# Worst Song Lyrics **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 11, 2007, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739 "2007-05-11T19:45:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![from\_a\_to\_z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5fc32e/32.png) [@from\_a\_to\_z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/from_a_to_z)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2007, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/101 "2007-05-14T23:32:21Z")
[QUOTE=Rucksinator] Is that from “Whenever, Wherever”, or a translation from “Suerte”? Because it sounds cool in Spanish. [/QUOTE] I won’t blame Shakira, who makes a sincere – if perhaps too vocal – attempt to learn English, but her collaborator on the English lyrics, one Gloria M. Estefan, according to the booklet with Laundry Service. Yes, **Rucksinator** , Suerte is one of my favorite songs. Shakira and Gloria… “Lucky that my lips not only mumble They spill kisses like a fountain Lucky that my breasts are small and humble So you don’t confuse them with mountains” Compared to Shakira only… “Suerte que es tener labios sinceros Para besarte con más ganas Suerte que mis pechos sean pequeños Y no los confundas con montañas” Per her (accurate?) bio, [Gloria](http://us.imdb.com/name/nm0002065/bio) “Once worked as a translator for the U. S. Customs Service at Miami airport.” My imagination is running wild, like a nameless horse in a desert. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/102 "2007-05-15T02:02:48Z")
[QUOTE=InvisibleWombat] Am I being whooshed here, or do you not know what a rhyme is? [/QUOTE] As I said, the dictionary defined assonance as “vowel rhyme,” and you can find songs using either one. Whether you call it assonance or rhyme, Miller establishes a pattern in the other verses and makes you think he’s trying to shoehorn Texas/facts is/taxes into it, which sounds awful to most people’s ears. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/103 "2007-05-15T02:55:45Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] So in verse 3, you expect “Texas” to rhyme with “facts is” and “justice.” My feeling is that Miller couldn’t make it rhyme and made a joke out of it. It’s a pretty good one. [/QUOTE] How about this one from School’s Out by Alice Cooper: We ain’t got no class, we ain’t got no pricipals, we can’t even think of a word that rhymes. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/104 "2007-05-15T03:06:28Z")
[QUOTE=Manduck] How about this one from School’s Out by Alice Cooper [/QUOTE] See post #80! ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/105 "2007-05-15T03:11:16Z")
[QUOTE=Manduck] How about this one from School’s Out by Alice Cooper: We ain’t got no class, we ain’t got no pricipals, we can’t even think of a word that rhymes. [/QUOTE] The lyrics I find are a bit different: > [@](#): > > Well we got no class > And we got no principles > And we got no innocence > We can’t even think of a word that rhymes And that one stanza contains two puns and a joke, which is not half bad. Chicago’s “Beginnings” is a favorite of mine, and “Time passes much too quickly/when we’re together laughing” is a perfect line for a love song. But it continues with: > [@](#): > > I wish I could sing it to you, oh no, > I wish I could sing it to you. You are singing it to her! It was a cliché even then. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/106 "2007-05-15T03:12:21Z")
[QUOTE=fishbicycle] See post #80! [/QUOTE] Every time I post without reading the whole thread, this happens. Every freakin time! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/107 "2007-05-15T04:49:45Z")
[QUOTE=fishbicycle] That was the fault of Galt McDermot, who wrote that song for the musical “Hair.” And yes, he _was_ trying too hard. _Way_ too hard. [/QUOTE] FWIW, McDermot only wrote the music: Geromi Ragni or James Rado (or both) wrote the lyrics. ---
**Author:** ![Hypnagogic\_Jerk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hypnagogic_jerk/32/4252_2.png) [@Hypnagogic\_Jerk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypnagogic_Jerk)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/108 "2007-05-15T05:14:19Z")
There’s already a mention of Emerson, Lake and Palmer in this thread. About these lyrics, from _The Only Way_? _Can you believe God makes you breathe? Why did He lose Six million Jews?_ It’s not so much that it’s stupid, it’s that it’s so :eek: ☹ :mad:! (I really like this band, by the way.) ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/109 "2007-05-15T05:26:29Z")
[QUOTE=Nature’s Call] Stan Bush - [The Touch](http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/thetransformers/thetouch.htm) (from the Transformers animated movie) A couple of highlights: _After all is said and done You’ve never walked, you’ve never run, You’re a winner_ … _When all hell’s breakin’ loose You’ll be riding the eye of the storm_ [/QUOTE] Dude, that might be the best song of all time. EDIT: Pretty sure “You’ve never walked, you’ve never run” implies “You’ve never walked away from a challenge or a fight, or run in fear.” ---
**Author:** ![gaucho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c67d28/32.png) [@gaucho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaucho)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/110 "2007-05-15T14:15:46Z")
I’ve always thought the very worst lyric ever recorded was: “There’s a killer on the road his mind is squirming like toad” ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/111 "2007-05-15T14:21:14Z")
Billy Joel - “Pressue” _All grown up and no place to go Psych 1, psych 2 What do you know? All your life is channel 13 Sesame street What does it mean?_ I have an impression that “What does is mean?” is a go-to deep-sounding question lazy songwriters. ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/112 "2007-05-15T15:42:40Z")
[QUOTE=Nature’s Call] Stan Bush - [The Touch](http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/thetransformers/thetouch.htm) (from the Transformers animated movie) A couple of highlights: _After all is said and done You’ve never walked, you’ve never run, You’re a winner_ … _When all hell’s breakin’ loose You’ll be riding the eye of the storm_ [/QUOTE] Remember when Mark Wahlberg sang this in _Boogie Nights_? I swore it was a made up song. I was blown away to learn it was an actual song. Presumably “Stan Bush” seriously thought this was something he would be proud to attach his name to… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/113 "2007-05-15T15:53:48Z")
[QUOTE=Happy Lendervedder] The one I’ll add to the list would be “Cowboy” by Kid Rock. To me it always sounded like something a 15-year-old burn-out would write while wasting time in algebra, trying to think up all the cool things he would do out in California-- bitchin’ bad-ass that he is-- and then make it all rhyme. Sample lyric: And I’m headin’ out west sucker…because I wanna be a Cowboy, baby With the top let back and the sunshine shining Cowboy baby West coast chillin’ with the Boone’s Wine I wanna be a cowboy baby Ridin’ at night 'cause I sleep all day Cowboy baby I can smell a pig from a mile away [/QUOTE] Yeah, but why pick those lyrics, when these FAR WORSE lyrics are in the same song: Yeah…Kid Rock…you can call me Tex Rollin’ Sunset Blvd with a bottle of Becks Seen a slimmy in a ‘vette, rolled down my glass And said, “Yeah, this dick fit right in your ass” No kiddin’, gun slingin’, spurs hittin’ the floor Call me Hoss, I’m the Boss, with the sauce n’ the whores No remorse for the sheriff, in his eyes I ain’t right I\*\*‘m a paint his town red, then paint his wife white \*\*HUH Cause chaos, rock like Amadeus Find West Coast pussy for my Detroit players Mack like mayors, ball like Lakers They told us to leave, but bet they can’t make us Why they wanna pick on me…lock me up and snort away my key I ain’t no G, I’m just a regular failure I ain’t straight outta Compton I’m straight outta the trailer Cuss like a sailor…drink like a Mick My only words of wisdom are just, “Suck My Dick.” I’m flickin’ my Bic up and down that coast and Keep on truckin’ until it falls in the ocean ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/114 "2007-05-15T16:01:40Z")
Somewhere along the way, I’ve gotta mention this lyric from The Who’s “Athena”: Consumed, there was a beautiful white horse I saw on a dream stage He had a snake the size of a sewer pipe living in his rib cage And I felt like a pickled priest who was being flambed You got me requisitioned blondie She’s just a girl - she’s a bomb ---
**Author:** ![DKW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dkw/32/3118_2.png) [@DKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DKW)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/115 "2007-05-15T19:36:22Z")
InvisibleWombat - Eh, at least it’s _spread out_. Unlike, say, Hey Jude or Fly Away. Ooh, ooh, another one…Gotta Be Starting Something, Michael Jackson. Okay, I _kinda_ get that this is about an overprotective boyfriend threatening to mix it up with whoever’s making trouble for his girlfriend. Other than that, it’s just all over the place…it honestly sounds like he was making it up as he went along. The highlights, of course, are “suh bes tuh vuh” (twice!) and the bizarre “mubba say mumma sah uh mah poo sah” chant at the end (which lasts for roughly _1:10_, ye gods). Why, yes, this is my favorite Michael Jackson song, how did you guess? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/116 "2007-05-15T20:50:46Z")
[QUOTE=Argent Towers] Inspired by **ArchiveGuy’s** joke in [this thread,](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=420356) we have Paul McCartney’s _Jet:_ [/QUOTE] I’ve always found it odd that there are two pop songs (that I know of) that mention suffragettes (Jet and Suffragette City by David Bowie), and both are incomprehensible. At least, in the Bowie song, I understand what “she’s a total blam-blam” means. At least, I think I do. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2007, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/117 "2007-05-15T21:24:23Z")
[QUOTE=Freddy the Pig] I’ve always found it odd that there are two pop songs (that I know of) that mention suffragettes (Jet and Suffragette City by David Bowie), and both are incomprehensible. At least, in the Bowie song, I understand what “she’s a total blam-blam” means. At least, I think I do. [/QUOTE] And I sort of know what she did after she had to squeeze it, but…he never comes right out and says it, so how can we know for sure? ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/118 "2007-05-16T17:35:40Z")
[QUOTE=acsenray] Billy Joel - “Pressue” _All grown up and no place to go Psych 1, psych 2 What do you know? All your life is channel 13 Sesame street What does it mean?_ I have an impression that “What does is mean?” is a go-to deep-sounding question lazy songwriters. [/QUOTE] Yeah, but it’s not Billy Joel asking “What does it mean?” He’s projecting upon the person he’s writing about. If you listen to the entire song, the person’s whole life has involved coddling and the totality of real life experiences amount to pop-culture soundbites and introductory liberal arts courses. This person is now exposed to the real world and recieved a wake-up call. Also, at one of the bridge points where he uses the “What does it mean?” lyric (he uses it twice), Billy follows up with “I’ll tell you what it means.” ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/119 "2007-05-16T18:08:33Z")
[http://www.lyricsdomain.com/3/cream/im\_so\_glad.html](http://www.lyricsdomain.com/3/cream/im_so_glad.html) \ Victory ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2007, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739/120 "2007-05-16T19:30:43Z")
I can’t believe I get to be the first one to cite `Drops of Jupiter’ by Train: “Can you imagine no love, pride, deep fried chicken Best friend always stickin Up for you even when I know you’re wrong” Oh God, that’s terrible. And then later “She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo.” Twenty years from now when `Drops of Jupiter’ is being played on an oldies station people will think “Did he say Tie-Bow? Did he mean a bow tie? What the hell is that supposed to mean?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-song-lyrics/403739.md?page=7)