# Worst Song Lyrics **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 11, 2007, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739 "2007-05-11T19:45:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Taber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac91a4/32.png) [@Taber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taber)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/61 "2007-05-12T22:16:22Z")
R Kelly’s Trapped in the closet, anyone? He walks up to the closet He comes up to the closet Now he’s at the closet Now he’s opening the closet. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/62 "2007-05-12T23:16:46Z")
[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat] No. No, it doesn’t. [/QUOTE] It doesn’t? Huh. I thought they all had the same “ooh” vowel sound. Which of those words have I been mispronouncing all these years? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2007, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/63 "2007-05-12T23:58:13Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] It doesn’t? Huh. I thought they all had the same “ooh” vowel sound. Which of those words have I been mispronouncing all these years? 😛 [/QUOTE] That is not a rhyme, that is assonance. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/64 "2007-05-13T00:09:08Z")
The cake in the rain wasn’t even the worst part of “MacArthur Park”. The beginning is: _Spring was never waiting for us, girl It ran one step ahead As we followed in the dance Between the parted pages and were pressed In love’s hot, fevered iron Like a striped pair of pants_. Aside: We saw Liz Callaway as the featured performer at the Boston Pops a couple of days ago. She stuck the middle section of the song into a Jimmy Webb medley, and then told us how she’d met him and told him she’d done a few of his songs on her CD. He took her hand, kissed it, and thanked for recording on the middle section of his “MacArthur Park”. And it’s true, without the cake and the overinstrumentation in the Richard Harris version, it doesn’t suck all that much. But then there’s Wham!, with _Why do I find it hard to write the next line? Oh, I want the world to end …_ ---
**Author:** ![neorxnawange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f4b2a3/32.png) [@neorxnawange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neorxnawange)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/65 "2007-05-13T01:42:29Z")
kelly5078 - > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by kelly5078_ > > I already posted this once in a similar thread, but I’ll do it again: > > _I understand you’ve been running from the man that goes by the name of the sandman > He flieses the sky like an eagle in the eye of a hurricane that’s abandoned_ > > America - “Sandman” > > Only slightly edges out their debut hit, “Horse with No Name:” > > \*I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name > It felt good to be out of the rain > In the desert you can remember your name > 'Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain > La, la … \* > > **Gaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!** That’s not even the worst part of **Horse With No Name** , \*After nine days I let the horse run free 'Cause the desert had turned to sea There were plants and birds and rocks and things \* and things, and THINGS! The laziest damned example of lyric writing ever. ---
**Author:** ![dinahmoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dinahmoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dinahmoe)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/66 "2007-05-13T01:57:31Z")
[QUOTE=ElvisL1ves] But then there’s Wham!, with _Why do I find it hard to write the next line? Oh, I want the world to end …_ [/QUOTE] I don’t know what Wham! song this comes from, but it sounds a lot like _“Why do I find it hard to write the next line, when I want the truth to be said”_, from Spandau Ballet’s “True”. Which is a pretty decent lyric, from a sort of pretty song. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/67 "2007-05-13T01:59:01Z")
[QUOTE=ElvisL1ves] But then there’s Wham!, with _Why do I find it hard to write the next line? Oh, I want the world to end …_ [/QUOTE] Are you sure you’re not misquoting Spandau Ballet, and the song _True_? _Why do I find it hard to write the next line Oh I want the truth to be said…"_ What’s even worse is when it comes up again, instead of repeating that he finds it hard, he comes up with this clanger: _Take your seaside arms and write the next line…_ WTF??? I love that song, but the lyrics suck. ---
**Author:** ![Rucksinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/898d66/32.png) [@Rucksinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rucksinator)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/68 "2007-05-13T02:02:19Z")
[QUOTE=HelloKitty] It’s kind of ironic that no one has mentioned Alanis Morrissette yet, don’tcha think? [/QUOTE] Yeah, it’s ironic, in an Alanis Morrissette kinda way. (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that.) ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/69 "2007-05-13T04:23:42Z")
[Gloria Lyrics - Van Morrison - Soundtrack Lyrics](http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/thesopranospeppersandeggs/gloria.htm) Dumb song. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/70 "2007-05-13T06:50:38Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] That is not a rhyme, that is assonance. [/QUOTE] I checked the dictionary for “assonance” before posting, and “vowel rhyme” was one of the definitions. Whether you call it a rhyme or an assonance is irrelevant to the point I was making. ---
**Author:** ![Carnick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carnick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnick)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/71 "2007-05-13T08:48:49Z")
The Fray’s How to Save a Life: > [@](#): > > Let him know that you know best > Cause after all you do know best > Try to slip past his defense > Without granting innocence Rhyming ‘best’ with ‘best’? Genius! ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/72 "2007-05-13T09:21:16Z")
It’s not that they are bad lyrics, as such, but it amazes me that this dude can basically make a hit song out of a song that is virtually nothing but a chorus. > [@](#): > > **Lenny Kravitz** > I want to get away > I want to fly away > Yeah yeah yeah > > I want to get away > I want to fly away > Yeah yeah yeah > > I got to get away > Feel I got to get away > Oh oh oh yeah > > I want to get away > I want to fly away > Yeah with you yeah yeah > Oh Yeah ! > > I want to get away > I want to fly away > Yeah with you yeah yeah > I got to get away > > I want to get away X4 > Yeah > I want to get away > I want to fly away > Yeah with you yeah yeah > I got to get away > > I want to get away X4 > Yeah > > I want to get away > I want to fly away > Yeah with you > Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ---
**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/73 "2007-05-13T23:10:05Z")
[QUOTE=Usram] Point of order - are lyrics from the Eurovison Song Contest allowed? [/QUOTE] That would be cheating, surely. **Longhair75** : Bonus karma for the Dylan Moran reference. ---
**Author:** ![DKW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dkw/32/3118_2.png) [@DKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DKW)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2007, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/74 "2007-05-14T00:49:21Z")
Responses first, then my nomination: Exapno - I don’t mind keeping it local, but I think it’s really unfair to include genres that were never _meant_ to have meaningful lyrics. That’d include the various dance/electronica types (#2 & #9 on the list), metal (#10), and pop potboiler fluff even the artist acknowledged isn’t any good (#6). And frankly, considering what an incredible talent Des’ree is, putting her at #1 is something of a low blow. Re. Tin Man…yeah. Weird. I don’t remember reading anything about anyone attempting to interpret it, and I can only assume that everyone tried for about 3 minutes and just plain gave up. kelly5078 - Yeah. America is pretty incomprehensible under the best of circumstances, but A Horse With No Name, that was an utter **mess**. (_My_ personal pet peeve: If he’s in a desert, why is there so much freaking **RAIN?** ) I have a feeling that was the point, though…every band’s gotta have that one stupid song they threw together just for fun, and every so often _that_ unfortunately becomes the one they’re eternally famous for (see also: Tubthumping, Turning Japanese, I’ll Be There For You, Steal My Sunshine). longhair75 - Welcome to the fabulous world of big beat! Okay, here’s the thing…the vocal samples are _not important_. They’re just one of the tools the DJ uses to put the song together. That’s how techno works, big beat being a loose offshoot of it (there’s more to it, of course, but I’m not touching that swamp). Not all of it uses vocal samples, either; if pure instrumentation is more your thing, you might want to give The Crystal Method a listen. HelloKitty/Rucksinator - Y’know what…I have the unsettingly sneaking suspicion that she just borrowed a page from Ford Prefect (human beings’ habit of repeating the incredibly obvious over and over) and _deliberately_ made that goddam song laughably easy to debunk. Thus ensuring that it’d get ripped to shreds roughly 875 billion times in the first month alone, thus ensuring immortality. Which of course is exactly what happened. My opinion…eh. Corny, and not a whole lot different from anything else she’s done. Much like Aqua w/Barbie Girl, except they’re at least fun to listen to. DrDeth - The entire song, all seven-and-a-freakin’-half minutes of it, manages to be both incredibly corny and nauseatingly sappy. For the life of me, I don’t see why everyone’s so hung up on that cake. InvisibleWombat - That’d be I Love a Rainy Night by Eddie Rabbit. It’s _kinda_ repetitive, but nowhere near as bad as you seem to imply. (Yes, he does make it clear _why_ he loves rainy nights, thank you very much.) Trust me, there’s a lot worse. Some of it in this thread alone. (“I want to get away, I want to flyyy awaaayyy…” And I like that one!) And my nomination, both because no one else seems to have any problem with this _and_ because this always struck me as a grossly unfair division of labor. ## It goes something like this… male vocalist: Who’s the private dick who scores with all the chicks, busts the perp, and saves the day without even getting his hair mussed up, because he’s cool and all that, and I wish I could be even _half_ as cool and all that as him, but no one can, because that’s just how he is, one of a kind, and he also puts on great parties and can throw a wicked spiral and never grumbles about his back or hips or prostate or anything, cool cat, big daddy, dig it, yo, are you feeling it, are you feeling me, yo? ## at least three female vocalists: Shaft! Geeez…don’t quit your day jobs, ladies. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2007, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/75 "2007-05-14T02:20:47Z")
I like Dead Can Dance in a “there are worse things that could be constantly played at art BFA art exhibition openings” sort of way, but one line always makes me halt to a dead stop regardless of what I’m doing in order to glare at the speakers. Something called American Dreaming, with mostly plain lyrics along the lines of “I’m in love with an American girl and she’s my best friend.” Fine. That’s fine. But then suddenly and with many too many syllables to fit the song’s cadence, “Forlorn somnambulistic maniacal. . . in the dark” Argh! So someone’s been studying for the GRE, eh? Stuff it up your ass, Brendan Perry. Glad I finally got that off my chest. Don’t get me started on Space Cowboys. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2007, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/76 "2007-05-14T02:48:01Z")
I’ve never been able to figure what Buddy Holly was getting at with these lyrics from “I’m Looking For Someone To Love”: _Drunk man, street car Foot slipped, there you are Well I’m lookin’ for someone to love I’m a-lookin’ for someone to love Well if you’re not here But baby I don’t care Because I’m a-lookin’ for someone to love_ His lost love was a drunk who fell under a streetcar? I don’t remember that from the movie. Anyone who doesn’t realize that the lyrics to “Surfin’ Bird” are among the all-time greatest and sheer poetry needs a reminder: \*Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-oom-oom-oom Oom-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow (repeat ad infinitum) Well, don’t you know about the bird Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word A-well-a, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word\* Genius. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2007, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/77 "2007-05-14T05:31:04Z")
[QUOTE=Taber] R Kelly’s Trapped in the closet, anyone? He walks up to the closet He comes up to the closet Now he’s at the closet Now he’s opening the closet. [/QUOTE] Now he’s taking the hinges off the closet Now the doors are coming off the closet Now he’s emptying out the closet Now he’s dusting the closet Now he’s painting the closet Now he’s drying out the closet Now he’s putting the doors back on the closet Okay, I made up all that crap. But it’s no worse than the rest of the lyrics. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2007, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/78 "2007-05-14T06:39:26Z")
[QUOTE=DKW] DrDeth - The entire song, all seven-and-a-freakin’-half minutes of it, manages to be both incredibly corny and nauseatingly sappy. For the life of me, I don’t see why everyone’s so hung up on that cake. [/QUOTE] You’re right. Besides bad lyrics there’s also sappy music and bad singing. Win, win, win. ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2007, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/79 "2007-05-14T13:53:00Z")
[QUOTE=neorxnawange] kelly5078 - That’s not even the worst part of **Horse With No Name** , \*After nine days I let the horse run free 'Cause the desert had turned to sea There were plants and birds and rocks and things \* and things, and THINGS! The laziest damned example of lyric writing ever. [/QUOTE] And what about the line “The heat was hot”? Thanks for pointing that out, America. ---
**Author:** ![WreckingCrew](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wreckingcrew/32/4080_2.png) [@WreckingCrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WreckingCrew)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2007, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/80 "2007-05-14T14:14:39Z")
And of course, the immortal “Hanky Panky” by Tommy James and the Shondells. The song in which an entire verse (or is it the chorus) consists of “My baby does the Hanky Panky” repeated five times. It is still a great song song though - right up there with “Surfin’ Bird” On the other hand, Foreigner in “Hot Blooded” saying - “You don’t have to read my mind To know what I have in mind” is just plain awful. But special props to Alice Cooper for the sublime “School’s Out” featuring “Well we got no class And we got no principles And we got no innocence We can’t even think of a word that rhymes” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739.md?page=5)