Worst skyscraper ever

[Miller]

@Capn_Carl

I watched a movie in which Criminal Mastermind proposes to stage a superhuman cage fight on top of a skyscraper. He’s also planning some destruction involving a chemical lab, also located in the skyscraper. I thought it odd that the buildings owners, and the city building codes, would allow a chemical lab on a skyscraper. So I made some calls, and I’ll be damned, they’ll let us open any kind of businesses we want. There are 80 floors. So far, only the 50th is fully occupied, by the chem lab. So what sort of business are you opening?

I’ve leased some of the gleaming corridors of the 51st floor. I’m opening a small gas station. Sure, not much traffic up here, but not much competition, either. “But Cap’n…”, you say, “…what about the enormous weight of those steel gasoline storage tanks, so high up?” Well, I have that figured out. I’m going to use tanks made out of the same sturdy plastic used for water jugs. “But Cap’n…”, you say, “…gasoline melts those water jugs!” No problem; my plastic storage tanks will be DOUBLE thick.

Somewhat along those same lines - I’ve seen at least two Spider-Man movies where the plot revolved around the villain building a giant science machine in the middle of New York city, which is (of course) going to massively explode if it’s activated. (Spider-Man 2 and Into the Spider-Verse, respectively.) In both of these scenarios, it seems the villain could have avoided a lot of unnecessary super hero meddling, averted a humanitarian catastrophe, and saved millions and millions of dollars just by not building their explodey science machine in the middle of NYC. Everyone’s totally cool with you building a fusion engine, Doc Ock! Just do the test runs in some remote corner of Colorado, and not one of the most densely populated (and expensive!) cities on the planet!

[burpo_the_wonder_mutt]

@Little_Nemo

Why send all your sewage offsite to be processed when it can be done right here in house at Little Nemo’s Mile High Waste Recycling Facility on the 73rd floor? We cut the transportation costs and pass the savings on to you.

So to speak. (bolding mine)

This idea is actually full ofNM

[cardinal_fang]

@Capn_Carl

[snip]
I’ve leased some of the gleaming corridors of the 51st floor.
[snip]

golf clap.

Since nobody’s claimed 54, I would like to reserveit for my Risk Group 4 Pathogen Research Facility and Paintball Course. I would limit it to ages 12+, for obvious reasons.

[DesertDog]

I got a smokin’ deal on a counterblow hammer. Can I have the 10th floor to install it on? <eyeballs crate in the driveway> And an option for the 11th as well.

[Sunspace]

@Filbert

Everyone’s going pretty high up at the moment…

You have to be high if you run an aerial pizza-delivery business. (All drones, all the time!) May I have the 45th floor for my pizza-delivery business? I’ll have to perform a few modifications, such as knocking out some of the windows on each side to allow access to the drone landing pads. But hey, with the pizza manufactory only just upstairs, that won’t cause much of a chimney effect at all!

[VOW]

Your pizza business could probably make a deal with the neighbor slaughterhouse! Buy up the little leftover scraps, and advertise that the pepperoni is made in-house!

Yum, yum!
~VOW

[Czarcasm]

Is the rooftop still available for my waterpark?

[sitchensis]

@Gatopescado

Sign me up for a Hide Tanning operation on the 63rd floor.

@kunilou

Great! Now I have a place to send the hides from my meat-packing operation on the 85th floor.

Oh, and if you’re building from the ground up, don’t make it taller while eliminating support columns to open up more floor space.

I have a rendering plant on the 32nd floor if you’re interested.

[Lemur866]

I primarily manufacture showers of sparks and jets of steam, is there any room in your building for that kind of business?

[Colibri]

@nearwildheaven

Isn’t there a Russian skyscraper that looks suspiciously like a vulva? Searches are mostly linking me to clickbait.

I always thought the former Trump Ocean Clubin Panama City was pretty blatant. (It’s now a J.W. Marriott after Trump and company were booted out of its management for fraud and malfeasance - fancy that!) You would have thought that Trump would have gone for something phallic.

[susan]

Well, my business isn’t very fancy, but I have a lot of trouble with my leaking pig feces storage tank. Think you could fit me in?

[Sunspace]

@susan

Well, my business isn’t very fancy, but I have a lot of trouble with my leaking pig feces storage tank. Think you could fit me in?

It’ll go great just above the sky gardens! Free fertilizer too! (Unless you plan to charge? I’m sure some agreement could be made.)

[susan]

Charge? As in electrified pig feces? I’ll get right on it.

[Sunspace]

@susan

Charge? As in electrified pig feces? I’ll get right on it.

Just watch out for the beehives. My stepbrother’s half-sister’s cousin-in-law’s buddy wants to start an artisanal honey operation, and I said he could have space near the drone storage area.

[kaylasdad99]

@Sunspace

Just watch out for the beehives. My stepbrother’s half-sister’s cousin-in-law’s buddy wants to start an artisanal honey operation, and I said he could have space near the drone storage area.

lSWYDT

[kaylasdad99]

@Der_Trihs

The one I thought of was the “Death Ray Skyscraper” that melts cars.

I’ll say this for fictional criminal masterminds like the OP talks about; at least when* they *build a Death Ray, they do it on purpose.

@Business Insider

The Walkie-Talkie, which opened last year, has 690,000 square feet of office space and a rooftop garden. The glass building expands at the top, which makes it look like a concave mirror — or, well, a giant magnifying glass.

More like a giant parabolic reflector, I should think. Maybe elliptical.

[GreedySmurf]

I’m very interested in the ground floor retail space and basement storage, for my new venture, Explosives R Us. The one stop shop for all your high-explosive needs, from Ammonium-Nitrate to Dynamite, through to C4.

[Ike_Witt]

Does everyone here realize that they are just describing a taller version of Kowloon Walled City?

[Sunspace]

@Ike_Witt

Does everyone here realize that they are just describing a taller version of Kowloon Walled City?

KWC was …constrained. We aren’t.

[Typo_Knig]

@Czarcasm

Is the rooftop still available for my waterpark?

Can I store my collection of sodium and potassium metal shavings under your waterpark?
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