# Worst successful writers and authors **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 7, 2015, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077 "2015-04-07T22:13:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Kelevra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/97f17d/32.png) [@Kelevra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kelevra)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/61 "2015-04-08T17:42:50Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > No discussion of this sort can be complete without mentioning the Reverend Robert Lionel Fanthorpe. > … Hey! You should put that crap in a spoiler box! Children read this site! What if one of them reads it and starts to write like that?? Seriously, that was beyond awful. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/62 "2015-04-08T17:44:50Z")
> [@Kelevra](#): > > Hey! You should put that crap in a spoiler box! Children read this site! What if one of them reads it and starts to write like that?? > > Seriously, that was beyond awful. And that wasn’t even his worst. Not by a long shot. Read **Galaxy 666** (which was published as by “Pel Torro”) sometime. If I was home, I’d reproduce some choice bits from that wonderful tome. Maybe I’ll do it tonight. If I do, I’ll spoiler it to protect your delicate sensibilities. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/63 "2015-04-08T17:45:18Z")
Dean Koontz. I read _Watchers, Lightning, Midnight, Sole Survivor, Insanity_ and really liked them. Then I read more - I hope he has gotten better, but his was the first book I actually threw across the room in disgust. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/64 "2015-04-08T18:04:00Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Can a person get better through practice at having good ideas (or at developing those ideas, or at culling the good ideas from the not-so-good ones)? Sure. Terry Pratchett did. True, his last novel _Raising Steam_ was not up to par, but he had Alzheimer’s when he wrote it. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/65 "2015-04-08T18:15:09Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > V. C. Andrews. I enjoyed her books when I was about eleven years old. I tried to read Flowers in the Attic as a thirtysomething, and was so bored–but so determined to find out what the hoopla was about–that I skimmed the rest. I’ve been frustrated enough to skim a novel maybe three times in my life. Are you me? I just tried to read _Flowers in the Attic_ and gave up after five chapters. It was the “good golly-lolly” that did it to me. The reviews on Goodreads were much more enjoyable. Tad Williams has some pretty good stories to tell, but he seems to have a bad allergy to getting to the point. All of his books could stand to lose a few hundred pages of pointless description and repetition. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/66 "2015-04-08T19:18:37Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > If you’re expressing it as a quotient of the most sales divided by the worst prose and least imagination, J. K. Rowling at a canter. Not even close, in fact I’d put her up there in the Top Ten Childrens Fantasy authors. Stieg Larsson, Dan Brown, Ayn Rand. King, Anne Rice and Martin really need gutsy editors to stand up to them. But they have real talent. But god- Anne Rice’s “erotica” \* isn’t. \* Piers Anthony- started pretty good, got craptastic really fast. I am gonna give Doc Smith a pass, due to the period in which he wrote. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/67 "2015-04-08T19:19:37Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > There’s a reason Crichton never got a science fiction award of any sort (although he got two Poe awards for his mysteries). He did get an Edgar award for\*\*\* A Case of Need \*\*\*under a pseudonym (Jeffrey Archer, I think), but I don’t think he deserved it. I think the liberal wing of the voters wanted to honor him for making a pro-abortion statement. Purely as a mystery, it was clunky and uninteresting, and had no memorable characters. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/68 "2015-04-08T19:20:17Z")
Stephen King? One of the worst? He’d be the first to concede he’s just telling fun stories, but the guy can string together words well. ‘Burger and Fries’ isn’t haute cuisine, but it’s better than soggy pizza, limp celery with ranch dressing that smells like it’s starting to turn, and warm beer. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/69 "2015-04-08T19:30:56Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Clive Cussler Aw, man. All my trashing on Ludlum earlier? I got him confused with Cussler. I’ve made it through a few Ludlum books. They’re actually a pretty good standard for dumb-fun writing. Cussler is the one who was offensively stupid to the point that I couldn’t see myself getting any fun at all out of the book. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/70 "2015-04-08T19:37:11Z")
Also, y’all are setting the bar really low for WORST successful authors. I mean, forget the Shakespeare name-drop, which is beyond ridiculous. I’m not a big fan of JK Rowling or Stephen King or Michael Crichton, but they occasionally have a moment of genuine humor or suspense, a clever turn of phrase, and interesting character. (JK Rowling’s early description of Aunt Petunia’s neck, for example, or Stephen King’s chapter “Rinse” in **Misery** ). While they’re far from the best examples in their genre, it’s understandable that they’ve managed their success. A truly bad author is unremittingly bad. Characters who are cardboard cutouts of macho men, sexy women, moustache-twirling villains; no beauty or even thought in the language; plots that follow the boilerplate with no deviation. If an author has ever had a clever idea, or an interesting character, or a powerful use of language, they shouldn’t qualify for this thread. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/71 "2015-04-08T19:48:37Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Aw, man. All my trashing on Ludlum earlier? I got him confused with Cussler. > > I’ve made it through a few Ludlum books. They’re actually a pretty good standard for dumb-fun writing. Cussler is the one who was offensively stupid to the point that I couldn’t see myself getting any fun at all out of the book. Clive Cussler is one of my guilty pleaures. I’ve been seeking out his books on audio for my commute to and from work. For some reason, the libraries are pretty stocked with his later stuff (and he’s become more prolific of late, with the aid of a bevy of co-authors), so I’ve “read” most of his post-2000 _ouvre_. My God, but it’s bad. (If you get a chance, watch the Matthew McConnaughey movie **Sahara** based on the Cussler novel. After I saw it, I knew I had to show it to Pepper Mill as a mini-Bad Film Festival. (And they actually toned down the absurdity for the movie! The book is MUCH more ludicrous) If you need a similar fix, read the works of Douglas Preston and Lincoln Childs, either together or on their own. They’re fully up to (down to?) Cussler’s output. But, of course, none of them is a _Fanthorpe_. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/72 "2015-04-08T20:03:22Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > A truly bad author is unremittingly bad. Characters who are cardboard cutouts of macho men, sexy women, moustache-twirling villains; no beauty or even thought in the language; plots that follow the boilerplate with no deviation. If an author has ever had a clever idea, or an interesting character, or a powerful use of language, they shouldn’t qualify for this thread. I believe Jerry (“Left Behind”) Jenkins not only passes this filter, but does so with flying colors. So another vote for Jenkins. And Tim LaHaye, since his name’s on the cover as well, even if he didn’t really do much of the writing. For some time now, I’ve been enjoying Fred “Slacktivist” Clark’s [takedowns of the LB books](http://www.patheos.com/blogs/slacktivist/tag/left-behind/). You can read along with him, starting [here](http://www.patheos.com/blogs/slacktivist/tag/left-behind/page/44/). Lotsa fun. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/73 "2015-04-08T20:07:07Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > But god- Anne Rice’s “erotica” \* isn’t. \* Glad to hear it wasn’t just me. I won’t say I write better erotica than she does, but I’d rather write my own than read hers. And I’m lazy enough that I’d really prefer reading someone else’s to writing my own. > [@](#): > > Piers Anthony- started pretty good, got craptastic really fast. Totally agree. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/74 "2015-04-08T20:08:40Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I’m not talking about the quality of their prose. I’m talking about the quality of their ideas. Ignoring his post-Alzheimer’s stuff, Terry Pratchett’s writing and ideas got better over time. Thus, I refute you. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Osiris\_the\_1st](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9de0a6/32.png) [@Osiris\_the\_1st](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osiris_the_1st)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/75 "2015-04-08T20:11:57Z")
I cannot believe this is on page 2 with no mention of Dean Koontz. He had about three stories to tell; he has written each a dozen different times. There is almost always a dog. Sometimes its a super smart dog or a ghost dog. There is almost always a child usually handicapped. His novels seem like nothing more than blatant, cynical emotional manipulation. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/76 "2015-04-08T20:13:55Z")
> [@Osiris\_the\_1st](#): > > I cannot believe this is on page 2 with no mention of Dean Koontz. He had about three stories to tell; he has written each a dozen different times. There is almost always a dog. Sometimes its a super smart dog or a ghost dog. There is almost always a child usually handicapped. His novels seem like nothing more than blatant, cynical emotional manipulation. Koontz was the subject of post #63, but feel free to pile on. I actually have never read Koontz, although I’ve known _of_ him for ages. I may have to pick up one good and one bad book from him. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/77 "2015-04-08T20:23:20Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Koontz was the subject of post #63, but feel free to pile on. Koontz has also been the subject of at least one whole thread: [How on EARTH is Dean Koontz a published author?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=115683) (started in 2002 but revived relatively recently) ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/78 "2015-04-08T22:59:34Z")
> [@Gordon\_Urquhart](#): > > Came in to mention Robin Cook, but **Saintly Lose** r beat me to it. I hope he is/was a better physician than he is a writer. I’ve read that Michael Crichton’s medical school classmates were relieved when he left medicine to pursue fiction writing, because even though he was smart enough to get into Harvard Medical School, he was on a trajectory towards not being a very good doctor. His books always had plot holes you could drive a truck through. Haven’t gotten to the second page yet, but has anyone heard of Zane? This is a pseudonym for a middle-aged black woman who writes erotic fiction aimed at black women. It’s quite awful too. ETA: Haven’t seen Danielle Steel or Jacqueline Susann on here either. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/79 "2015-04-08T23:38:40Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > A truly bad author is unremittingly bad. Characters who are cardboard cutouts of macho men, sexy women, moustache-twirling villains; no beauty or even thought in the language; plots that follow the boilerplate with no deviation. If an author has ever had a clever idea, or an interesting character, or a powerful use of language, they shouldn’t qualify for this thread. I once read _Nimitz Class_ because a friend recommended it. Patrick Robinson is that fucking awful. I get the impression most military fiction is, actually, though I’ve read some pretty good military SF. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/80 "2015-04-08T23:41:35Z")
Harry Turtledove is . . . uneven. At his worst, his style is incredibly clotted and tedious and “then another locust came and took away another grain of corn, and then another locust came and took away another grain of corn . . .” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077.md?page=5)