon their religion than to get atheists to accept theirs. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/100 "2011-07-25T08:04:42Z")
> [@](#): > > Many of them care more about getting Jews to abandon their religion than to get atheists to accept theirs. Trust me, there are plenty of Christians who are OK with someone being Jewish, but not OK for someone to be anything except Christian or Jewish. I’ve learned not to bring up my atheism IRL unless I can get away from the person quickly, if I need to. ETA: Many Christians seem to think that atheists are Satanists. I’ve tried explaining that Satanists believe in a supernatural power, while atheists don’t. No good. What’s that old saying about using logic to convince someone from a viewpoint that he didn’t use logic to form? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028.md?page=6)