# Worst successful writers and authors **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 7, 2015, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077 "2015-04-07T22:13:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Thing\_Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@Thing\_Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thing_Fish)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2015, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/141 "2015-04-10T19:22:51Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > Stephen King famously admitted that his writing style was comparable to “a Big Mac and fries at McDonalds.” I love Stephen King. But as he once had one of his characters say about him, “He writes it by the pound and America buys it by the inch”.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2015, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/142 "2015-04-10T19:46:17Z")
> [@Knorf](#): > > I don’t know. I think he has enough legit successes already that he could never compete with the likes of some of the other authors mentioned in this thread for the prize of “worst.” GRRM is already getting close, so King needs to watch out. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2015, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/143 "2015-04-10T21:04:18Z")
> [@norvalnormal](#): > > Haven’t read everything in this thread yet but has anyone brought up Mary Higgins Clark? Her stuff is Harlequin Romance-quality, with the most trite, thinner-than-paper characters, yet her books are inevitably best-sellers. I read Clark when I was a teenager. I gave up on her when I realized that the killer is always the man the heroine trusts the most. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2015, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/144 "2015-04-10T21:09:46Z")
> [@SpazCat](#): > > I read Clark when I was a teenager. I gave up on her when I realized that the killer is always the man the heroine trusts the most. Yep. There will be absolutely zero “clues” in the text. You just have to go by what she always does, which is have her heroine betrayed in the worst possible way. And then (it’s been a while) but doesn’t the heroine think/say “Oh, I should have known based on X” where X is stuff we never saw as readers? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2015, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/145 "2015-04-10T21:28:20Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Aw, man. All my trashing on Ludlum earlier? I got him confused with Cussler. > > I’ve made it through a few Ludlum books. They’re actually a pretty good standard for dumb-fun writing. Cussler is the one who was offensively stupid to the point that I couldn’t see myself getting any fun at all out of the book. Clive! Cussler!? Really! I’m appalled at your poor taste in books! And your lack of exclamation points! ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2015, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/146 "2015-04-10T21:36:48Z")
> [@TonySinclair](#): > > QX, **BG**? _Really_ QX? Cool your jets, Tony! ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2015, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/147 "2015-04-10T22:12:46Z")
There are two or three rather successful fantasy series written by women (one by a husband wife team) where the female protagonist- if given advice or orders by a male- will _always, no matter what-_ disobey them. I guess this is supposed to show they are ‘independent’ but to me it just shows they are foolish bitches. After a bit you’d think their boss/mentor/mate/foe would have figured out that the best thing is just order them to do the opposite. 😛 Evil Male villain: "She-warrior! Do not, under any circumstances, throw yourself off that cliff! I forbid it! " Warrioress: “I’ll teach you! Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii splat”. ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2015, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/148 "2015-04-10T22:51:01Z")
> [@Don\_Draper](#): > > Ayn Rand. > > Leaving aside any discussion of her Objectivist philosophy, her prose fiction writing is dreadful - leaden, plodding stories filled with ludicrous incidents and melodramatic speeches. For someone who claimed such lofty intellectual prowess, her books read like the worst soap operas replete with the most cartoonishly two-dimensional characters. The heroes are all “manly men”, the heroines are clearly Mary-Sue stand-ins for Rand herself and the villains are all mustache twirling Snidely Whiplashes. When you realize her favorite author was Mickey Spillane, her style makes a bit more sense. I tried to read Spillane once; it was like a fever dream. I put it down after ten pages. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2015, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/149 "2015-04-10T22:59:18Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Yep. There will be absolutely zero “clues” in the text. You just have to go by what she always does, which is have her heroine betrayed in the worst possible way. And then (it’s been a while) but doesn’t the heroine think/say “Oh, I should have known based on X” where X is stuff we never saw as readers? I don’t know, but I remember they were all wearing Burberry coats at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2015, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/150 "2015-04-10T23:13:14Z")
Dan Brown absolutely. I like his stories but the writing is awful. I read Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons in college and really liked them. I Reread DaVinci Code a few years ago and couldn’t believe I had missed how stilted and terrible the writing was Dean Koontz is hit and miss. When he’s on, I really like his work (though skimming is required due to some of his overly wordy descriptions of the scene. His desire for ‘sweetly upturned breasts’ also gets old after a while.) but when he’s off, he’s simply terrible. I really like Stephen King. Can’t get on board with that nomination. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2015, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/151 "2015-04-11T15:21:33Z")
> [@norvalnormal](#): > > Haven’t read everything in this thread yet but has anyone brought up Mary Higgins Clark? Her stuff is Harlequin Romance-quality, with the most trite, thinner-than-paper characters, yet her books are inevitably best-sellers. Her daughter Carol Higgins Clark is in the same genre–Romance novels disguised as mysteries. But I don’t think either of them is a really “bad” writer, or pretends to be a great one. I’ll admit it–I’m hooked on culinary mysteries–half mystery, half romance and a few recipes thrown in like a Cracker Jack prize. I don’t think of those authors think they are great. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2015, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/152 "2015-04-11T15:32:11Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I’ll admit it–I’m hooked on culinary mysteries–half mystery, half romance and a few recipes thrown in like a Cracker Jack prize. I don’t think of those authors think they are great. That’s a great point. A friend of mine, with her two sisters, has written a few mysteries (real small-time - I’m not name dropping). They never have set out to create the Great American Novel. They’re writing fun murder puzzles with a funny protagonist who describes the food she eats along the way almost to the level of food-porn. That’s not bad writing. And a writer has to give themselves permission to have fun and tell a good story. Like Steve Martin (or somebody - these things are hardly ever said by the person who said them) has said - “I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you’re an idiot.” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2015, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/153 "2015-04-11T15:39:58Z")
I think that bad writing is unreadable. I can read Diane Mott Davidson and Joanne Fluke and finish their books. Sue Grafton and Patricia Cornwell, however… And everyone in the universe should read Stephen King’s 11/22/1963 before judging his writings. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2015, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/154 "2015-04-11T20:05:57Z")
John Norman. He was a genius for realizing how well soft core bondage porn went with sword and sandal adventures. But he frequently went on long rants about the horrors of feminism, his telegraphed his plot points, and his plots lumbered along stolidly instead of flowing along like a good adventure story plot should, and his female characters were unbelievable, and not in a good way. While he was with Ballantine, his editor did a fair job of keeping the lard out of his stories, but she also edited out the bondage porn, which was one of the things he did well. A good technical editor dedicated to keeping the lard out of the stories, cutting out the anti-feminist rants and adding depth to the characters would have helped him a lot. He also wrote long sentences and paragraphs and used commas like they were going out of style. But I never had any problem following his long sentences and paragraphs. His grammar was excellent, just not in keeping with modern style. So I’ll give him a pass on that. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2015, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/155 "2015-04-11T21:23:57Z")
The first hundred pages of pretty much any James Michener book. It’s like a test of some sort to see if you’ll stick around long enough to get to the good stuff. Sometimes it’s never there. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2015, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/156 "2015-04-12T00:14:09Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Uh, no, nobody’s mentioned John LeCarre, because he’s arguably (and I so argue) the finest espionage writer in history. Your lack of appreciation for a slow burn novel does not remotely reflect on his skills as an author. Nah, he’s a poor man’s Graham Greene, and I never thought Greene was all that and a bag of chips. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2015, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/157 "2015-04-12T02:05:43Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Nah, he’s a poor man’s Graham Greene, and I never thought Greene was all that and a bag of chips. Whatever. Graham Greene also has no place in this thread. It’s perfectly possible to recognize that an author is very skilled and still think they’re not for you. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2015, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/158 "2015-04-12T02:44:12Z")
Former SEAL Richard Marcinko who writes at the 8th grade level despite having a masteral degree and (according to him) is fluent in at least three languages. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2015, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/159 "2015-04-17T12:10:47Z")
> [@the diego](#): > > Former SEAL Richard Marcinko who writes at the 8th grade level despite having a masteral degree and (according to him) is fluent in at least three languages. English not being one of the three, obviously 😃 Anyone remember Barbara Cartland? Famous for historical romances back in the day. I’m not proud to admit I read quite a lot of them back in my late teen years. About 8 basic plot elements, reused book after book after book. It’s like she had them all written on scraps of paper in a bowl, and would reach in and grab a handful for each “new book” she was writing. Change a few names and locales, and off to the publisher. ---
**Author:** ![misling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ab097/32.png) [@misling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misling)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2015, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077/160 "2015-04-17T19:10:10Z")
I remember those (the Cartland novels). It was worse than that. I seriously speculated once that she kept a set of index cards with the fill-ins, and wrote her books by drawing out one from each category: location, location description, person, person description, identifying character trait, and so on: At \ \, \, \ \. At other \ \, second \ \ \ \ \ \. \ \ \ \ \ … [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-successful-writers-and-authors/717077.md?page=9)