# Worst way to be found dead? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 14, 2003, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253 "2003-05-14T18:17:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/21 "2003-05-14T20:54:25Z")
slightly sick, but here goes. Burnt to death at a Great White concert. **CRorex** did you just say “My goat in life is to …” ? ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/22 "2003-05-14T21:17:08Z")
Roasting to death along side your children with some moron like David Koresh. You gotta know he’s _still_ roasting. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/23 "2003-05-14T21:52:20Z")
In a White House TV room with a pretzel lodged in one’s throat. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/24 "2003-05-14T22:17:34Z")
Choking to death while giving a BJ. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/25 "2003-05-14T23:39:58Z")
Smothered between a stripper’s breasts at one’s own bachelor party… …(especially) by your would-have-been-wife. ---
**Author:** ![ZenMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c4cdca/32.png) [@ZenMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenMonkey)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/26 "2003-05-15T00:10:00Z")
some guy died of autoerotic asphyxiation with a noose around his neck and a dildo in the naughty place. personally i think getting crushed to death while trying to have sex with a horse is the worst. ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/27 "2003-05-15T00:18:18Z")
I think it would be suck to be found dead in a tanning bed. Dunno why. This reminds me of something that happened a couple days ago in my town. Some people were found dead and, _ahem_ lets just say it wasn’t pretty. ---
**Author:** ![look\_ninjas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@look\_ninjas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/look_ninjas)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/28 "2003-05-15T00:53:20Z")
I think any death that would qualify you for a Darwin award would suck. Of course, then there’s dysentary. That would just be disgusting. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/29 "2003-05-15T00:56:05Z")
Back in high school one guy said of another, “I hope they find you dead with a belly full of come and a hand full of nickels.” ---
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/30 "2003-05-15T01:16:29Z")
Hmm… worst situation to be found dead in… Definitely autoerotic asphyxiation. While wearing woman’s lingerie, nipple clamps, odd fetish porn littering the room, with naked pictures of family members strewn about. Add in a paper towel tube lodged in the rectum, and forceps in hand… Along with a vibrator rattling around on the floor, chasing a feces covered gerbil. Yep. That would certainly suck. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/31 "2003-05-15T01:16:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cervaise \* > In a White House TV room with a pretzel lodged in one’s throat. IN OUR DREAMS! ---
**Author:** ![Deej](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/53a042/32.png) [@Deej](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deej)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/32 "2003-05-15T01:19:06Z")
I’m an EMT on a volunteer rescue squad. I’d say that about 1/3 of our cardiac patients die on the toilet. It’s pretty common, at least for our calls. The worst way to be found dead? Having something calamitous happen while you’re picking your nose, and dying from your finger getting shoved so far up your nose that it penetrates your brain. You’re found dead without a mark on you, but one of your digits is buried up to the third knuckle. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/33 "2003-05-15T01:20:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by modro \* > Hmm… worst situation to be found dead in… > > Definitely autoerotic asphyxiation. While wearing woman’s lingerie, nipple clamps, odd fetish porn littering the room, with naked pictures of family members strewn about. > > Add in a paper towel tube lodged in the rectum, and forceps in hand… > > Along with a vibrator rattling around on the floor, chasing a feces covered gerbil. > > Yep. That would certainly suck. While, in reality, you may well fit in just fine around here, I must still admonish you for being far too imaginative!!! ---
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/34 "2003-05-15T01:26:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > \*\*While, in reality, you may well fit in just fine around here, I must still admonish you for being far too imaginative!!! \*\* Nah, Far too imaginative would have been using the anus of an elephant as the means of blocking airflow. That one was positively normal in comparison 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/35 "2003-05-15T12:49:55Z")
I’m reasonably sure I won’t die of autoerotic asphyxiation, since I don’t practice it. I’ve seen pics of it though. (It’s fun to go to a forensic pathologist’s lecture from time to time…) I’ve also seen pictures of a male teen who was found this way, only he was in a prom dress, wearing makeup. His parents found him. That would be pretty bad. I still think the toilet thing is worse. Because it could actually happen to me. And being found at work would be much more horrific than being found by a spouse or loved one, in the privacy of my own home. And these are the things I think about… ---
**Author:** ![isthatsowrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/35a633/32.png) [@isthatsowrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/isthatsowrong)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/36 "2003-05-15T13:20:00Z")
“…his mom found him, balls resting on his chin…” ---
**Author:** ![kyoten](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/13edae/32.png) [@kyoten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kyoten)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/37 "2003-05-15T13:47:45Z")
I heard about a farmer who was found dead in his barn in womens clothing, crushed underneath the scoop of a bulldozer, that was surrounded by ropes and chains and wood. Turns out the guy got his kicks by masturbating while being suspended above ground. He did this by tying ropes to himself and the scoop, and another few ropes the to levers controlling the scoops. He could then merely pull the respective rope to pull the appropriate lever to raise him higher or lower. As a safety precaution he had a 2 by 4 proped up under the scoop incase it fell. One day it did. The 2 by 4 broke. And so did he. Let this be a lesson to all you cross dressing suspension masturbation freaks out there. Always use more then one 2 by 4. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/38 "2003-05-15T14:43:04Z")
Well the two themes seem to be While masturbating and While on the toilet So why not Found dead masturbating on the toilet? My personal would be **Zebra** was discovered dead in the voting booth. He had just cast his vote to re-elect President Bush. Oddly he was wearing his wife’s corset and stockings under his jeans and T-shirt. (the shirt being from a concert of the hit 80’s band Journey) He had been masturbating in the booth when he died. Several religious tracts by Jack Chick were found in his pockets with sections highlighted and comments were written in beside these parts such as ‘Amen!’ and ‘You sure got that right!’. Also found on his person were fan/love letters to actor Scott Baio. ---
**Author:** ![troub](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troub/32/14802_2.png) [@troub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/troub)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/39 "2003-05-15T15:42:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Deej \* > \*\*The worst way to be found dead? Having something calamitous happen while you’re picking your nose, and dying from your finger getting shoved so far up your nose that it penetrates your brain. You’re found dead without a mark on you, but one of your digits is buried up to the third knuckle. \*\* I agree, that’s why I promise myself never to pick my nose in the car. I could see myself getting in a relatively harmless 15 mph collision, but the sudden inflation of the airbag would thrust my finger up behind my eyeball. ---
**Author:** ![Judith\_Prietht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b19c9b/32.png) [@Judith\_Prietht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Judith_Prietht)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253/40 "2003-05-15T16:12:11Z")
I recently read an account of autoerotic asphyxiation involving a man and his Volkswagen Beetle, complete with photographs. I’m still not entirely clear on exactly how the victim actually got his rocks off, but it involved chaining himself to the rear bumper of the car, putting the car in low gear and bracing the steering wheel so that the car would move slowly in circles, gradually constricting his air supply as he presumably masturbated to orgasm. As the man approached the car to turn off the ignition, the chain got caught in the rear axle and began to wind tighter and tighter around his neck, eventually strangling him. The man was found in the middle of a deserted parking lot, nude (his clothing locked securely in the trunk), and wedged up tight against the rear fender of the Beetle. I don’t know exactly how I want to go, but this certainly isn’t it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/worst-way-to-be-found-dead/175253.md?page=3)