# Worst song lyrics... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 20, 2005, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778 "2005-01-20T20:33:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/21 "2005-01-21T00:58:35Z")
> [@chaparralv8](#): > > Ok, I was just listening to Back in the USSR by the Beatles and heard these lyrics. > > “Flew in from Miami Beach B-O-A-C > Didn’t get to sleep last night > On the way the paper bag was on my knees > Man I had a dreadful flight” > > Can anyone top these? To be fair that song is a parody. How about “Heard from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend you’ve been messing around.” ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/22 "2005-01-21T01:01:37Z")
_Every day a little sadder A little madder Someone get me a ladder_ from **Still… you turn me on** by Emerson Lake & Palmer it was Lake’s fault. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/23 "2005-01-21T01:23:05Z")
I love REM, but: _Moses went walking with the staff of wood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Newton got beaned by the apple good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Egypt was troubled by the horrible asp. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mister Charles Darwin had the gall to ask. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah._ I suppose ABBA is like shooting fish in a barrel, but: _At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender, oh yeah_ Actually, no he didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/24 "2005-01-21T01:23:46Z")
I would like the OP to actually explain why the lyrics he posted are so bad. The whole song has plenty of clever wordplay–what exactly makes that opening (which manages to convey quite a bit of information with fun brevity) the “Worst”? My contribution: \*On the first part of the journey I was looking at all the life There were plants and birds and rocks and things There was sand and hills and rings \* and \*The heat was hot and the ground was dry But the air was full of sound \* and \*In the desert you can remember your name 'Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain \* and if you’re lucky, you’ve blown your brains out before you can suffer through the second verse. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/25 "2005-01-21T01:28:55Z")
> [@ArchiveGuy](#): > > \*In the desert you can remember your name > 'Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain \* > > and if you’re lucky, you’ve blown your brains out before you can suffer through the second verse. According to Steve Martin (talking to Johnny Carson), this exact line was why he never became a singer. ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/26 "2005-01-21T01:31:41Z")
oooh! oooh! another one! _Andy Devine Had a thong rind It was sublime But the wrong kind_ 5 points to anyone who can name the author. Biffy the Elephant Shrew is disqualified. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/27 "2005-01-21T01:34:52Z")
Hey, I love Back in the USSR. It’s hilarious, and intentionally so. “and Georgia’s always on my mind”? That’s funny already. My nominee: I love Cream. but they lyrics in Politician are dreadful: Hey now baby, Get into my big black car. Hey now baby, Get into my big black car. I want to just show you What my politics are. I’m a political man And I practice what I preach. I’m a political man And I practice what I preach. But don’t deny me baby Now while you’re in my reach. Is there any other song supposedly about politics that those on the left, right and center can all agree is utterly stupid? But the floating guitars are cool in the studio version. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/28 "2005-01-21T01:42:45Z")
> [@ArchiveGuy](#): > > I would like the OP to actually explain why the lyrics he posted are so bad. The whole song has plenty of clever wordplay–what exactly makes that opening (which manages to convey quite a bit of information with fun brevity) the “Worst”? > \*In the desert you can remember your name > 'Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain \* > > and if you’re lucky, you’ve blown your brains out before you can suffer through the second verse. Then you’d miss the great line about the ocean being a desert. Sure, except that it is wet and full of life, that is. :wally If even one person thinks that bad Neil Young imitation was actually him, Young should have sued for defamation of talent. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/29 "2005-01-21T02:18:26Z")
Ooo! Ooo! No one’s got mine. The Shania Twain song where she says “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble… so you don’t confuse them with mountains!” I could be a victim of a mondegreen, but I’ll be damned if that’s not what it sounds like she saying! ---
**Author:** ![chaparralv8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@chaparralv8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaparralv8)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/30 "2005-01-21T02:35:24Z")
> [@Wolfian](#): > > To be fair that song is a parody. > > How about “Heard from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend you’ve been messing around.” What is it a parody of? ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/31 "2005-01-21T02:35:56Z")
I’ve always been a fan of the Canadian band Sloan, but they had one particular howler: _And the joke is When he awoke is His body was covered in Coke fizz_ And that was the _chorus_ of their biggest hit in Canada, “Money City Maniacs.” ---
**Author:** ![Raygun99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Raygun99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raygun99)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/32 "2005-01-21T02:56:12Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Ooo! Ooo! No one’s got mine. > > The Shania Twain song where she says > > “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble… > so you don’t confuse them > with mountains!” > > I could be a victim of a mondegreen, but I’ll be damned if that’s not what it sounds like she saying! You mean Shakira. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/33 "2005-01-21T02:59:09Z")
> [@Raygun99](#): > > You mean Shakira. Picky, picky. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/34 "2005-01-21T03:04:35Z")
The mods frown on posting complete lyrics, so I’ll just post the chorus _Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates You got a brand new key I think that we should get together and try them out you see I been looking around awhile You got something for me Oh! I got a brand new pair of roller skates You got a brand new key_ From _Brand New Key_ by Melanie The verses are just as bad, and there’s a bunch of la-la-la’s in there for good measure. ---
**Author:** ![Frostillicus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Frostillicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frostillicus)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/35 "2005-01-21T03:19:20Z")
> [@ArchiveGuy](#): > > \*In the desert you can remember your name > 'Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain \* I was wondering when this line would get quoted. A buddy of mine and I were discussing it at work a few days ago and we couldn’t stop laughing at the utter absurdity of this line. Nitpick: Isn’t it “you CAN’T remember your name”? ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/36 "2005-01-21T03:24:40Z")
> [@Duke](#): > > I’ve always been a fan of the Canadian band Sloan, but they had one particular howler: > > _And the joke is > When he awoke is > His body was covered in Coke fizz_ > > And that was the _chorus_ of their biggest hit in Canada, “Money City Maniacs.” I love Slaon (naturally, I’m from the Maritimes!) but they had quite a few groaners… they’re just so dang catchy! (at least in the early days, I haven’t listened to much since _Navy Blues_) From _Sugartune_: "\*I wrote for you This sugartune To help you through What you’ve gotta do When you’re on the ground And keep fallin’ down Remember how I made this sound Sound \* " From _Underwhelmed_: "\*She was underwhelmed If that’s a word I know it’s not 'Cause I looked it up That’s one of those skills That I learned in my school \* " (it only goes on… if only I could copy the whole song - that bit about “she rolled her R’s, her beautiful R’s” kills me) From “_Losing California_” “_They’re losing California Inch by inch, sit back and watch it go Coming in clearly Dance, dance, dance to the radio_” And too many more. 😃 (But I loves them, anyway!) ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/37 "2005-01-21T03:25:47Z")
> [@chaparralv8](#): > > What is it a parody of? “Back in the USSR” is a parody of all Beach Boy-type songs. ---
**Author:** ![Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9dc877/32.png) [@Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightwatch_Trailer)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/38 "2005-01-21T03:27:07Z")
> [@Frostillicus](#): > > Nitpick: Isn’t it “you CAN’T remember your name”? I googled it and got sites that had both can and can’t. I listened to the song as well, and it sure sounds like “can” to me. How about Barenaked Ladies? If I had a million dollars I’d buy you a fur coat But not a real fur coat, that’s cruel ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/39 "2005-01-21T03:28:39Z")
Steve Miller Band, _Take the Money and Run_ _Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas. He knows just what the facts is. He ain’t gonna let those two escape justice. He makes his living off of people’s taxes._ The most excruciating rhymes. Ever. Paul Anka: _Havin’ my baby, You’re the woman I love and I love what it’s doin’ to ya. Havin’ my baby, You’re a woman in love and I love what’s goin’ through ya._ ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/40 "2005-01-21T03:31:29Z")
> [@Anastasaeon](#): > > "\*She was underwhelmed > If that’s a word > I know it’s not > 'Cause I looked it up > That’s one of those skills > That I learned in my school \* " > (it only goes on… if only I could copy the whole song - that bit about “she rolled her R’s, her beautiful R’s” kills me) Oh yeah…and how the next part goes “I was overwhelmed but I’m sure of that one/'Cause I learned it back in grade school/When I was young…” Jay Ferguson’s greatest triumph! > [@](#): > > And too many more. 😃 (But I loves them, anyway!) Yeah, they’re brilliant like that… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778.md?page=3)