# Worst Steven Segal movie? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 9, 2008, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926 "2008-02-09T15:30:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2008, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/21 "2008-02-09T22:29:58Z")
I ceased paying attention to this guy years ago, but he did provide me with a good laugh not too long ago. I was at the video store and happened to see a film on the new release shelf titled “Into the Sun”. Yeah. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2008, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/22 "2008-02-09T22:37:56Z")
My vote for all time awsome-est (read: worst) Seagal film has to be On Deadly Ground. To start - “My balls”. The bar scene fight. Everyone talking about balls. Steven talking about how big someone’s balls are. Kicking the balls. So many balls. Also, random eskimo chick boobs. Let’s leave aside the awe of Michael Caine’s oil-spilling badguy act and move on to the lead-up to the final fight, where Steven is creeping through the oil facility and we overhear a candid moment between two flunkies, describing how a) dangerous b) hardcore c) mysterious and d) Dangerously Hardcore and Mysterious Lord Steven is. My favourite part, however… You know that lecture at the end of the movie? Where he goes on for about five minutes but it seems like forever? I’ll quote IMDB: > [@](#): > > The final scene when Forrest Taft gives the speech about the oil companies and air pollution, was originally 11 minutes long. Audiences complained that it was overlong and preachy. The scene was re-edited before release. That’s right. That was the EDITED version… I’ll admit, later films have been terrible and horrible in ways beyond imagining. Steven is slowly morphing into some jellid horror from Beyond The Stars. But nothing, nothing matches his directorial debut in terms of sheer delusion, random craziness and belief in his own press machine (“I am a terribly dangerous ex-secret-service man who can kill you with a finger BUT I WON’T because I’m the reincarnation of buddha yo”) And this is why I love Steven, in a totally non-sexual way. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2008, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/23 "2008-02-09T22:49:02Z")
[QUOTE=Sierra Indigo] My vote for all time awsome-est (read: worst) Seagal film has to be On Deadly Ground. [/QUOTE] That’s my “favorite” too, because in it, Steven Seagal is the bad guy, but the movie doesn’t seem to know it. He’s pretty much just a terrorist in it, and he murders a bunch of people. ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2008, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/24 "2008-02-09T22:50:09Z")
I loved _Hard to Kill_ when I first saw it. Of course, it didn’t hurt that I was about 11 years old, and saw it in one of the country’s premier “black people shouting things at the screen” theater. That was awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2008, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/25 "2008-02-09T23:48:21Z")
I’d have to say _Next of Kin_ is the best Steven Seagal movie. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/26 "2008-02-10T00:03:08Z")
At least with the early Seagal movies, the fighting was brutal and he was in good enough shape to be semi-believable as a badass, at least in a late '80s/early '90s action movie universe. Of course, the titles on those movies were all interchangeable: Above the Law (seriously not terrible; has Pam Grier in it.) Hard to Kill Marked for Death Out for Justice (another decent one, if I recall.) Under Siege (the one everyone remembers; it was essentially Die Hard on a train, but featured a bigger budget than other Seagal films, Erika Eleniak’s boobs, and Tommy Lee Jones as the villain.) Then Executive Decision came along, which was Die Hard on a plane, but featured Seagal’s character’s early death, only to be replaced by the much-cooler Kurt Russell in a tux as the hero. After that, I stopped paying attention to Seagal. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/27 "2008-02-10T00:11:55Z")
[QUOTE=Lute Skywatcher] I’d have to say _Next of Kin_ is the best Steven Seagal movie. 😉 [/QUOTE] So tell us about this. Or am I being whooshed in some way? ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/28 "2008-02-10T00:23:53Z")
[QUOTE=Big Bad Voodoo Lou] Under Siege (the one everyone remembers; it was essentially Die Hard on a train, but featured a bigger budget than other Seagal films, Erika Eleniak’s boobs, and Tommy Lee Jones as the villain.) [/QUOTE] On a _train_? I thought it was on a navy ship? Am I remembering some other movie starring Erika Eleniak’s boobs? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/29 "2008-02-10T00:24:01Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > On a train? I thought it was on a navy ship? Right; the train is the sequel. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/30 "2008-02-10T00:49:38Z")
[QUOTE=Lute Skywatcher] Right; the train is the sequel. [/QUOTE] Dammit, I was confused. And yet, not terribly embarrassed by it. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/31 "2008-02-10T01:49:31Z")
[QUOTE=phungi] I would have to say _Hard to Kill_, in which our hero wakes from a long time in coma, meditates with incense attached to accu-puncture needles, and is sufficiently healed to begin hard-core martial arts strength training. [/QUOTE] I came in here to mention this steaming turd. It was my first Steven Segal film ( I was dragged to it by a BFF who _lurved_ him she put up with my Jean-Claude Van Damme obsession, so we were both a little off. We were young and it was dark, strange times for us. and I just wanted to throw something violently at the screen pretty much from the get-go. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/32 "2008-02-10T01:52:37Z")
[QUOTE=VarlosZ] I loved _Hard to Kill_ when I first saw it. Of course, it didn’t hurt that I was about 11 years old, and saw it in one of the country’s premier “black people shouting things at the screen” theater. That was awesome. [/QUOTE] OT, the only movie & theater I have been too that was predominately black was the viewing of one of the Rocky Movies. II. I think. Oh.my.goodness. That was some interesting times. Especially when I looked over at my cousin and said, “They know this isn’t _real_ right?” “I’m pretty sure they don’t.” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/33 "2008-02-10T02:07:53Z")
[QUOTE=pravnik] You mean the Treach one, the Ja Rule one, or the DMX one? 😉 In fairness to Mr. Seagal, his first couple of movies were watchable if you saw them before his meteoric descent into extreme self parody. [This guide by apparent uberfan Arthur Kicker](http://www.amazon.com/The-Definitive-Steven-Seagal-Guide/lm/FXC0JECTBKIC) gives some indication of his worst and worster roles. iMDB says his next masterwork is in the recently completed “Untitled Onion Movie” in which he plays the role of “Cock Puncher.” Should be a good one. [/QUOTE] Thanks for that fan link. Those Kicker reviews are hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![MC\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@MC\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MC_E)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/34 "2008-02-10T02:40:35Z")
That’s like asking who is the ugliest Denny’s waitress? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/35 "2008-02-10T04:05:05Z")
[QUOTE=MC$E] That’s like asking who is the ugliest Denny’s waitress? [/QUOTE] I didn’t know they were particularly known for anything but awful food. I’ve had food poisoning twice, both times at different Denny’s, so I haven’t set foot in one for 30 years or more. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/36 "2008-02-10T06:05:04Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] So tell us about this. Or am I being whooshed in some way? [/QUOTE] Sorry, missed this earlier. It’s a Steven Seagal movie _without_ Steven Seagal. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/37 "2008-02-10T06:24:12Z")
[QUOTE=Lute Skywatcher] Sorry, missed this earlier. It’s a Steven Seagal movie _without_ Steven Seagal. 🙂 [/QUOTE] This makes me think of another question: which movie without Seagal would be worst movie to put Seagal into? Off the top of my head, I’m thinking _The Miracle Worker_. Steven would have beat the crap out of Helen Keller. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2008, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926/38 "2008-02-10T06:29:45Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] This makes me think of another question: which movie without Seagal would be worst movie to put Seagal into? Off the top of my head, I’m thinking _The Miracle Worker_. Steven would have beat the crap out of Helen Keller. [/QUOTE] This is worth its own thread, which I started: [How would putting Steven Seagal into a movie change it?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=9460041#post9460041) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-steven-segal-movie/436926.md?page=1)