# Worst sincere suggestions you've received. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 22, 2011, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028 "2011-07-22T21:13:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/121 "2011-07-27T20:41:40Z")
This one made my jaw drop. We just finished having our kids placed with us. They were 5 (boy) and 6 (girl) at the time. We were working with a child therapist to help us newbie parents understand how to deal with our new instant family. She would come with our current social worker (SW). So, we asked about bedtimes. You see the older girl needs more sleep than the younger boy. SW got a strange look on his face and said, ‘just put girl to bed earlier.’ My husband, the therapist and I just stared agape. The words, ‘you have kids, right?’ fell out of my mouth. (Can you imagine how you would have felt, as a child, if your younger sibling got to stay up later than you did?) ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/122 "2011-07-27T20:56:00Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > Well, did you at least try stuffing your face with dick like he suggested? I was wondering the same thing. Not altogether horrible advice. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/123 "2011-07-27T22:49:13Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > This one made my jaw drop. > > We just finished having our kids placed with us. They were 5 (boy) and 6 (girl) at the time. We were working with a child therapist to help us newbie parents understand how to deal with our new instant family. She would come with our current social worker (SW). > > So, we asked about bedtimes. You see the older girl needs more sleep than the younger boy. SW got a strange look on his face and said, ‘just put girl to bed earlier.’ > > My husband, the therapist and I just stared agape. The words, ‘you have kids, right?’ fell out of my mouth. > > (Can you imagine how you would have felt, as a child, if your younger sibling got to stay up later than you did?) Wow. There are so many better answers. First one that came to mind - as a non-parent, mind - put them to bed when she gets tired, and tell him he doesn’t have to go to sleep, but he has to be quiet. So he could color or read or whatever until he gets tired. And check on him in an hour or so, to make sure he’s not going to keep himself up all night. And there are probably better solutions. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/124 "2011-07-27T23:06:01Z")
> [@thirdwarning](#): > > Shortly before I got out of my first marriage, for some silly reason I told my MIL that her son was abusing me. She told me I should have sex with him. The obvious implication was that if I was just nice enough to him he’d quit beating me up. > > I have to admit, I never saw any indication of intelligence in that woman. This makes me profoundly sad, because it sounds like the MIL is speaking from experience. I’m hoping I’m wrong, and your ex-FIL was a stand-up, wonderful man, but that sort of “advice” sounds like ex-MIL has been beaten by a man in the past, and found if she fucked him more often, he’d be happier and wouldn’t hit her as much ☹ ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/125 "2011-07-27T23:28:54Z")
My daughter’s babysitter’s mom asked if my little girl would be interested in coming along on trips with her church groups. When I told her we were Jewish and said no thanks she said, “But it’s a non-denominational church. She’ll be very happy there.” ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/126 "2011-07-27T23:37:26Z")
When I was a freshman undergraduate, I spent a lot of time in the computer lab in my dorm, online chatting. (I made real-life friends too and was pretty involved in campus activities, so it’s not ALL I did, but I did spend a fair amount of time in there.) Some well-meaning guy in my dorm noticed this and told me that he’d met some of his best friends that year, and I could too but not if I kept spending all my time on the computers, and that life was passing me by. The online chat site (it was a MUD-based “talker” for those of you who are old-school) that I was spending most of my time on, is where I had already met the man who someday would become MrWhatsit. Walking away from the computer at that point would have, unknown to me, been one of the worst decisions of my life. ---
**Author:** ![Uber\_the\_Goober](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/58956e/32.png) [@Uber\_the\_Goober](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uber_the_Goober)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/127 "2011-07-28T01:26:01Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I was born with a nerve condition that makes my hands shake (hence my screen name). You’d be amazed at the amount of people who tell me to just “calm down and relax” > > This by itself wouldn’t be so bad but offering that gem of advice AFTER I’ve told you I was born with a nerve condition is beyond stupid. > > This includes a police officer that demanded I stop shaking as it is making _him_ nervous. Despite the fact that I already told him I have a condition. I wonder how awesomely he would have reacted had you told him you had parkinson’s? Lying is bad and all, but at least that’s a well known condition and may make him **d’oh** like Homer Simpson ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/128 "2011-07-28T10:23:16Z")
I’ve been suffering from clinical depression and anxiety for over 10 years. My cousin suggested me “The Secret”. Yeah, because sending wishes to the universe obviously works, especially if you have a serious problem. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/129 "2011-07-28T12:27:45Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > I spend a fair amount of time on my laptop when I get up in the morning (I don’t work, am kind of stuck out in the middle of nowhere.) I check my e-mail a few times a day, look up people on Facebook, occasionally play games, shop. You know, stuff. My elderly mom says, “so what do you do on that thing all that time?” I explain. I go into some detail. I tell her about LOL cats, youtube, IMDB, and some of the sillier things that I think she might get a kick out of. She rolls her eyes, "you spend all that time looking at that stuff! (here it comes…) “What A Life!!!” Meaning, I guess, ‘must be nice to be so idle and aimless as to spend time on that thing’. I ask, genuinely curious, “so what SHOULD I be doing with my time, Mom?” (I do occasionally manage to step away from the computer and, you know, live a normal life doing all sorts of things.) “I don’t know…maybe you should spend that time talking to people.” > > … > > Talk to people. Sounds like a plan, Mom, I’ll go out and look for someone to talk to, 8 a.m. sharp. > > Talk to people. As if I lived on Eastenders and could just step out the front door and run into dozens of friends, relatives, and neighbors all milling about getting into each others business. A couple of people have made suggestions on how you can convince her that the internet is full of real people but how about going the other way: tell her it’s just like starting the day with a newspaper or reading a favourite magazine. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/130 "2011-07-29T01:33:22Z")
This is an amazingly timely thread. Just today I was discussing my difficulties finding a job and my recent and incredibly traumatic break-up with a lifelong friend. I was mostly asking if she knew of any openings in her company, but her solution was for me to stop being atheist and get right with God because after all, how can I expect God to help me if I refuse to ask him? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/131 "2011-07-29T09:43:51Z")
> [@YaraMateo](#): > > To be fair, I know two women who oddly want a boy and a girl. (One wants a girl and the other wants a boy) They’ve both made it clear having the opposite sex would drive them up the wall. Maybe your neighbor knows someone like this and thinks everyone feels this way. Or was polling people to be able to tell that someone maybe they should relax, having a child of the opposite-from-desired sex isn’t the end of the world. Grandma: “my mother had me at 27. I had your mother at 27. Your mother had you at 27. You have 3 months to get pregnant.” All those well-meaning people who, at different times in my life, asked whether I’d be a teacher when I grew up. Even at age 4\* I knew that there was no fucking way I wanted to spend my working hours herding children. My current job includes teaching aspects but it’s corporate training, students are being paid to listen. - the first time I got in trouble, by answering “NO! All teachers are _morons_!” - I didn’t know my mother had a teaching degree… oops ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/132 "2011-07-29T10:00:09Z")
> [@papergirl](#): > > My mom always told me that if one of my children ever bit the other, I should bite him (the biter) to “show him how it feels.” :eek: I actually did that to both Bros and to The Nephew, but it wasn’t “bite back”, it went more like this: - kid’s nervous and, not knowing how to deal with strong emotions yet, starts kicking and biting everything in sight including me\* I grab the kid, hold him until he’s able to listen and explain that he shouldn’t hit or bite people, as it doesn’t feel nice to be hit or bitten. I’d like to show him, will he let me? Kid agrees (this is important - if they hadn’t, I would have said “ok, I see you don’t need me to show you - just remember it next time you want to bite someone”). So I take his forearm and slowly (but not agonizingly slowly - just slow enough that it’s not a violent movement) take it to my mouth. Then I bite down very, very slowly and without teeth - building up pressure slowly just until the point when the kid flinches. “Did that feel nice?” “_shaking head_ Nu-huh!” “OK, so will you remember that next time you want to bite someone, and not bite them?” “K.” And then I helped them come up with other ways to deal with the stress - ways which did not mean bruises for me! Violent behavior is not a good way to curb violent behavior, but tell’n’show works. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/133 "2011-07-29T12:38:40Z")
> [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](#): > > I’ve been suffering from clinical depression and anxiety for over 10 years. > > My cousin suggested me “The Secret”. > > Yeah, because sending wishes to the universe obviously works, especially if you have a serious problem. :rolleyes: Not only that, but **sending wishes to a universe that is too idiotic to understand the word “not” or “no”**. The universe evidently has the power to grant all kinds of wishes, while being less intelligent than many toddlers. Ooooo_kay_. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/134 "2011-07-29T12:41:42Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > My daughter’s babysitter’s mom asked if my little girl would be interested in coming along on trips with her church groups. When I told her we were Jewish and said no thanks she said, “But it’s a non-denominational church. She’ll be very happy there.” I really don’t see how she made a bad suggestion. She suggested a fun activity, you expressed reservations and she told you shouldn’t be worried about them being too dogmatic. She could have used better words, but it doesn’t sound to bad, it’s not like she invited LavenderJnr to sunday school. > [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > This is an amazingly timely thread. Just today I was discussing my difficulties finding a job and my recent and incredibly traumatic break-up with a lifelong friend. I was mostly asking if she knew of any openings in her company, but her solution was for me to stop being atheist and get right with God because after all, how can I expect God to help me if I refuse to ask him? Now the true ignorant Christian steps out. She not only responded to your reasonable request by shoving the bible down your throat, but she also showed how little she truelly understands Christianity. God isn’t in the business of punishing athiests in this world. > [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](#): > > I’ve been suffering from clinical depression and anxiety for over 10 years. > > My cousin suggested me “The Secret”. > > Yeah, because sending wishes to the universe obviously works, especially if you have a serious problem. :rolleyes: I used to have severe depression (constant suicidal thoughts, three-hour lie-ins etc.), and I’ve made a lot of progress primerily by forcing myself to be more hopeful about recovery and my future. Hope is important, and the crappy “self-help” book, the Secret does encourage people to have hope in the future. Sure, it’s hope based on shoddy grounds, but there might be some solid logic behind your friends superficially moronic suggestions. Maybe she believes the hope you gain from the Secret would be enough to sustain you 'til you find something real to gain hope from. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/135 "2011-07-29T12:46:17Z")
> [@YaraMateo](#): > > I think you’re being insensitive. (Yeah, that’s coming from ME :rolleyes:) Under the right conditions one can love an animal as much as a human. To some people, pets ARE their children. Just because you feel some way doesn’t mean everyone does. This has nothing to do with the person’s feelings about their pet. NOTHING. In ALL circumstances, the comment\* was inappropriate. Saying to ANYONE who has experienced the death of a loved one “I know what you’re going through” is not a good idea. Even if you lost the exact same loved one. Even if you’re the sibling and the two of you lost the same parent. YOUR relationship with the deceased was/is not like anyone else’s with anyone else. Even if you think it is/was. You really do NOT know exactly what they’re going through. Do yourself and them a favor. Just. Don’t. Go. There. You’ll be glad you didn’t. All you need to say is, “I’m so sorry.” Period. That comment is like the Little Black Dress- always appropriate. You don’t even have to clarify and say WHAT you’re sorry about… it could be your friend’s grief, his/her loss, the death itself. Just say, “I’m so sorry,” and let the other person say whatever they say. Then say, “I’m so sorry” again. It always works. ThelmaLou, Widow \*The comment was that X knew what Y was going through with the loss of Y’s grandfather because X’s dog had died. ---
**Author:** ![Shecky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85e7bf/32.png) [@Shecky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shecky)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/136 "2011-07-29T12:48:02Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > The laughably erroneous things I’ve heard in my life about how to legally outmaneuver the Police. > > Other than that, my favorite has to be this one. Stranded by a winter storm in Oaklahona, heading back to college. Woke up the next morning in the hotel and went to the parking lot to warm up the car. Overheard a woman tell her boyfriend to go boil hot water in the coffee pot so they could use it to “de-ice” their windshield. I watched a limo driver do this in NYC about 15 years ago. A group of us watched him do it purely to see if the thing would explode. It didn’t but it did spider the windshield! ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/137 "2011-07-29T13:03:15Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > At various times during my twenties (which are thankfully over and done with) I was having a string of apartment issues, and my mother’s reaction was always a cheerful “why don’t you come live with us?” > [snip] > Of course, the next time a similar situation would arise, I would get the same: “You know you can always come live with us!” > > Then again, this was from the same person whose reaction when I got my first proper job was: “When you lose this job, you are eligible for unemployment benefits, right?”. When I was a teenager and got my first girlfriend, I heard: “If she gets pregnant, we’ll work it out.” > > Yeah, “planning for failure” pretty much sums it up. > [@Becky2844](#): > > bless your mama’s heart! she’s got a good heart, even tho she’s coming from a bad place…my mother would have said, “I hope you’re not planning on coming to stay with us…” I do get that these statements don’t speak of enormous confidence that you can make it on your own, and that stings a bit. You may see this as “planning for failure,” but the other extreme isn’t appealing either. I knew that once I left home, I was NOT welcome to come back. When renting my first apartment in another city, I phoned them and asked if I could borrow $50 for the utility deposit, and they said, “You’re on your own.” And if I had gotten pregnant while still living at home, I was 100% certain I would have found my things out on the curb and the locks changed. Not kidding. It seems to me one could choose to see this as them providing a safety net and promising to accept you even if you made some mistakes, but then I don’t know what kind of inflection accompanied these statements. Still, knowing that “failure” wouldn’t be a catastrophe CAN help with the anxiety of going out on that independent limb. I envy you knowing that the door to home was open. All I know is one time my then-husband and I had moved out of state for a while (we were early 20’s) and came back to the hometown to re-settle there. We stayed with my parents where they lived alone in their four-bedroom, two-story house, and after about a week, my father said it was time for us to move out. So we did. And I didn’t look back. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/138 "2011-07-29T13:14:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*Originally Posted by LavenderBlue \*\* > My daughter’s babysitter’s mom asked if my little girl would be interested in coming along on trips with her church groups. When I told her we were Jewish and said no thanks she said, “But it’s a non-denominational church. She’ll be very happy there.” > [@](#): > > **Namkcalb:** > I really don’t see how she made a bad suggestion. > > She suggested a fun activity, you expressed reservations and she told you shouldn’t be worried about them being too dogmatic. She could have used better words, but it doesn’t sound to bad, it’s not like she invited LavenderJnr to sunday school. Ummm… a non-denominational Sunday school is still a Christian Sunday school. The woman made the suggestion in all sincerity, because she didn’t see (as you seem not to) that a Jewish child really doesn’t need to be going to a Christian Sunday school. The fact that it’s non-denominational doesn’t mean it’s not dogmatic. Some of THE most dogmatic churches and preachers around today are non-denominational. A Christian Sunday school is where kids learn to be good Christians, and that is 100 percent appropriate for them. Not for a Jewish kid. Don’t want this post to get kicked off this thread, so 'nuff said. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/139 "2011-07-29T13:20:01Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > I really don’t see how she made a bad suggestion. > > She suggested a fun activity, you expressed reservations and she told you shouldn’t be worried about them being too dogmatic. She could have used better words, but it doesn’t sound to bad, it’s not like she invited LavenderJnr to sunday school. Church group activities still often involve religious references and religious training, even if they are not officially “Sunday school.” Therefore, if **LavenderBlue** is raising her children in the Jewish tradition, it’s utterly clueless for person in the above situation to continue to insist that a Jewish parent should be comfortable with their child participating in Christian activities. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028/140 "2011-07-29T13:36:23Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > You don’t know a person’s mind or heart. And…you’re comparing apples to oranges. It doesn’t matter if the dog had “good innings” or not. It’s what its human feels. Human beings are complex creatures, many of whom are quite capable of feeling as strongly toward a pet as others would feel toward a child or parent. We’re not talking about whether the responsibility is as great, or if the pet is interchangeable with any other pet by virtue of their short lifespan or whatever. Obviously it requires a lot more responsibility to care for a child. There are those who, for whatever reason, can’t bond with other people the way they can with a pet, well… it doesn’t mean that the way _they_ feel isn’t just as strong to **them** as a typical person’s love is for a family member. It’s insensitive of you to insist that everyone whose heart doesn’t match the way yours works is stupid or “pretending”. It may be subjectively the same to that person, but the implied comparison is tone-deaf at best. I may, subjectively, love my mint condition Star Wars action figure more than any human, but if someone was grieving about the loss of their child or parent, it would be a bad idea to say “I know just how you feel. I once had a mint condition Star Wars action figure in its original packaging, and someone opened it and ruined it - I was inconsolable”. Note that the comparison above insensitively analogizes love for a beloved pet with love for a Star Wars action figure in mint condition, which I am certain pet owners would find offensive - that’s not a flaw in the argument, it is a feature. Not all subjective emotional attachments are objectively of the same _type_, and when communicating to others (particularly grieving people) it is necessary to remember this … 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-sincere-suggestions-youve-received/590028.md?page=8)