# Worst Song Lyrics **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 11, 2007, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739 "2007-05-11T19:45:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![USCDiver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uscdiver/32/354_2.png) [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/21 "2007-05-12T01:05:15Z")
I guess it’s gonna be alright Yes the worst is over now The morning sun is shining Like a red rubber ball ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/22 "2007-05-12T01:12:14Z")
Whatever country western male singer used the nursery rhyme 1 2 buckle my shoe. Dumb ass! Let me kick you with my shoe. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/23 "2007-05-12T01:22:14Z")
The geniuses Zager and Evans deserve a mention for their followup to _In The Year 2525_, the heartbreaking _Mr Turnkey_, a thoughtful ode to a convicted rapist: Mr Turnkey, it’s 10 pm in Wichita Falls August 16, 1969 and I’m in some bar Mr Turnkey, I need a woman and I ain’t getting far I never was the kind of man a woman looked for. But Mr Turnkey, she looked at me with flirting eyes Mr Turnkey, she was lovelier than oil lights Mr Turnkey, she led me on, she led me on, She knew she wasn’t going to let me love her. Mr Turnkey, there’s been a rape in Wichita Falls Mr Turnkey, I’m sitting here crying in my coveralls Sort of makes you glad they were one hit wonders, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/24 "2007-05-12T01:50:02Z")
[QUOTE=USCDiver] I guess it’s gonna be alright Yes the worst is over now The morning sun is shining Like a red rubber ball [/QUOTE] Written by Paul Simon in a moment when he was trying to prove he really could so too write a normal pop song. America gets lots of mentions in these threads but nobody ever brings up one of their weirdest couplets. From “Tin Man.” The first two lines are solid: > [@](#): > > No, Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man > That he didn’t, didn’t already have But the next two are the ultimate WTF lyrics: > [@](#): > > And Cause never was the reason for the evening > Or the tropic of Sir Galahad In 35 years, nobody’s ever explained them. Even as a drug reference. If they’d just admit that “tropic” was a typo for “topic” it may make a smidgen of sense. But they won’t. Full disclosure: I _like_ the surrealism of most of America’s lyrics. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/25 "2007-05-12T02:15:14Z")
Wham: _Guilty feet have got no rhythm_ Neil Diamond: _I am I cried To no one there And no one heard at all Not even the chair_ ---
**Author:** ![Rucksinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/898d66/32.png) [@Rucksinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rucksinator)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/26 "2007-05-12T03:28:15Z")
I kept meaning to start a thread about songs with good music that were ruined by stupid lyrics. Since I never did, I’ll use this one… Rihanna - Unfaithful > [@](#): > > and I know that he knows I’m unfaithful > and it kills him inside > to know that I am happy with some other guy > I can see him dying This is just setup for the dramatic finish… > [@](#): > > I don’t wanna do this anymore this makes me scream “Then stop, you whore!” at my radio every time. Now, for the dramatic finish: > [@](#): > > I don’t wanna be… [dramatic pause] > a murderer Now I want to punch my dashboard out because this stupid cunt doesn’t understand that “dying inside” is meant figuratively. Ugh. BTW. “Slowly walking down the hall - Faster than a cannonball” is pure genius. ---
**Author:** ![Rucksinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/898d66/32.png) [@Rucksinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rucksinator)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/27 "2007-05-12T03:31:09Z")
I hate to be redundant, but anybody that doesn’t get this: > [@](#): > > 7 OASIS - CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA > Slowly walking down the hall > Faster than a cannonball > Where were you when we were getting high? …has never gotten high. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/28 "2007-05-12T03:38:09Z")
I remember countless nights of walking through my residence hall back to my room after smoking weed in the alley outside with my friends. My room was all the way at the end of the hallway, and walking from one end of the hall to the other felt like it took about 15 minutes! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/29 "2007-05-12T03:41:19Z")
[QUOTE=Valgard] Years ago, Dave Barry asked readers to send him their votes for horrible songs and the resulting torrent seems to have surprised even him, both in volume of mail received and vitriol expressed. Here’s a book. Audio book, no less! > **[Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs: Barry, Dave: 9780836214437: Amazon.com: Books](https://www.amazon.com/Dave-Barrys-Book-Bad-Songs/dp/0836214439)** > > Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs \[Barry, Dave\] on Amazon.com. \*FREE\* shipping on qualifying offers. Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs [/QUOTE] Very funny book. From the chapter _Songs Women Hate_, I nominate the line ( and title ) _He hits me and it feels like a kiss_. ---
**Author:** ![Matt\_Holck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Matt\_Holck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Matt_Holck)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/30 "2007-05-12T03:47:23Z")
“I’m not aware of too many things I know what I know if you know what I mean” EDIE BRICKELL “She’s like so whatever You can do so much better” Avril Lavigne "Well can’t you see me standing here, I’ve got my back against the record machine I ain’t the worst that you’ve seen. Oh can’t you see what I mean ? " (Words by Van Halen) ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/31 "2007-05-12T05:28:35Z")
Pfft. You don’ know bad lyrics: > [@Bree Sharp](#): > > My friends all tell me > Girl, you know it’s just a show. > But deep within his eyes > I see me wrapped up like a bow. > Watching the skies for a sign. > The FBI is on my mind. > Waiting for the day > When my lucky stars align > > In the form of > David Duchovny > Floating above me > In the alien light > Of the spaceship of love > David Duchovny > Hovering above me > American Heathcliff > Brooding and comic > David Duchovny > Why won’t you love me > Why won’t you love me > Why won’t you love me ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/32 "2007-05-12T05:52:08Z")
[QUOTE=Matt Holck] “She’s like so whatever You can do so much better” Avril Lavigne [/QUOTE] I was actually going to start a bad-lyrics thread based on hearing this song a couple days ago. The one I’ll add to the list would be “Cowboy” by Kid Rock. To me it always sounded like something a 15-year-old burn-out would write while wasting time in algebra, trying to think up all the cool things he would do out in California-- bitchin’ bad-ass that he is-- and then make it all rhyme. Sample lyric: > [@](#): > > And I’m headin’ out west sucker…because I wanna be a > Cowboy, baby > With the top let back and the sunshine shining > Cowboy baby > West coast chillin’ with the Boone’s Wine > I wanna be a cowboy baby > Ridin’ at night 'cause I sleep all day > Cowboy baby > I can smell a pig from a mile away ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/33 "2007-05-12T05:58:36Z")
Inspired by **ArchiveGuy’s** joke in [this thread,](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=420356) we have Paul McCartney’s _Jet:_ > [@](#): > > Jet! was your father as bold as a sergeant major? > > How come he told you that > > You were hardly old enough yet? > > And jet, I thought the major > > Was a lady suffragette. > > Jet! jet! And the bridge of the song: > [@](#): > > Ah, matter, want jet to always love me? > > Ah, matter, want jet to always love me? > > Ah, matter, much later. Jesus Christ, how does someone write such horrible lyrics? I mean, if someone did a darker and more musically-interesting cover version of this song, the lyrics might be able to sound good on some surreal level, but they don’t fit at all with the instrumentals of the song as it is. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/34 "2007-05-12T06:13:22Z")
No love for cakes getting left out in the rain? Huh. Anyway, somebody above mentioned Neil Diamond, and we can’t end a discussion of terrible lyrics without a nod to _Play me_: > [@](#): > > Songs she sang to me, songs she brang to me. And Messrs Fagan and Beckwith favored us with > [@](#): > > They got a name for the winners in the world; > I want a name when I lose. > They call Alabama the Crimson Tide; > Call me Deacon Blue. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/35 "2007-05-12T06:16:01Z")
“Love Hurts” has some really bad lyrics. Here’s the first verse: Love hurts, Love scars, Love wounds and mars Any heart not tough or strong enough To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain Love hurts, Ooo-oo Love hurts ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/36 "2007-05-12T06:22:43Z")
About _Deacon Blue_, Wikipedia says: > [@](#): > > According to urban legend, the song was actually written about the Wake Forest University Demon Deacons, but in a Rolling Stone interview, Donald Fagen said "Walter and I had been working on that song at a house in Malibu. I played him that line, and he said, "You mean it’s like, ‘They call these cracker assholes this grandiose name like the Crimson Tide, and I’m this loser, so they call me this other grandiose name, Deacon Blues?’ " And I said, “Yeah!” He said, “Cool! Let’s finish it!” ---
**Author:** ![Foldup\_Rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Foldup\_Rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foldup_Rabbit)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/37 "2007-05-12T09:16:40Z")
I always submit **Ace of Base** ’s _The Sign_ for these threads. While generally a good pop song, the following string of words makes me sad: _Under the pale moon Where I see a lot of stars_ This was the gold standard for horrible lyrics until I actually heard _My Humps_ in its entirety. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/38 "2007-05-12T10:26:18Z")
In the bad lyrics stakes, I’ve long had a fondness for Culture Club’s “The War Song” _War war is stupid and people are stupid And love means nothing in some strange Quarters War war is stupid and people are stupid And I heard them banging on hearts and fingers War!_ Um -yeah. Deep and profound, that. ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/39 "2007-05-12T10:41:16Z")
Niel Diamond, “I am I said” “I am, I said. To no one there. And no one heard at all, Not even the CHAIR???” Also, Bob Seager and the Silver Bullet Band, “Shame on the Moon” “Until you’ve been beside a man, You don’t know who he knows.” ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/40 "2007-05-12T13:11:16Z")
I think my favorite bad lyric is to the Beach Boys’ “Solar System,” in which we get Brian Wilson at his goofiest. > [@](#): > > If Mars had life on it > I might find my wife on it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739.md?page=3)