# Worst song lyrics... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 20, 2005, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778 "2005-01-20T20:33:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![paulberserker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@paulberserker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paulberserker)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/61 "2005-01-21T16:24:04Z")
> [@Dung Beetle](#): > > I love to read your posts, **paulberserker**. I can hear your accent in my head and I always get a big kick out of it. > > He said “bollocks” too! 😃 Cheers. As long as you clock it’s a West Yorkshire accent, its all gravy. Pronounced GRAY-vey. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/62 "2005-01-21T16:36:39Z")
**Achy Breaky Heart** You can tell my arms to go back onto the phone You can tell my feet to hit the floor Or you can tell my lips to tell my fingertips They won’t be reaching out for you no more But don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart I just don’t think it’d understand And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart He might blow up and kill this man Ooo \*\* The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You\*\* I don’t look good in no Armani Suits No Gucci shoes - or designer boots I’ve tried the latest lines from A to Z But there’s just one thing that looks good on me The only thing I want The only thing I need The only thing I choose The only thing that looks good on me…is you \*\*The Warrior \*\* You run, run, run away It’s your heart that you betray Feeding on your hungry eyes I bet you’re not so civilized Well isn’t love primitive A wild gift that you wanna give Break out of captivity And follow me stereo jungle child Love is the kill Your heart’s still wild Shooting at the walls of heartache Bang, bang I am the warrior Well I am the warrior And heart to heart you’ll win If you survive the warrior, the warrior ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/63 "2005-01-21T16:48:16Z")
People, people, are we forgetting about “One Tin Soldier”? _Listen, children, to a story That was written long ago, 'Bout a kingdom on a mountain And the valley-folk below._ And then there’s: _Go ahead and hate your neighbor, Go ahead and cheat a friend. Do it in the name of Heaven, You can justify it in the end. There won’t be any trumpets blowing Come the judgement day, On the bloody morning after… One tin soldier rides away._ And, of course, the kicker: \*Now the valley cried with anger, “Mount your horses! Draw your sword!” And they killed the mountain-people, So they won their just reward. Now they stood beside the treasure, On the mountain, dark and red. Turned the stone and looked beneath it… “Peace on Earth” was all it said.\* Where or where is that puke smiley whne you need it (although I LOVE the Me First and the Gimem Gimme’s version, if only because they know how awful it really is and did it for fun.) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/64 "2005-01-21T17:16:33Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > There are just too many to choose from. But my most recent favorite of horrible lyrics is: > > \*Girl you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel (hun) > Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby (tell 'em) > \* Made worse that the song is a bastardized version of Angel of the Morning by Bonnie Tyler. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/65 "2005-01-21T17:34:23Z")
What, no one here has ever heard of Nancy Sinatra’s magnum opus of bad lyrics? “These boots are made for walkin’, And that’s just what they’ll do. And one of these days these boots, my friend, are gonna walk all over you.” The most terrible thing about that verse is that it’s not the worst line of the song. That’d be – “You keep lyin’ when you should have been truthin’ … good.” GAWD! ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/66 "2005-01-21T17:49:13Z")
[Action Packed](http://www.rockabilly.nl/lyrics1/a0031.htm), especially the Ronnie Dee cover. Kid, you don’t sound old enough to _drive_, let alone seeing action in the back seat of a Cadillac! ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/67 "2005-01-21T18:23:24Z")
I’m surprised nobody’s mentioned this gem: “I’ve been undressed by kings And I’ve seen some things That a woman ain’t s’posed to see. I’ve been to Paradise But I’ve never been to me.” (or something like that. “I’ve Never Been to Me” by Charlene). Also, from Three Dog Night’s “Easy to be Hard”: “Especially people who care about strangers Who care about evil and social injustice Do you only care about bleeding crowd How about a needing friend, I need a friend” (I’m sorry–in my mind, the words “social injustice” do not belong in a song. Haven’t you people ever heard of _metaphor_?) ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/68 "2005-01-21T18:40:22Z")
Eddie Rabbitt. I used to turn off my radio when this song came on: _'Cos I love a rainy night Yeah, I love a rainy night Well, I love a rainy night I love a rainy night Well, I love a rainy night You can see it in my eyes Yeah, I love a rainy night Well, it makes me high Ooh, I love a rainy night You know I do, yeah, yeah I love a rainy night_ Now THAT is some serious creativity, eh? Since we can’t post the entire lyrics, I left out most of the repeats of “I love a rainy night.” If I recall correctly, I counted once and he said it over 60 times, including the repeat 'n fade at the end. ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/69 "2005-01-21T19:49:58Z")
_She’s a funny kind of girl Set sail on a ship in a bottle She’s a funny kind of girl And do the Swiss fake it when they yodel?_ –The Trash Can Sinatras, “Funny Kind Of Girl”. Sadly, it’s an absolute gem of a song apart from that bit. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/70 "2005-01-21T20:09:23Z")
> [@winterhawk11](#): > > I’m surprised nobody’s mentioned this gem: > > “I’ve been undressed by kings > And I’ve seen some things > That a woman ain’t s’posed to see. > I’ve been to Paradise > But I’ve never been to me.” > > (or something like that. “I’ve Never Been to Me” by Charlene). Nah, that one works great in **Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.** > [@](#): > > Also, from Three Dog Night’s “Easy to be Hard”: > > “Especially people who care about strangers > Who care about evil and social injustice > Do you only care about bleeding crowd > How about a needing friend, I need a friend” > > (I’m sorry–in my mind, the words “social injustice” do not belong in a song. Haven’t you people ever heard of _metaphor_?) That is from **Hair**. Three Dog Night must have gotten a really bad pick in the lottery to do Hair cover songs. I think its purpose in the show was to give the audience time for a nap. Why anyone would cover it is beyond me. ---
**Author:** ![Susie\_Derkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Susie\_Derkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susie_Derkins)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/71 "2005-01-21T20:13:12Z")
Next - Too Close \*Baby when we’re grinding I get so excited Ooh, how I like it I try but I can’t fight it Oh, your dancing real close Plus it’s real real slow (You know what you’re doing, don’t you) You’re making it hard for me Now girl I know you felt it Boo you know I can’t help it You know what I want to do\* Whole song is about some guy popping a boner on the dance floor. ---
**Author:** ![K364](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k364/32/5_2.png) [@K364](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K364)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2005, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/72 "2005-01-21T21:27:50Z")
Yes, Three Dog Night went out of their way to pick songs with bad lyrics. Here is their first hit “One” written by Harry Nilsson: One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do Two can be as bad as one It’s the loneliest number since the number one No is the saddest experience you’ll ever know Yes, it’s the saddest experience you’ll ever know 'Cause one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do One is the loneliest number, whoa-oh, worse than two … One is the loneliest (number) One is the loneliest (number) One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do (number) One…! (one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do) (number) One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do (number) One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/73 "2005-01-22T00:15:38Z")
- I need to know. I need to know. Tell me baby girl 'cause I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. Tell me baby girl 'cause I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. Tell me baby girl 'cause I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. Tell me baby girl 'cause I need to know. \* ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/74 "2005-01-22T00:21:29Z")
Elton John (or Bernie Taupin if you want to be picky): “If I was a sculptor… but then again, no” Paul McCartney: “…ever-changin’ world \*\*in \*\* which we live **in** ” Both indicative of lyrically creative bankruptcy. ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/75 "2005-01-22T00:21:35Z")
> [@paulberserker](#): > > Heh. How about this bollocks from your man Seal: > > _Baby, > I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey. > …kiss from a rose on the grey. > Ooh, > The more I get of you, > Ooh… > Stranger it feels, yeah. > And now that your rose is is in bloom. > A light hits the gloom on the grey._ > > What the _fuck_ does that mean? Having said that, I always thought it was ‘Kiss from a rose on the brain’. I don’t know which is worse. Isn’t it a “kiss from a rose on the GRAVE?” ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/76 "2005-01-22T00:49:31Z")
> [@tpayne](#): > > _Andy Devine > Had a thong rind > It was sublime > But the wrong kind_ > > 5 points to anyone who can name the author. Biffy the Elephant Shrew is disqualified. D’oh! ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/77 "2005-01-22T00:59:07Z")
> [@ianzin](#): > > Paul McCartney: “…ever-changin’ world \*\*in \*\* which we live **in** ” Sir Paul claims he was singing “this ever-changing world in which **we’re livin’**.” ---
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/78 "2005-01-22T01:14:33Z")
> [@Raygun99](#): > > You mean Shakira. I had always assumed that was a strange translation until I read the Spanish. > [@Shakira](#): > > Suerte que mis pechos sean pequeños y no los confundas con montañas. Which means exactly the same thing. Bilingual strangeness. Most of her Spanish stuff is witty and interesting, but her English stuff is just no good. Adding my own, Natalie Merchant (whom I love) has a song called “Kind and Generous”. More or less the second half of the song: > [@](#): > > And I want to thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you… Just laziness on her part. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/79 "2005-01-22T01:31:51Z")
> [@chinbender](#): > > Jesus Mary and Joseph… I only remebered one line, it being the worst ever penned. > _I like girls who wear Ambercrombie and Fitch_ > but then I looked up the lyrics. Its by LFO, its called Summer Girls, and I can’t even read the whole thing. Heres the chorus: > \*New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits > Chinese food makes me sick > And I think it’s fly when girls stop by > For the summer, for the summer > > I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch > I’d take her if I had one wish > But she’s been gone since that summer > Since that summer > \* > a couple other jems: > \*Summertime girls are the kind I like > I’ll steal your honey like I stole your bike > > Like the color purple, macaroni and cheese > Ruby red slippers and a bunch of Trees\* > Here’s a pop-up/directX free link, if anyone can bear to read the entire song. Worse-I hear it was inspired by Jennifer Love Hewitt. **The Chao Goes Mu** , “Angel of the Morning” was Juice Newton. (And um, actually, I kinda like that song). ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778/80 "2005-01-22T01:44:46Z")
I stated once on a thread long ago that, although I really like the song, there’s one line from The Kentucky Headhunters’ _Dumas Walker_ that always drives me nuts: “He takes all his orders down one at a time, Don’t need a pad, he’s got a photogenic mind.” That’s photo_GRAPHIC_, idgits! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/285778.md?page=5)