# Worst theme song for a TV show? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 12, 2010, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382 "2010-07-12T12:58:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/81 "2010-07-16T21:45:49Z")
I nominate the theme to _Absolutely Fabulous._ _Wheels on fire, Rolling down the road. Best notify my next of kin, This wheel shall explode._ Uh, sure. The music sucked too. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Hen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@Small\_Hen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Hen)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/82 "2010-07-16T22:19:11Z")
[Tony Stark Makes you feel He’s a cool exec With a heart of steel.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Wn4iYoMcAA) Iron Man, 1968, decades before Iron Man was cool. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/83 "2010-07-16T23:09:05Z")
> [@Icerigger](#): > > Nothing tops, > > Where Indian fights are colorful sights and nobody takes a lickin… > > Where Redman and Paleface both turn chicken… The end of the Civil War was near When quite accidental-ly A hero who sneezed Abruptly seized Retreat and reversed it to vic- Tory! His Medal of Honor pleased and thrilled His proud little family group When pinning it on Some blood was spilled And so it was planned He’d command… F TROOP! Where Indian fights Are colorful sights And nobody takes a lickin’ 'Cos paleface and redskin Both turn chicken… damn, why do I know even that much by heart?? ---
**Author:** ![Icerigger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icerigger/32/432_2.png) [@Icerigger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icerigger)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/84 "2010-07-16T23:23:36Z")
Gee Thanks, now I can’t get that song out of my mind!😉 [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/zVwFADi4Y38/hqdefault.jpg "F Troop Season 1 Intro") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVwFADi4Y38) ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/85 "2010-07-16T23:36:38Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > I nominate the theme to _Absolutely Fabulous._ > > _Wheels on fire, > Rolling down the road. > Best notify my next of kin, > This wheel shall explode._ > > Uh, sure. The music sucked too. That’s _Dylan_. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/86 "2010-07-16T23:38:37Z")
Hey, the last verse! Now I can know the whole thing by heart. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/87 "2010-07-16T23:57:24Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > That’s _Dylan_. :eek: I had no idea. It still sounded like shit, though. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/88 "2010-07-17T00:07:13Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > The _Dukes of Hazzard_ theme. I disagree with some of the other choices in this thread. I can’t even _ **understand** _ this one. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/89 "2010-07-17T00:14:14Z")
> [@Small\_Hen](#): > > [Tony Stark > Makes you feel > He’s a cool exec > With a heart of steel.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Wn4iYoMcAA) > > Iron Man, 1968, decades before Iron Man was cool. Not nearly the abomination Hulk is…merely Spider-Man level bad. The Fantastic Four’s theme song wasn’t good, either. Nor Captain America…though that’s not too awful…just hurt by reminding me of another song, but not quite being it, and thus bugging the hell out of me… \>\_\> Marvel’s 60s cartoons unleashed a lot of awful theme songs… ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/90 "2010-07-17T00:29:52Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > The worst theme that leaps to mind was the one for _Star Trek: Enterprise_. I disagree. I thought the theme suited Archer & the ship’s mission, & was a refreshing change from the instrumental themes of _DS9_ & _Voyager._ ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/91 "2010-07-17T00:50:31Z")
The worst themes are those orchestrated '80s sitcom themes with oh-so-earnest lyrics. Oh, and the Enterprise theme, which is basically an earnest '80s theme in spirit. The rest of you are just sooooo wrong – You’ve listed some of the absolute best theme songs ever – Greatest American Hero, Married With Children, Dukes of Hazzard, Fall Guy, Wheels on Fire, F-Troop, Three’s Company, … ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/92 "2010-07-18T04:49:03Z")
The kids’ show ‘Arthur’ is on every morning just before a show my daughter likes to watch; we usually catch the theme tune and it gets stuck in my head for hours and hours. The show is patronising schmaltz, so it fits, but the song actually manages to be worse. And no, I am not writing the lyrics down - I’m not that cruel. Not today, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![fusoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@fusoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fusoya)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2010, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/93 "2010-07-21T20:08:18Z")
OMFG, how about the theme from **The OC**? God I fucking hated that song. _Califorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnia_ ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2010, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/94 "2010-07-21T21:55:25Z")
Mighty Heroes: [This one was pretty awful…](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72rYHuWidSM) [Roger Ramjet](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZIjT3S7wvc&feature=related). Just OUCH. ---
**Author:** ![AllShookDown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d9b06d/32.png) [@AllShookDown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AllShookDown)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2010, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/95 "2010-07-22T15:22:49Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > Maybe not the worst, but among the most annoying is “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?” which follows _Jeopardy!_ in these parts – immediately – no break. If we can’t mute or switch channels in a microsecond, I start screaming! This is my choice too but for a different reason. _Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Cuz there’s gonna be a test later. Teacher, teacher now we’re back in school are you smarter than you used to be?_ A four line stanza and no one could come up with a decent 4th line that rhymes with school? Or a decent third line that rhymes with be? ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2010, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/96 "2010-07-22T19:42:07Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > You could say the same thing about the theme for **Bonanza** – except that they _did_ sing it once. (shudder) The original theme song to Star Trek had no lyrics. But then Gene Roddenberry found out you could get more in royalties if your song had lyrics, even if the words were never sung. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2010, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/97 "2010-07-22T19:47:58Z")
> [@ouryL](#): > > The original theme song to Star Trek had no lyrics. > But then Gene Roddenberry found out you could get more in royalties if your song had lyrics, even if the words were never sung. More precisely, he found out _he_ could get royalties on a theme someone else composed. > **['Star Trek': Words and Music](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/unthemely-behavior/)** > > The theme to the original 'Star Trek' television series officially includes never-used lyrics. ---
**Author:** ![Icerigger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icerigger/32/432_2.png) [@Icerigger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icerigger)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2010, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/98 "2010-07-22T21:32:49Z")
Anybody remember **Ivan the Terrible** from the mid 70’s? “living in Moscow, beautiful Moscow is getting better every day, Hey!” [https://www.sitcomsonline.com/sounds/ivantheterrible.wav](https://www.sitcomsonline.com/sounds/ivantheterrible.wav) ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2010, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/99 "2010-07-22T21:48:15Z")
\*Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Heroes in a Half-Shell! Turtle Power! \* ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2010, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382/100 "2010-07-22T23:05:43Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > I had no idea. It still sounded like shit, though. That’s because it was nepotism. The male singer was Adrian Edmondson, aka Jennifer Saunders’s (Edina’s) husband. My selection would be “How Soon is Now” as the theme song for _Charmed_. How do you take a show about three kickass women, who inherited a birthright that gives them vast supernatural powers, and pin that with “I am the _son_ and the heir to a _shyness_ that is criminally vulgar” even if you do edit out the second half of that line. When the feminine magic was central to the show, they couldn’t find a song that didn’t start focus on a man (sung by man), they couldn’t _write_ one? Lazy! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-theme-song-for-a-tv-show/546382.md?page=6)