# Worst Stage Musical Adaptation **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 23, 2006, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513 "2006-03-23T00:12:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2006, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/41 "2006-03-23T23:56:26Z")
I went to a “mystery theatre” dinner where the plot revolved around people who wanted to make a musical of Planet of the Apes. At one point they asked for volunteers. If they had asked me to sing I certainly would have started singing “Dr Zaius Dr Zaius!” ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/42 "2006-03-24T00:56:18Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > I went to a “mystery theatre” dinner where the plot revolved around people who wanted to make a musical of Planet of the Apes. At one point they asked for volunteers. If they had asked me to sing I certainly would have started singing “Dr Zaius Dr Zaius!” o/` Rock me, Dr. Zaius! o/` Falco should have been so genius… ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/43 "2006-03-24T02:11:53Z")
**Hit the Road, Jack!** a tune-filled, dance-happy adaptation of Jack Kerouac’s 1950’s semi-fictional exploration of the freedom and longing that is a core part of human nature. Don’t miss the show-stopping duet with Jack and Alan Ginsburg singing, “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix.” ---
**Author:** ![fallapart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fallapart/32/3018_2.png) [@fallapart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fallapart)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/44 "2006-03-24T02:54:50Z")
A friend from way back had in idea for a PunkrockOpera verson of Oedipus Rex called… “I’m a Mother-f#cker.” I still think it has potential 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/45 "2006-03-24T05:45:16Z")
**SLING BLADE: THE MUSICAL** To the tune of Ebony & Ivory: “Friends like you and potted meat go together as sure as mustard’s neat to eat on your biscuits Oh lord oh lord Ain’t Doyle mean?” **Miracle Worker: The Musical (or Helen’s-A-Poppin’)** Annie: It’s a word Helen! Helen: WAH-WAH! Annie: Now sing it out, yellin’! Helen: WAH-WAH! Annie: What’s your fav’rite melon? Helen: WAH-WAH! Annie: I’m gonna drop my pail in… this Helen: WAH-WAH! Annie: What you can’t get in Hell- is… Helen: WAH-WAH! Annie: That little dog waggin’ his tail is… (a Chi-) Helen: WAH-WAH! Annie/Helen: WAH-WAH! WAH-WAH! WAAAAAAHWAAAAAAH!!! Helen: Also known as H-2-0! Yassuh! **Hitler The Musical (or This One Time, in Mein Kampf)** Who’s the German Corporal Artist who’s the Charisma Machine with the Nazi Parties? DOLPH! Who’s the Ger-Man, who’s gonna lead the way for his fellow Ger-MENs… DOLPH! This Corporal Schicklegruber, he’s ein bad muter… RUHIG SIE! Hey, liebschen… I’m only talkin’ about Dolph! **MUHAMMAD THE MUSICAL** (To the tune of _Beverly Hillbillies_ themesong) “Let me tell you all the story of a man named Mo- hammed of the Quraysh, lived 14 hundred years ago- then one day he was settin’ in a cave and the Angel Jabril came by to have a rave… “Recite!” he said, “Pure Arabic, Medina Trailmix…” Well the first thing y’kno…” [At this point the theater was bombed and the cast went into hiding and thus it was never completed and the libretto and music lost to history] **IN COLD BLOOD: THE MUSICAL** “Oh there’s nothin’ halfway about the Kansas way to treat you if we treat you, which we may not do at all. There’s a Kansan kind, a very… HOLY CRAP! The Clutter family’s dead!” “Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’m… a homo and I’m from New York to write a book! Bout the killing spree I’m on bended knee all you people tell me what you knowwwwwwwwwwwwwww!” "Dear Officer Dewey, we’re goin’ to hang it’s not like we din’t cooperate we both up and sang society dealt us a bad stinkin’ life that’s why we killed the farmer and his wife (and his kids) And his kids, and his kids, and their teenaged kids that is why we did the things we did… “Strange dear, but Tru dear, when I’m close, to you dear your lies fill the air so pathological are you, I swear…” **Mandingo: the Musical** Songs include _I Love the Smell of Miscegenation in the Mornin’_, _In Here You The Massa_, and _Slave to your Love_. **Million Dollar Broadway Baby** {to the tune of Shipoopy} "Now a woman who’ll fight with another gal she is anything but girly and a woman who wins her first time in the rang ain’t a Temple or a Shirley [spoiler]But a woman who falls into a chair head tween the ropes feet in the air she’s the gal he’s glad he manages she’s his Mo cuishle Mo cuishle, Mo cuishle, Mo cuishle the scrappy whitetrash gal Mo cuishle, Mo cuishle, Mo cuishle such a shame she fell[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/46 "2006-03-24T07:53:25Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > [It’s been done](http://www.nodanw.com/shows_f/flowers_for_algernon.htm). And apparently it worked! Yes, yes, I know. That’s why I posted it. Slight _Woosh_ here, I think. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/47 "2006-03-24T13:49:48Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > **IN COLD BLOOD: THE MUSICAL** > > “Oh there’s nothin’ halfway > about the Kansas way to treat you > if we treat you, which we may not do at all. > There’s a Kansan kind, a very… HOLY CRAP! The Clutter family’s dead!” > > “Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’m… a homo and I’m from New York to write a book! > Bout the killing spree > I’m on bended knee > all you people tell me what you knowwwwwwwwwwwwwww!” > > "Dear Officer Dewey, we’re goin’ to hang > it’s not like we din’t cooperate we both up and sang > society dealt us a bad stinkin’ life > that’s why we killed the farmer and his wife (and his kids) > And his kids, and his kids, and their teenaged kids > that is why we did the things we did… > > “Strange dear, but Tru dear, > when I’m close, to you dear > your lies fill the air > so pathological are you, I swear…” I’d pay to watch that. I would. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/48 "2006-03-24T18:17:27Z")
**I Spit on Your Grave?** ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/49 "2006-03-24T18:32:17Z")
_Night: the Musical_. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/50 "2006-03-24T18:55:19Z")
**Saving Private Ryan - The Musical** 90% of the cast would be able to go home after the opening number. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/51 "2006-03-24T18:57:36Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > **Saving Private Ryan - The Musical** > > 90% of the cast would be able to go home after the opening number. So will 90% of the audience! ---
**Author:** ![well\_he\_s\_back](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3ab097/32.png) [@well\_he\_s\_back](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/well_he_s_back)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2006, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/52 "2006-03-24T19:36:18Z")
Since I guess operas don’t count (I’m thinking “Nixon in China” or Einstein on the Beach"), my nomination is the musical adaptation of “Breakfast at Tiffanys” that flopped, thankfully - It starred Mary Tyler Moore (but at least no Mickey Rooney). ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/53 "2006-03-25T00:22:05Z")
**White Supremacy: The Musical!** Songs include _I Got A Trailer Full of Hate_, _Like a Rockwell Paintin’ Christmas (George Lincoln, that is)_, _If English Was Good Enough For Jesus Then It’s Good Enough for Mexicans_ and _A Homeland For Whites (Other than the one our ancestors left to come here because Whites couldn’t stand each other)_. **The Vagina Acapellas** It’s the Vagina monologues, now with 80% more techno music! **ANNIE 3: IT’S A HARD KNOCK HOT-FLASH** - Annie hits the big 5–0 and has to battle to get Daddy Warbucks (newly bust from the dot-com crash) to admit (in music) his need for adult undergarments. **BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN: THE MUSICAL** Includes the breakaway hit- _Jack, I swear You may not have thought I care but my whole life I wanted to share all the things that we did up there I ain’t just talkin’ shit I all the time want to get back up there and get lit and then I will take my spit and…_ (Well, you get the idea.) **MY FAIR LADY: 21ST CENTURY STYLE** When “confirmed bachelor” Henry Higgins makes a bet with his rival that he can teach lap dancer Lonnie Doolittle to “butch it up” enough to join the Chippendales, hilarity ensues. **SUNSET BLVD 2** Norma’s back from the Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity Ward of the new Norma Desmond Wing of the Betty Ford Center, and she’s ready to resume her career with the help of new down-on-his-luck-writer-turned-rentboy William S. Burroughs. Hilarity ensues when during a drug trip William tries to shoot an apple off of Buster Keaton’s head and Norma finds the world of self-financed indie arthouse films. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/54 "2006-03-25T01:39:50Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > **Waiting for Godot – The Musical** > **Asterix the Gaul** – just fot Cacophonix’ number Actually, I’ve seen an Asterix stage play, which included a few songs. Mostly the plot came from {i]Asterix & The Great Divide\* with some bits from other books. Okay, my choice, {i]Oddesy, The Musical\* They Kidnapped Helen so we went to wars Against the Trojans, made a wooden horse. And now it’s over I’ll go back by sea I’m going back home to Penelope, Greece is the word. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/55 "2006-03-25T02:39:11Z")
**Psycho** the musical. On the other hand, would it be any worse a concept than **Sweeney Todd**? ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/56 "2006-03-25T03:51:36Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > I would like to see someone try to make an opera out of _A Clockwork Orange._ Really. Of course, some of the strongest ultraviolence in the film is set to an operatic overture… (If someone did make one… I’d want to see it) ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/57 "2006-03-25T03:53:00Z")
Oh, and to reply to the OP… Schindlers List, the Musical. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/58 "2006-03-25T06:12:30Z")
> [@Peter Morris](#): > > Okay, my choice, {i]Oddesy, The Musical\* There was one, actually. It was called [Home Sweet Homer](http://ibdb.com/production.asp?ID=3783), starred Yul Brynner as Odysseus, had the same composer (Mitch Leigh) and female lead (Joan Diener [aka Mrs. Mitch Leigh]) as _Man of La Mancha_, and closed after one night. I think until _Carrie_ and _Shogun_ it was one of the biggest flops in musical history due to the amount invested. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/59 "2006-03-25T13:35:01Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > \*\* > **SUNSET BLVD 2** > > Norma’s back from the Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity Ward of the new Norma Desmond Wing of the Betty Ford Center, and she’s ready to resume her career with the help of new down-on-his-luck-writer-turned-rentboy William S. Burroughs. Hilarity ensues when during a drug trip William tries to shoot an apple off of Buster Keaton’s head and Norma finds the world of self-financed indie arthouse films. I just e-mailed this to Andrew Lloyd Webber’s company. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513/60 "2006-03-25T18:09:28Z")
Andrew Lloyd Webber Presents: Manimal! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-stage-musical-adaptation/349513.md?page=4)